This Is Your Sign To Stop For A Moment And Hug Yourself, And Remind Yourself That Your Feelings And Needs

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If you're used to not having your needs met or not having your dreams/desires fulfilled, it's very likely that everytime you wish for something you don't belive it will ever happen to you. Maybe to others, but not to you. It has a lot to do with having been taught (even unconsciously, by always having been told "no") that you're not good enough to have what you want or wish for or need.

But that's not the reality of things. You're worthy, at least to try and believe you can have it. Maybe you won't have it all or you'll have something it in a different form (not everything is made for us and not is the way we wish it to be) but you are totally worth enough to allow yourself to try your best and get it. Life will let you know what it really is for you but don't stop yourself before even trying. Don't ever see not making it as a failure or as a confirmation of your unworthiness: that is not what it is about. Maybe you cannot have one thing but you'll have another (the same way you probably weren't good in math at school but were amazing in PE: it depends, it doesn't mean you're not worthy or lovable). You deserve to gift this chance to yourself. Try to believe a bit more: at least you will be able to say you have tried and sooner or later you'll finally have what you want. It's a matter of building trust, hope and believe in your own worth first and foremost: practice will make it better.

Does anyone even care

I just had a small epiphany why you might like other people's art more than your own:

It's the lack of suspension of disbelief.

When you see something someone else has drawn or painted, you take in the content faster than you take in the technical aspects. You experience it as pseudo-real, the same way you stop perceiving animated characters as drawn or book characters as written as you get into the story.

On the other hand, when you yourself have made something, all you see is the machine behind the theater, so to speak. You're probably thinking about lines, shading, coloring in a "does this make sense? Is this the best decision I could have made?"-kind of way.

I think that's also why sometimes, pictures you haven't looked at for a long time starts looking nice to you again, à la: "Hey past-me was unto something! Why can't I replicate it nowadays?". It's probably specifically because you've forgotten the process of making it that you are now seeing it with fresh eyes.

Art is an illusion, but a magician has a hard time tricking themself. So don't be so hard on yourself: it's probably just that you can't see the magic right now, but that doesn't mean it's not there.

Artist: Stormy Gail Art

I hate applying for jobs. “desired salary for this role” one billion dollars next question

It feels like I’ve just dropped off the face of the Earth to my so-called friends; no one ever acknowledges me anymore, and when they do, it’s when they need something from me. It fucking sucks. 

things may taught me

sometimes friends don't hold on as tightly as you do and thats okay

find your comfort people and stick with them

its okay to doubt people – your gut tells you what it thinks

if you feel like something is off, something is off

being patient with yourself always comes first, you'll always finish whatever you're doing in the end

being hurt is allowed and you're not being attention-seeking if you let others know that you're hurt

sometimes we just have to swallow the bitter pill and suck it up

tell people what you're feeling

wallowing in your misery is okay, but don't do it forever

sometimes you grow out of things you love or you find new ways to do it or you do things you always said you hated but you like it and thats okay

reframing your ideals is always okay

no being has their whole life together

your idols struggle too

perfectionism comes at a cost

if you're a late bloomer and you have had circumstances in your life that led you to slow down and be "behind in life" in comparison to your peers and people you see online, let me tell you that that's totally ok and you can still win in life with slow and steady progress and you are not worth any less than super successful people and comparing yourself to them is unfair because they prob never struggled the way you did but you are still here.