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I genuinely hate to say this but please reblog if you hit the like button for a larger sample size thank you <3
So, if you've read the last few posts. I'm sure you've already guessed what this post is about.
I've decided to give my former best friend a pseudo name. I'm sure it's kinda hard keeping up with my previous posts without a name. I think I'll call him Leonard as he actually reminds me of Leonard from Big Bang Theory...
I guess that things have been okay since I posted last. It's just that I'm pretty much just trying to keep up with things at college. Which is good. It's given me the distraction I need. I need to be constantly distracted these days. It's weird. I mean I feel fine, but as soon as I see him, my mood drops and I feel like I don't know how to act or react anymore...
Leonard seemed fine today though. A little psycho and a little on edge, but fine. He started talking to a few people today. People, not me, other people. He doesn't bother himself to even greet me anymore. I said psycho because well, he came to college without shoes today. So that's new. It was kinda weird, but maybe it's part of him finding himself. I mean, I'm in place to judge. I went to college in high waisted shorts and black sneakers with "Love" written in a ribbon...
I still found it kinda weird. The whole "no shoes" thing. I mean college is no place to be walking around with no shoes. I've seen people spill way too many things on the floor. I know it's not clean. But hey. It's his choice. It's all been his choice. I realised today that I don't deserve to have to beg to be in his life. At the end of the day. He chose to kick me out. In a way, maybe I should've seen this coming, I mean considering everything that happened last year, I was thinking of cutting him out of my life, so why would it be surprising that he cut me out of his?
I realised that this might be a good thing. I mean, he gets whatever he wants, space from me or whatever he shouted last time I wanted to talk. I, however, get something greater. I get a new identity. Before, people just knew me as "the girl that always hangs out with Leonard". Now I get to be my own person, form my own identity before I leave college. This is good for me. I don't only have an identity based on him. I get to have friends that aren't just friends of his. I finally have friends of my own. Some of those friends have also given up on him... Just like I have.
I feel like this is what's best. That instead of seeing this as losing someone close to me, I finally see it as an opportunity to find myself again and be the person I want to be. Not who everyone expected me to be as his best friend...