Demiromantic - Blog Posts

Ok, so I had a breakdown earlier and correlated the song "Not Sorry for Loving You" from EPIC to the situation that caused me to break down. You now get to read the resulting scenario that I thought up for the song about the situation I am currently in. Enjoy.

Imagine:

Calypso - but as a very physically affectionate demiromantic asexual person who thinks she finally found someone (Odysseus) that she genuinely really loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with.

Odysseus - an allosexual who really cares for and respects his asexual friend but is so focused on his own view of what a relationship has to be, he ruled out being with Calypso and never asked her what her expectations or wants for a relationship would be.

Song lyrics breakdown:

"Someone arrived today

They said they're taking you away

That you're not mine to save

And soon I won't get to see your face"

-Odysseus being in a relationship or looking for a relationship that is pulling him away from Calypso.

"You're unlike anyone I have ever known

'Cause you're all I've ever known"

-This is the first person Calypso has ever truly been in love with as a demiromantic that really needs a personal connection to develop romantic feelings.

"And if I pushed you

Or if I came on too strong

Or if I ambushed you"

-Being a physically affectionate person, Calypso was using the fact that Odysseus didn't think of certain actions as being romantic coming from her (cuddling, hand holding, lunch dates, ect.) for her own benefit. It became a one-sided relationship where Odysseus didn't realize it, but what Calypso was doing under the guise of friendship was way more romantically intentioned than she let on.

"For that, I'll say I was wrong"

-She understands that it can be really shitty to use other people's lack of compression to gain your own satisfaction, especially when it gets to the point of lying about your own wants to keep up your one-sided relationship's status quo.

"And if you hate me

Then I am sorry my love's too much for you"

-The idea that Odysseus would be betrayed or feel used or even just remorseful for not understanding what Calypso is doing/feeling. The kind of love she feels is much stronger than he can deal with, especially finding out suddenly.

"But I'm not sorry for loving you"

-More or less the same meaning as the original song. She doesn't care that she used him. She feels justified in her actions even. She loves him, and it's not her fault that he never asked or clarified anything about her feelings. In her mind, it isn’t a big deal. In her mind, she is in the right because it can't be bad to 'just' love someone.

"Let me speak

I spent my whole life here

Was cast away when I was young

Alone for a hundred years

I had no friends but the sky and sun"

-Growing up not experiencing sexual or romantic attraction the same way that everyone around you seems to is pretty isolating. You can feel broken or crazy and not understand what is wrong with you. You don't want to connect with people who won't be able to understand you for fear of them expecting something of you that you can't provide.

"So when you washed ashore

I thought for sure that you were my dream come true

I thought I knew"

-Odysseus treats Calypso as if there is nothing wrong with her. Makes her feel normal. Specifically, he is someone who isn't afraid to talk about their sexuality. Jokingly flirts with her the way he does with everyone else. He is respectful and doesn't try pressuring her into a relationship or anything, but isn't afraid to talk about relationships in a way that doesn't make her feel weird for not feeling the same. She falls in love with him because of this and even believes he might be someone willing to date her on her own terms.

"I'm angry and tired and restless and sad

I'm stuck in the moments I swore that we had

I wish you would chase me

Or try to embrace me"

-She feels led on. She feels like this person came into her life, did all of the right things to get her attached, just to never have really cared. She wonders how she could ever have gotten this attached if it wasn't intentional on his part? She can think back on things that he has done for her that no one else has ever done. Things he has remembered about her that no one ever cared about. She wants all of that to mean more than friendship.

"For once, I wish you would lie and say

I love you

You do?

But not in the way that you want me to"

-He does genuinely care about her, but platonically. His wants and needs for a relationship are fundamentally different from hers, and he doesn't think they would work out. But she won't let go of that hope that he will change his standards for her. She doesn't want to change her belief that he is the only one for her.

"I hate that I fell in love with you

Why did I fall in love with you?

What do I do with this love for you?

How am I supposed to get over you?

Why in the world won't you love me too?"

-Once again, this is her first time falling in love, and she fell HARD. It feels impossible to ever love anyone this much again, especially with how long it took her to get to this point with Odysseus. She would rather have never loved anyone and feel incapable of love than have to find someone else who also has similar relationship wants as she does. It would just be easier if things with him just worked themselves out.

Anyway, this isn't exactly my experience, but it is heavily influenced by it. I'm asexual biromantic, and I have had feelings for people before but never as strong as the massive crush I have on my best friend rn. I finally found someone I could see spending the rest if my life with, but she doesn't seem to thing of me as a possible partner because 'I'm asexual and that must mean I don't ever want to date anyone'. That's obviously not true, but she has never seen me in a real relationship, and it has never come up in conversation before what kind or relationship I would want to be in. We are both going through massive transitional stages in our lives currently, so it's not like I really want to have those conversations and make things complicated, but I feel bad for not telling her. I'm a physically affectionate person with most of my friends, especially with her, but I'm starting to feel weird about it when I'm doing it because I want to be closer with her and she might only be reciprocating because we are friends. I don't know what to think anymore, so if you have any thoughts, feel free to let me know. I just thought this was a fun interpretation of a song that I think sounds really pretty. Thanks for reading my rant :)

ive been thinking for a while that i may be demiromantic but i’m honestly not sure. can the arospec people of tumblr help me out with their experiences?