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Okay so in the Statehouse videos that most of my content has been about, it’s established that Northern California and Southern California are different, right? Anyways, we also have, and hear me out, Utah. He has had two personifications: the Elder Utah character and the more recent one, which looks more like a dad kind of character. So in my mind, Utah started as just the Elder Utah but he eventually splits into the new dad character and the Elder Utah character. I feel like the new guy is the guy who would be married to Illythia and has six kids but Elder Utah, I feel like, is a closeted boi with LOTS of internalized homophobia. This is just how I think of it, you don’t have to see it the same way.
Still based on Ben Brainard’s videos on Instagram, Tik Tok, and YouTube
Okay so everyone has their own rooms, right?
And Florida wanted to put people near states they hate
And pretty much all of them hate Cali
Do you see where I’m going with this?
Florida either gives California 50 unlabeled keys, one for each room and no one knows which is his
or
Gives him a different room key every day and makes him share a room with other people
With the first option, Cali forgets which key is which and where he puts some so he eventually gives up and just grabs whatever key and bunks with that state for the night
With the second option, Florida normally puts him with Texas (Texas hates Oklahoma the most but Cali’s a very close second)
Either those, or Cali just doesn’t get his own room and is permanently stuck with someone (Again, probably Texas)
Inspired by Ben Brainard’s videos on TikTok, Instagram, and Youtube
- California is not one to completely lose his cool
- One of the few times Cali ever lost it it was when Utah started talking shit about LGBTQ+ people at dinner
- He wasn’t happy about it at the start but tried to keep his cool and just keep eating
- But then Utah says how every city that supports them is going to Hell
- And Cali. Fucking. Loses it.
- Some of the other states are yelling at Utah from across the table
- But California slams his fork onto the table and all the states go quiet because California doesn’t do this kind of thing
- He gets out of his chair, walks over to Utah, grabs the front of his shirt, drags him out of his seat, and brings them nose to nose and says, while clearly trying to contain his rage,
- ”Wanna say that again Mr. I’m so closeted, I’m homophobic?”
- When he gets no answer, he drops Utah back in his seat before storming back to his room without finishing dinner
- There is a stunned silence that’s only broken when Florida asks if Utah is actually closeted
- New York, Florida, Texas, DC, and Oregon all attempted to talk to Cali afterwards but his room was locked
- They can hear music playing from the other side
- He only comes out of his room at night to get food for 3 weeks
- Every state tried knocking on his door at least once in that time period (New York, Florida, Texas, DC, and Oregon being the most insistent)
- Florida definitely tried getting in through the AC vet and the window, as well as the cat door (California definitely has at least one cat)
- Finally, when he walks into the kitchen at around 1 am, he’s greeted by the sight of Florida hanging upside down by his legs on the fridge and Louisiana standing at the island in the middle drinking a dacqueri
- As he turns to walk away, Loui grabs him by the back of his flannel and says “Nice try Sha,” earning a long, suffering sigh from Cali, while dragging him over to sit down at the table while they explain what’s been happening since the incident with Utah
- Florida joins them and provides spirit lifting comments while Louisiana tells Cali everything that’s happened in the past three weeks
- Eventually, they convince him to join them at breakfast the next day
- They walk with Cali back to his room before heading to DC’s room
- There, they’re greeted by Oregon, Texas, New York, and DC, all looking at them expectantly
- Florida gives them a thumbs up and they all let out a relieved sigh
- The next morning, when California comes down for breakfast, he finds himself walking down in between Loui and Florida
- It’s surprisingly comforting
- When he sits down, he notices all the states switching there stares form him to Utah, like they were watching a ping pong match
- California let out a quiet sigh, turns to Utah, and apologizes for getting mad at him
- Utah also apologizes for provoking him and for the things he said
- After breakfast, Cali goes back to his room (there was far too much tension at breakfast) and starts reading a book
- When he hears a knock on his door, he doesn’t look up when he says they can come in
- He can feel the stares of whoever’s in the room with him and puts his book down
- When he looks up, he’s not so surprised when he sees Florida and Louisiana
- He is surprised, however, to see Oregon, New York, and Texas, who have consistently been knocking at his door for the past few weeks
- Oregon pulls him off his bed to give him a hug (honestly, I feel like they practically act like siblings)
- He’s more than a little shocked when New York, Florida, Loui, and Texas join in on the hug as well
- Realization hits him as he hugs them back and lets silent tears stream down his face
- That night, California goes to sleep feeling better than he had in weeks