Not Sure If I'll Ever Come To Terms With The Heartbreak Inherent In Change.

I could function in a society that had an actual nightlife that isn't synonymous with just clubbing. Where are the night markets what if I want to go to the library at midnight

I’m really ready to just throw in the towel. I have no fight left in me. I can’t take the pain anymore. I can’t take the sorrow and sadness anymore. I can’t take life anymore. Everyone says it gets better, but it keeps getting worse, and theoretically speaking-shouldn’t it be possible that it truly doesn’t get better for everyone?

Stop leaving me on "seen". Stop leaving me on "seen". Stop leaving me on "seen". Stop leaving me on "seen". Stop leaving me on "seen". Stop leaving me on "seen". STOP FUCKING LEAVING ME ON "SEEN" AND TALK TO ME, DAMN IT!!!

honestly why do I bother talking to anyone anymore. when they just don’t respond or just don’t care enough to talk back. Its easier to just drown in loneliness to feel that absolutely fucking worthless that nobody will even bother to talk to me or respond with more than 1 word bullshit. Like Just DO YALL WANT ME TO DIE????? I COULD DIE REALLY FUCKING EASY IF THAT IS WHAT EVERYONE IN MY LIFE WANTS?????

maybe it is what everyone wants but nobody will telll me directly

Being ignored by someone who means everything to you is the worst feeling ever and I can feel that shit right now.

This is your sign to stop for a moment and hug yourself, and remind yourself that your feelings and needs were valid even when somebody else didn't acknowledged them. You did a great job in making it through it all, despite the pain. And you can keep going. It's gonna be better, things will change.

Is it weird that I want to disappear? Just long enough to see if anyone, besides my family, would miss me.

Your recovery is not erased because you had a setback. You are not starting over at 0. You already learned a lot. Keep going.