Tw Suicidal Thoughts - Blog Posts

Nothing

I fr just wanna give up on life, man…

Might be part of something larger.

TW: depression, self-harm, suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, blood

Red. Red was a beautiful color. It wasn't her favorite color but there was something enchanting about it. The way it flowed down her arm into the sink, taking her pain and memories with it. She couldn't tear her eyes away even if those people were screaming at her. Red. Down her arm. Red. Down the sink. Red red red. Down the drain. It was the only time she felt okay. Though she had to do it often since the feelings didn't last long. The relief, the comfort she felt in her skin for once, how she finally loved herself in those moments, it was all too short. She needed more red. Enough to last longer. To last the rest of her life. It was the only way she'd ever be okay.

tw: suicidal thoughts mention

transcript under the cut

08/08/2023

I really thought about ending it all, all day today. Life feels unbearable and has been for so long.

At 19:30, [...] arrived by train in Porto and decided the first thing he wanted to do was treat me to dinner. He didn't even stop at his house first, straight from the station to mert up with me, just because.

So, with all that spontaneity and affection in the world , we walked around [...], ate kebabs, bought plushies to hug and browsed a bookstore. Not only he decided to buy The 7 Husbands of Evelyn Hugo just because I said it was good, I looked at this book, said I loved flowers and he picked it up to add to the other one he wanted. Only after he paid he gifted it to me, knowing I wouldn't accept unless tricked into it.

I have people that make life worth living, and they're capable of gestures of kindness and affection bigger than any of my doubts. I don't know if I'll enjoy this book or not, but it will always be a wonderful reminder of that.

So...I was giving permission from @cheshiresartblog to write this story idea based off of their Nomu Trio AU. It’s an idea that I got after listening to The Princess and the Frog soundtrack for hours on end.

I really, really shouldn’t be doing this because I have other AU stories in mind (one of them being a huge crossover), but since this is based off of two things that I’ve watched (in BNHA’s case watched and read) I think it’ll be easier to write. So here’s the basic plot.

WARNING: Spoilers for BNHA and The Princess and the Frog ahead! Will also contain mentioning of depression, suicide, and disturbing themes.

Shouta, Hizashi, and Oboro have been dating each other since high school and dream of opening a hero agency using an old abandoned building.

Years pass by, and something happens to Oboro and Hizashi, causing them to ‘die’ in battle. Shouta went into a spiral of depression and hardly interacts with his family and friends. Nemuri decides to help Shouta reconnect with society by taking him to a party. But at said party, Shouta hears some devastating news.

The building where he and his late boyfriends were planning to set up their hero agency was going to be bought by some land developers.

Shouta ran back home as grieves over not only the loss of his boyfriends, but the loss of the one dream that they shared. While on his way home, he doesn’t pay attention and gets hit by a car.

As he’s rushed to the hospital, the doctor who works for AfO tells Shouta’s family that he had ‘died’ due to committing suicide, and proceeds to take him to AfO to be turned into a Nomu.

More years past and Kakureru works for the League of Villains, but he feels like he’s missing something and tries to remember his past. Suddenly, he remembers that the doctor that supposedly saved his life was the one who killed him in the first place.

He was the one who was driving the car that killed him.

After convincing the flirty Raiu and the music-loving Kurogiri to leave the LoV with him, they start to connect with each other. Shigaraki, Toga, and Dabi tagged along because they had nothing better to do.

Then the three Nomu start to remember who they were, which causes them to question themselves.

Now they must choose to follow their new dreams or going back to their old lives.

Roles (Still trying to decide who’s who):

Aizawa Shouta/Kakureru: Tiana

Yamada Hizashi/Raiu: Prince Naveen

Shirakumo Oboro/Kurogiri: Louis and Ray

All for One: Dr. Facilier

Kayama Nemuri/Midnight: Charlotte

The Doctor: Lawrence

(If anyone has any idea who should play what role in the story, please leave your ideas in the comments)

Adding on to the vent.

Tw/cw: suicide mention, suicidal thoughts, and shit like that

What do you do when in past lives you were disabled but still did stuff that you can't in this life?

What do you do when you realize that you should be more able to do stuff in this life but you are less able?

What do you do when you can't even talk about most of this to most people you know in person cause they wouldn't understand and would hate you?

What do you do when you want to make yourself more disabled than you already are?

What do you do when you are so close to trying to end it all because you can't see why you should keep living?

What do you do when you don't even think you could end it all cause you're scared and just not really wanting to end it all?

What do you do when you can't mention this to people cause you don't want to be sent away even when the place you're currently at sucks?

What do you do when you want to live but you want to die?

- Shay 🐾

Little vent from us. We are kinda going through some shit rn.

We don't think there are any tw/cw but if there are let us know.

What do you do when you realize that you might not be able to work a "normal" job or maybe any job at all ever?

What do you do when you realize that your disabilities affect what you are able to do in ways that are so against what you wanted to do and what you wish you could do?

What do you do when disabilities are actually disabling?

What do you do when other people don't understand even when they are disabled themselves?

What do you do in any situations where disabilities affect what happens?

What do you do when you need to tell people and make them understand that you are disabled and that means you can't do the same things as others?

- Shay 🐾

What do you do when you are disabled?

Time for more bad memories from my life as Zuki. I have debated about posting this a few times but I think I need to, to get it off my chest or whatever you wanna say.

Tw/cw: (failed) suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, self harm, death of a family member, grief, and abuse. Let me know if I missed any tw/cw.

There were times right after I turned 14 years old as Zuki (my aunt, who I looked up to so much, died on my 14th birthday so yeah) that I ended up going to the top of my middle school building [I couldn't fly at the time] and was debating jumping from it, I never did.

But a few days after my 14th birthday, all the grief and anger and shit I felt from my aunt's death (she was a hero, and she died fighting some villains) had gotten to be too much for me to deal with and I went to a part of the middle school that pretty much no one went to and pretty much everyone wouldn't have cared about me anyways.

Anyway, I went to the secluded place of the school and I had a knife in my backpack, I always carried it with me, not only because of self-harm tendencies but also because it was a gift from my aunt who died. I thought I was alone, cause who in their right mind would be in this part of that school? (Neither of us there were in our right mind, so I guess that answers that, lol).

Anyway, I took the knife and cut pretty deep on my arms and legs. I had put down something, I think it was my jacket, to try and make less of a mess with the blood cause I didn't wanna cause too much more trouble, lol. But someone who I didn't really know well (I kinda wish it stayed that way, but whatever) came and helped me to the nurse's room. If that nurse could have let me just die, she would've, but she didn't wanna get in trouble with my older sibling, lol.

Anyways, that nurse just did the bare minium, so I wouldn't die. I talked a bit with the girl who saved me. She seemed nice (seemed is the key word there). After the school day ended, it was like only an hour or so cause I did this during my free period, which was my last 'class' of the day. After the bell rang, I walked to a little medical building that [mainly] was for those with no quirks, hated quirks, etc. So because of this, it didn't have a mandatory reporting thing, which was good for me, cause I didn't want anyone else to know that I tried to kill myself and failed. But yeah, the lady who helped me then was very nice and I would continue to go there when I needed medical stuff.

The girl who saved me, about a week or so later, came up to me and said she liked me romantically. While I am (was?) cupioromantic, I didn't know that at the time, so I thought I liked her romantically as well, so I told her that and we started dating.

It was great at first, but after about 2 weeks or so of dating, she started to hurt me, while I did technically know this wasn't good, I had believed it had to be different here and that she was still good and everything (she wasn't, the abusive asshole).

Eventually, when I was like 15 and ½ years old or something like that, I realized I didn't feel romantic attraction at all and told my 'girlfriend' and broke up with her. It didn't go well.

She ended up stabbing me a few times, shit happened. Afterwards, I went to that same medical building I mentioned before and they helped me not die.

Eventually, I realized that my ex was probably only with me cause she wanted someone easy to hurt and shit. Idk just probably wasn't love from her end.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it) | I could go more into detail about probably all of this but I'm not gonna right now

(1.1) Pilot: Preview

“Goodbyes are the hardest”

Pairing: Eventual Dean x Reader.

Warning(s): Angst

Episode Summary: Y/N gets reunited with the Winchester’s after years of being apart. And although she is happy to be around them again, she finds herself lying about who she really is because of what they do.

Word count: 1,293

Backstory || Supernatural rewrite S01 masterlist

You peeked your head through the slightly open door to the room you thought for sure you'd be staying in at least until you managed to get back onto your feet and handle living by yourself again. You looked out into the dark hallway, and just when you thought everyone was asleep, you quietly opened the door a bit further. Looking back at the two young boys, who were both asleep in their cribs, you couldn't help but sigh at the awful fact you were going to leave them behind.

Chris Halliwell,even though he was just a little baby, was already attached to you. Aside from his parents, you were the only one he wouldn't fuss around so much while being held. Maybe it was because his future self had done the same thing. When he was twenty-two years old, he had come back from the future to try to warn you and the Halliwell sisters of how his older brother would be turned evil, to which all of you successfully stopped from happening. But it was at the cost of his life and he had died right on his mother's bed in his father's arms, all before his body had faded away from sight. No one trusted him for a while, not even you. But that didn't stop him from falling in love with you. He knew it wasn't right, because after all, you were forty eight in his time.

And of course, there was Wyatt. The sweet little boy you've grown to love ever since he was born. He called you his Auntie Y/N/N. You would almost always be the first one to wake up in the mornings after he did to feed him his favorite kind of cereal. And if his brother was still asleep afterwards, you'd play trucks with him until his mother woke up. You wouldn't see him most days, considering how you were working at the job you had now quit, but it was always the little moments with him and his brother that you cherished.

A smile crept along the ends of your lips as you watched in the moonlight that peeked through the curtains of the window as Wyatt turned his little body around. For a moment, you panicked when you thought he was waking up, but you found yourself feeling relief when you could hear a little snore coming from him.

"I'll miss you guys." You kept your voice to the lowest of whispers, but those words were directed at them. It took everything in you not to turn back around and stay as you adjusted the strap of your backpack on your shoulder and stepped out of the room. You made sure to be quiet about shutting the door before turning around on your heels.

But you found yourself almost jumping three feet in the air when you realized that someone had been standing right outside the door the whole time you were thinking about what you'd be missing. A relieved breath escaped past your lips when you noticed that it was just Victor Bennett; the man you looked at as a father figure ever since his daughters, Phoebe and Piper and their sister, Paige had graciously taken you into their home after a demon had killed your adoptive parents when you were only nineteen.

They let you live with them when they realized the same demon was still alive. He still is, considering how they never got the chance to find it again, but you were going to risk going on your own again.

"You scared me, Victor." You couldn't help but softly chuckle, before you took a good look at the man's face. He seemed like he had tears streaming down his face, while a warm cup of tea sat in his hands. Now, you were concerned. "What's wrong?"

"I can't sleep." He admitted truthfully to you under a mutter. This was expected, as his children were going up against Zankou and more than likely weren't going to make it back. Which is the main reason why Piper's children and you were here in the first place. And now you were going to leave God knows where, leaving him behind as well. "Where are you going, Y/N? It's two in the morning, you should get some rest."

Your mouth parted open as you tried to find the right words to say, but you couldn't really bring yourself to speak. You were twenty four, and the sisters had gotten you ready to bring the world on by yourself. Your heart was breaking just as much as his was over the mere fact that the three women who treated you like one of their own were probably not going to make it back, and as much as you wanted to stay and be there for him and his grandson's, you hated the idea of being burden to him.

You weren't his blooded family, nor were you related to the sisters. You didn't even have powers like they did, so you would've been helpless if the demon who had killed your parents came waltzing into his apartment one day and possibly harm Victor or the boys.

"I need to go. San Francisco isn't the place for me anymore. And besides, if the girls don't make it back, that demon who killed my mom and dad will know and come back for me and he could hurt you, or he could hurt the boys." You told the man part of the truth. He slowly nodded his head, although he hated someone he thought of as one of his own children leaving, he completely understood. You inhaled a deep breath when you felt tears of your own begin to stream down your face. "I'm just a call away if you need anything at all."

You could hardly see in the dark, but you could see Victor's lips stretching into a small smile at what he had heard. "Promise me you'll stay safe, kiddo."

"I will." You made a promise you weren't sure you could really keep, but you sure as hell were going to try your hardest. "Will you call me to let me know.. if the girls are okay, or if they're gone?"

"You bet I will."

You let out a soft sob at those four words as you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug. He hugged you back, trying his hardest not to let any of the tea he was still holding spill onto you or the floor. His eyes fluttered shut, allowing himself to enjoy the last hug he thought he would ever give you. But just because you were leaving, didn't mean you weren't going to cross paths again.

It was a few moments before you finally pulled away from the hug, your lips stretching into a thin line as you tried not to cry again. "Tell the boys I love them and that I'll miss them."

Victor stayed quiet, only nodded his head at what were you asking him to do. You made his way around him and to the door of the apartment. Your hand wrapped around the door knob, and after letting out a breath, you opened up the door and stepped out. You didn't know where you were going, but you were ready to see where the road took you. You had suitcases in the trunk of your car, filled with your clothes. The backpack on your shoulder, had everything to help you keep a good memory of the Halliwell's, along with Victor and Leo.

This was the start of a whole new life, and although there was a part of you that was scared, you were also excited.

~~~

Next part

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