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Kentucky - Blog Posts
My Cowboy.
He needed help. And how could I help a cowboy? What was the best way to help him? I have no fucking idea.
"All apologies man! What else could I say?"
Is it weird to say that when he said this, I had the best eargasm ever. It's not because it's spring and in this season women are particularly "in heat", but the thing is that he looked hot as hell when he said this to my dad.
Now, to help the man that accidentally spilled his coffee drink on my texan dad's shirt, I said that he was a dear friend of mine and that he didn't do that on purpose.
My dad looked at me as if I killed his dog Roofus. Acting as if I was innocent, I look back at him and say "What's up? You're surely not mad just because of a mere shirt getting dirty, are you? Come on now dad! Can you go inside and get me a cappuccino please?" by now I was only rambling. But nonetheless my dad nodded at the man and went inside.
"Thanks for getting me out of the dirt, doll. He was pissed as hell, thought he was gon beat the fuck outta me and I would never see the light again." he said while chuckling.
"Nah, don't sweat it. You know texan men have anger issues." I laugh.
"Name's Blaze by the way. Nice to meet you." he gave me his hand and I shook it while saying: "I'm Brooklyn. Nice to meet ya too! Are you new to town? Haven't seen ya round here before"
"Yeahhh. Got here a week ago. Moved from Dallas. Wanted to change scenery and got to Austin. People 've told me that they have pretty cowgirls 'roun here, you know."
Oh you sneaky little shit.
My first love was a Kentucky sunset <3
(All my own pics)
☀️🌸⛰️
Air Evac Lifeteam helicopter N285AE landing at its base in Dry Ridge, Kentucky
taken 6/20/24
University of Cincinnati Air Care 1 N145UC at its base in Walton, Kentucky
Taken /4/19/24
Grant was anti-Semitic General Orders 11 expelled Southern Jews
Mudroom Foyer Entryway - large contemporary light wood floor entryway idea with white walls and a dark wood front door
young Shakespeare has done it again. actually no, he's not young, he's thirty-something and that's technically dead. still, pretty powerful suff for an old man
Visiting Chyna’s family in Kentucky and I saw a gazebo and figured it needed to have a song about it.
😩😍😍😍😍 i love the sky
"There are no secrets!"
I blurt out at the dinner table. We are at my Great Aunt Linda's, in Somerset, Kentucky, for our annual family holiday get together. My cousin Brenda gives me a look I've never seen before. She looks at me like I'm an absolute lunatic. Like I just cut off the cat's head and am growling maniacally while its corpse drips blood from my jaw.
Only, that wasn't quite the case. In fact, I don't think anything I did or said deserved this kind of reaction. You see, I was 19 years old, and it was the year after my first year of college. My father and I had gotten into a nasty fight, but we hadn't discussed it yet. I said something to him about it in front of the whole family. Bad timing, I guess.
But in my mind, if in heaven or the afterlife, everything would be known -- why lie or try to cover things up in the present?
Welcome to the world of the 1 2 t h H a u s
The watery, elusive ocean. Where the ego, the self, individuality, becomes a mere drop in a vast sea. And the certain, reliable structures and fortitudes of material reality dissolve into a schizoaffective mod-podge of reality.
In astrology, the 12th house represents the end of the karmic zodiac wheel. It starts with Aries and the 1st house, then travels all the way around, till you end up with Pisces & the 12th. It rules over areas of life such as prisons, insane asylums, monestaries, rehabs, psych wards. Who wouldn't want to have their Sun sign there? Or Moon?
As you may be aware, the 12th house doesn't have the greatest of reputations. Planets here are elusive, hidden, not easily accessed. Like a monk, far away on a foggy, hilly terrain. With no cell phone or 2023 MacBook Air. Or a prisoner who lost his mind and is locked away for the rest of their life. Geez. At least something beautiful I heard about prisons and the 12th house, is that spiritually speaking, prisons and institutions are meant to save you from yourself.
Meaning, you can't harm others and create more karma for yourself when you're locked up. In practice though.... Prisons are pretty violent. But I've never been to prison. I have, however, been in and out of the psych ward for much of the beginning of my adult life.
It was mostly because of suicidal depression. Enter nervous breakdown from the immense pressure of being away from home in a small town for my first year of college. Being gay. Working class. It was a mess. What I thought would be an easy four year finish with a high paying job waiting for me, turned into a dead end. Nervous breakdown, bipolar diagnosis, joined a strange new religion (Hi Mormons <3) I took the Spring semester off after a week-long stint in the local psych ward. It would've been shorter, had they believed me about my throat hurting. I had tonsolitis.
Well, in my time away from school, I realized how s p i r i t u a l I was. I wanted to find the meaning of life. The right path. I researched and found that most religions didn't support homosexuality. Which sucked, because I was already out and had a boyfriend in high school. But I was raised by a paranoidly religious father in the Southern Baptist faith, and I had a fear of going to Hell. I also had a lot of toxic masculinity ideals internalized.
Eventually, I join the Mormon Church, but realize even among other church members, I was different. For instance, one afternoon on my porch at my Grandmas in Kentucky, I was praying/meditating -- all of a sudden, I just felt so transcendentally connected to the land. I imagined Native Americans on the hills by my house. It was an odd feeling. Dimensional.
At Church, I could see auras and glowing light emanating from other members, when they went up to the podium to bear their testimony. I found out later there was another kid in church who could see the same golden light. Most people didn't, though.
I would later read that people with Saturn in 9th house individuals are drawn to conservative religions such as Judaism, Catholicism, and Mormonism. I laughed and put the book down after I read that. The LDS Church was so important to me from 18-21. I was devastated when I had to choose being authentic to myself as a gay man over my religion. I really lost meaning and hope and drive, for my life.
The 12th house.
My father also has a twelfth house sun. Isn't that odd?
That we both have Sun in the 12th house. The issue is, I don't want to be like my father. I appreciate him, sure. Of course. But he acts a bit like a man lost at sea on a deserted island. His house a shack he built out of random wood. His best friend a volleyball. Except all of this while he's living in the middle of suburbia. That is the vibe, I fear.
I love him, I do. I also blame all the earth energy in his natal chart. I mean come on, the man quite literally ONLY has earth signs in his chart. Like no other element. What the hell?
So it leaves me to wonder.
How do us 12th house natives navigate the foggy, uncertain waters? How do we stay sane in a material world, when the veil is so thin to the other side? How do we find meaning and reason in a material, hostile world, when the peace and happiness of Heaven is right there, waiting for us?
Really, I must know. I'm almost 30. And I'm afraid I'm missing my moment. I want to be successful, but lately, every well I seem to throw my bucket down, turns out to be dry. I've fallen for the illusions long enough -- the only issue is, I can never tell what illusions I'm falling for until after the fact.
I didn't realize how crazy I was when I was younger when I was acting crazy. It was other peoples reactions, and my many, many, many psych ward visits that I realized I might not be the best suited for this world. It's so mean spirited, individualistic. I don't know how to cope or manage. Maybe this is the doom, the destiny, of my Sun in 12th house.
If I was a 3rd House Sun, I would be a writer or a journalist or a teacher. A 4th house Sun, a stay at home mom or run a daycare. A 9th house Sun, I'd be a professor or a travel agent or a psychaitrist.
What does a 12th house sun become? Shamanistic Healer?
I have no idea how to do that, and I've got bills, honey!
the sound of a seagull greets him through an open window. he’s sitting in a quiet and quaint hotel restaurant. the california coast.
he looks out the window across the dock. the boats rest still in the calm waters of the pier. the autumn morning sun is bright, accompanied by a tame and salty ocean breeze. he’s thinking about someone. he thinks about home.
a chilly morning for pastel chino shorts & a well-worn, cerulean linen sweater. both wrinkled, because of the suitcase and an impatience for folding laundry. his dark blond hair is healthy and uncombed, his pale skin and slight accent likely hinting to others he’s not from around here. at ease, his thoughts drift back to kentucky, back to the summer.
surrounded by the soft sounds of silverware clinking on plates, coffee mugs being picked up & sat back down on the tables, sunlight and small talk fill the room. he focuses on the present moment, breathing everything in. people actually live like this, he smiles.
中文课照片 · chinese class in photos
这个星期我们学习新的诗歌
ናድያ நதியா приятел ナディア ناديه ਨਾਦੀਆ
今晚 ·
当我真正抽出时间学习时。我希望我有更多机会练习中文，还是没有中国朋友或者会说中文的朋友。我常常看youtube的视频，比较有用和容易被动地听。今晚我从 Instagram 上的图片中复制句子。
