Rm X Y/n - Blog Posts

appreciate—

written by: 🥺

genre: fluff

warnings: none

pairing: namjoon x reader

summary: on some occasions, love isn't a strong enough word

thank you to @ofrosesandteacups for requesting this!! (not this kinda becoming a metaphor for army and the energy we put into loving them?? idk i see it but tell me what you think)

it feels as though you've been here before, although you are entirely certain you haven't. miles away from home in a foreign country, surrounded by speakers of a language you have yet to master - and yet it feels more like home than america ever could.

"do you miss your family?"

you do. not seeing them for five years is bound to create that feeling, equal parts longing and forgetting. but that same longing compelled you to seek out a new family, one that seems more like your flesh and blood than those who actually are.

"sometimes," you settle on. "i see them most days."

"just through a screen, though."

"are you trying to make me cry or something?"

namjoon laughs; lower and more hushed than usual. there's no reason for it, and yet you can understand why - it just fits the atmosphere.

laying between the ground and the sky, - somewhere that is also nowhere - it isn't like anyone could hear you besides the stars and the trees, and they are loyal; nature never spills the secrets that are whispered between humans when they think they are alone. secrets are too precious like that, too easily shattered. nature knows better.

but he whispers anyway, "of course not. just asking."

you turn your head to study him. his skin glows in the moonlight, eyes shining like stars reflected in a dark pond. a rush of warmth floods over you and stirs a thought that enters your head frequently: this is where i'm meant to be.

"you're my family."

a smile stretches over namjoon's lips. it's quiet, soft, and you start to wonder if that's just him, rather than an unspoken rule formulated by the setting.

"i know."

he's used to this. you tell him it frequently, tell every one of the boys that you love them as much as you possibly can, because with their busy schedules and the pressure that comes with fame, it's easy to forget that you're loved - truly, unconditionally loved - sometimes, and you want to remind them of that.

maybe that's why he doesn't act surprised when an 'i love you' slips through your lips next. that's okay, you don't need him to react, just feel the weight of your words, how much you really mean it.

"i appreciate you," he says.

you're used to this. the other boys have no qualms about returning your love, some less than others, but again, that's okay. but with namjoon, he hasn't said it once. he shows it in other ways, sure, this particular phrase being one of his favourite methods.

it was okay at first. up until the point you realised your feelings for him extended past friendship, and at the same time realised that it would, inevitably, end in a broken heart on your part.

he must sense this, as he quickly follows it up with, "and i don't say that to put you down, by the way. i just think that appreciation can be a lot stronger than love, you know?"

"no, uh, i understand that."

he doesn't stop there. "no, really. i could tell you i love you, because i do, but it wouldn't be able to express what i really feel."

he turns and locks eyes with you. his gaze is soft, soft, soft, but at the same time it burns, like gentle, slow heat on a summers day. you can't help but look away, instead focusing on the space between you two, where your fingers idly pick at individual blades of grass.

"y/n?"

you hum in response.

"i mean it," he states, now switching to english. maybe that's why you feel the most comfortable with him - you can relax in his presence, not having to worry about honorifics and conjugating verbs. "i appreciate the way you never hesitate to speak your mind; the way you treat us like you treat everyone else; the way you're always there when we need you."

you bite your lip, the confidence you usually hold dissipating into the atmosphere to join the clouds that roll overhead. "thank you," is all you can think to say. it's true, though. he's never usually like this, and you're grateful that he's finally confirmed it, even if its only in part.

a gentle hand touches your chin, prompting you to look upwards. you can't escape the warmth of his eyes now, and it's almost suffocating.

"you put your all into us. we appreciate it, we really do. but please remember to look after yourself once in a while. please?"

you nod. apparently, it isn't enough. "promise me. promise me you'll appreciate yourself as much as you appreciate us, and as much as we appreciate you."

a sigh escapes your lips. the light breeze caresses your skin, but namjoon's blanketing warmth is enough to keep the cold from settling into your bones.

"i promise."

True Self - Part 3 (Final)

Fandom: BTS Pairing: Idol!Namjoon x Female Reader Genre: Fluff and Angst Warning: None I hope so... Word Count: 1k Words Note: Please bear it in mind that it’s totally fictional. I tried my best to include some of the aspects of Namjoon in here. Personally I think, Namjoon is one of the best men to ever exist. Wish I could do him justice.

Summary: When everything seemed like they’re falling apart, you figure out Namjoon’s true self, making you fall in love with him...

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 [Complete]

*************************************************

We were finally having the vacation on our own as Namjoon had promised. I was relieved to be seemingly far away from the world, Namjoon by my side without anyone to interfere, relaxing peacefully after some stressful days.

I was sleeping better being cuddled up with Namjoon at night. Waking up next to him was the most comforting experience. Just watching him sleep with his mouth slightly open could make my day better.

I realized I was noticing his very small habits and I found them adorable. One of them, which I was absolutely in love with, was seeing him read. Every morning he would read for at least an hour and sometimes more. I would occasionally accompany him and read too. Sometimes I would sit beside and watch him read for hours.

We would go to art museums together and interpreted them in our own ways. Once we became so passionate about our views that we ended up having a heated discussion. But we made up at night when I bought him gummy bears.

We would watch dramas or movies together at night. Usually he would let me pick up my favorite movies to watch. Even there, we wouldn’t shut up about putting forward our theories and analyzing characters.

This creative and liberal way of thinking was something I appreciated the most in him. I was glad he didn’t think of me as crazy because I was always too obsessed over fictional worlds. Sometimes, I scared myself thinking that everything was a dream and one day I would wake up to find out that there was no existence of him and all of it were actually my imagination.

But we surely had our differences. Even though it might sound petty, a huge incident took place due to this. And it was hilarious.

Namjoon had planned to surprise me by taking me blindfolded to the seaside where there were a lot of crabs. And let me get this straight; he absolutely loved crabs while I absolutely hated them.

As soon as the blindfold was taken off, I was screaming and jumping as if my feet was on fire. Namjoon was too confused for a whole minute until he realized I was screaming in fear and not because I was excited to see them. Finally Namjoon had to give me a piggy ride from the seashore back to the hotel.

*************************************************

We were sitting at the beach waiting for the sunset. I was a little upset since it was our last day of the vacation. I wasn't ready to go back just then.

"What are you thinking about, darling?" Namjoon asked as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"About how life is going to be like once we go back." I sighed.

He placed his hand on my head softly, caressing my hair, "you worry a little too much about the future."

"Can't help it." I shrugged my shoulder.

"I have a proposal to make." He sat straight facing me, "I want you to hear me out."

I nodded, letting him know that he had my full attention.

"I did a little thinking," He said, "not little, a lot of thinking actually."

"About what?"

"About us." He took my hands in his, "I will make it official."

"What?" My eyes were wide in shock.

"Yeah," He said rather calmly, "I know my fans. They will always support me. No matter what!"

I was silent, unable to believe what I was hearing. My heart was beating fast. I was afraid. Afraid because I feared I would lose him.

"Now, here's my real proposal." He squeezed my hands softly, "Will you come stay with me?"

"Are you sure about all these?" I asked.

"Of course, darling. It's about time we made our decisions for our sakes. I don't want to hide away anymore. Let's face it together."

I nodded again. "But I don't want to lose you." I couldn't hold it back.

"Why are you worried about losing me, darling?"

I shrugged my shoulders again. We remained silent for some time.

"Look!" He pointed at the sky, "The sun's setting already. So, shall we kiss, now?"

I laughed out at this. Then, he cupped my face in his huge hands and leaned to kiss me.

When he let go, I said, "Yes, I will stay with you."

*************************************************

At first I was overwhelmed by all the attention from the media and my surrounding as well. My friends who were out of touch for a long time started to check on me, asking me all sorts of questions regarding Namjoon and other members.

But like Namjoon had said, I got used to it eventually. I started to receive lots of love from his fans too. They started to appreciate Namjoon’s decision and respected our privacy.

Now, I had moved to live with him on his house. It wasn’t very far away from mine. So that, my mother and sister would occasionally come to pay us a visit and I could go back too.

The wildest experience I had in my entire life was going to the tour with Namjoon. It was so exciting and exhausting at the same time. I got closer to the other members too. Seeing them from up close, I was really fascinated by the strong bond they share.

I saw the emotions that filled Namjoon up every time after a performance. He loved his fans very much and they meant a lot to him. I considered myself very lucky to get to know this side of him.

Namjoon always liked to work on his music alone. So, I would always let him be and didn’t bother him in any ways. But one day, he asked me to accompany him while he worked.

I said, “But I thought you like working alone.”

“Yeah,” he said, “But sometimes it gets a little lonely in there. I want you by my side for the new song I’m working on.”

“Why?” I asked, “Is it about me?”

“Don’t worry,” Namjoon smiled and said, “You’ll be the first to know.”

*************************************************

“It’s so hot,” I said, breathing heavily, “Let’s go back.”

“C’mon,” Namjoon pouted, “A few more hours, please.”

“A few more hours?” I gasped, “I’m gonna pass out anytime now.”

Namjoon stopped his bike in front of a store. We both got down and went inside to get some cold drinks and ice creams. It was a rather hot summer day. Namjoon had planned to take me to a bike ride to nowhere since he took some time off work after a long time.

“Mint chocolate!” he exclaimed in disgust, “I can’t believe you like this flavor.”

“Thank God I tried it with Hobi,” I said sarcastically, “it’s my favorite one now.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes and said, “I hope our children don’t get your taste in foods.”

“What did you say?” I stopped licking my ice cream.

“You heard me.” He stood up, “Now let’s get moving.”

Once again we were back on the road. Namjoon riding aimlessly forward, speeding up by the time. I hugged him tighter from behind. The wind was rushing towards my face blowing my hair which were sticking out from the helmet. At that moment I had a sudden urge to say it to Namjoon.

“I love you.” I said.

“What?” he was shouting through the sound of the blowing wind, “Did you say something? I couldn’t hear you.”

“I said,” I screamed at the top of my lungs, “I LOVE YOU KIM NAMJOON.”

Yes. It was my first time confessing to him.

*************************************************

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