Bpd Problems - Blog Posts

❝ they say my hunger's a problem . . . ❞

UUGUFHFHFGHFT i MiSS THE PSYCH WARD PLS BRiNG ME BACK PLSPLSOLSOLS !!!! i MiSS iT SMM i MiSS PPL ACKNOWLEDGiNG THAT iM OUT MY FUCKiNG MiNDDD !!!! i MiSS THE NURSE i MiSS MY FRiENDS i MiSS iT PLS BRiNG ME BACK !!!!! ⸝⸝ ‹𝟹

im sososososooo tempted to js od rn js so they have to take me in . what if i took a whole bottle of ibuprofen ?? drank down some of the vodka in the kitchen js to add a little flavor ?? i dont wanna be coherent , i wanna be out of my minddddd i fucking hate this feeling in my chest plsplspls someone take it outttttttt ⸝⸝ ‹𝟹

living is so pointless !!!! sosososo stupid !!! i'm not even upset rn !! i'm so excited to go back cus ppl like me CANT live w people !! i needdddd to be locked up rahhhhh !!!! ⸝⸝ ‹𝟹

❝ . . . they tell me to curb my appetite . ❞

❝ it's filthy , disgusting , so ugly for sure . . . ❞

UUGUFHFJFFHFBXHB ISTG I KNOW SHES TALKING SHIT ABT ME — WE'RE ALL SISTERS WHY R YALL LEAVING ME OUT ??? why do i constantly do this to myself and cut myself out of every healthy relationship im in i fucking hate everyone i hate myself i wanna bash my head against the wall plsplspls someone mercy kill me im so over everything and everyone . " js change " HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT ??? NOT EVERYONE CAN JS CHANGE FOR OTHER PPL ; THIS ISNT ME BEING ATTENTION SEEKING IF IM CONSTANTLY UNCOMFORTABLE BY THE ATTENTION ?? why cant ppl js be nice and understanding ? why am i the only one w empathy in my family ?? why do they all hate me ? telling me im gonna be alone forever and im toxic as hell doesnt HELP me , it makes me wanna cut myself !!! it makes me want to never open up ever again and keep all this shit to myself till i fucking explode and kms finally like i should have yrs ago !!!! ⸝⸝ ‹𝟹

im never telling anyone shit ever again if all im gonna get is how terrible i am yet no advice on how im supposed to change . talking shit abt me in the most obvious way to our sister doesnt help me or make me want to change . OBVIOUSLY not every person i like is going to be perfect for me , OBVIOUSLY i have to change for them too and it cant js be one way , but js telling me im a bad person doesnt make me want to change , it makes me want to fucking hurt u and myself . ⸝⸝ ‹𝟹

idfk anymore , i wish i could js kill myself and end all of this . ⸝⸝ ‹𝟹

❝ . . . i'm ugly , disgusting , so filthy for sure . ❞

❝ i'll fix these broken things . . . ❞

am i the only one doesnt rlly wanna be obsessed over ? BEFORE i LOSE ALL OF U HEAR ME OUT — like , the iDEA sounds great , i want someone to be head over heels abt me . but , at the same time i dont want them expressing that to me ?? anytime anyone shows more than the slightest bit of affection i end up getting scared or uncomfortable and running away ⸝⸝ ‹𝟹

mayb im js not the right type of mentally ill , idk (- ‸ - " ) like , i cant even deal w compliments or pet names — much less someone writing poems and talking abt how much they love me constantly . . . mayb if there was a way that i could KNOW w / o them knowing id be happy T_T ugh idk mayb this is js my little episode talking and not actually me — mayb once i break it off w my bf ill change my mind and immediately go back to begging for attention ( ˃ ⩌˂) ⸝⸝ ‹𝟹

❝ . . . repair ur broken wings , and make sure everything's alright . ❞

❝ i've been a bad , bad girl . . . ❞

ok so my sister js told me i was a terrible and toxic person !!! its crazy how she knows exactly what to say after i vent abt my attachment issues nd how avoidant i get after i close w someone <33 literally love it smmm ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ im gonna kms ⸝⸝ ‹𝟹

like , ik im a bad person , but hearing other ppl say it makes me want to claw all my skin off nd jump into a pool of acid . dont they see how much ive tried to be better ?? its not my fault no one if my fucking family can be normal abt ANYTHING , much less relationships ⸝⸝ ‹𝟹

nd now everything that he does makes me want to be a piece of shit to him or js never talk to him ever again . fuck idk probably gonna js cut myself , isolate , nd block him by sunday :/ fuck love , that shit isnt real ⸝⸝ ‹𝟹

❝ . . . i've been careless w a delicate man . ❞

❝ i think my fate is losing it's patience . . . ❞

i knew he'd leave me. i knew it since this all fucking started this. i said u WANTED ME. U SAID U LOOKED UP TO ME?? THAT YOUD LOVE ME NO MATTER HOW BAD IT GOT !!!! AND AS SOON AS IT GETS BAD WE DONT TALK FOR DAYS??? WHY DID U LIE TO ME?? WHY BE ALL LOVEY TILL I CANT TAKE IT, JS TO RIP IT AWAY FROM ME. UR JS LIKE EVERYONR ELSE SO LEAVE ME TF ALONE. swallow a blade or some shit idc i hate everything kys ⸝⸝ ‹𝟹

❝ i think the ground is pulling me down . . . ❞

"are you seeing anyone?"

bro like dating or hallucinations?

Am i unlovable

Life with borderline personality disorder

Death is creeping in

I feel it in my skin

Can I reach the light

If I don’t want to live

Holding on to life

Is not my fight to fight

If I’m not with you

In oceans deep, where the darkness grows

I’ve built a wall, a heart of stone

No whispering winds, no embers glow

I choose the dark, I walk alone

No visitors allowed

No exit to leave

What’s done is done

In solitude, I choose me

As if life just kept going, the world spinning, people laughed, talking, breathing –

... and you're standing in the middle of it, but motionless. Mute. Decoupled.

As if you were just a spectator of your own existence.

Just a poem I wrote..

So let the winds carry my body,

To brighter places, where you might be,

Lift me up above the clouds

I’ll search all of Tennessee

I wish I didn’t have to unlove,

But know, in dreams, you’re still my dove

A love that never quite got to run

We walked, we crawled, and laid to rest under the sun

I wish I didn’t have to unlove

A bottomless black hole I see

Where nothing lives, and sadness feeds

A soul rotting into the other

Decomposing in the depths of eternity

In the vast darkness that entangles me

I’ll always remember you in the fall

That’s where it first began

I wish I didn’t have to unlove you at all.

Yeah why im in so much pain i feel like im dying why not just be dying

Why isnt the suffocation from depression enough to kill me?

How about both 😎

Pfft physical pain? Have you ever tried having bpd

Friend may I propose: The Wisp Sings

I want someone to love me

To choose me, to risk something for me

God knows no one has tried

top ten humbling experiences: forcing yourself to choke down food with shaky hands while trying not to faint

relapse yayyyy

understanding is born only from the deep dark depths of having gone through the same hell

inspired by @yourangelciggy

I’m still trying to figure out if I am valid

Or if I’m as worthless as you make me feel

I'll search for you in every person I meet

the moments after hanging out with friends when you just feel so lonely <<<

Bittersweet

I love you and hate you, both at the same time.

I love the way you say my name, but I hate that it's always out of disappointment.

I love the way you smile, but I hate that it's never towards me.

I love the way you talk, but I hate that you would never talk to me first.

I love the way you look, but I hate that you never look at me.

I love the way you care about others, but I hate that you never care about me.

I love the way you pay attention to detail, but I hate that I'm the only one you ignore.

I love the way you just exist. But I hate that it wouldn't matter to you if I didn't.

I hate loving you.

But you love hating me.