Gareth Carson - Blog Posts

"Fell first, fell harder"

FELL FIRST, EXCEPT IT'S YULIAN BEING OBSESSED WITH VAUGHN EVER SINCE HE WAS A KID. It’s him being nine years old and watching Vaughn with wide eyes like he hung the fucking stars. IT'S YULIAN STEALING VAUGHN'S HOODIE WHEN THE MOROZOV'S CAME OVER TO CHICAGO FOR SOME KINDA MAFIA SHIT. It’s him secretly replaying security footage just to catch a glimpse of Vaughn again like a psycho. It’s him smirking like an idiot every time he sends Vaughn one of his boxing videos, knowing he’s annoying the shit out of him, but also knowing it means Vaughn is watching, EVEN IF IT'S WITH DISGUIST, EVEN IF IT'S WITH HATRED.

It’s Yulian starting fights with the Heathens just to make sure his name stays in their mouths long enough to reach Vaughn. It’s him sleeping with Vaughn’s long-time girlfriend because he knows that’s the only way Vaughn will finally, finally snap and see him. IT'S YULIAN LAUGHING LIKE A MANIAC AT THE HEATHENS INITATION WHEN VAUGHN WAS CHOKING HIM WITH HIS CHAIN BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE FINALLY WON. It’s him tracing Vaughn’s rings absentmindedly because they ground him. IT'S HIM CARVING VAUGHN'S INITIALS INTO HIS DESK LIKE AN ONSESSED LOVESTRUCK IDIOT. It’s Yulian knowing he fell first, and not caring—because he always knew Vaughn would fall eventually.

FELL HARDER, EXPECT IT'S VAUGHN MOVING TO A WHOLE OTHER UNIVERSITY IN ANOTHER ASS COUNTRY BECAUSE OF YULIAN, even though Yulian was the reason why he didn't go there in the first place It’s him lying through his teeth about “better programs” when really he just couldn’t fucking stay away anymore. IT'S HIM PHYCIALLY LOSING IT EVERY TIME HE SEES YULIAN TOUCH SOMEONE FOR MORE THAN 5 SECONDS. It’s him going radio silent whenever Yulian’s name is mentioned, just so he doesn’t lose it in front of everyone. IT'S HIM MEMORIZING YULIAN'S STUPID COMPLICATED COFFEE ORDER AND BUYING IT FOR HIM EVERY DAMN DAY ONCE THEY START HOOKING UP. It’s him swearing that everything is just for revenge, and then letting Yulian climb into his bed at 2 AM like nothing happened.

IT'S VAUGHN COUNTING YULIAN'S FRECKLES WHEN HE'S ASLEEP. It’s him pocketing the little dumb drawing Yulian did of him on a napkin and never throwing it away. IT'S HIM LISTENING TO YULIAN'S DRUNKEN VOICEMAILS ON REPEAT BECAUSE HE MISSES YULIAN'S VOICE. It’s him going absolutely fucking feral when Yulian goes missing and dragging half the city into hell trying to find him. IT'S VAUGHN NOT SNOWING WHEN IT HAPPENED, BUT KNOWING FOR A FACT THAT IT'S TOO LATE NOW, because Vaughn fell harder. So much harder.

I can't wait a year 😭😭, I need them biblically.

Y'ALL, I HAVE A PLAYLIST FOR VAUGHN YULIAN. OBVIOUSLYYYYY I'M NOT OBSESSED WITH THEMM 😌. Who would think that 😭.

(Anyone have any other songs that they js associate with V and Yulian??)

Vaughn: Well damn you're so petty

Yulian: You misspelled pretty

Vaughn: You're right

Gareth: I know.

Gareth: About what?

Vaughn: ...

Yulian: I'm not you're problem

Vaughn : Be my problem

Yulian: Guess what I'm supposed to get

Vaughn: On my nerves

OKAYYY SO, AT THE END OF THE BOOK, I WANT VAUGHN TO BE DOWN BAD FOR YULIAN JUST LIKE KIRILL WAS FOR SASHA.😭Like omg, y’know that one scene where Kirill goes, “So she wants to kill me the next time she sees me? By all means, anything for my beautiful wife”?

PLEASEEEE, I NEED RINA TO REPLICATE THAT EXACT ENERGY WITH VAUGHN AND YULIAN.

LIKE MAYBE AT LIKE THE NEAR THE END—Yulian’s threatening to stab Vaughn if he doesn’t leave him alone or something, and Vaughn’s inner thoughts goes

"If he stabs me, I'd thrust the blade in deeper just so that I could be close to him, but that's just me."

LIKE YES. THE WAY I WOULD DIE. I NEED VAUGHN TO HAVE THAT DOWN BAD GENE PASSED FROM KIRILL .

V, babes, ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE GIVING GARETH RELATIONSHIP ADVICE AND NOT JUST TRYING TO CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT BEING FUCK BUDDIES ISN’T THE SAME THING AS DATING??

🕯️🕯️ GUYS TRUST, GARETH KAYDEN WEDDING IN BEAUTIFUL VENOM, WITH VAUGHN BEING GARETH'S BEST MAN AND JETHRO/SIMONE BEING KAYDEN'S BEST MAN/WOMEN. AND ALSO ADD VAUGHNYULIAN CRUMBS INTO THAT PLS🕯️🕯️

(I'm delusional 😭)

VAUGHN TO GARETH ABOUT YULIAN 😂:

AT THIS POINT, IMMA START A PETITION FOR VAUGHN TO BE A BIKER. Bro I can imagine scenes with him as a biker scattered in HTV.

LIKE FOR EXAMPLEEE, YULIAN AND VAUGHN GOING OUT ON A NIGHT DRIVE OR SMTHG, AND YULIAN TEASING THE HELL OUT OF VAUGHN. Like I can so see Yulian "accidentally" put his hands near Vaughn's dick or like "accidentally" let his hands wander into Vaughn's shirt while Vaughn tries so hard not to crash his fucking bike 😂.

OR, LIKE MAYBE A SCENE AT THE END OF HTV, Where Yulian is just like, so sick of Vaughn's ass always denying that he might have feelings for Yulian and THIS IS NOT JUST PHYCIAL. That he breaks up with Vaughn AND LIKE, PULLS A LANDON IN JERLAN FANFICS AND SETS FIRE TO VAUGHN'S BIKE 😭.

Vaughn: I think I'm in love with Yulian

Vaughn: Any thoughts?

Gareth: And prayers

Nikolai: You're going to NEED them.

Y'ALL, I have this weird headcannon that Vaughn wears a lot of rings. Like one on every finger, minimum. Yulian acts like there stupid at the start, but then he starts getting weirdly attached to them?? LIKE WHENEVER'S HE'S ANXIOUS, HE JUST LIKE STARTS TRACING PATTERNS ON THEM. Or if he’s pulling Vaughn somewhere, he doesn’t grab his hand, he grabs a ring. AND LIKE SOON, IT'S NOT EVEN A HABIT ANYMORE, ITS A REFLEX.

THENN, THEY HAVE THIS STUPID BREAKUP THAT THEY PROBABLY WILL HAVE IN THE MIDDLE-END OF THE BOOK- and Vaughn starts acting weird about the rings. He like stops wearing them. Keeps one of them in his pocket. Maybe holds onto them when he thinks no one’s watching. And if someone does ask, he’s like “It’s just a habit” BUT LIKE, SIR, BE SERIOUS, we all know it’s because of Yulian. He won’t say it, obviously, because he’s emotionally constipated, but those rings used to be just accessories. Now they feel like ghosts of Yulian.

OKAYYY HERE ME OUT: Bro Vaughn and Yulian def started sleeping together right after the intiation.

OKAYYY SO- Like Gareth mentioned that Vaughn immediately left for "New York" as soon as the initation ended. C'MONNN HE PROBABLY DIDN'T. I'M GUESSING THAT HE WAS WITH YULIAN.

ANDD, ANDD, THAT ONE PART WHERE GARETH CALLS VAUGHN PANICKING BECAUSE KAYDEN WAS SHOT? Yeahh, bro was def with Yulian at that time. NO EXCEPTIONS. Like why would he have to go out the room... if he didn't have someone with him in the room that he didn't particularly wanna disturb??

Oh and the rustling coming from Vaughn's end that Gaz mentioned was def him untangling himself from Yulian's hold because Yulian is clingy af when it comes to himm.

(Also, tiny question. How do you guys imagine Yulian to look like?? He's very dark brunette hair with green-gray eyes to me, idkk why 😭)

Yulian to Vaughn at the start of KTV be like:

Guys, you don't get how much I want a "Who did this to you" scene in HTV. Like I want Yulian coming back to the island limping or with bruises or something because of his shitty abusive father, AND VAUGHN COMPLETELY LOSING IT, LIKE HE DOESN'T CARE THAT HE'S SUPPOSED TO HATE YULIAN, YULIAN'S HIS AND ONLY HE GETS TO HURT HIM 😌.

Bonus points if Yulian's trying to deflect the situation so hard 😭, like with humor or something, maybe with a "Awww, you care about me, Mishka?", AND VAUGHN HAVING NONE OF IT.

Y'know whattt, imma just join everyone here in screaming over Rina Verse characters. I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE FOR VAUGHN YULIAN, HELPPP 😭😭. I need someone to talk about them withhh, and none of my friends are read the books. PLEASE, IF ANYONE'S READ THE BOOKS, AND WANNA SCREAM OVER THE CHARATERS TOGETHER, DM MEE.

GazKayden - The Story of Us

❗SPOILERS AHEAD❗

They say love has stages. Steps. A progression of feelings that shift from one form to another.

For most, love is something that blooms softly, gradually, like the first hint of spring after a long winter. But for Gareth?

Love was a sickness. A fever that gripped me too tight and refused to let go.

And it started with obsession.

Stage 1: Obsession

Gareth Carson never believed in fate.

Or love.

To him, those things were nothing more than pretty illusions people fooled themselves into chasing—like his friends, who fell head over heels for someone and acted like it was some divine intervention. He never understood the appeal. Relationships, romance, devotion—none of it ever intrigued him.

Sure, he indulged in casual flings, but they were fleeting, inconsequential. No one ever kept his attention long enough for him to care. He always got bored, always left before things could even come close to meaning something.

That was before Kayden Lockwood.

His professor.

Gareth didn’t know when exactly it started—maybe it was the first time Kayden called on him in class, his smooth, commanding voice wrapping around Gareth’s name like it belonged to him. Maybe it was the way he carried himself, exuding a quiet power, the kind that didn’t demand attention but still had everyone hanging onto his every word.

Or maybe it was the first time Kayden looked at him—not just glanced, but looked, sharp eyes locking onto Gareth’s, reading him in a way no one ever had.

Whatever it was, it had Gareth spiraling.

Obsession was a slow burn at first. It started with lingering stares in class, the way he always found himself waiting—hoping—for Kayden’s gaze to settle on him. Then it turned into staying after lectures for no reason, loitering near Kayden’s office, offering smug, sharp-edged comments just to see if he could get a reaction.

But it wasn’t enough.

So he dug deeper.

Gareth found himself researching everything about Kayden. His academic papers, his lectures, his past affiliations—anything and everything. Then came the more personal details: what coffee he drank (black, no sugar), what time he usually arrived at campus (early, always early), what book he carried around but never seemed to finish (The Picture of Dorian Gray, an ironic choice).

He was in too deep before he even realized it.

And the worst part?

He knew this was insane. He knew there was a line he shouldn’t cross, but when had that ever stopped a Carson? His brother was literally chasing after Eli King, their enemy, like a man possessed. If Jeremy could go after the devil himself, then why the hell would Gareth stop himself from chasing after his professor?

Even if Kayden was older. Even if this was forbidden.

Because Gareth always got what he wanted.

And Kayden Lockwood?

Was about to learn that firsthand.

Stage 2: Love

Gareth POV:

I always knew love was a weakness.

A flaw in human nature that made people act like fools, stripping them of logic, of reason, of self-preservation. I had seen it happen before—my cousins, my friends, my brother. All of them fell, one by one, as if love was some inescapable disease.

And then, I fell.

Just as recklessly. Just as foolishly.

At first, I refused to call it love. Love was supposed to be loud, all-consuming, fiery in a way that left nothing but ruin behind. But Kayden—Kayden was different. His love was quiet. A soft thing, wrapped in silent promises, in the steady presence of a man who never needed to say much to be heard.

It was in the way he looked at me, as if I wasn’t something he needed to tame, but something he understood.

It was in the way he spoke to me—not as a student, not as a reckless bastard with too much arrogance, but as his equal.

It was in the way he touched me—casual at first, fleeting, then deliberate. A hand on my wrist that lingered too long. A brush of fingers over mine when he handed me a book. A press of his palm against my back as we walked side by side.

It was in the way he said my name.

I should have known then. I should have stopped.

But I was never good at stopping.

So I did something I never thought I’d do.

I trusted him.

I let him see parts of me no one else did. I told him things I never should have, things that should have remained locked away in the darkness I was born into.

I told him about the Heathens.

About the violence that lurked beneath my skin, about the blood that ran in my family name, about the world I walked through, one that most people never made it out of alive.

I knew I shouldn’t. I knew it was dangerous, that Kayden didn’t belong in that world, that he was better off untouched by the kind of life I led.

But I told him anyway.

Because I loved him.

And like the fool I was, I thought I had it all.

I thought love was enough.

How cruel fate was.

Stage 3: Hate

Gareth POV:

Fate is a cruel mistress.

I always knew that. I had seen her rip people apart, turn lovers into enemies, break men who thought they were unbreakable. But I never knew just how cruel she could be.

Not until him.

Not until Kayden tore apart the heart I had so foolishly placed in his hands.

Betrayal was an old friend of mine. I knew what it looked like, what it felt like, the slow, creeping poison of it sinking into my bones. But this? This was different.

Because it wasn’t just my trust he shattered. It wasn’t just my family he betrayed.

It was me.

And what cut the deepest wasn’t that he had played me. It wasn’t even that he had used me to get what he wanted—to get information, to get leverage, to win.

No.

What burned, what hollowed me out from the inside, was the thought that maybe—just maybe—Kayden had never loved me at all.

Maybe I had been nothing more than a means to an end. A foolish, reckless man who handed over his secrets with open palms, thinking he was giving them to someone who cared.

I wanted to hate him for that.

I did hate him for that.

Hate him enough to hunt him down. To find him kneeling before me, bloodied, broken, surrounded by the bodies of the Serpents gang.

Hate him enough to press the cold barrel of my gun against his temple, my finger resting on the trigger, my heartbeat slow. Steady. Empty.

I could do it.

I should do it.

But then Kayden looked up at me, and I realized something.

Killing him wouldn’t be justice. It wouldn’t be revenge.

It would be suicide.

Because if I pulled that trigger—if I erased him from this world—then my heart would never beat again.

Because that meant...

That meant he still had it.

Even after everything.

Stage 4: Finding their way back

Kayden's POV

I always knew I would be the villain in Gareth’s story.

That no matter how much I wanted to rewrite the ending, no matter how many times I tried to play the hero, it would always end the same way.

With him looking at me like I had ripped the soul out of his body.

With me standing in the ruins of the heart I had destroyed with my own hands.

I should have stopped this when I had the chance. I should have walked away before it got too deep, before Gareth trusted me enough to love me. But I didn’t. I let him in. I let myself want him. And now I was paying the price for my selfishness.

He shouldn’t forgive me.

Not for what I did. Not for the lies. Not for the betrayal that had cost him more than I would ever be able to make up for.

And yet—yet—some part of me still yearned.

For him. For the way he looked at me before he knew what I was.

For the way he loved me, reckless and all-consuming, as if I was something worth loving.

I knew better now. I knew I wasn’t.

And still, I stood here, bloodied and beaten, with my sins laid bare before him, hoping—no, begging—for him to turn to me.

Just one last time.

Even if it was only to end me.

……………………

I never expected forgiveness.

Not then. Not now. Not after all these years.

Some wounds don’t heal. Some sins can’t be erased. And what I did to Gareth… it wasn’t something time could simply wash away.

But if I couldn’t be forgiven, I could at least try.

So I did.

Every day.

Every moment.

I learned to live with Gareth’s silence. With his anger. With the weight of what I had done pressing down on me like an iron chain. And yet, I kept going. Kept reaching, even when his back was turned. Kept hoping, even when I knew I didn’t deserve to.

And now, as I stand at the end of the aisle, watching Asher Carson glare daggers at me while leading Gareth toward me, I think: Every second of pain was worth it.

Every day I spent groveling.

Every year I spent proving I was more than my mistakes.

Because now, Gareth is here.

Walking toward me.

Not with anger. Not with hatred.

But with something else in his eyes—something I once lost, something I never thought I’d get back.

And maybe I never will. Maybe this is just a second chance to ruin him all over again.

But if it is, I will spend a lifetime making sure I don’t.

Because no matter how many years pass, no matter how much I fight, one truth remains.

I will always be his villain.

But I will also be the man who never stops trying to be his hero.

.......

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