The Last Hours Tlh - Blog Posts

Can someone give me a summary of Chain of Thorns, I’m not gonna be able to read it for a while.

Thomas: Where do you want to be in five years, Alastair?

Alastair: *under his breath* Hopefully in your bed

Thomas: What was that?

Alastair: I sAid HoPEFULLY DEAD!

Christopher: Matthew, what’s a metaphor?

Matthew: “My life is a train wreck”

Christopher: I know, but what’s a metaphor?

Alastair: Date me

Thomas: What?

Alastair: I said… mate with me

Thomas: Excuse me?

Alastair: I said-

Thomas: You hate me

Alastair: Yes, that

Thomas: So, does everyone know what they’re doing?

Matthew: You mean in life or the plan?

Thomas:

Matthew: because I’ve no idea of either.

Matthew: You consider me a friend?

Cordelia: Sure. What else would I consider you?

Matthew: I don’t know. An embarrassment? A way to rebel against your family? A desperate cry for help? The list is endless.

Alastair: When I die, you’re going to piss on my grave, aren’t you?

Matthew: Oh yes, most definitely

Alastair: Cool, just checking

Alastair: You’re perfect in every way

Thomas: what

Alastair: I said you’Re tErRIBLE AND PROBABLY GAY, Thomas!

Alastair, under his breath: please be at least a little gay…

James: Please tell me I’m imagining that I got drunk and claimed I was the King of All Ducks.

Matthew: I would, but then I’d be lying to the King of All Ducks.

Jesse, blushing: So, I guess we are boyfriend and girlfriend now

Lucie: Only on one condition

Jesse: What?

Lucie: I get to be the girlfriend

Thomas: I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief

James: Did you miss me?

Matthew: I always miss you. 24/6.

James: Why not 24/7?

Matthew: I worship Oscar Wilde on Sundays.

Lucie: Once, when I was younger, I tried to start a gang.

Jesse: How did it go?

Lucie: It turned into a book club.

Jesse:

Lucie: Actually, it was just Mum, Dad, Jamie and me and Bridget used to make cookies.

Matthew: I would walk through fire for the Merry Thieves!

Matthew: Well, not FIRE because it’s dangerous, but like a super humid room

Matthew: Not too humid because… you know, my hair

Matthew: Hey, do you know anybody that can teach me how to play the trumpet?

Thomas: Why do you need to learn how to play the trumpet?

Matthew: I wanna wander around and annoy Charles by playing it.

Thomas, thinking about how Charles mistreated Alastair: Technically you don’t need to know how to play it to do that.

Matthew: You have opened my eyes, Thomas

Alastair, a guest: Can I ask about the menu, please?

Matthew, a waiter: The men I please are none of your business.

Anna: Please peer pressure me into getting this report done

Matthew: Do it or you’re straight

Anna: I said peer pressure, not threaten.

TSC books: A summary

Matthew: My computer is broken

Thomas: Just give it to the IT guy

Matthew: Okay

Matthew, walking outside and tossing the computer into a sewer: Good luck

Officer: I heard you got pot

Matthew: *holds up flower pot* You mean this?

Officer: Oh, ok. What you growing?

Matthew: Weed

James: Hey, uh, so I’ve been reviewing this itinerary and I don’t really get it.

James: Are you sure we should release 300 live doves indoors? Won’t that get kind of messy?

Matthew: That’s why we feed them glitter, Jamie.

Christopher: I can’t believe that Britain is 1903 years old!

Matthew: You idiot, that’s how old Earth is

James: No way! :O

Matthew: I can’t believe you two didn’t know that!

Thomas, about to cry: They’re so fucking stupid

Christopher: I almost got surprise adopted yesterday

Thomas: What?

Matthew: He almost got kidnapped

Thomas: Oh, okay

Thomas: WAIT WHAT

Cordelia: I made a marshmallow Alastair, see? His arms are crossed because he’s mad at all the other marshmallows for annoying him. Do you like it?

Alastair, clearly emotional: It’s okay

Cordelia: So, tell me about yourself

Matthew:

Belial: I eat pieces of shit like you for BREAKFAST!

Thomas:

Matthew:

James:

Christopher, disturbed: … you eat pieces of shit?

Cordelia: Why are you lying on the floor?

Alastair: I have depression

Cordelia: Oh-

Alastair: I have also been stabbed three times

Cordelia: oH-

Airport security: No liquids allowed

Matthew: oh, ok

Matthew: *starts gulping it down*

James: Uhh, Matthew, you don’t have to drink-

Matthew: *dedicated to finishing bottle*

Airport security: You know, usually people just leave the shampoo behind but what do I know…

Thomas: I want to show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Matthew: Okay, but in my defense, James bet me 3 pounds that I couldn’t drink all the shampoo

Thomas: That’s not what I wanted to-

Thomas: You drank SHAMPOO?

[TLH Group Chat]

Lucie: Hey guys, if you post your password in the groupchat it’ll block out!

Lucie: *******

Lucie: See?

Cordelia: That’s so cool!

Cordelia: *****

Matthew: heronchild4ever69

Matthew:

[Matthew has left the chat]