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I do not know how to go on
With you,
And I do not know how to go on
Without you.
This is our liminal space, our
Handcarved pocket of eternity.
Always here and always leaving and maybe,
in a hundred years or a few seconds,
we will find our way out of this trap.
.
—y.c.
Recently Allison and I watched the classic film Stand By Me. I don't want to ruin the plot for anyone who hasn't seen the movie but at a certain point the narrator says how he and the other boys felt better than they ever had before because "right then we knew exactly who we were and where we were going". Surprisingly it was at this point that I had a small epiphany.
I realized I had never felt this way before.
Never have I had something that consumed my whole life in that way. A goal that made me feel like I knew exactly what I had to do and why I had to do it. It made me a bit depressed but also made me realize that I was missing that one thing in my life.
The biggest question I need to ask myself now is what that one thing might be.