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Raw Thoughts - Blog Posts
It feels daunting and welcoming, and I want to be unapologetically daunting and welcoming.
I feel like I judge myself for the beautiful emotions that has allowed me to interpret this picture from that lens.
I used to interpret people saying "You're intimidating" as "I need to soften up." "I'm too shy." "I'm being rude," and that's only because the majority of the time, the follow-up sentences would be along those lines.
I am still here existing, interpreting you , thinking my own thoughts. Why are you entitled to my nervous system and emotional compass.
I feel as if I should be an actress, because all of these years I have been convincing myself that I actually feel the ways others have projected that they want me to feel.
That's how communes start bitch.
How can one have its individual mind if such large ideas are carried throughout a society and expected to be adopted?
How can I be my own person, if another individual's feelings and thoughts are more right than mine by default?
I know this thought process, when adopted to the highest degree, can cause "chaos", but one's arrangement of their own mind is not chaotic unless they say so. How do you know that your version of chaos isn't someone's peace?
I think that's the scary and both beautiful part of this world, its duality, its ideas that can drag you left to right? To the point where I believe Nirvana is where I took this perfect fence-sitting position. And then I realized with Nirvana comes pain and peace. Because without one there was never another.
The thing is I currently am the way I am, and I feel like being so will allow me to allow others to be the way they are.
I want to continue molding myself to be authentically me. So that means yes, today I am hot, or yes, today I am cold. So fucking what?
Now I interpret when people say that as "Your emotions aren't what I want them to be right now." Which I feel like is easier to not internalize.
I don't want to subject myself to only one emotion to make people comfortable anymore. I don't care if you met me as happy and extroverted, everything has its seasons bitch. Nothing stays the same, but everything is the same at the same time.
Who are you to judge?
kids out now!!!
frustrated with gen alpha and kids?
annoyed by the stupid sephora kids that ruin samples and act like spoiled brats?
love raw underground music?
then I guess "kids" is the right song for you
2 demos out now :D
posted first raw demos on SoundCloud!! check em out
https://on.soundcloud.com/vnXMU
I always thought I wanted to be the energizer bunny
Because I forgot I could always bigly outdick energy all over my "haterz" lol.
Just didn't think I'd have to use that horrible joke on you. But I guess you inspired it. So jokes on me. Just like you are. But I'm washing you off silently in my own stream away from this horrible city that you love more than me.
And now I won't feel crazy telling that to people because they'll just keep her reminding me of all the things you've bought me and all the things you've helped me do, because that's true. But it's also true that I was not for the last 5 years even though I thought I was the happiest and I was in a way because I was closest to my happiness than I'd been in a long time.
Just like you were to this but I never let you push my button
Because even though I hated the world, there were too many people and things in it even though I hate people and prefer animals. As we all know, I just have to make sure everyone knows again because that has never changed and never will sorry because people suck please read previous posts for contacts because I'm done giving it without people asking. Because they're going to think what they think. Anyways, and I'll never be able to cover every atom of my thought. Because every time I try people call me manic which is so funny to me because it makes them feel so small to me. I love it.
In the best part is I can't even help myself
But you push the button first. You've been created it. I just didn't see what you were doing behind my back. Because I trusted you so much, I gave you my fleshiest bits. Like cats. That's why they're the best. Because you can actually trust them. Because you can't trust them. And we both know that. At least now you do too.