Sean Lennon - Blog Posts

The season moves at a quick pace.

Spring flowers are turning into early summer flowers, the leaves become deeper green, and the sunlight is getting stronger.

Now, hydrangea is blooming beautifully everywhere. And there is a lovely hydrangea in my palm as well💜(This is a tiny cupcake😉🎶🧁)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lKbb_GPlyio

He's so pretty I can't believe he breathes the same air as me

Happy Birthday to the Lennons, John and Sean! (They rhyme lol)

John would have been 84 and Sean is now currently 49!! John, have a such heavenly birthday and Sean, you have a great birthday!

Twink death will come soon, young man

mclennon truthers 🤝 john was killed by cia truthers

(wrongly) believing that when Yoko dies It'll All Come Out.

John and Julian (and Cyn) through the '70s

Last edited on 8 October 2023. All edits listed at the end. Text in between [ ] are my thoughts.

Since John and Yoko had moved into Tittenhurst in August '69 Julian often spend weekends with them there.

"And then I'd live for the weekends I spent with my dad and his new love Yoko at Ascot. My feeling toward their relationship was helped by the way I was treated. I was given incredibly expansive toys to play with and there was always something happening." Julian, 1982

Cynthia describes that she was relieved that Julian got on reasonably well with Yoko, but she was concerned by some of the more bizarre stories of what was going on at Tittenhurst park.

"One of the hardest aspects of letting Julian visit John was accepting that Yoko would presumably look after him when he was there. I didn't know what he would make of her cool manner. But in fact he seemed fine with it, and perhaps it was better for him to have a rather distant step-mother than one who was all over him. He never told me that she was unkind in any way, which was a relief. After that first weekend Peter rang regularly to arrange visits for Julian. Much to my amusement Julian had started to call Yoko Hokey-Cokey." Cynthia Lennon: John, p.314

Photos of Julian at Tittenhurst in 31 January 1970. [John and Yoko only returned from Denmark January 27th, so Julian came to see them the first weekend back.]

Rest of the timeline including pics, quotes and audio behind the cut because it got ridiculously long.

23 February 1970

An article is published in the Evening Post talking about Julian and Kyoko. It mentions that in 1969 there were four months that father and son didn't get to see each other and also spent Christmas apart.

Some quotes from John:

"Julian, last time I saw him, was a bit too protected, like all kids are. It took him two weeks to unwind, when he was last with us." "I'm not a daddy with a set of bricks to play with. When I'm with the kids, they just come along with me and be with me, whatever I'm doing." Link to article

March 1970

Over the New Year John and Yoko had spent some weeks in Denmark with Tony Cox, his new partner and Kyoko. That arrangement had worked quite well and it seems it motivated John and Yoko to try to get closer with Cynthia and Roberto also. It seems in the end not much came of these good intentions.

Up until now, when Julian came to spend the weekend at Tittenhurst Park, it was Les Anthony who shuttled him back and forth between his parents. However, shortly after their return from Denmark, John and Yoko made a conscious effort to spend time with Julian, Cynthia and her fiancé Roberto Bassanini. John later remarked: "All five of us ate together and we saw to it that the children see us all together. Maybe six of us will go on vacation with Kyoko. Julian, Cyn and Roberto, so that everyone feels secure. That's very important. In order to have peace, it's necessary to start inside the family." Lennonology, source L'Express [3/23/70]

Instead John and Yoko left for LA 23 April 1970 to undergo Primal Scream therapy with Janov. They stayed for almost five months in the US and returned to England 15 September 1970.

June 7th, 1970

While John and Yoko are in LA doing their therapy with Janov. One of the topics discussed was John's troubled relationship with his son.

The meeting, which Vivian Janov describes as 'a very strong emotional day for him,' had taken place in April, and John was making an effort to maintain communication with his son. From Los Angeles, John posted a card to Julian today: 'I'm sorry I haven't called or written much. I've been a little sick. We miss you a lot, and send you our love... won't be long till I see you'. Lennonology

After the return from the US in September Julian continued to regularly visit Tittenhurst. During those visits he usually played a lot with Les Anthonys four stepchildren, who at the time were also living on the estate.

"Once Dad had a little white shed built on an island in the middle of a lake on the grounds of the house. He had bought these little white amphi-cars that sped across the lake. The three of us all dressed in white to spend the day there. Crazy, but wonderful."Julian, 1982

In this interview Julian describes going over to Tittenhurst just to be an idiot with his dad but also how scary the big house and his bedroom situation could be to him at night.

[The floorplan of Tittenhurst (LINK) actually shows Julian's room just across the hallway from John and Yoko's room but half a stairway down. There's not really a closer bedroom and he may have been put there, so that he has his own bathroom. It being so far away, small (somewhere he or Cynthia call the room a closet) and scary are after all the memories from a child's point of view.]

For the most part the visitation arrangements seemed to have continued in 1971. In the summer, when John and Yoko were filming for the imagine documentary, Julian can be seen roaming the property with his friends.

Saturday, July 17th, 1971 With the cameras rolling, John and Yoko roamed the Tittenhurst Park grounds in a golf cart with Jill Johnston. As promised, Blue Pools delivered the new lake house, and the Lennons spotted location. More footage was taken of the house under construction, the Lennons and Johnston rowing on the lake, and Julian and the neighbor children reading excerpts from Grapefruit on camera and running amok in the fields. Lennonology

Lennonology

Julian Lennon: Tittenhurst was this enormous palace-like place with 99 acres, golf-cart buggies, a lake, a little island in the middle of the lake. It was like a house of fun. It was wonderful. I loved the place.

LINK to a longer version of the quote but in German. Not adding much just both John and Julian sharing a mutual love for Dr. Pepper at the time, playing the mellotron and the children daring each other to enter a 'haunted' building on the property.

It's also at Tittenhurst that Julian meets May Pang, who had started working for John and Yoko as an assistant through ABKCO in NY and had come to England as a messenger to bring film rolls.

"There were a lot of great moments at Tittenhurst that I do fondly remember, you know, giggling and laughing with Dad. And, as they say, shooting the shit. But it was difficult to know, you think, 'OK, well, is this going to stay? Is this what it's going to be, now? Can I count on this? Can I be here next weekend or the weekend after? Is that going to happen?' That was one of the, obviously, the hardest pill to swallow, was the constant change. You know, you thought things were going to settle down, but they just never quite did." Julian, 2018

"I lived an ideal life between then [Cyn and Roberto] and John and Yoko, but it all ended when Cynthia's marriage broke up and Dad and Yoko moved to the States." Julian, 1982

The big cut happens when on August 12th 1971 John and Yoko leave for NY and take up residence in the St. Regis Hotel.

At first their plan was to search for Kyoko, so that she too could come for visits at Tittenhurst like Julian. In September John and Yoko appeared on the Dick Cavett show and briefly talked about their wish that both their children could be with them.

Maybe a Christmas present:

Christie's auction

[In her Lost Weekend doc, May talks about Julian calling and Yoko not allowing her to put the call through to John. She says at that point they hadn't spoken for a couple of years. Then a few weeks later she is in the audience for George Harrison's appearance on Dick Cavett. The show is aired in November '71, so if there is anything to her anecdote she may mean they hadn't seen each other for two months instead of two years.]

26 May '72

"Lennon admits that he is scared to say too much publicly about the case, because it was the initial publicity that had spurred Cox to vanish. He talks about how hard it is for Ono to see pictures of her daughter: I have to hide them. Asked about his own son, Julian, he says: I don't have that 'where the hell is he?' bit. But he reveals that when they were in England, and Julian visited them every weekend, it was difficult for Ono to be with him when her own daughter wasn't there: It was killing her." source

28 May '72

Cynthia quoted in a Sunday paper: "John hasn't seen Julian since he went to America. It is rather a long time. He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now. He does write to Julian, just normal letters, asking how he is getting on at school and things like that. And he sends him presents. He sent him a toy truck at Christmas. I don't keep in touch with John anymore. It's purely through Julian that we keep in contact. Julian loves his father. He follows his career in the newspapers. He goes to a private boys' school where people don't bother who he is. He went to a state school but he had problems there."

14 June '72

Cyn's complaints are repeated in the LA times, where it said that John hadn't seen Julian in eight months. "He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now."

On 22 September '73 John and May leave for LA and only a few days later on 2 October '73 it is reported in the newspaper that Cyn separated from Roberto Bassanini.

Cynthia gave some interviews on her recent separation and the fact that she and Julian moved back to Hoylake, where Julian goes to private school.

"Unhappily Julian misses his father, which is only natural. We only hear from John at Christmas and when the birthdays come around." 7 October '73, Sunday Mirror

"Julian is always asking after him but of course John is in America now. It's been hard for him not seeing John for several years. This sort of thing is naturally upsetting for a child." 7 October '73, Sunday People

According to May's book, while John had broken up with her, she went to the Dakota to be with Yoko. Yoko there told her that she had decided it was time for Julian to come for a visit and May should at least reunite with John for that period to help him with it. May agreed to go back to John for two weeks, but it ends up being more like a year.

Christmas gift '73

To Julian from Daddy Christmas 1973

[Julian has sold an NFT of the black guitar. LINK ]

Shortly after Christmas '73 Julian and Cyn travel to LA to spend his school holidays with his father. They stay at least until the Happy Days taping they visit together on 5 February '74.

During the over a month long visit May writes, that they went to Disneyland three times and had brunch together the first morning. Meanwhile John is still having some wild times. Since Julian is staying with Cynthia, he goes out with May. The Kotex incident and nearly killing Jesse Ed Davis happen at the same time of this visit. May also places Cynthia asking John to have another child together during this trip.

As the visit ends May makes John promise to call Julian regularly.

"It is the right thing to do. I promise you, Fung Yee." He was silent for a while, then John said suddenly, "I really would like to keep in touch with me son." May Pang, Loving John p.168

Julian too, took a lot of positive out of the meetings around this time.

"Mum and I flew out to the States and stayed at the Beverly Hills Hotel. At least Mum did, I spend every minute of every day with my Dad and Yoko. " Julian, 1982

In later recollections Julian correctly puts the first visit in the time-frame that John was with May.

“Dad and I got on a great deal better than,” recalls Julian. “We had a lot of fun, laughed a lot and had a great time in general when he was with May Pang.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang: Loving John. About this visit and how it was set up.

In April 74 Julian sends a Thank you tape to John and Yoko for his birthday gift. Even though John is with May at this time, the present it seems was sent from the married couple.

The present in question according to Julian was a guitar, decorated with a mirror, writing and other stuff:

John writes to Cyn 22 June '74 a typed letter asking about Julian's holiday plans. Interestingly as the return address he gives the Dakota. He wants to send May to bring Julian.

19/20-25 July 1974 Instead of being collected by May, Julian sails with Elton John, Tony King, and Cyn per boat from Southampton to New York.

[In her book Cynthia wrongly remembers this as her first visit with John in the US. She also claims this visit was completely her initiative, which as proven by the letter wasn't the case. The whole anecdote is interesting however because she says that it was never the plan to stay with Julian, John and May but stay in NY with Jenny Boyd. Jenny apparently wasn't told about that plan, because in the end she wasn't there to home Cynthia. (May on the other hand remembers that Cynthia was staying with friends but they left without her and she was lonely, so she ended up coming with them.) In the end (and to John probably rightly or wrongly suspiciously) what was planned as just a trip for Julian with his dad turned into Cynthia coming along most of the time.]

Cynthia'a account about how this meeting was set-up and why she was with them during the trip.

Tony King in The Tastemaker simply writes: “John Lennon wanted to see his son, so I took Julian and John’s ex-wife Cynthia along with me.”

August 6th '74

John, May, Cyn and Julian return to LA for John to record Goodnight Vienna with Ringo.

In the summer while working on Walls and Bridges Julian visits the studio. He records Ya Ya with his dad.

Little interview bit with Julian about being in the studio.

August 19th, 1974

John and May take a trip to Denver. Instead of coming with them Julian stays with Cyn in LA.

When the whole vacation is coming to a close, it is decided that Julian should come for another visit for Christmas. John is clear that he wants him to come alone.

Both May Pang and Cynthia wrote about this visit in their memoirs. [Cynthia is clearly mixing up and merging the first and second trip together in her recollection of it.]

Cynthia's account.

May's account.

December 19th, 1974

Julian, accompanied by Apple staffer Steve Brendell, arrived in NY on this day for Christmas with John and May. Mimi was also invited but declined to come.

While they were in NY Yoko also came by because she wanted to greet Julian.

John, May and Julian flew to Florida on December 22. Lennon said he accepted Levy's Florida invitation "because I was so worn out anyway" from back-to-back studio projects "that I didn't know what to do with my son Julian." John figured that at Disney World, "I could sort of sit in a room or something and Julian could play with Morris's kid." John's quotes are from his trial testimony Big Seven Music Corp, 75Civ, 1116; In Stan Soocher Baby You're a Rich Man, Suing the Beatles for Fun and Money

Until 29 December they spent time in Palm Beach and later returned to Orlando (Disney World).

During this visit, Julian was helpful in influencing John and George making up and the thus the dissolution agreement of the Beatles coming along.

Julian remembers his Christmas visit with John and May fondly: “My memories of that time with Dad and May are very clear - they were the happiest time I can remember with them.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang in Loving John on this visit.

Cynthia writes about this visit in her book.

Video from May Pang's Lost Weekend documentary. [She says Long Island but I guess it's Palm Beach.]

In early February 1975 John moves back into the Dakota and resumes his marriage with Yoko.

John gives an interview to SPIN magazine in early spring 1975. In it he is asked about his private life, his recent return to Yoko, what his relationship with May is like now, and also about Julian:

How about you as a father? How old is your son [Julian] now? He is 11 now. All I know is that you took him to Disneyworld … right? Yeah, that was hell. Disneyland was better, the first time, in L.A., I took him there. Because I went with a gang, and there were a few of us who were flying a little. But Disneyworld — I was there on the most crowded day of the year, around Christmas or something. Seeing him is good. What we do is irrelevant. I went through a period of, “What are we gonna do?” and all that crap. It doesn’t really matter. As long as he’s around. Cause I don’t see him that often. How is it for an 11-year-old boy to have John Lennon as a father? It must be hell. Does he talk about that to you? No, because he is a Beatle fan. I mean, what do you expect?? I think he likes Paul better than me … I have the funny feeling he wishes Paul was his dad. But unfortunately he got me … It must be hard to be son of anybody. He is a bright kid and he’s into music. I didn’t encourage him, but he’s already got a band in school. But they sing rock’n’roll songs, ’cause their teacher is my age. So he teaches them “Long Tall Sally” and a couple of Beatles numbers. He likes Barry White and he likes Gilbert O’ Sullivan. He likes Queen, though I haven’t heard them yet. He turns me on to music. I call him and he says, “Have you heard Queen?” and I say “No, what is it?” I’ve heard of them. I’ve seen the guy … the one who looks like Hitler playing a piano … Sparks? I’ve seen Sparks on American TV. So I call him and say, “Have you seen Sparks? Hitler on the piano?” and he says, “No. They are alright. But have you seen Queen?” and I say “What’s Queen?” and then he tells me. His age group is hipper to music … at 11 I was aware of music, but not too much.

Link to the SPIN interview

March 11th 1975

John is interviewed by Bob Harris on The Old Grey Whistle Test. He sends greetings to Julian, Mimi and the rest of his family in England.

30 July 1975

About Julian ... I'm lucky if I see/hear from him myself. She allowed him over here twice last year ... but insisted on coming herself! You can imagine how thrilling that was ... she thought she could walk back in coz I wasn't with yoko!! Now we're back together again she stops him phoning me ... which he did a lot last year ... once a week. He's a bright little boy ... a bit 'sneaky' like his dad ... but he's gonna need that to survive his mother! Our relationship is pretty good --- he knows where I am and what my life is like ... he thinks of me a litlle too much in terms of 'money' etc ... which is what cyn and her mother (so called) have taught him (by example). He will run right to me when he's older ... we all run somewhere ... so I can wait. I got him well hooked on America ... which isan extraordinary place to say the least ... more on that in other letters perhaps. Oh yes the baby is due in November! Conceived feb 6. I tried to send Julia to see julian ... she was given the cold shoulder. When I get to England I'll show you them both. I would love to see yours. Letter to Leila, John Lennon Letters edited by Hunter Davies

After only five months being back with Yoko, communication with Julian has become more sporadic again. To his cousin Leila John complains that it's Cynthia keeping Julian from calling and about her tagging along the previous year. He also claims that he sent Julia to check in on Julian.

Julia Baird in a '83 interview confirms John's claim to Leila, that he hadn't heard from Julian and sent his little sister to check up on him.

"He kept asking in letters and on the phone, 'Please will you go and see Julian? Will you go and see Julian? Will you go see and see Julian? I haven't heard from Julian. His mother's got a cob on. Can you please go and see what's going on?' [...] Anyway eventually Aaron persuaded me that I should go. He was the one that when we got another letter asking, 'Have you been to see Julian yet?', he said, 'Look, he's never asked you to do anything. I think you should go.' [...] We went and John had given us the address, I didn't know where it was. And she seemed very embarrassed to see me. In fact so much so, that I backed off. I just said, 'Is Julian there, please? I'd like to see him.' And she said, 'No, he's gone out.' And I just said, 'Well goodbye, then.' It was very odd, very bizarre."

In her memoir Cyn doesn't mention John sending family to check on them but has an opposing recollection of who was unreachable:

"Initially he did: he phoned Julian as before, every few weeks. But the calls became less frequent, and all too often when Julian tried to phone John he couldn't get through. Yoko, or one of their employees, would tell him that John was sleeping or busy. Discouraged, Julian would wait weeks before trying again. " Cynthia Lennon, John p. 346

1 May '76

Cyn marries John Twist. John and Yoko send a telegram: "Congratulations, good luck, God bless the three of you, John and Yoko.”

According to Cynthia a few weeks later John calls her to invite Julian over for a visit during the school holidays to meet his brother. Yoko and John take the children for a holiday to Long Island. Cynthia also writes that Julian was mugged during his stay in NY, when John told him to go out by himself to buy a harmonica he wanted.

Photos of Julian with John and Yoko in summer 1976.

The only other person I have read mention the '76 visit is John Green in Dakota Days.

As the apartment at the Dakota grew more crowded, John retreated to the quieter and more spacious southern shore of Long Island. He took Sean with him and brought Julian over from Britain. Yoko kept him posted with a barrage of phone calls. "How goes the war, Charles?" he chimed into the receiver. "No casualties so far. How goes the peace?" "Great. It's absolutely beautiful. I've got a bit of sea and a bit of green and my sons, and even once in a while I even have my wife. You should come out here and get some of this. It's delightful." Dakota Days, p.97

[Aside from Cynthia's and Green's brief mentions of the trip, there is very little information on this NY visit. Even Robert Rosen, who supposedly read John's diaries multiple times, has nothing to say about this or the '77 visits. He even claims repeatedly that Julian and John first reunited in 1979 and hadn't seen each other for four years at that point.]

One of Julian's memories that most likely fits this visit:

Julian first played piano when he was thirteen, visiting his father and Yoko in Montauk, Long Island, after Sean, his half brother, was born. Their next-door neighbor had a piano, and Julian and his father went there one day. Lennon played a couple of tunes, then Julian asked, "Can I have a go?" Julian to Rolling Stone, 1985

Another one that Julian doesn't connect to a date but he remembers the new situation after his little brother was born:

[Yoko] was very loving towards me, even after their son Sean was born. Right at the beginning I felt a few pangs. They were there with their own son. Where did I fit in? But every time I went over Dad would lay on amazing treats, and Yoko was always loving towards me." Julian, 1982

In the same interview Julian also tells the story of his dad offering him a joint when he was about 12, so that might have also been the '76 visit, or the '74/'75 Christmas visit.

Cynthia claims she had trouble getting the money she was supposed to use for Julian's school. She asked John to split the trust fund, so that she can withdraw money from it easier. John agreed.

Cynthia publishes the letter in her book John and calls it "cautious, polite and to the point":

"I explained that, as he and Yoko were out of the country, it was impossibly difficult for me to get at Julian's money: 'Nothing can proceed without your signature - it means I'm forever overdrawn at the bank and have to wait on the convenience of your lawyers ... I want the best for Julian, and his standard of life shouldn't suffer because of lack of good management on your part, which has been happening since the fund was set up ... The money, instead of having doubled through good investment, is dwindling through lack of interest on your part ... It's just so important that this whole arrangement is sorted out without animosity or aggravation ... The way things are going Julian's financial prospects when he is 25 will be virtually nil and he is going to want to know why... It is one thing fighting for your rights but totally ridiculous fighting against your own son's interests, which is what seems to be happening.' "

[She says she ends the letter with thanking them for arranging the Concorde flight for Julian last summer. However according to wiki Concorde didn't fly to NYC until November 1977. (That years Christmas John and Yoko do indeed book a Concorde flight for Julian.) So I suspect that her supposed letter is specifically written for her book and not an actual document as the presentation suggests.]

In mid-October Cynthia gives an interview to Woman magazine that also got picked up in multiple newspapers. In it she talks about their relationship splitting after their first LSD trip, John getting upset with Julian when he couldn't eat with a knife, alleges that she was being followed by a private detective in Italy,...

A report on the article in the Burton Daily Mail from 19 October '76 also quotes Cynthia as saying:

"Since then their relationship has been beautiful," she says. "They talk a lot on the phone, there've been other visits and he's going again this year. I believe now that John is completely off all drugs, has been off them for years, otherwise I'd never let Julian go."

[He's going again this year indicates that there was another visit planned in 1976. If that happened or fell through, I haven't found anything about that.]

October 25th, 76

John sends Julian a postcard from Singapore. “What happened to ya?”

Even though the previous few months there was a visit and positive communication about the finances, Cynthia's decision to publicly complain in the papers angered John. He responded on November 26th 1976 with an open letter in the Daily Mail.

"Lennon tells first wife: Stop blaming Yoko," it read: "As you and I well know, our marriage was over long before the advent of LSD or Yoko Ono. Your memory is impaired to say the least. Your version of our first LSD trips is rather vague. You seem to have forgotten subsequent trips altogether. You also seem to have forgotten that only two years ago, while I was separated from Yoko Ono, you suddenly brought Julian to see me in Los Angeles after three years of silence. During that visit you didn't allow me to be alone with him for one moment. You even asked me to remarry you and give you another child 'for Julian's sake.' I politely told you no and that anyway I was still in love with Yoko. Finally, I don't blame you for wanting to get away from your Beatle past, but if you are serious about it you should try to avoid talking to and posing for magazines and newspapers. We did have some good years so dwell on them for a change."

Cynthia answers to the press after this, saying she doesn't want them to throw mud at each other and repeated "All I want to do is forget the Beatles and enjoy my present life". Still, only a few months later in 1977 she starts to write A Twist of Lennon (allegedly gleefully on a typewriter Yoko had gifted Julian). In her later memoir John she writes she was persuaded to do it by her husband John Twist who believed it would make their fortune.

Julian is sent to boarding school for that time. [In her book John Cynthia explicitly remembers that she moved to Ireland to write. However newspaper reports from the time suggest that the move happened later. So, probably Julian wasn't boarding at this time but those months in '78.]

At the same time communication between John and Julian was happening regularly and according to his diaries he got excited by the idea of buying Julian a keyboard.

July 14th, 1977

December 25th 1977

Julian comes by Concorde to stay at the Dakota during his school holidays.

[At the time of Julian's visit John and Yoko were still helped by the FBI to deal with the kidnapping threat and extortion attempt that had been going on for weeks and scared them badly. Also, Tony Cox had made contact by phone and agreed that Kyoko could visit for these holidays but then disappeared again and John would never hear again from Kyoko. I don't know if Julian was told any of this but I assume it probably was one of the more tense christmases.]

Going by Giuliano because neither Cynthia nor Robert Rosen mention this trip by Julian at all, John was very excited about Julian coming getting up early and baking bread for him. Julian gets close to Nishi and thereby brings forth John's competitive streak. John tries out the parental philosophy of wanting to spend time with Julian instead of giving him material goods, Julian goes 'oh, really' and John caves in. When he leaves John draws a portrait of Julian. Source

[Since Robert Rosen, who also read the diaries, doesn't even know about the '76 or '77 visits (and Giuliano too thinks they saw each other last at Disney World), they may not be the source for the above. I thought it might have been from Dakota Days but it's not. John Green mentions the '77 Christmas visit but says the family were going to Florida to meet Julian there because of the security threats. I think Green is confusing this and a later visit, so I will insert his account of what John told him on returning there.]

Julian stays most of January. Goes to see the musical The Magic Show with Yoko and the band Riff-Raff with John. 

In February of 1978 Cynthia and her husband sell their house and move away from Ruthin to Eire to avoid a 'wealth tax'. They leave Julian to be a boarder at his school. Cynthia and John Twist return in December, probably because they missed Julian.

April 1978

[It's not actually dated aside from being from 1978, I just assume the guitar was Julian's birthday gift.]

GIBSON Les Paul 25/50 guitar

"Dad gave me this special order rare model - it was always exciting to receive something like this from my dad. When I visited Dad we would sit down together and he would teach me a few chords and help me improve my technique." Julian in Beatles Memorabilia. The Julian Lennon Collection.

May 19th 1978

A conversation with Cyn and excerpts from her memoir A Twist of Lennon are published in News of the World.

John, Yoko and Sean are in Japan for their summer vacation. Through his London lawyers John tries to stop the publication of Cynthia's book as a serial in the News Of The World.

Tuesday, June 13th, 1978 Having been telephoned in Japan with the details of Cynthia's memoir excerpt in News Of The World, John instructed his solicitors to issue a High Court injunction in an effort to prevent the publication of a planned second installment. Frere Cholmeley & Co., Lennon's attorney in London, described the piece as 'a salacious and gribby little article,' although it was qualified with the statement: 'He does not deny that he held parties or took drugs, but he deplores the publication of intimate details of his married life.' Friday, June 16th, 1978 In the case of Lennon v. News Group Newspapers Ltd and Twist, Lord Denning rejected John's application for an injunction in London's High Court today, permitting the publication of more excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon. For his par, Denning was not impresses with John's argument that the article's publication was a breach of confidence of the marriage: 'I cannot see that either of these two parties have had much regard for the sanctity of marriage ... It seems to me as plain as can be that the relationship of these parties has ceases to be their own private affair. They themselves have put it into the public domain.' Sunday, June 18th, 1978 Having successfully defended the right to publish excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon, today's edition of News Of The World featured part two of their series: 'How Yoko stole my husband.' " Lennonology

When the book actually was released feelings turned out to be much softer than expected. Cyn ends her first memoir with the words :

I still feel very proud of the Beatles and their accomplishments. My life during that period was an education, an education I wouldn't have missed. It has left me feeling enriched, not embittered, enlightened not blinded. All I can think to conclude my story is to say, 'Thanks for the memories, and in the words of the I CHING, no blame.'"

After finishing reading his ex-wife's book, according to Robert Rosen, John was relieved and enjoyed the nostalgia. He said a prayer for Cyn: "Dear God, please show her The Way. Thank You. Thank You."

Postcard to Julian:

[I can't make out the date on the card. Julian's Beatles memorabilia book says it's from '71 but that's obviously wrong with Sean being included and Julian's Ruthin address on it. John makes the reference to being a farmer. They bought their farm in February 1978, so I put it that year. May be wrong though.]

March 21st 1979

Julian is supposed to join John, Sean and Yoko's visiting nieces in Palm Beach.

[John taking a photo of Julian in '79]

There are multiple, very different accounts for this visit, that includes Julian's 16th birthday celebration.

John bought Julian a motorcycle for his birthday.

At one point they went to Disney World, (which none of the accounts of the trip even mention), where this photo of Julian and Yoko's nieces was taken:

Accounts from:

Robert Rosen [Rosen writes that Dan Richter's children came for a visit. Correction: I said before that that because Dan wrote in his book that he never saw John again after 1974, it seemes unlikely to me that his kids would be sent out to John and Yoko five years later. However Dan Richter does confirm that in his interview on the Podcast Glass Onion: On John Lennon episode 16:

"My kids would go down, they had a place down in Palm Beach or whatever it was down in Florida. And they were there at Christmas and bring Julian and they would fly my kids down to play with Julian. And everybody, the sense we got was they were happy!"

This visit doesn't happen over Christmas but it sounds like he is talking about more than one occasion that happened and probably Christmas is one example. Could also mean that Rosen is mixing up the occasion for that anecdote.]

Cynthia Lennon

Fred Seaman

Geoffrey Giuliano

John Green [Green puts this actually to the '77 holiday visit, where he wrongly writes they went to Florida. I think (if his stories are to be believed at all) he confuses John's anger and disappointment upon return with this visit of Julian's. It also fits with being in Florida.]

[I recommend to read all of them. Lots of drama. I may one day make a comparison post between all the account because they are fascinatingly different.]

April 9th 1979

John writes to Mimi saying Julian would be welcome to live with them if he so chose but there had been no arrangements made.

Q: Did you ever plan to go and live with him [John] in New York? Julian: "When I was in my early teens we'd spoken on the phone about the possibility of me going to college over there. I think it was wishful thinking on both our parts because I felt uncomfortable about the situation and I believe he did, too." Hello! Magazine, 1995

April 25th 1979, Postcard to Julian from NY:

Julian declines to join his dad, Yoko and Sean for their family's yearly vacation in Japan.

[July 1979 In the context of getting one of his guitars Julian said that John bought him a Sony Walkman as a gift when they were brand-new. He puts around '73-'74. However according to wikipedia the Sony Walkman was first sold in July '79, so that present would have been sent to Julian around this time, maybe directly from Japan.]

December 1979

On 3rd-4th December there is a two part feature in the Daily Mail called "The Sons of the Beatles" on Julian and Zak.

"When I'm in New York, we go out quite a lot together round some of the art galleries, or to his house at Long Island. When we stay in we have musical jam sessions together singing out latest songs to each other. I still listen to Beatles music. Although I quite like some of my father's solo albums, I much prefer what he did with the Beatles." (quoted from Lennonology p. 508)

Also that month:

"More disturbing to John were the ongoing trials with Julian. The sullen teen continued to vex his father with his on-again, off-again plans to visit over Christmas. At first Julian said maybe, as long as they didn't go to Florida. Then it was a flat no, using school exams and a new girlfriend as an excuse. At the last minute he called saying he would come to New York only if he could bring a friend, but Yoko turned him down. As usual John didn't challenge her. Julian retaliated by sending his father a tabloid article about rock stars' sons, which focused on both him and Ringo's son Zak Starkey, and went into detail about the trials of being the offspring of a Beatle." Lennon in America by Giuliano p. 218

On the other hand John Green does write that Julian spent Christmas '79 with John, Yoko and Sean. He even says that Julian stayed until February. ("John stayed in the Palm Beach house until February, luxuriating in the sun and sea, forging new ties with Julian and delighting in rediscoveries of himself." p.229) [This can't be true however because John was definitely in NY for Christmas and New Years. John and Yoko did buy a house in Palm Beach late January however and were spotted there a few times in February. I can't find a mention of Julian being spotted with them, so it may or may not have happened. I do think between the two of them Giuliano's account is probably more accurate. The Daily Mail article he mentions of Zak and Julian had come out on 3 or 4 December, so that is also believable that it had come up in pre-christmas discussions. But of course it's possible that a visit happened anyway.]

1980

Julian called in February 1980 to set up another meeting with his dad. This time John denied him, surprisingly because he was worried about Julian's schooling. Through Cynthia he had learned that Julian was failing his O-levels, had started smoking, staying out at night drinking, had gotten in trouble with the police for setting up fires and racing through town on a dirt bike. "John just prayed that Julian didn't hurt himself." There is also continued conflict over money. John felt that Julian every time they spoke asked him for more money. "And though John continued to feel guilty about having abandoned Julian and Cynthia, he'd be damned if he was going to be like every other rich asshole father who'd abandoned his family and then used money as a poor substitute for love and companionship." source

In March 'A Twist of Lennon' gets its paperback release and new reviews are printed in the press.

Summer 1980

When John sat for a portrait painting with Sean for the artist Nancy Gosnell, he wondered if she could also do one of him and Julian from a photograph. He wanted to give him a father and son portrait for his birthday, according to Fred Seaman.

September 1980

PLAYBOY: "Your son, Julian, from your first marriage must be in his teens. Have you seen him over the years?" LENNON: "Well, Cyn got possession, or whatever you call it. I got rights to see him on his holidays and all that business, and at least there's an open line still going. It's not the best relationship between father and son, but it is there. He's 17 now. Julian and I will have a relationship in the future. Over the years, he's been able to see through the Beatle image and to see through the image that his mother will have given him, subconsciously or consciously. He's interested in girls and autobikes now. I'm just sort of a figure in the sky, but he's obliged to communicate with me, even when he probably doesn't want to." PLAYBOY: "You're being very honest about your feelings toward him to the point of saying that Sean is your first child. Are you concerned about hurting him?" LENNON: "I'm not going to lie to Julian. Ninety percent of the people on this planet, especially in the West, were born out of a bottle of whiskey on a Saturday night, and there was no intent to have children. So 90 percent of us... that includes everybody... were accidents. I don't know anybody who was a planned child. All of us were Saturday-night specials. Julian is in the majority, along with me and everybody else. Sean is a planned child, and therein lies the difference. I don't love Julian any less as a child. He's still my son, whether he came from a bottle of whiskey or because they didn't have pills in those days. He's here, he belongs to me and he always will."

Playboy: I was under the impression that you still weren't seeing Julian much. Lennon: Well, no, he's comin' here over shortly now. I see him whenever he get's off school. Playboy: Has it been hard for him to be John Lennon's kid? Lennon: Yeah, he has his own... Everybody has a cross to bear, and Julian has that cross, and he'll deal with it. He's a clever boy, and as he gets older we can communicate and he'll understand.

[I wasn't sure what upcoming visit John is referring to since I couldn't find one mentioned anywhere. However there is an article in the Daily Mirror from 8 October 1980 including interview passages with Cynthia that mentions Julian currently being in New York. So without any photographic evidence, he isn't in any of the birthday photos, or anecdotes about it, there still might be the possibility that there was a (pre-)birthday visit from Julian to John and Sean in 1980. Julian himself hasn't been completely consistent on when he last saw his Dad. He has said that his '79 birthday visit was their last meeting (which I think is most likely correct), but he also claimed that he was flying out regularly.]

"According to Cynthia, Julian, now 18, plays guitar better than his father. He has left school and is off to New York to stay with his famous dad." Link to the article

In an interview with Jonathan Cott on 5 December John reflects more on the troubles of being a Beatle's son and on how mistakes in his decision for Julian's schooling changed his outlook on his plans for Sean. [Julian had been going to private school since at least 1973.]

"[...] because he can't possibly be an average child, being the son of famous parents. I tried that game with my son Julian, sending him to a comprehensive working-class school, mixing with the people, but the people spat and shit on him, because he was famous, as people are wont to do. So his mother had to finally turn around and tell me to piss off: 'I'm sending him to a private school, the kid is suffering here.' "

Cynthia writes that by the end of 1980 Julian felt a breakthrough in his and his father's relationship. John played Julian songs from his new album over the phone, asking his opinions. source

Julian himself reflects on his and his dad's relationship by the time of his death like this:

"I know that dad's presence will be around for a long time. He was always joking, always sounded happy, which made me think more of him as a friend than a dad. My earliest memory of my father was when I was about three and he sang happy birthday to me. We were living at Weybridge, Surrey, and dad threw a birthday party for me and brought in a long cake shaped like a train and festooned with candles." Sunday Mirror, 5 April 1981

As early as 1982 negative feelings would influence Julian's memory, saying he didn't get to see his father for five years, that he only heard on Birthdays and Christmas from him or that after the first US visit it was again years before he got to go another time, when it was merely months.

"The Beatles sang 'All You Need Is Love' - and that is all I wanted from Dad. It is difficult to explain why I should feel so strongly, when we shared so little. Never once in all the years he lived in America did he even think about coming to see me. Apart from rare visits, I lived from birthdays to Christmas just to hear from him." Julian, 1982

[Those false memories/presentations may have been the result of his beginning break from Yoko around that time and the conflicts about money, or maybe his memories just adapted to the way it was talked about in his family.]

"It was more of one man to another than the usual father and son relationship, because he had been away from me a lot, and he said he realized that. I was just getting through to him and growing up myself and growing out of the silly giggling I did as a young teenager that really annoyed him, when Dad was killed." Julian quoted in Ray Coleman's John bio, pp.620

"Dad was such an influence in my life, it must have been hard on Mum. She'd do her best with presents at birthdays and Christmas, but I always waited for that special present that was bigger than anything else - from him. Yet he never sent anything spontaneously. He'd phone up and ask what I wanted, and it would arrive. I don't think he was trying to buy me in any way. It was just a chance for him to do something for me. He knew I wanted to be a musician and kept telling me to take a long time to get it right. He removed a lot of the stress I suppose other kids might feel. I didn't do very well at school. I don't think I'm dense, but I suppose I'm a bit lazy. There's only one thing I want - to know for sure that Dad loved me as much as I loved him. Or maybe to have him back." Julian, 1982

Edits: 29 April - December 1974 John trial quote added; September 1980 Playboy interview quote added 6 May - added Julian quote about relationship to his father by the time of his death 7 May - added Old Grey Whistle Test clip March 11th 1975 18 May - added info about 3-4 December '79 Daily Mail feature on Julian and Zak, added all the info I could find on any visits in John Green's Dakota Days and multiple notes on to those mentions. 20 May - added Cyn's quote for 28 May 1972. 23 June - added the Tittenhurst floorplan and the link to an extended quote from Julian about being there in German 8 July - added quote from 5 Dec 1980 to Jonathan Cott 20 July - added Julia Baird audio on trying to see Julian for John 1975 22 July - added info on a possible 1980 visit, 1973 interviews, 1976 info, 1980's quote 30 July - Spin interview '75 added, Cynthia quote from Burton Daily Mail '76 added 1 August - added bits from Julian's 1982 article throughout, transcribed some of the jpg quotes, so that I may add more photos, some photos added 4 August - correction in my comments about the likelihood of Dan Richter's children being with them in 1979 19 August - Box of Smile 8 October - Added some postcards, the guitars, reset some photographs because of the picture limit 12 November - Added the video clip from May Pang's doc

I love this pic of john because it reminds me of little sean here its cute

𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟔.

𝓦𝓪𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓐𝔀𝓪𝔂 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓷

𝙎𝘼𝘾𝙍𝙄𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎

Paul’s Diary

I was in New York for a couple of reasons. First, I was going to the record agency to regulate some rights. Second, I was going to play some gigs. Same old, same old. But this time I wasn't on my turf, or I wasn’t even on some strangers turf, I was on John’s turf. I had to brace for anything to go wrong and remind me of the good times me and him had that I ruined, and I was frankly scared I might run into some John fanatic and be swarmed. Though I could’ve got into the same problems anywhere, it was a much bigger chance to get into those problems here because John is the favourite of New York musicians. John and I are officially still in a fight, so my fears were warranted. But even though I expected a hassle, I came for business. It is the biggest music industry currently, coming only a bit after London, and I can’t miss that kind of an opportunity. But also, I couldn’t miss an opportunity to see John, even though it seemed like a far off fantasy. At first I was just hoping to run into him by chance. Even though he was a stay at home dad, I thought he still went out. I could do my business without worry. But that worry grew as the days went by. When a third of my stay passed, I made a different strategy. I would check the places where people knew John was a regular. I somehow always missed him. When I went to the place and searched around, there was no trace of him. Sometimes I would run into my friends and they would tell me either he left sometime ago and they didn’t know I was so keen on meeting him or that they would tell me when they see him next time because he hadn’t been there in a long time. And another third passed in mindless searching. I gave up and finished the rest of my business, in the end agreeing to go to a gig of an up and coming band in some small and homey cafe. By then, I had lost hope, even though I should’ve known that I would’ve run into him in a place like that.

I walked into the cafe and the musicians were setting up. I forgot a bunch of their names, but I knew I’d get along with them swimmingly. I heard a scream.

“Oh, fuck, the day Paul McCartney wants to play with us, something goes wrong!”, the guitarist said.

“No worries, if it’s not something big, I could fix it.”, I went to them.

I look at the speakers and try to figure out what is wrong. I sat there for five minutes, but I can’t get heads and tails on this technology. I give up on looking at the shell of the machine and open it, finding a bunch of short circuits.

“That is very broken.”, I said, “Find a mechanic.”

“Oh, oh, shit! I am so sorry, Paul, but we’ll have to play later.”, the guitarist apologized.

The rest of the band looked demoralized.

“Don’t worry, I have the rest of the day free.”, I felt bad for the bunch. They were as us four were when we had an important gig as a small band. I chuckled.

“I am so glad to have such an understanding colleague.”, the guitarist sighed, “Thank you so so much!”

“It’s alright.”, I smiled.

I scanned the cafe and even though it was small, it was almost full and the atmosphere was lively. I was looking for a drink when I heard some snogging in the back. 

“God, fuck, stooop!”, I heard some small moans, “Stop, I don’t fucking know you!”

I ran to the back and wanted to save the bird, but I found John struggling to get out of an embrace of a woman. There were a bunch of drinks that looked weird on the table.

“Just play along Johnny, it’s just for a little bit, then you can have your Yoko back.”

“Do I have to… You look like a caramel apple with chocolate drizzle. I wonder if they even sell that.”, John chuckled, playing with her hair.

Well, John is high. And the bitch spotted me.

“Oh shit!”, she yelled, “Oh, John was-” 

Her acting was unconvincing.

“Get away from him!”, I came in and wrestled him out of her paws, “Why did you spike him! He can’t be spiked!”

“He is just like any other man, just talented, smart and rich. I want a piece of that.”, she smiled.

“Get away, you disgust me.”, I said.

“A man? That’s funny.”, John chuckled, “Why if it isn’t my darling Paul McCartney?”

He was high and ready to bite. But, I had to figure out which high John I had business with. Is it “could be left alone for a minute” or “I’m scared he’ll fuck something up” high John?

The girl in the meantime got lost. That bitch. I dragged him to the nicer seats.

“Change of scenery? Much better here, Macca.”, John sighed, “What the hell was she on to makeout with me?”

“John, even though you have a wife, I think a lot of our fans still want to makeout with you. And you obliged that many times yourself.”, I sighed.

He could be so in his head.

“What are you talking about? Are you purposely trying to reveal me… Oh, your head is so big. Yeah, it shows how smart you are. My smart partner.”, he chuckled.

“Every single person knows about your shenanigans with women.”, I said flatly.

“Paul, not everyone knows I am…”, he came close to my ear, “queer. It doesn’t really need to be made clear. I already have a lot of problems.”

Oh.

Oh, no.

“Problems?”

“Of course. I haven't told anyone yet so I’ll tell you first. I am writing something new. Oh, I mean. John is writing something new. I don’t want anyone overhearing. Though if they do, it would mean nothing. I’m just a nobody.”, as I concluded.

It’s the “I’m scared he’ll fuck something up” high John, or 

“Julia?”

“Yes, Paul? Ask away. Finally someone calls me right.”, well Julia is tripping hard if she can’t figure out she is in costume. What did that bitch put in her drink?

“Jules, you are in costume.”, I told her.

“Oh. Wait, what did you say?”, she was distracted then of all times, “Your head looks like it’s going to explode. Is there something to fix that?”

“Ignore that, you are tripping and are still in costume! You drank a spiked drink.”, I sighed.

“Spiked? I would never do that.”, she pouted.

“What is important is for us to get out of here as quickly and silently-”, I started but the waiter interrupted me.

“What would you like to order? Oh, it’s, wow…”, of course, the waiter knows us both.

Before I even got a word in, Julia began.

“Paul, don’t get ahead of yourself. I would like two vermouths, he would like… Oh, kind of forgot to ask what would you like, Macca? Though I already have a guess.”

I had to go along with her order. But I could pay in advance and that could give us the time to go somewhere else.

“Hm, a margarita would be fine.”, I sighed.

“Um, I’ll get you that. It’s interesting though. Aren’t you famous for ordering Brandy Alexander?”, the waiter asked.

“Where did you get that idea from?”, she was panicking already.

I looked at the waiter crossly.

“Could we pay in advance?”, I asked.

He prepared the bill, the disappointment visible on his face.

“You can.”

“I will pay, I haven’t seen him in a god awful while.”, Julia once again slapped my hand away from paying, “I missed ya sugar.”

She fumbled with the money for a bit, and somehow managed to find the exact amount.

“Sugar?”, the waiter noticed the small mannerisms Julia had.

“Yeah, the reason I don’t need any with my vermouth.”, that was smooth Jules, but quite unnecessary in front of a person.

The waiter acted like he didn’t hear anything and went on his merry way. I was fuming.

“Julia, we are going right this second.”, I ordered.

She looked at me with the saddest eyes.

“Paul, don’t go outside and leave me. I promise I won’t flirt anymore with you if it bothers you that much…”, she stretched the vowels unbearingly long and I was heartstricken again. Julia knows how to pull my heart strings the best.

“I’m not leaving you. I just want to get you somewhere safe. We could go to your flat-”

“Yoko will kill me- I mean John. She would kill him because of him arriving there uninvited and such.”, she was still not going to acknowledge that was in costume, huh.

“We could go to my flat here.”

“You live here?”

“No, you git, I am just renting.”, I chuckled though I remembered she was high out of her mind and it wasn’t that funny anymore.

“Is this a ploy, McCartney, for me to get into your bed?”, she offhandedly bantered.

“No? I mean I love you, but I have Linda.”, at this time I thought “Please don’t get clingy or whiny. God save our reputation and friendship.”

“You don’t love me anymore!”, and she got CLINGY and WHINY. She took my hand and held it to her heart, “Aw, Paul, you changed. Well, my poor heart still beats for ya.”

People were staring. She let my hand go.

“Oh, must you always be so difficult, Lennon.”, I smiled and acted like it was a joke, “Didn’t know you wanted to write again that much.”

Some turned away. Julia’s torn mind cooperated.

“You’re the difficult one. Always prim and proper. Maybe we are the same, though I am usually committing a crime.”, Julia joked, “We could write, I thought your blue hairedness wanted a date.”

“Blue hair?”

“Yeah, like the sky. Why’d ya dye it?”, I felt sorry for her.

“Um, we’ll talk about that later, here’s our drinks.”, I said, “And please fetch us a couple of bottles of water.”

The waiter wasn’t weirded out anymore and fully understood what happened. He hurried off.

“That’s quite a fast waiter.”, Jules noticed, “Oh, well, guess I’ll drink a couple of vermouths.”

“Hold your horses. How is Yoko?”, I asked to stop her from drinking, “And Sean?”

She scoffed.

“Sean is alright. I like taking care of him. He is smart and curious, though the bugger could be rude.”, she chuckled.

“For Yoko, she still can’t get over you and me. She is mad when she sees me being you know… Fragile.”, she hugged herself.

“I know. I’m here now, Jules.”, I held her hand. I forgot the feeling. The mask she likes to wear always had a tight grip on anything, he was ready to tear into anything. While her grip was always soft and melancholic. It was the same hand but a totally different atmosphere.

“Cheers to that Paul.”, she grabbed her vermouth.

“Julia.”, I grabbed her vermouth.

The waiter arrived with the water.

“Take this. Please. We’ll take this with us.”, I sighed.

The waiter grabbed our drinks and went off to the bar to try to pack it.

“No. It’s just water. Alcohol could hydrate me as well.”, Julia declined.

“That’s bull and you know it yourself.”, I scoffed.

“You have a point, love.”, I softened at the love part.

She drank the water.

“Ugh, give me more, my head is on fire.”, she was recovering.

I gave her the second glass of water, she drank it even faster than the first one.

“Oh, oh, fuck. That was too spiked. I’m still swirling.”, she said, “More.”

I gave her the third and fourth bottle.

“Enough Paul, I didn’t ask you for the river Nile, I asked you for another glass.”, she drank the third bottle and recovered a bit. Then I thought about what she said.

“You purposely drank a spiked drink!”, I was mad!

“Who expected it was going to be that effective?”, she was joking! At that time, when she felt like trash and needed help, she thought it was the smartest thing to joke. But Julia is like that.

“Julia, this isn’t funny. I was being serious!”

“Paul, it’s hard, it’s hard living every single day in a prison.”, Julia was poetic again.

“Jules, you made that prison yourself. Let’s go somewhere else.”, I sighed.

“Wait, wait! Macca, aren’t I still in…”, she looked around and at herself.

“Fuck, fuck, what have I done!”, she was panicking, “I made a couple of incidents for sure! Everyone knows, everyone knows!”

“Calm down.”, I was cackling.

“Paul, PAUL! This is serious.”

“Now it’s serious! And you spiking yourself isn’t.”, that was quite smooth of me.

“I’ll tell you some other day, McCartney.”, she was offended.

I guessed she would go back to John again. She gathered her thoughts.

“Well, let’s start over. Hullo, Paul, what does his highness want in New York City this time?”, that was John’s way of saying things. I was right.

“I’m here for business mostly.”, I lied.

“People told me that you were here for a whole month! Wouldn’t you have finished the work by now? Or just how big is it?”, he asked.

“John, you asked around for me? Why didn’t you reach out first?”, I was shocked. I knew Julia would be out and about asking for me, but for John, I thought it was “below” him to admit to doing that.

“I missed you too, Paul. I went to the place where you worked but I didn’t go in because I was a bit- too occupied with taking care of Sean and such, you know?”, he nervously laughed.

I chuckled.

“You should’ve just gone in. I didn’t know you were embarrassed.” “I was not embarrassed!”, he was red, “I was just a bit scared of doing that as, you know, me. I didn’t want to make you feel bad.”

John cared more about me than I thought.

“No. No, you would’ve made things so much easier!”, I was relieved, “Lenny, you know much more than those buggers! The cunts made it so hard to work normally.”

“Oh, McCartney being rude. I didn’t see that in a while. I thought you were a brand-friendly sellout.”, he joked letting out his frustrations to me.

“I can be frustrated too, y’know!”, I was angry.

He smiled wide.

“I missed you so much.”, he declared, “Let’s jam at yours when my head stops ringing.”

“Oh, we have a chance to do that here. Some kids invited me to jam with them.”

“Kids? Paulie, you are 34 years old.”, Lenny began laughing uncontrollably, “They look about twenty five-ish. Have you become a grandpa or something in my absence? Should I call you Queen Paulie? But that isn’t as good as Princess Paulie.”

I sighed and blushed.

“You know exactly what I mean Johnny!”

“Alright, alright, I’ll be the rhythm guitar then. Or piano. Or mouth harmonica.”, he began listing off.

“Stop. They’ll make place for you, Lennon.”

“Of course they will, Paul and John together! Who would want to miss that.”, he sarcastically said that and took me by the hand.

The waiter came back with bottles of our drinks and the ingredients. 

“I apologize for making a mess. I’ll pay for this too? Right, I paid the first time.”, John’s mind was still a bit sloshed.

The waiter was on the brink of crying.

“Mister, no need to cry, I am doing the bare minimum. Set your expectations higher!”, he told him straight.

The guitarist, frontman came back with the fixed speakers. He was huffing and sweaty from running. The rest of the band gathered round him and helped him with setup.

“I’m going to fetch Paul after we finish this.”, he was unfocused, “I already made a delay, now to force him to setup would be just-”

He paused for a solid minute.

“What would it be, lad?”, John asked.

I went to help the band.

“Too much.”

“Oh, but for the Paul I know, it would be too little. He would overdo it.”, John chuckled.

The frontman lifted his head after setting up the speakers and was in pure shock.

“Paul, no, the terms we agreed upon!”, the frontman tried to stop me.

“He is stubborn.”, John was getting on everyone's nerves.

“And just who are you to tell me that?”, he turned around and saw John.

“Oh, I had a hunch but I couldn’t believe it!”, he got excited.

The rest of the band got excited.

“Please play with us!”, they pleaded, “Lennon and McCartney playing together would be such a honor!”

I threw him a “see, I was right” look.

He sighed.

“People, you are swarming him.”, the frontman said, “You can decline.”

“No, I won’t. Paul finds ya gear, I find ya gear too.”, he smiled with his teeth.

The whole band became even more excited. They let us help them, and we ended up doing most of the physical work because they were busy trying to impress us. I am right in calling them kids.

John wistfully sighed.

“Remember when we were like that around Elvis and he ignored us? We can’t ignore these kids like that.”, he said.

“You indulge others too easily, Lennon.”, I began but softened, “But I know what you mean.”

“Oh, but I am still critiquing them. I’m not indulging them, love.”, he was being very sweet.

We were quiet for a minute. We heard a riff they wanted to throw in at the last minute.

“That’s gear, but still needs some work, lemme and Paul at it.”, he was truthful.

We got to work and they watched us with big eyes.

“Shift this chord here. Then, we should make it unfinished… Put this here.”, he mumbled in our writing language.

“Move it up to A. That sounds alright.”, I mumbled back, “Maybe add some thrills.”

I played it back to the band and they were amazed.

“That’s a bloody great riff Paulie.”, he was satisfied.

I reddened, like I do at John’s compliments to my music. They were so rare.

“We are using that! Thank you so much!”, they were so happy.

“Alright, what is the program for tonight?”, I asked.

They gave us the program. It was mostly covers with a couple of their songs which were easy to learn, but had some nice progressions and riffs that needed a bit more work.

“You even put “One After 909”. Aren’t you glad I’m here to sing that?”, John joked.

The frontman got so excited!

“We’ll put on more Beatles songs, we want to play them with you!”

“No need, we like these songs you picked.”, John chuckled. Looks like the cockiness came back.

“He didn’t even ask me. Classic Lennon.”, I scoffed, “But I agree.”

“Why scoff then?”, all of them laughed.

“I had to.”

“You never get old, Macca.”, I smiled on his remark.

We rehearsed for a bit, and went on the stage at 9 even though we were supposed to play from 4 p.m.

The cafe was full of people, which I’m sure made John nervous because he hadn't played in front of a big public in two years.

“What is this? The Cavern Club after 1963?”, he quipped, making the whole cafe laugh.

The frontman introduced the band, but I ignored him because I was focused on John.

“And as guests, I can’t believe they are here to play with us, John Lennon and Paul McCartney.”

The people clapped.

“Paul, let’s bow! Let’s bow!”, he excitedly whispered.

We did the classic Beatle bow. The audience went crazy.

The frontman began, but whispered something into John’s ear.

John looked at him crossly but chortled.

“I’ll be counting down today then, hope you understand little old me.”, the public was enjoying every second.

“Oh, you’re understandable Lennon, believe me.”, I quipped.

“And one, two, three, four.”, we played.

He stared at me mostly while playing, smiling like a fool. I guess he was nervous. The band was amazing! They were a solid backing track, and when their songs took over, they were very competent. John and I didn’t sing their songs, we just played. I was proud of John. Even though he was out of practice, he played wonderfully. The audience was delighted and that was the most important thing for this band and John. He wouldn’t exist if it weren’t from them. 

“Thank you, thank you, that’s all for tonight.”, he smoothly talked to them.

They riled up.

“More, more, more!”

“Oliver Twist asked for more.”, he spoke in his falsetto voice.

The audience laughed.

I send him a knowing look. The band was tired by now.

“We’ll play some classics then.”, John entertained the people while I went to the frontman and told him:

“Begin packing up, we’ll hold ‘em if you’re tired. If not, play something yours.”

They were out of breath.

“Okay, you can end it then. Thank you! This means the world to us!”, the frontman hugged me.

I hugged back.

“Alright, Johnny, hit it. And one, two, three, four!”, I started.

Our guitar heavy songs were present (like “Twist And Shout”). We played and played to our heart’s content.

We were tired by 2 a.m. 

“That’s it folks!”, he winked.

The audience groaned but they were tired too and went off. Us two packed the instruments. The kids left the pay in the case for the instruments. On the envelope in little letters was written “Thank you for your kindness and publicity! We can’t let you go unpaid for this kind of dedication.”

“I’m not taking that.”, I said.

“Interesting. Still I think you should respect the band, and take some of it.”, he assumed.

“Alright.”, I chuckled, taking half of my pay and giving him half of that.

“As I deserve.”, he chuckled, “No, I’ll take it from my pay. I don’t want yours, Paulie. Now, where should we go off to?”. He took the same amount from the other envelope which had the same writing.

“Let’s go to my flat, John.”, I offered.

“I’m fine with that.”, he agreed.

I got excited!

“Paulie is amused. That’s what I like to see.”

“See, Johnny, is it that hard to be balanced?”, I asked.

“What?”, he was confused.

“Is it that hard to be polite and reasonable when you’re John?”, I asked him again.

“I wasn’t polite! Nor that reasonable. Oh, oh, you mean now with the money!”, he got mad.

“I mean you were not extreme. You weren’t hateful, you weren’t overly cocky, you kept yourself in check. I forgot the last time you were like this.”

“Well, I remember it clear as day. It’s August 27th 1968.”, he saddened.

We somehow always end up mentioning it. I exhaled...

“Paul, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll call you more. I have to stop distancing myself from me…”, John sighed.

We arrived at the complex and went upstairs to my flat.

“You are one of the best ideas thought up. You really are. As much as you treasure yourself, I treasure you. I’m sorry because I always wanted you gone.”, I unlocked the door.

He stared at me, his eyes full of tears. I couldn’t withstand him crying, because I would tear up too. He threw himself onto my bed.

“Paul, you loved me even though I behaved like a jerk!”, he shouted.

“John, I made several songs about that! And you still hate me!”, I snuggled with him.

“I don’t hate you Paul! I told you that multiple times!”, he sighed.

“You TOLD me. But your ACTIONS say otherwise.”, I explained.

“Oh, it’s all coming together.”, he began, “I know why I am so extremely angry!”

“Why?”, I wondered.

“It’s because I’m bloody sick of everyone! I was sick of your commanding attitude, I am sick of Yoko’s constant nagging about you and Julia and I’m sick of everyone expecting something from me! First it was Mimi, then it was Brian, then you, then Yoko, and now the whole motherfucking world expects something from me!”, he screamed into the pillow. The pillow was wet. He made it this hard on himself.

“You don’t have to prove anything to me. You don’t have to prove anything to the world. You are not the main character y’know? No one is.”, I chuckled. He calmed down.

“I purpousely drank the spiked drink from that lady. The day was overly long and overly boring. No one was in town. Sean and Yoko went somewhere without me. I don’t know if I want to visit Julian anymore, because he hates me so much, and for a good fucking reason. I ruined his and Cynthia’s life.”, he sighed, “I ruined every single relationship I came across. Every normal person would want me gone for good! I wanted to wash away the pain! Wash away the feeling that I am John. I wanted to be sloshed for one single day and you come in. I didn’t realise I would fuck myself in the process by being that kind of high.”

“John Winston Ono Lennon, you are a coward.”, I said, “You wanted a name for yourself? You wanted to change the world? Deal with it. You can give up! We can live together like we imagined all those years ago. I barely remember when Julia wanted something more than a fling.”

“I always thought we were serious.”, she surprised me.

“ACTIONS, John, ACTIONS, not WORDS.”, I repeated, “I love you! And now I will show that I love you. Where are we?”

“We are at your place.”, he said unenthusiastically.

“Yes! Because otherwise Yoko would kill you for gallavanting!”

He hugged me.

“Thank you, Paul. For everything. That drink could’ve made more damage if I revealed everything or worse if I took more and collapsed on the spot.”

“YES! Thank you for acknowledging you need me sometimes!”, I hugged back tighter.

“Paul, Paul… Paaaull. That’s a bit tight. I’m suffocating-”

“Sorry!”, I let go.

“I’m already wrapped tight.”, he took off his shirt. Oh, the famous bandages that few people knew about. Aunt Mimi’s trusty tool, that Julia misused so long ago. I unwrapped them from John’s body as I used to when we were touring and were finally alone. He put on his shirt covering himself.

“Bathroom?”

“Down the hall on the left.”, I explained.

“Okay.”, he went.

Nervousness and curiosity flooded my state of being. I felt as if it was 1961. and I was a flustered teenager who found out his best friend was all along a bird he liked.

After a couple of minutes, he came out of the bathroom in his clothes that were dirty even though he washed himself. And when I mean washed himself I meant completely, his hair was wet and his teeth were clean.

“You used my toothbrush?”, I pouted.

“Did you ever have a problem with that?”, he chuckled.

I blushed.

“Well, this washed my worries away better than that spiked drink, don’t you think, Macca?”, he asked.

“Naturally.”, I sighed, rolling my eyes.

“May I sleep here, your majesty?”, he proposed.

“I dunno, may you?”, I played with him.

“I can’t refuse cliche banter, Paulie, you know me too well.”, he smiled, though I’d rather say she smiled.

“Jules, John’s confidence always suited you.”, I kissed her on that smart head of hers.

She snuggled beside me.

“Shut up and sleep, I need some peace and quiet now.”

“Oh, are we cranky?”, I patted her on the shoulder, “Good night, Jules.”

“Good night, Pretty Princess Paulie.”, she patted me on the head, “Your quiff is fluffy.”

“Not like your hair though.”, I played with it.

“Paul, promise you’ll have patience with me tomorrow and we can play again?”, her eyes grew big.

“I promise we can play again!”, I kissed her on the cheek, “We will, I already told you I missed you.”

“You mean so much to me, Macca.”, she kissed me on the lips, “Now, please sleep, I have to finish tons of work and find someone to take care of Sean while we’re out and about.”

“I will.”, that was a lie.

“No, you won’t sleep. You want revenge for me keeping you up during touring days.”

I laughed.

“Then, Johnny, what do you want me to do?”

“Sing then.”, she dug her head in my shoulder.

I smiled and sung.

Who knows how long I've loved you?

You know I love you still

Will I wait a lonely lifetime?

If you want me to, I will

She sung along.

For if I ever saw you

I didn't catch your name

But it never really mattered

I will always feel the same

She kissed the place where my heart was positioned.

Love you forever and forever

Love you with all my heart

Love you whenever we're together

Love you when we're apart

She laid back and got comfortable drifting away. I looked at her face. She had an honest smile. One of her true smiles. One of the rare treasures.

And when at last, I find you

Your song will fill the air

Sing it loud so I can hear you

Make it easy to be near you

For the things you do endear you to me

Oh, you know, I will

I will…

I drifted away, nuzzling into her hair. 

Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm

Da da da da da da da

My eyes closed on her carefree laugh I used to hear during the fifties and sixties. When it was just us two against the world.

Rest of Sacrifame