Latest Posts by lorgieginglevi - Page 7

An Analysis of ShinKane in Psycho-Pass: The Movie

After streaming through Psycho Pass S1 and Psycho Pass: The Movie, one cannot deny the fact that there most certainly is a relationship worth bringing up between Kogami Shinya and Tsunemori Akane, be it platonic or romantic. Although the author has explicitly said that their relationship is viewed more as one that is grounded by “trust that surpasses romantic love,” their dynamic throughout the series still makes the ship worth the emotional investment, or in fandom jargon: it has the potential to sail.

The interaction between Akane and Kogami in Psycho-Pass: The Movie basically supported, if not confirmed, our suspicion of a romance between the two. The main giveaway was their tension, and how they made the most out of their time together. At this point, Akane’s attachment to Kogami, more than that of seeking justice, is clear as day. She most certainly had intentions of meddling into the matters between the government and SEAUn, but needless to say, she also saw it as a leeway to “catch” Kogami. What I love about the movie is that “catch” could have meant two things – to catch a man who has gone to the other side of the law, or/and simply to see and talk to him after his long absence. Kogami was still the gentleman that he is when they met – recklessly putting his life on the line by shielding her from the drone’s wrath. I’d like to think that he knew it was Akane at the start of their spar, because for a second, you could see his face hit a realization.

I’d also like to think that if his encounter was really a threat, he would have done more. Akane was then firm with her resolve to arrest Kogami, but ended up teaming up with him. Perhaps she sensed, as philosophically close as they were, that Kogami was fighting against her supposed party, for greater and more rational reasons. It is important to note, that despite having been separated for quite some time, their trust is still bulletproof as ever. Not once have they thought that the other is with malicious intent.

The fan that I am, here are some notable scenes from the movie that screamed ShinKane:

1) Trust without hints of hesitation: he agreed to the team up without any question, saved her from the drone, drove her to their HQ, and lent her his military jacket to hide her involvement with the government.

2) She offers him her pack of Spinel. The over-thinkers that we females are, it would be nice to know what ran into his mind when he saw she had a pack of Spinel. The answers can go a lot of ways, but I love how it implies that she hasn’t forgotten him.

3) They both couldn’t sleep. We don’t exactly know the reason. Yes, it may be due to their predicament; sensing that something ominous was at bay, or perhaps because they had a lot of things in their mind that they wanted to say to each other, but assume that the other is asleep. As Kogami sensed her walk her way to the balcony, he followed soon after. Akane then started talking to him without even looking behind her, also sensing that he couldn’t get the sleep they both needed.

4) Akane’s opinion mattered to him. My favorite conversation between the two was when Akane compared and contrasted him to Makishima. It just means that all throughout the years of trying to understand him, she has come up with a moving analysis. I’d like to think that Kogami, in the momentary calm of the night, may have realized that Akane most certainly is one of the few people who knows him more than he may even know himself.

5) Parting ways. The first thought that crossed his mind was to make her escape. They were rather raw with their camaraderie here – Kogami tells her to escape and do her fair share of investigation, but really, it’s also because the HQ was going to be a warzone, and he wouldn’t want Akane killed in action. Better him than her, the martyr that he is. It’s almost as though the movie wanted us to feel like all these were more than just their superficial and dutiful intentions. I took the case to solve it but also to see you. You need to escape to investigate the chairman, and because it’s going to be dangerous here. Lastly, at that moment, it was as though Kogami sensed the reason for Akane’s strong disapproval of leaving without him and said “Don’t worry. Do you really think I’ll die that easily? If we both survive this, come try to catch me again.” Because it mattered to her that he would live. Moreover, the last statement played around with their cat and mouse game, be it with the intention of arresting him, or just simply seeing him. Kogami exhausted his reassurance in this scene, because he knew just how much Akane wanted him to stay alive.

6) Smile of relief. Following their last encounter and the dangers he put her into as she went back to Shamballa unattended by him, he smiles when he sees her alive and well. Even after being heavily tortured, it mattered to him that she stays alive as well.

7) Last look at each other. After Kogami fires a bullet to free her from her handcuffs and tells her to go after the Chairman, they paused for a glance at each other, almost as though they knew it would be their last encounter in who knows how long.

The Toshokan Sensou universe

@torresdesu

You know that this manga has a anime right?

I’m just saying because I was reading the manga and I didn’t know

This specific manga (Toshokan Sensou Love & War Bessatsuhen) hasn’t been adapted in anime. Only the main series has. And actually, it’s more than an anime! There are:

a series of 4 novels (Toshokan Sensou, Toshokan Nairan, Toshokan Kiki & Toshokan Kakumei) and 2 extras (Bessatsu Toshokan Sensou 1 & 2), they’re at the origin of everything else

an anime and OAV called Toshokan Sensou covering part of the main novel series

an anime movie called Toshokan Sensou Kakumei no Tsubasa that adapts novel 4

a short novel written by the author of the original novels and released as promotion for the anime movie - I don’t know much about it, it’s called NovelACT 2

a shounen manga adaptation called Toshokan Sensou SPITFIRE!

a shoujo manga adaptation called Toshokan Sensou Love & War, and the sequel adapting the Bessatsu novel(s) called Toshokan Sensou Love & War Bessatsuhen

2 live action movies called Toshokan Sensou & Toshokan Sensou: The Last Mission + a series of shorts promoting the movies and a TV special called Toshokan Sensou:  Book of Memories

an internet radio show that I can’t really tell you about because I haven’t listened to it, it was hosted by the 4 main seiyuus of the anime

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Psycho-Pass Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Kougami Shinya/Tsunemori Akane, Kougami Shinya & Tsunemori Akane Characters: Kougami Shinya, Tsunemori Akane, Ginoza Nobuchika Additional Tags: Shinkane - Freeform, ShinkaneWeek, Prompt: Reunion Summary:

That scene where Kougami wipes blood from Akane’s lip and his anger barely restrained in a tight voice asked, “Who did this to you?”

A Year In Review

2019.

ART

WHERE SPIRITS DWELL : A short video of Gene waking in the spirit realm.

FANFICTION

Odds and Ends FF | AO3 A Love Story FF | AO3 Technical Difficulty FF | AO3 Letters of Inconvenience FF | AO3

LET’S DO MORE NEXT YEAR <3

Nightmares ➝Shinkane Week Day 3 ➝WC: 7203 / Rating: M (gore mentions/themes) / AU

Trapped in an apocalyptic world falling apart at the gruesome, decaying hands of a governmental experiment gone completely abysmal, Akane and Kogami take shelter in an abandoned apartment to wait for help.

Keep reading

my favorite emotion is when someone does something kinda foolish and all you can say is “i love you” in response

Shinkane Week Day 1

Shinkane is back and it feels so good!!! A Library Wars AU, because it suits them and because the first novel takes place in 2019.

Prompt: Immortality

Tsunemori was reading during her lunch break again. One hand held the book open, while the other twirled chopsticks through her half-eaten noodles.

He set his tray on the table, before pulling out the chair across from her. “Yo.”

Her eyelashes lifted, and she immediately straightened. “Kougami-san! Um, I thought you went out to collect books.”

“Kagari took over. I suspect he wanted to stop by the game store on the way back.” He unwrapped his burger and dug in.

The library base’s cafeteria was bustling and unsurprisingly, the new recruits were the loudest. Well, except for one new recruit. Tsunemori hadn’t said another word, opting instead to finish her lunch.

Tsunemori Akane. Already, she was cultivating a reputation. Karanomori had raved over her sweet, kind disposition at the front desk. Gino liked her efficiency in the shelves, though he wasn’t forthright about it. And from his standpoint, she was physically strong. Swimming discounted, she had earned excellent scores in the mandatory combat drills. He had paid particular attention to her marksmanship. She was consistently dedicated to disarming, aiming for the dummies’ legs or shoulders, and she was good at it.

Pops had singled her out as a promising one for the elite Task Force. “Why don’t you talk to her outside of training? See if she’s interested.”

To be honest, he didn’t need to be prompted. Two weeks ago, during the induction ceremony, he had already been scanning the new recruits. She was in the first row, and as the group recited the declaration of library responsibility, his gaze fell upon her. It wasn’t something as ridiculous as love at first sight. No, what had caught his eye was…

“Kougami-san, you’re part of the Defense Force, right? Um, would you please tell me what it’s like?”

Oh. He was pleasantly surprised that she brought it up first.

“You don’t want to be a traditional librarian?” Kougami was in the minority, of those who took up arms to protect the books from censorship. A hypocritical stance for the so-called peace-loving librarians, but to be fair, the Sybil Censors were to blame for initiating violence.

“My entry assessment results showed that I have a high aptitude for the Defense Force.”

“Aptitude doesn’t determine everything. In the end, you decide on where you want to be placed. Plenty of trigger-happy rookies would want to be in your shoes.”

She sipped her water. “Aptitude may not determine everything, but for me, it helped to know. In my hometown, I’m the only one who qualified for the Defense Force. I figured there’s something only I can do, something I was meant for.”

“You want a purpose. Well, we can certainly give you that. A Defense Force member is a guardian, not only in good physical shape but also quick-witted. Most of our encounters don’t proceed to bullets; the censors like to use the law on their side, but we have legal support on ours as well. Everything we do, it’s to protect something greater than ourselves, like Proust’s In Search of Lost Time.” He nodded at her book. “That one’s a favorite of mine.”

“Oh!” She glanced at the cover. “I’m not very far into it. I didn’t know this was a genre you liked.”

“Hmph. I read a lot of things. What would I be here for, if I didn’t love books? Books hold a writer’s thoughts. Dreams, theories, emotions. Proper and inappropriate, compassionate and vengeful, repentant and hopeful. In those pages, they become immortal. The censors think the same way, only they equate immortality with perfection and that isn’t true at all. When you look across the ages, people have always been flawed and struggle with themselves. To pretend otherwise would be a rejection of humanity. A little critical thinking on the censors’ end would go a long way.”

She’d been listening attentively, and tilting her head, she inquired. “Then, what about books that spread chaotic ideas? Should they be censored?”

“Critical thinking applies to readers too. Do you disagree?”

“No. People have free will. But I can see Sybil’s perspective on restricting hateful words, in order to maintain peace in society.”

He conceded that, with a curt nod.

She lowered her voice to a murmur. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Go ahead.”

“When I was in high school, I entered a short story contest. I worked hard and agonized over it, and I was so nervous when the submission date approached. I didn’t win anything but I was proud of the little story, even if it wasn’t the best. So, I understand what you mean.”

Melodious chimes sounded the end of lunch, and they stood to leave.

On their way out, he said offhandedly. “By the way, I’d like to read your short story. What does the immortalized high schooler Tsunemori think?”

She blushed. “She isn’t as eloquent as you’d think, Kougami-san!”

He laughed. Indeed, she would be a perfect fit for the Task Force. After all, what had caught his eye…

What had caught his eye was the purity in her expression. This girl would defend the written word without taking a single life, and she was someone he would like to walk beside.

       She can’t change him. He thinks she realized that a long time ago. Maybe when they first met and she was forced to shoot him. Or maybe when he murdered Makishima. Or maybe when he ran with his tail between his legs – ran from her love, from her softness, from her.

He doesn’t expect to see her so soon. But she’s there – she’s smiling at him and sweaty and flushed like she came running. And she probably did. There is a chance to push her away, to say no, but he doesn’t try.

With her thin arms, with her pretty smile, she whispers, “Found you.”

.

.

       She’s a force to be reckon with.

Even the men within the base know that. When Akane trains with them, shows them how to take apart a gun and put it back together, wipes sweat off her brow and work from dawn until night. They respect her, Kougami can tell.

He can’t blame them.

She’s also pretty good with the kids. They immediately gravitate towards her, wide smiles and bright eyes. She picks one up and holds the child against her. Before long, she’s pointing a finger over towards where Kougami sits and watches.

He blinks.

The two both smile at him. He can’t help but give a smile back, no matter how tired it may be.

.

.

       He loves her. He loves her so fucking much.

Touching her feels like a sin. Just being in her presence is enough to make him want to drop to his knees.

She says it all the time, “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

And he loves her too. He’s not sure how to respond. He gives her a quick kiss, he offers a smile, he wraps his arms around her. They could stay up all night, it can range from talking to fucking. Sometimes it turns into lovemaking – his hands dragging down her body slowly, testing the softness of her breasts and the firmness of her arms – sometimes it’s desperate ( he feels like he can’t breathe without her, he feels like he’ll drown, like he’s going too fast down a street but he doesn’t want to stop because the thrill of her makes him feel alive. )

He feels her heart race against his as they press together, sweaty and sticky and panting.

“What’re you so afraid of?” She whispers, the sun breaking through the window, highlighting the different colors within her hair.

He swallows ( you, you, us ), “I don’t know.”

.

.

       They both have nightmares.

His are vivid. His always seem real. He’s running. Or he’s chasing someone, he’s not too sure. Other times, he has blood on his hands. Sometimes on his clothes. Other times Makishima is there. And a few times, he remembers seeing Sasayama.

Akane cries sometimes when she wakes up, shaking like a leaf in a storm, arms wrapped around herself and teeth worrying her lip. She tries to keep it in – she’s a lot like him in that regard. But it’s spilling out too fast, and if she doesn’t stop, she’ll overflow.

So he holds her. Not only for her, but himself too.

She’s delicate in his arms. Hot tears soak through his shirt. He knows they’ve done so much to get to where they were, he can’t blame her for letting it out once in awhile.

He wish he could do the same.

.

.

       He has to be strong.

Hell, Kougami has had to be strong his entire life. For his team, for Akane, for his men.

As the war wraps up, as blood is shed and cleaned from hands, he looks onward. There is no turning back – that ship sailed a long time ago.

He looks up, eyes immediately falling onto the graceful curve of her back, her slender neck, and her brown hair matted to her forehead. She was talking with one of the guys - Deshi, he’d lost his arm a couple months ago, but that didn’t seem to stop him from having a smile on his face.

As if feeling his stare, Akane turns her head slightly to the side and offers a smile of her own. It was blinding in its own way, his shoulders relaxing by instinct.

She really had no idea how much he needed her now.

.

.

       She didn’t tell him at first.

To be completely honest, he could understand why.

He paces back and forth across the small space they had. His shin bangs against the side of the end table, but that didn’t break him from his thoughts. Akane watches him with large, amber eyes. Finally, he stops in the middle of the room, arms instinctively crossing over his chest.

“How…How long have you known?”

Akane drops her gaze. There was an ache in his chest, “A month, at least.”

He nods, even though it takes awhile for his brain to process the words. He almost wants to laugh at the irony. God - if there fucking was one, which he seriously doubts - really doesn’t like him. Even though things are calmer now, with not only the chairman but the SEAUn as well, there is still too much danger.

Way too much to even consider – to even think of that.

But this doesn’t stop him. This doesn’t stop him from slowly crossing the room until he’s in front of her. Akane blinks, hands nervously curled in front of her as he crouches down. This doesn’t stop him from leaning towards her, face close to hers for a few seconds.

Finally, he breathes, “I want it to look like you.”

Not like him. Nothing like him.

Akane blinks, and then blinks again. Her lips are parted into an O shape and so he leans in and steals a kiss. Finally, she smiles, “That’s funny. I was thinking the same thing.”

.

.

       He doesn’t tell anyone she’s pregnant. It’s not only no one’s business but their own, but also a dangerous thing to know. What could he possibly do if the word got out? Any enemies would probably jump at a chance to get their hands on Akane.

Kougami grits his teeth at the thought, hands twitching by his sides. He hasn’t had a cigarette in over an hour. One thing he also has to improve on - smoking around a baby was a big, fat no apparently.

When Akane had stopped smoking all-together, she made it look so easy. It was not only frustrating, but something admirable about her. Once she set her mind to something, it was impossible to stop her from achieving it.

From underneath the protection of a small roof, Kougami watches the rain fall.

“Kougami?”

He turns his head towards the voice to see Cho-Sun, watching him curiously. Kougami merely grunts in reply, pushing himself up off the wall.

“Everyone’s inside eating,” the man continues.

Kougami merely nods. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t the least bit annoyed. His hands are twitching so much to delve into his pocket and take out his pack that he’s forced to cross his arms over his chest. “I’m not that hungry.”

Not only was the large group they had short on food, but medicine as well. Kougami could go a couple days without eating - Akane used to do the same thing, but now she didn’t have much of a choice.

“Is that right?”

“Mm.”

“You said the same thing yesterday.”

Kougami feels his lips twitch, “Did I?”

There is silence between them, the rain deafening.

Drip. Drop. Drip.

“You should take a break.”

Kougami glances at him.

“Me and the guys were talking and – well, there’s a temple about a day away from here, farther up the hill. That’d be a nice play for you and Tsunemori to relax. She seems more tired lately.”

Kougami stays quiet, considering it. For the last couple weeks, things had been relatively peaceful. No shootings, no surprise attacks, etc. Still, peace only seems to drive Kougami up the wall even more than violence. But the mere thought of quiet and being alone with Akane is enough to make his shoulders relax.

“Mm. I’ll look into it.”

.

.

       “Be careful.”

“I am being careful, worrywart.”

Kougami snorts, hands deep within his pockets. Now, she was calling him names? “Don’t blame me if you fall.” It isn’t like he won’t be able to catch her.

Akane balances herself on an overturned tree trunk, arms spread out on her sides. She looks as if she is flying - it makes him stare.

“How far away is the temple again?”

This time, he really does laugh, even though it was just a breath of laughter - she’s asked this around three times already. “I did offer to carry you, you know.”

Akane turns her head slightly, an impish grin there, “You would have to catch me first.”

“I’m always up for a good challenge.”

.

.

       This love scares him. He already knows this.

This love makes him reckless. This love makes him frustrated. This love makes him crazy.

Touching her is an addiction in itself. Her soft body molds against his, pliant while his is unyielding. Now, the slight bump in her stomach makes it a bit more difficult to press together, but he doesn’t mind it. In fact, he enjoys it more than he originally thought he would.

As she lays back, hand lazily tracing over his thigh, he presses a warm hand against her stomach. The area is firm and swollen, a slight redness to it. He curves his palm around and she sighs.

There is life here. Something they created together. Something that was meant to be. Kougami wasn’t really one to believe in fate, but he’d also believe he couldn’t be happy either.

For the first time in a long time, he gave her a smile, eyes crinkling at the edges. It reminds them both of better times, simpler times. It reminds them that now - they are no longer Inspector and Enforcer.

They’re just two people in love.

.

.

       For seven more months, he stays by her side. He never leaves her for longer than a couple hours. Her stomach grows big, the women within the base help her around, and she is given full meals every day.

She feels selfish, he can tell. He is quick to reassure her though.

He’s scared again. When his hands slightly shake when they press against her stomach, against the life they created, she smiles softly at him, holding them steady for him - like she does all the time, “I love you, Shinya.”

Deep down, he hopes that is enough.

Things are easier between them. He can kiss her without feeling like his lungs will burst at any second, he can touch her without flinching, he can look at her without glancing away just a second later. There is still that guilt - unrelenting and thick within his stomach. It will not leave him, he knows it won’t leave until the day he dies.

Love stings. Love is frightening. But, fucking hell, he would do anything at this point to stay with her. To build this future with her. For once, there is light at the end of the tunnel and he is climbing towards it desperately.

He wants this. He wants her. He wants them - us.

.

.

       “…What do you think it’ll be?”

He looks up from his book - he’s read it so many times that the pages are worn now. Kougami feels his lips tilt upwards - nowadays, it seems he is unable to control his smile. Something that only happens around her, “You’re asking me.”

She was sitting up, eyes playful and already smiling, hand resting upon her swollen stomach. “Yes, I’m asking you.”

The former Enforcer stares at her - he cannot help it. Simply having her presence beside him, it makes his body feel weightless. As selfish as he is, a part of him wants to understand why he can’t let her go. If things had gone differently, if he’d told her to stay away, would she still have come?

He wants to laugh outloud at the thought. Of course she would.

Her eyes are warm, patient.

Finally, he sits up, “Aren’t you supposed to have a feeling? I’ve heard that before - mothers usually know the gender before they’re born.”

“Maybe I’m an exception.” She is only saying that - she probably had a good feel of what it would be, she just wanted to hear what he was going to say.

Slowly, he moves towards her, and she opens her arms for him, allowing him to press his ear against her stomach quietly.

Here, with her and their child, he feels at peace. Things seem to evaporate around them - while the acute awareness of what happens around them is still there, her presence seems to blanket over him. He does not deserve her, he does not deserve this small sliver of happiness. He knows that, he knows that in some ways, he has ruined her.

As if noticing his change in thoughts, she places a hand on Kougami’s head, smoothing down his hair and fingers touching his cheek. He breathes in deep, her scent causing his stomach to tighten.

“I think it’ll be a girl.”

In reply, Akane gives him her biggest, prettiest smile, “Me, too.”

There is peace within him.

.

.

       It all ends on a sunny day.

The summer is ending - things are dwindling down once again. Kougami hasn’t heard the alarm sound away in what seems like months. Children and women are sometimes allowed to walk around during daylight, allowing the kids to dance and sing and smile as much as they want as they play.

Laughter this free is foreign to Kougami, but he basks in it anyway.

Even so, he does not stop what he is so used to. He trains with his men every day, he eats small meals, he watches the edges of their base for any type of trouble. None comes. Sweating and tense, Kougami glances over, his eyes immediately soughting her out to soothe away the itching feeling.

Akane sits on the steps, eyes bright and smile even brighter. Familiarly, she cups a hand over her stomach, and the other lifts to wave at him. He doesn’t respond, head tilts curiously and a drop of sweat rolling down her temple. She is getting bigger - besides her stomach, Akane hasn’t grown much. Not only is the infant inside her weighing her down, he worries if she will be able to deliver it naturally.

But today is peaceful, he decides. He should not worry about small things that are yet to come.

He hasn’t told her. He probably won’t. When she reaches eight months, he intends for her to leave here. He has a few contacts, fortunately, that’ll be able to help her find somewhere safe to stay and to deliver the baby. Being born on a battlefield - he wouldn’t ever want that.

He knows she will argue, but there won’t be much point to it. She also knows he has a duty, and his burdens isn’t hers to carry. Once things have wrapped up here, he will follow after her. And he will gladly start a new life with her. He wants quiet mornings, wrapped around each other within the blankets. He wants to teach his child all he knows, watching them crawl and then walk. She wants to hold the woman he loves against him, to feel her heart against his as they finally allow their bodies to relax.

He wants happiness. It’s a normal human reaction, he knows. Even though he doesn’t deserve it, he wants it.

His thoughts are broken, however, when the signal for the alarm goes off.

.

.

      Chaos.

It is to be expected.

The women and children are rushing, some screaming and others crying. Fumbling to find their mothers and their sons and daughters. His eyes sweep the area, searching for her, but her image is blocked and swept along with the rest of the crowd.

He curses.

Now he is able to hear it - gunshots. They are a familiar sound, and his instinct kicks in, beats into him. He must never forget - he is a dog, a hound, a wolf. It is his job to survive, no matter what the consequences. His tongue feels heavy within his mouth, but this doesn’t stop him, “Bayani! Chenglei!!”

The two men nod, and take off towards their positions, two groups of soldiers following the two wherever they may go. Guerrillas learn fast, they move fast, and there is no room for error. He follows swiftly - fortunately, it’s probably a rival base that simply want his head. With their clumsy infiltration, hopefully, things will be resolved soon.

The area is mostly clear. He is able to draw his weapon without worries. This is what he trained himself to do, this is how he survives, after all.

.

.

       There is destruction. There is blood. There is sweat.

Vaguely, he hears screaming.

His head is ringing, and he can’t feel his left leg. It takes a moment to realize what happened - a bomb had gone off, apparently. It knocked him off his feet and the air out of his lungs. The men that had been following behind him hadn’t been so lucky.

He is unsure of how long he has been out – but it couldn’t have been more than five to ten minutes. The fires created had yet to burn out, and the bodies were still fresh. Frustrated, he turns his face away the gruesome scene.

His leg is still there - but a fresh gash is embedded into the side. He bleeds profusely, but this doesn’t stop him. Survival sometimes comes easy to him - somehow, he is still alive. There must be a reason for it, and so he stands, ignoring the pain shooting up his leg and moves. His enemies must sometimes get frustrated that he won’t die so easily.

He shoots down whoever he sees. The enemy’s reflexes are slow and clumsy, and he has plenty of time to take them down. Even though running takes a toll on his leg, even though he is forced to see the remains of men, he still moves. And he keeps surviving.

She is at the forefront of his mind. Getting back to her is the only thing that makes sense to him now.

As he breaks through the trees, his eyes fall onto the sight of a young boy. He remembers seeing his face around the base before, he has a younger sister as well ( and her body lays a few feet away ).

His stomach is suddenly filled with ice.

The women and children…!

He sees more bodies thrown around - three women and five children, so far. Some with overwhelming burns, others with bullets within their bodies. His grinds his teeth, pushes himself to move faster.

Panic isn’t something he does normally. Not since–

He rounds the corner - an elder woman is crouched on the ground, praying. He moves past her swiftly. His men are there, armed. Though it is a smaller number than before, they have still successfully kept the grounds safe and he almost falls to his knees at the relief.

It is short-lived, however.

For when they see him, the looks on their faces tell him enough.

Apparently, his world is able to shatter fairly easily.

.

.

        She suffered two bullets to the back - one directly hit her mid-spine and the other made it through her chest.

She didn’t die instantly.

It turns out they were right.

It was a girl.

.

.

       Years pass in a blur.

There are many times where he asks himself - how am I still alive and she is not? Was this punishment - some type of punishment for the many wrongs he’d done? He can’t particularly blame the higher ups for that, then.

No, he blames himself.

He always blames himself.

There are many nights where he lay in bed, unable to sleep. Where he is unable to even force food into his mouth without growing sick at the taste. Where his gaze falls onto the pistol on his bedside and suddenly he has it in his mouth, aiming upwards.

He’s forcing himself to suffer, isn’t he?

He deserves this. I deserve this, I deserve this.

He tries not to think of her often. He isn’t very good at that. He is also unsure whether or not to call the dreams she’s in nightmares. Do they count as nightmares if he strives every night - if only he can get a few minutes of rest - to see her face?

It’s torture.

I deserve this. I deserve this.

He doesn’t even give into the hallucinations anymore. She touches his back, right over where his heart is - it’s still beating, why? She kisses his jaw, feather light and ghostly. She sits on his stomach while he’s laying there, watching her lips move. He doesn’t try to touch her ( she’s not real, she’s not fucking real ).

Slowly, his eyes flicker over to the gun sitting on his bedside table.

I deserve this.

.

.

       He keeps himself busy, because what else is there to do.

A gun in his hand, smoke leaving his mouth, liquor within his stomach. How he has survived this long, he will never know. He is reckless with his life - he even starts fights only to give up in the middle and allow them free reign.

Nothing is as painful. Not even broke ribs and a punctured lung.

They can probably tell he wants death from looking into his eyes. Which is why they won’t give it to him. They’re sadists, they beat him half to death and then leave him. His body will not quit, it won’t give up from any of it.

It does what it knows. It survives.

Whether he likes it or not.

.

.

       Every morning, he remembers her.

He remembers her touch, he remembers her smile, he remembers her eyes.

She was protective. She was determined. She was generous.

She was everything he was not - she could see the beauty in things. Even in him.

She was a girl who wanted to save the world. But not save herself.

He loved ( hated ) that about her.

.

.

       “You’ll die like this. It’s a pity.”

Kougami ignores the voice - for it inside his head. Pointedly, he looks away from the person in front of him, the smile, the familiar slouch of shoulders.

“It’s really a shame.”

His hands tighten into fists between his legs.

Makishima smiles again. “Is this how you want to die? Here?”

In the middle of nowhere. Where no one would find his body. Yeah, it sounded pretty good to him.

“I never thought I’d see something like this. For someone such as yourself to fall here.”

Heh.

Kougami closes his eyes.

A few seconds later, he distinctly hears the Illusion walk away. He will not talk to the dead - he decided that a long time ago.

.

.

       Four years.

When he looks at the calendar for the first time, he realizes it’s been four years.

There is this dull throb that resonates through him. But he’s starting to realize it will always be there.

.

.

       “You look like shit.”

“…I feel like shit.”

His voice is rough, but soft. He has not spoken aloud in so long, it feels foreign. The woman in front of him pushes back her long hair, eyeing him for a few moments, “…Are you sure you’re up for this?”

He can do nothing but stare at her.

She releases a sign, but moves out of the doorway to let him through. There is clear hesitation in his steps, mouth tilted down in a grimace as he steps inside. The apartment is clean, even though the neighborhood wasn’t as good as he would prefer. He was starting to realize - the rest of the world could probably never be as stable as Japan.

He’s glad he will never have to go back there.

She is probably waiting for him to take a seat, but instead, he stays standing, shoving hands within his pockets. He looks a mess - he knows it. Five o’clock shadow, hair strewn every which way across his head, shirt wrinkled. Still, she says nothing about it.

“I’ll go and get her. Don’t worry - she’s quiet. And she loves new people.”

He doesn’t say anything.

She leaves the room and he is left alone.

A few minutes later, the door to the kitchen opens again.

He looks up and stares.

.

.

       Vaguely, he wonders how many times his world can break and restart ( over and over and over and over and over again ).

.

.

       The small girl stares back. Her hair is short, barely reaching her shoulders. She is still wearing pajamas, but her expression is curious and open.

His heart was slamming so hard against his ribcage, he thinks it will bruise.

Slowly, she steps further into the room, the door closing behind her. There is three feet between them, she is small and delicate and he is large and unyielding.

His hand reaches up on its own record and rubs down the expanse of his jaw, the action made out of pure instinct. He felt like he would bolt at any second - he didn’t know the face of his demons would look this way.

His eyes were beginning to sting.

.

.

        He hesitates. There is tension between them. She tilts her head slightly to the side, chin up to look at him fully.

“Aoi-chan, don’t be rude. Say hello,” Says the woman behind her - she’d stepped into the room to watch.

The young girl blinks, as though she was being broken from her thoughts. Quickly, she bows to him, “Hello, my name is Aoi.” Her voice - fuck, her voice is small, words slightly slurred and thick from her age.

This really is torture. His heart felt like it would burst out of his chest any minute. His eyes wouldn’t stop stinging. The impossible weight of the world was holding him down. Scars - new and old - burned on his body.

He opens his mouth to say something - anything - but nothing comes out and he is forced to close it. He’s pretty sure his throat is closed up pretty tightly at this point.

“What’s your name?”

He stares. Her large amber eyes stare up at him. It takes him a few seconds - probably ten. But she waits, patient. “Kougami Shinya.”

Her lips mouth the name a couple times, as though to commit it to memory. He does not move for a long time, but when he does, his knees feel weak and he is forced to crouch in front of her.

He doesn’t touch her. He doesn’t want to ruin something else - not her.

Her eyes are alight with questions, thick lashes fluttering when she blinks. Her hair is messy. They hold eye contact for what seems like hours, her head still tilted slightly to the side as though she was trying to figure him out.

Finally, she smiled.

In that same instant, his breath was stolen away from him.

“Kougami Shinya, it’s nice to meet you.”

.

.

       She looks just like her mom.

       She can’t change him. He thinks she realized that a long time ago. Maybe when they first met and she was forced to shoot him. Or maybe when he murdered Makishima. Or maybe when he ran with his tail between his legs – ran from her love, from her softness, from her.

He doesn’t expect to see her so soon. But she’s there – she’s smiling at him and sweaty and flushed like she came running. And she probably did. There is a chance to push her away, to say no, but he doesn’t try.

With her thin arms, with her pretty smile, she whispers, “Found you.”

.

.

       She’s a force to be reckon with.

Even the men within the base know that. When Akane trains with them, shows them how to take apart a gun and put it back together, wipes sweat off her brow and work from dawn until night. They respect her, Kougami can tell.

He can’t blame them.

She’s also pretty good with the kids. They immediately gravitate towards her, wide smiles and bright eyes. She picks one up and holds the child against her. Before long, she’s pointing a finger over towards where Kougami sits and watches.

He blinks.

The two both smile at him. He can’t help but give a smile back, no matter how tired it may be.

.

.

       He loves her. He loves her so fucking much.

Touching her feels like a sin. Just being in her presence is enough to make him want to drop to his knees.

She says it all the time, “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

And he loves her too. He’s not sure how to respond. He gives her a quick kiss, he offers a smile, he wraps his arms around her. They could stay up all night, it can range from talking to fucking. Sometimes it turns into lovemaking – his hands dragging down her body slowly, testing the softness of her breasts and the firmness of her arms – sometimes it’s desperate ( he feels like he can’t breathe without her, he feels like he’ll drown, like he’s going too fast down a street but he doesn’t want to stop because the thrill of her makes him feel alive. )

He feels her heart race against his as they press together, sweaty and sticky and panting.

“What’re you so afraid of?” She whispers, the sun breaking through the window, highlighting the different colors within her hair.

He swallows ( you, you, us ), “I don’t know.”

.

.

       They both have nightmares.

His are vivid. His always seem real. He’s running. Or he’s chasing someone, he’s not too sure. Other times, he has blood on his hands. Sometimes on his clothes. Other times Makishima is there. And a few times, he remembers seeing Sasayama.

Akane cries sometimes when she wakes up, shaking like a leaf in a storm, arms wrapped around herself and teeth worrying her lip. She tries to keep it in – she’s a lot like him in that regard. But it’s spilling out too fast, and if she doesn’t stop, she’ll overflow.

So he holds her. Not only for her, but himself too.

She’s delicate in his arms. Hot tears soak through his shirt. He knows they’ve done so much to get to where they were, he can’t blame her for letting it out once in awhile.

He wish he could do the same.

.

.

       He has to be strong.

Hell, Kougami has had to be strong his entire life. For his team, for Akane, for his men.

As the war wraps up, as blood is shed and cleaned from hands, he looks onward. There is no turning back – that ship sailed a long time ago.

He looks up, eyes immediately falling onto the graceful curve of her back, her slender neck, and her brown hair matted to her forehead. She was talking with one of the guys - Deshi, he’d lost his arm a couple months ago, but that didn’t seem to stop him from having a smile on his face.

As if feeling his stare, Akane turns her head slightly to the side and offers a smile of her own. It was blinding in its own way, his shoulders relaxing by instinct.

She really had no idea how much he needed her now.

.

.

       She didn’t tell him at first.

To be completely honest, he could understand why.

He paces back and forth across the small space they had. His shin bangs against the side of the end table, but that didn’t break him from his thoughts. Akane watches him with large, amber eyes. Finally, he stops in the middle of the room, arms instinctively crossing over his chest.

“How…How long have you known?”

Akane drops her gaze. There was an ache in his chest, “A month, at least.”

He nods, even though it takes awhile for his brain to process the words. He almost wants to laugh at the irony. God - if there fucking was one, which he seriously doubts - really doesn’t like him. Even though things are calmer now, with not only the chairman but the SEAUn as well, there is still too much danger.

Way too much to even consider – to even think of that.

But this doesn’t stop him. This doesn’t stop him from slowly crossing the room until he’s in front of her. Akane blinks, hands nervously curled in front of her as he crouches down. This doesn’t stop him from leaning towards her, face close to hers for a few seconds.

Finally, he breathes, “I want it to look like you.”

Not like him. Nothing like him.

Akane blinks, and then blinks again. Her lips are parted into an O shape and so he leans in and steals a kiss. Finally, she smiles, “That’s funny. I was thinking the same thing.”

.

.

       He doesn’t tell anyone she’s pregnant. It’s not only no one’s business but their own, but also a dangerous thing to know. What could he possibly do if the word got out? Any enemies would probably jump at a chance to get their hands on Akane.

Kougami grits his teeth at the thought, hands twitching by his sides. He hasn’t had a cigarette in over an hour. One thing he also has to improve on - smoking around a baby was a big, fat no apparently.

When Akane had stopped smoking all-together, she made it look so easy. It was not only frustrating, but something admirable about her. Once she set her mind to something, it was impossible to stop her from achieving it.

From underneath the protection of a small roof, Kougami watches the rain fall.

“Kougami?”

He turns his head towards the voice to see Cho-Sun, watching him curiously. Kougami merely grunts in reply, pushing himself up off the wall.

“Everyone’s inside eating,” the man continues.

Kougami merely nods. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t the least bit annoyed. His hands are twitching so much to delve into his pocket and take out his pack that he’s forced to cross his arms over his chest. “I’m not that hungry.”

Not only was the large group they had short on food, but medicine as well. Kougami could go a couple days without eating - Akane used to do the same thing, but now she didn’t have much of a choice.

“Is that right?”

“Mm.”

“You said the same thing yesterday.”

Kougami feels his lips twitch, “Did I?”

There is silence between them, the rain deafening.

Drip. Drop. Drip.

“You should take a break.”

Kougami glances at him.

“Me and the guys were talking and – well, there’s a temple about a day away from here, farther up the hill. That’d be a nice play for you and Tsunemori to relax. She seems more tired lately.”

Kougami stays quiet, considering it. For the last couple weeks, things had been relatively peaceful. No shootings, no surprise attacks, etc. Still, peace only seems to drive Kougami up the wall even more than violence. But the mere thought of quiet and being alone with Akane is enough to make his shoulders relax.

“Mm. I’ll look into it.”

.

.

       “Be careful.”

“I am being careful, worrywart.”

Kougami snorts, hands deep within his pockets. Now, she was calling him names? “Don’t blame me if you fall.” It isn’t like he won’t be able to catch her.

Akane balances herself on an overturned tree trunk, arms spread out on her sides. She looks as if she is flying - it makes him stare.

“How far away is the temple again?”

This time, he really does laugh, even though it was just a breath of laughter - she’s asked this around three times already. “I did offer to carry you, you know.”

Akane turns her head slightly, an impish grin there, “You would have to catch me first.”

“I’m always up for a good challenge.”

.

.

       This love scares him. He already knows this.

This love makes him reckless. This love makes him frustrated. This love makes him crazy.

Touching her is an addiction in itself. Her soft body molds against his, pliant while his is unyielding. Now, the slight bump in her stomach makes it a bit more difficult to press together, but he doesn’t mind it. In fact, he enjoys it more than he originally thought he would.

As she lays back, hand lazily tracing over his thigh, he presses a warm hand against her stomach. The area is firm and swollen, a slight redness to it. He curves his palm around and she sighs.

There is life here. Something they created together. Something that was meant to be. Kougami wasn’t really one to believe in fate, but he’d also believe he couldn’t be happy either.

For the first time in a long time, he gave her a smile, eyes crinkling at the edges. It reminds them both of better times, simpler times. It reminds them that now - they are no longer Inspector and Enforcer.

They’re just two people in love.

.

.

       For seven more months, he stays by her side. He never leaves her for longer than a couple hours. Her stomach grows big, the women within the base help her around, and she is given full meals every day.

She feels selfish, he can tell. He is quick to reassure her though.

He’s scared again. When his hands slightly shake when they press against her stomach, against the life they created, she smiles softly at him, holding them steady for him - like she does all the time, “I love you, Shinya.”

Deep down, he hopes that is enough.

Things are easier between them. He can kiss her without feeling like his lungs will burst at any second, he can touch her without flinching, he can look at her without glancing away just a second later. There is still that guilt - unrelenting and thick within his stomach. It will not leave him, he knows it won’t leave until the day he dies.

Love stings. Love is frightening. But, fucking hell, he would do anything at this point to stay with her. To build this future with her. For once, there is light at the end of the tunnel and he is climbing towards it desperately.

He wants this. He wants her. He wants them - us.

.

.

       “…What do you think it’ll be?”

He looks up from his book - he’s read it so many times that the pages are worn now. Kougami feels his lips tilt upwards - nowadays, it seems he is unable to control his smile. Something that only happens around her, “You’re asking me.”

She was sitting up, eyes playful and already smiling, hand resting upon her swollen stomach. “Yes, I’m asking you.”

The former Enforcer stares at her - he cannot help it. Simply having her presence beside him, it makes his body feel weightless. As selfish as he is, a part of him wants to understand why he can’t let her go. If things had gone differently, if he’d told her to stay away, would she still have come?

He wants to laugh outloud at the thought. Of course she would.

Her eyes are warm, patient.

Finally, he sits up, “Aren’t you supposed to have a feeling? I’ve heard that before - mothers usually know the gender before they’re born.”

“Maybe I’m an exception.” She is only saying that - she probably had a good feel of what it would be, she just wanted to hear what he was going to say.

Slowly, he moves towards her, and she opens her arms for him, allowing him to press his ear against her stomach quietly.

Here, with her and their child, he feels at peace. Things seem to evaporate around them - while the acute awareness of what happens around them is still there, her presence seems to blanket over him. He does not deserve her, he does not deserve this small sliver of happiness. He knows that, he knows that in some ways, he has ruined her.

As if noticing his change in thoughts, she places a hand on Kougami’s head, smoothing down his hair and fingers touching his cheek. He breathes in deep, her scent causing his stomach to tighten.

“I think it’ll be a girl.”

In reply, Akane gives him her biggest, prettiest smile, “Me, too.”

There is peace within him.

.

.

       It all ends on a sunny day.

The summer is ending - things are dwindling down once again. Kougami hasn’t heard the alarm sound away in what seems like months. Children and women are sometimes allowed to walk around during daylight, allowing the kids to dance and sing and smile as much as they want as they play.

Laughter this free is foreign to Kougami, but he basks in it anyway.

Even so, he does not stop what he is so used to. He trains with his men every day, he eats small meals, he watches the edges of their base for any type of trouble. None comes. Sweating and tense, Kougami glances over, his eyes immediately soughting her out to soothe away the itching feeling.

Akane sits on the steps, eyes bright and smile even brighter. Familiarly, she cups a hand over her stomach, and the other lifts to wave at him. He doesn’t respond, head tilts curiously and a drop of sweat rolling down her temple. She is getting bigger - besides her stomach, Akane hasn’t grown much. Not only is the infant inside her weighing her down, he worries if she will be able to deliver it naturally.

But today is peaceful, he decides. He should not worry about small things that are yet to come.

He hasn’t told her. He probably won’t. When she reaches eight months, he intends for her to leave here. He has a few contacts, fortunately, that’ll be able to help her find somewhere safe to stay and to deliver the baby. Being born on a battlefield - he wouldn’t ever want that.

He knows she will argue, but there won’t be much point to it. She also knows he has a duty, and his burdens isn’t hers to carry. Once things have wrapped up here, he will follow after her. And he will gladly start a new life with her. He wants quiet mornings, wrapped around each other within the blankets. He wants to teach his child all he knows, watching them crawl and then walk. She wants to hold the woman he loves against him, to feel her heart against his as they finally allow their bodies to relax.

He wants happiness. It’s a normal human reaction, he knows. Even though he doesn’t deserve it, he wants it.

His thoughts are broken, however, when the signal for the alarm goes off.

.

.

      Chaos.

It is to be expected.

The women and children are rushing, some screaming and others crying. Fumbling to find their mothers and their sons and daughters. His eyes sweep the area, searching for her, but her image is blocked and swept along with the rest of the crowd.

He curses.

Now he is able to hear it - gunshots. They are a familiar sound, and his instinct kicks in, beats into him. He must never forget - he is a dog, a hound, a wolf. It is his job to survive, no matter what the consequences. His tongue feels heavy within his mouth, but this doesn’t stop him, “Bayani! Chenglei!!”

The two men nod, and take off towards their positions, two groups of soldiers following the two wherever they may go. Guerrillas learn fast, they move fast, and there is no room for error. He follows swiftly - fortunately, it’s probably a rival base that simply want his head. With their clumsy infiltration, hopefully, things will be resolved soon.

The area is mostly clear. He is able to draw his weapon without worries. This is what he trained himself to do, this is how he survives, after all.

.

.

       There is destruction. There is blood. There is sweat.

Vaguely, he hears screaming.

His head is ringing, and he can’t feel his left leg. It takes a moment to realize what happened - a bomb had gone off, apparently. It knocked him off his feet and the air out of his lungs. The men that had been following behind him hadn’t been so lucky.

He is unsure of how long he has been out – but it couldn’t have been more than five to ten minutes. The fires created had yet to burn out, and the bodies were still fresh. Frustrated, he turns his face away the gruesome scene.

His leg is still there - but a fresh gash is embedded into the side. He bleeds profusely, but this doesn’t stop him. Survival sometimes comes easy to him - somehow, he is still alive. There must be a reason for it, and so he stands, ignoring the pain shooting up his leg and moves. His enemies must sometimes get frustrated that he won’t die so easily.

He shoots down whoever he sees. The enemy’s reflexes are slow and clumsy, and he has plenty of time to take them down. Even though running takes a toll on his leg, even though he is forced to see the remains of men, he still moves. And he keeps surviving.

She is at the forefront of his mind. Getting back to her is the only thing that makes sense to him now.

As he breaks through the trees, his eyes fall onto the sight of a young boy. He remembers seeing his face around the base before, he has a younger sister as well ( and her body lays a few feet away ).

His stomach is suddenly filled with ice.

The women and children…!

He sees more bodies thrown around - three women and five children, so far. Some with overwhelming burns, others with bullets within their bodies. His grinds his teeth, pushes himself to move faster.

Panic isn’t something he does normally. Not since–

He rounds the corner - an elder woman is crouched on the ground, praying. He moves past her swiftly. His men are there, armed. Though it is a smaller number than before, they have still successfully kept the grounds safe and he almost falls to his knees at the relief.

It is short-lived, however.

For when they see him, the looks on their faces tell him enough.

Apparently, his world is able to shatter fairly easily.

.

.

        She suffered two bullets to the back - one directly hit her mid-spine and the other made it through her chest.

She didn’t die instantly.

It turns out they were right.

It was a girl.

.

.

       Years pass in a blur.

There are many times where he asks himself - how am I still alive and she is not? Was this punishment - some type of punishment for the many wrongs he’d done? He can’t particularly blame the higher ups for that, then.

No, he blames himself.

He always blames himself.

There are many nights where he lay in bed, unable to sleep. Where he is unable to even force food into his mouth without growing sick at the taste. Where his gaze falls onto the pistol on his bedside and suddenly he has it in his mouth, aiming upwards.

He’s forcing himself to suffer, isn’t he?

He deserves this. I deserve this, I deserve this.

He tries not to think of her often. He isn’t very good at that. He is also unsure whether or not to call the dreams she’s in nightmares. Do they count as nightmares if he strives every night - if only he can get a few minutes of rest - to see her face?

It’s torture.

I deserve this. I deserve this.

He doesn’t even give into the hallucinations anymore. She touches his back, right over where his heart is - it’s still beating, why? She kisses his jaw, feather light and ghostly. She sits on his stomach while he’s laying there, watching her lips move. He doesn’t try to touch her ( she’s not real, she’s not fucking real ).

Slowly, his eyes flicker over to the gun sitting on his bedside table.

I deserve this.

.

.

       He keeps himself busy, because what else is there to do.

A gun in his hand, smoke leaving his mouth, liquor within his stomach. How he has survived this long, he will never know. He is reckless with his life - he even starts fights only to give up in the middle and allow them free reign.

Nothing is as painful. Not even broke ribs and a punctured lung.

They can probably tell he wants death from looking into his eyes. Which is why they won’t give it to him. They’re sadists, they beat him half to death and then leave him. His body will not quit, it won’t give up from any of it.

It does what it knows. It survives.

Whether he likes it or not.

.

.

       Every morning, he remembers her.

He remembers her touch, he remembers her smile, he remembers her eyes.

She was protective. She was determined. She was generous.

She was everything he was not - she could see the beauty in things. Even in him.

She was a girl who wanted to save the world. But not save herself.

He loved ( hated ) that about her.

.

.

       “You’ll die like this. It’s a pity.”

Kougami ignores the voice - for it inside his head. Pointedly, he looks away from the person in front of him, the smile, the familiar slouch of shoulders.

“It’s really a shame.”

His hands tighten into fists between his legs.

Makishima smiles again. “Is this how you want to die? Here?”

In the middle of nowhere. Where no one would find his body. Yeah, it sounded pretty good to him.

“I never thought I’d see something like this. For someone such as yourself to fall here.”

Heh.

Kougami closes his eyes.

A few seconds later, he distinctly hears the Illusion walk away. He will not talk to the dead - he decided that a long time ago.

.

.

       Four years.

When he looks at the calendar for the first time, he realizes it’s been four years.

There is this dull throb that resonates through him. But he’s starting to realize it will always be there.

.

.

       “You look like shit.”

“…I feel like shit.”

His voice is rough, but soft. He has not spoken aloud in so long, it feels foreign. The woman in front of him pushes back her long hair, eyeing him for a few moments, “…Are you sure you’re up for this?”

He can do nothing but stare at her.

She releases a sign, but moves out of the doorway to let him through. There is clear hesitation in his steps, mouth tilted down in a grimace as he steps inside. The apartment is clean, even though the neighborhood wasn’t as good as he would prefer. He was starting to realize - the rest of the world could probably never be as stable as Japan.

He’s glad he will never have to go back there.

She is probably waiting for him to take a seat, but instead, he stays standing, shoving hands within his pockets. He looks a mess - he knows it. Five o’clock shadow, hair strewn every which way across his head, shirt wrinkled. Still, she says nothing about it.

“I’ll go and get her. Don’t worry - she’s quiet. And she loves new people.”

He doesn’t say anything.

She leaves the room and he is left alone.

A few minutes later, the door to the kitchen opens again.

He looks up and stares.

.

.

       Vaguely, he wonders how many times his world can break and restart ( over and over and over and over and over again ).

.

.

       The small girl stares back. Her hair is short, barely reaching her shoulders. She is still wearing pajamas, but her expression is curious and open.

His heart was slamming so hard against his ribcage, he thinks it will bruise.

Slowly, she steps further into the room, the door closing behind her. There is three feet between them, she is small and delicate and he is large and unyielding.

His hand reaches up on its own record and rubs down the expanse of his jaw, the action made out of pure instinct. He felt like he would bolt at any second - he didn’t know the face of his demons would look this way.

His eyes were beginning to sting.

.

.

        He hesitates. There is tension between them. She tilts her head slightly to the side, chin up to look at him fully.

“Aoi-chan, don’t be rude. Say hello,” Says the woman behind her - she’d stepped into the room to watch.

The young girl blinks, as though she was being broken from her thoughts. Quickly, she bows to him, “Hello, my name is Aoi.” Her voice - fuck, her voice is small, words slightly slurred and thick from her age.

This really is torture. His heart felt like it would burst out of his chest any minute. His eyes wouldn’t stop stinging. The impossible weight of the world was holding him down. Scars - new and old - burned on his body.

He opens his mouth to say something - anything - but nothing comes out and he is forced to close it. He’s pretty sure his throat is closed up pretty tightly at this point.

“What’s your name?”

He stares. Her large amber eyes stare up at him. It takes him a few seconds - probably ten. But she waits, patient. “Kougami Shinya.”

Her lips mouth the name a couple times, as though to commit it to memory. He does not move for a long time, but when he does, his knees feel weak and he is forced to crouch in front of her.

He doesn’t touch her. He doesn’t want to ruin something else - not her.

Her eyes are alight with questions, thick lashes fluttering when she blinks. Her hair is messy. They hold eye contact for what seems like hours, her head still tilted slightly to the side as though she was trying to figure him out.

Finally, she smiled.

In that same instant, his breath was stolen away from him.

“Kougami Shinya, it’s nice to meet you.”

.

.

       She looks just like her mom.

Love your art and I hope you will draw more shinkane sometime X)!

Thank you 

Shinkane ;chilling with  other cops 

Shinkane; teaching akane how to swim 

Shinkane; selfie 

Shinkane; going shopping with old geezer  boyfriend  

Shinkane; driving  to Joijs dinner party  

Shinkane; playing lady and the tramp

These are all the PP clips made into Shinkane scenes by Detective Masterclass. Enjoy!

https://youtu.be/RVYb-_JGBDY

Translation from Psycho-pass 下 Kougami and Akane's last scene

CONTAINS UNAIRED SCENES – QUITE DIFFERENT FROM THE ANIME!

I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I did. It was a big big surprise to me. Why haven’t I heard someone talking about this scene before?????   

PLEASE, DO NOT REPOST, JUST REBLOG IF YOU LIKE IT AND FEEL LIKE SHARING. THANKS!

translation by cleverwolfpoetry @ https://cleverwolfpoetry.tumblr.com/

Kougami pointed the dominator at the refrigerating van but it didn’t change its shape into decomposer. It was stuck in paralizer mode, it couldn’t be helped.  He dodged by a hair the refrigerator van that was running against them, stepping aside from it with all his might.

The van sped up and ran away breaking through the fence dividing the factory from the wheat fields. Rolled to the ground, Kougami jumped up to his feet and — Akane’s figure, who was supposed to be behind him, was not there.

Kougami ran after the escaping van. Akane was clinging to the vehicle side.

“Akane!”*

Without realizing, he screamed her name. He started running with a desperate look on his face.

The refrigerator van was running fast on the farm road between the wheat fields. Akane was hanging to the side of it with her left hand. She was about to dislocate her shoulder but, come this far, she couldn’t whine about it. She desperately focused all her strength not to be thrusted out as well as not to let go of the revolver in her right hand.

From that unstable position, Akane aimed at the tire of the refrigerating van with the revolver. 

She pulled the trigger.

At the recoil of the magnum bullet, she remembered the tactile sensation of the time she had shot with Toyohisa’s shotgun*. 

The tire of the refrigerator van blew out. The van lost control and started weaving. Akane was thrown off and the refrigerator van fell sidelong and plunged into the wheat field.

“… ! …”

Akane, who had hit the ground, lost consciousness.

— that moment, was it  shortly before the murder case of the avatars thief started?

When Akane had entered the large office at the Criminal Investigation Department, Kougami was dozing at his desk. 

Maybe he was hot after the training or something and he had taken off the suit jacket.

“…”

Without any particular reason, Akane stared at Kougami’s face. He was resting with his chin on his hands swaying his chest slowly like he was rowing a boat.  That defenseless sleeping face was really unexpected and Akane felt her heart beat so fast.

—  broad shoulders, a thick chest. Probably the type who looked thinner in his clothes than he really was. She also watched his arms carefully and they were quite thick. A muscular, masculine body. Just looking at him, for some reason she hadn’t enough of it. An incredibly well-shaped nose. The thin mouth was attractive but the lips were a bit chapped…

The sound of a ventilating fan not fitting for a contemporary building. There was no one else apart from the two of them in the large room.

— I wonder why.

Suddenly Akane got antsy. This man — Kougami Shinya — someday, he will surely go somewhere far. She had such a feeling.

Kougami woke up.

“…mm?” he looked around with a confused face. “Inspector…Tsunemori?”

“Yes”

“I…was I sleeping?”

— Akane awakened too.

At the same time she regained consciousness, she had an attack of severe pain.

— that’s right, I’ve been thrown off the refrigerator van.

When Akane tried to stand up, she was kicked hard at her side.

“Ah!”

Akane screamed, writhing in pain. She let go of the revolver.

Makishima was standing right beside her.

“Now that I think about it…Inspector Tsunemori…I should have killed you in the first place” he stated coldly. “My biggest mistake. As a result of my information gathering, I thought ‘you were the weak point of the Public Safety Bureau CID’s Division 1’. At least, that had been a correct perception until Funahara Yuki was killed…”* 

Enduring the pain, Akane crawled on the ground and extended her hand toward the revolver. Makishima raised his foot stepping on the back of her head — . 

“Makishimaaa!”

Kougami caught up with them with the dominator at a ready.

Makishima laughed scornfully at Akane and ran away towards the field.

“…tsk” clicking his tongue, Kougami rushed over Akane.

Akane was still trying to pick up the revolver desperately.

Instead of her, it was Kougami the one who grasped the revolver. Holding the dominator in his right hand and the revolver in the left one, Kougami was comparing the two guns with a blank expression.

“…don’t…don’t do it…” sensing that Kougami was thinking about something, Akane grimaced in sadness. “Kougami-san! There’s still room for negotiating with the Sibyl System. As long as we catch Makishima alive…”

Kougami threw away the dominator. Gritting her teeth in frustration*, Akane shed regretful tears.

“That…is your choice, Kougami-san”

“Somehow, we are like the destiny that makes a different choice at each fork road. I think we’ve not been a bad pair but… we would gradually part ways, like travelers who carry a wrong map”

“I don’t want it. At this rate, going on with your escape someone will kill you…” 

“If someone asked me how precious my own life is or so, I would be unsure but…being killed by the Sibyl System wouldn’t be too pleasant for sure. So, I’ll try to put up resistance until the end. That’s really a goodbye. Tsunemori Akane” Kougami gave her a kind glance. “…this is a matter between me and him only”

With the revolver in his hand, Kougami rushed towards the middle of the wheat field where Makishima had escaped.

“Kougami-san!”

Akane’s cry was heartrending but it faded away without reaching no one’s ear.

NOTES TO TRANSLATION:

*Akane: very personal note…I’d like to underline that this is the unique, only moment when Kougami calls Akane by her first name. There won’t be any other moment in all the seasons +movie where he does it. Three syllables, just a single kanji, but it means the whole world for me.

*Toyohisa’s shotgun: here the author is referring to the moment when Akane tried to shoot Makishima with the rifle he had given her (that was Toyohisa Senguchi’s one) the day Yuki died.

*until Funehara Yuki was killed: I know that this sentence may sound strange. I mean…Makishima who simply says Yuki was killed, like he has no other information about it. I translated the passive form literally for a precise reason. Japanese often uses passive form, in particular when the action and the person who undergoes it is more important that the subject doing it. I found particularly disgusting that Makishima said “Funehara Yuki was killed” and not “I killed Funehara Yuki”, especially in front of Akane and I wanted to let all the readers know a bit about the original text.

*gritting her teeth in frustration: the expression in the original text is 奥歯を噛む. It’s used to indicate the internal struggle in making a hard choice or a hard surrender or something you’re forced to do but you don’t want to. In this case, it’s regret and frustration for not convincing Kougami to let go of his objective.

For more translations, visit me at https://cleverwolfpoetry.tumblr.com/

Who would abandon you?? You’re gorgeous and you have Mamo’s voice. 

And I’m shallow hahaha 

Kogami Shinya (Psycho-Pass Season 3)

The Forgotten Queen: Prologue

The discovery of the ancient city called Yharnam was supposed to be the biggest archeological find of the decade. But perhaps some secrets are best left well alone…

A Ghost Hunt and Bloodborne crossover. Set about two years after the events of Akumu no Sumu Ie.

Keep reading

Mai

Naru

Monk

Ayako

John

Yasu

Lin

Masako

Neutron Stars Are Even Weirder Than We Thought

Let’s face it, it’s hard for rapidly-spinning, crushed cores of dead stars NOT to be weird. But we’re only beginning to understand how truly bizarre these objects — called neutron stars — are.

Neutron stars are the collapsed remains of massive stars that exploded as supernovae. In each explosion, the outer layers of the star are ejected into their surroundings. At the same time, the core collapses, smooshing more than the mass of our Sun into a sphere about as big as the island of Manhattan.

Our Neutron star Interior Composition Explorer (NICER) telescope on the International Space Station is working to discover the nature of neutron stars by studying a specific type, called pulsars. Some recent results from NICER are showing that we might have to update how we think about pulsars!

Here are some things we think we know about neutron stars:

Pulsars are rapidly spinning neutron stars ✔︎

Pulsars get their name because they emit beams of light that we see as flashes. Those beams sweep in and out of our view as the star rotates, like the rays from a lighthouse.

Pulsars can spin ludicrously fast. The fastest known pulsar spins 43,000 times every minute. That’s as fast as blender blades! Our Sun is a bit of a slowpoke compared to that — it takes about a month to spin around once.

The beams come from the poles of their strong magnetic fields ✔︎

Pulsars also have magnetic fields, like the Earth and Sun. But like everything else with pulsars, theirs are super-strength. The magnetic field on a typical pulsar is billions to trillions of times stronger than Earth’s!

Near the magnetic poles, the pulsar’s powerful magnetic field rips charged particles from its surface. Some of these particles follow the magnetic field. They then return to strike the pulsar, heating the surface and causing some of the sweeping beams we see.

The beams come from two hot spots… ❌❓✔︎ 🤷🏽

Think of the Earth’s magnetic field — there are two poles, the North Pole and the South Pole. That’s standard for a magnetic field.

On a pulsar, the spinning magnetic field attracts charged particles to the two poles. That means there should be two hot spots, one at the pulsar’s north magnetic pole and the other at its south magnetic pole.

This is where things start to get weird. Two groups mapped a pulsar, known as J0030, using NICER data. One group found that there were two hot spots, as we might have expected. The other group, though, found that their model worked a little better with three (3!) hot spots. Not two.

… that are circular … ❌❓✔︎ 🤷🏽

The particles that cause the hot spots follow the magnetic field lines to the surface. This means they are concentrated at each of the magnetic poles. We expect the magnetic field to appear nearly the same in any direction when viewed from one of the poles. Such symmetry would produce circular hot spots.

In mapping J0030, one group found that one of the hot spots was circular, as expected. But the second spot may be a crescent. The second team found its three spots worked best as ovals.

… and lie directly across from each other on the pulsar ❌❓✔︎ 🤷🏽

Think back to Earth’s magnetic field again. The two poles are on opposite sides of the Earth from each other. When astronomers first modeled pulsar magnetic fields, they made them similar to Earth’s. That is, the magnetic poles would lie at opposite sides of the pulsar.

Since the hot spots happen where the magnetic poles cross the surface of the pulsar, we would expect the beams of light to come from opposite sides of the pulsar.

But, when those groups mapped J0030, they found another surprising characteristic of the spots. All of the hot spots appear in the southern half of the pulsar, whether there were two or three of them.

This also means that the pulsar’s magnetic field is more complicated than our initial models!

J0030 is the first pulsar where we’ve mapped details of the heated regions on its surface. Will others have similarly bizarre-looking hotspots? Will they bring even more surprises? We’ll have to stay tuned to NICER find out!

And check out the video below for more about how this measurement was done.

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space: http://nasa.tumblr.com.

The Overview Effect

Observing Earth from space can alter an astronauts’ cosmic perspective, a mental shift known as the “Overview Effect.” First coined by space writer Frank White in 1987, the Overview Effect is described as a feeling of awe for our home planet and a sense of responsibility for taking care of it.

See Earth from the vantage point of our astronauts in these perspective-changing views:

Floating Free in Space

Astronaut Bruce McCandless II used his hands to control his movement above the Earth during the first-ever spacewalk that didn’t use restrictive tethers and umbilicals. Fellow crew members aboard the space shuttle Challenger captured this image on Feb. 7, 1984, through windows on the flight deck.

Of his famous spacewalk, McCandless wrote in 2015: “My wife [Bernice] was at mission control, and there was quite a bit of apprehension. I wanted to say something similar to Neil [Armstrong] when he landed on the moon, so I said, ‘It may have been a small step for Neil, but it’s a heck of a big leap for me.’ That loosened the tension a bit.”

Earth Reflections

Astronaut Tracy Caldwell Dyson looks through a window in the Cupola of the International Space Station (ISS). A blue and white part of Earth and the blackness of space are visible through the windows. The image was a self-portrait using natural light.

In a preflight interview for Expedition 23/24, Dyson said: “hands down, the best part about it is being able to look at that view every day and during the time frame we’ll be up there, hopefully, we’ll have a big bay window and much more opportunity to observe this beautiful planet.”

Taking in the View

As astronaut Nick Hague prepared to conclude his six-month stay aboard the ISS, he shared this photo saying: “Today is my last Monday living on this orbiting laboratory and I’m soaking up my final views. The @Space_Station is truly an engineering marvel. #MondayMotivation." 

He and Expedition 60 and Soyuz commander Alexey Ovchinin of the Russian space agency Roscosmos​ completed a 203-day mission, spanning 3,248 orbits of Earth, and a journey of 80.8 million miles.

Earthrise

On Dec. 24, 1968, Apollo 8 astronauts Frank Borman, Jim Lovell and Bill Anders became the first humans to witness the Earth rising above the Moon’s surface. 

 Anders, photographing the Moon from the right-side window, caught sight of the view, and exclaimed: “Oh my God, look at that picture over there! There’s the Earth comin’ up. Wow, is that pretty!”

The Blue Marble

Besides Earthrise, the Blue Marble is probably the most famous image of Earth that NASA has produced. Taken by the Apollo 17 crew on their way to the Moon in 1972, the Blue Marble and other NASA imagery of Earth has been credited by some with helping to fuel the environmental movement.

For more information on the Overview Effect, check out this episode of Houston We Have a Podcast. 

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space: http://nasa.tumblr.com

Like/reblog if you will use ♡

Like/reblog if you will use ♡

Like/reblog if you will use ♡

Like/reblog if you will use ♡

Do you think that "Freaks" by Inada Shiho is ever going to get translates?

Hello Nonny.

If I had to guess it won't get an official translation. Pure speculation on my part, but based on the fact that there are no official translations for any of the short stories or anything like that well then I think it sets a strong precedent.

As for fan translations? Well, we(the fandom) have a nice little collection of ghost hunt fanslators who liek to surprise us with little gems of translation when they get the chance. And, I think, at least one of them does have a copy of Freaks so, never say never.

With any luck down of them might see this ask and feel inspired.

I performed my first ever CPR on a dummy this week! *u* I couldn’t stop grinning during the lecture and demo; I never expected I’d be putting to good use my research for this part in my WIP (which was based from this prompt list) one year later. XD Since I’m not sure I’ll ever finish it, might as well post this draft to commemorate a successful CPR return demo~

11. With a shuddering gasp

It’ll be fine, Mai.

“…Twenty-six. Twenty-seven. Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine. Thirty.”

You trained for this. Got certified specifically for this.

Head tilt-chin lift.

And the ambulance is en route.

Rescue breathing: first rescue breath. Naru’s chest rose. Second rescue breath.

“One. Two. Three. Four. Five. I threw a wish in the well. Don’t ask me I’ll never tell…” Mai hummed to keep the beat. “…Twenty-six. Twenty-seven. Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine. Thirty.”

Head tilt-chin lift.

First rescue breath. Second rescue breath.

She maintained the pacing, cycle after cycle.

Back when she was training to get certified for occupational first aid, her trainers had enumerated only three valid reasons to stop CPR: when the ambulance arrives, when the person wakes up, or when the first responder can no longer continue.

Mai heavily banked on either of the first two options because the third one was absolutely not an option right now.

Twenty-six. Twenty-seven. Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine. Thirty.

Head tilt-chin lift.

First rescue breath. Second rescue breath.

Naru had always had the perfect timing when fainting from using his PK on his own. Like during Chiaki-senpai’s case. Or the Yoshimi case. This time, his body—his heart and lungs, to be specific—chose to stop working in a traditional house on the outskirts of Kyoto. Unequipped with an automated external defibrillator. In the middle of rush hour.

Though she wanted to cry her frustration out, she’d really rather use that energy to revive. This. Idiot. Twenty-nine. Thirty.

And once he was revived…

What then?

Head tilt-chin lift.

First rescue breath. Second rescue breath.

Naru let out a shuddering gasp.

Everyone released the collective breath they’d been holding. While Lin-san kept Naru reclined on his side and Mai monitored him, the rest of SPR burst into action: Ayako called the nearest hospital for updates on the ambulance; Bou-san and John concluded the investigation; Masako and Yasu updated the clients of Naru’s status.

Mai observed him. His chest rose and fell in erratic rhythm, and his pulse tapped weakly against her finger. But a breath and a pulse—those were all she needed to be assured of his survival.

Adrenaline released its hold on her, and she allowed herself to slump sideward in exhaustion.

Lin-san started. “Taniyama-san!”

“I’m fine, Lin-san,” she said, her attention never straying from Naru. He was just a few inches from her now. So close.

As she stared at his pallid face, the silent question returned: Once Naru revived, what would she do?

His eyes fluttered open and gradually focused on hers.

“Naru.”

Once he revived…

I’ll spend the rest of my life by his side, even if that meant being his assistant forever.

She held his gaze, unheeding of the crescendo of sirens announcing the ambulance’s arrival.

Even if she couldn’t take his breath away, she damn well could return it to him.

“I love you, I love you, I love you!” Such a cutie, man.

Michael Jackson lockscreens.

Please, like or reblog if you save or use.Hope you like it.made with love ♡

Twins childhood story, from the doujinshi “FREAKS” by Shiho Inada.

Oh hey, this one is actually serious!

Twins childhood story, from the doujinshi “FREAKS” by Shiho Inada.

Oh hey, this one is actually serious!