Aki Hayakawa X Reader - Blog Posts

STRAWBERRY AND CIGARETTES

strawberry chapstick, cigarette smoke.

cw. reader wears strawberry chapstick, inexperienced!reader, a little bit of peer pressure, don't smoke kids no matter how sexy men are, not proofread

"smoking is bad for you."

your colleague looks up as he removes a pack from his right pocket, shifting it into his left hand as he takes out a lighter from the inside of his other pocket. you're frowning in disappointment, your arm leaning on the counter next to you as you stare.

"didn't know i had a babysitter on my hands—" he mumbles as he fishes a cigarette out, shoving the pack into the inside pocket of his blazer, "did they pay you extra for that?"

"very funny," you smile as your eyes shift between the lighter and the cigarette he holds, "just make sure to invite me to your funeral when you die of lung cancer."

"if i'm dying at an early age it definitely won't be from lung cancer." he laughs dryly, his fingers fiddle with the lighter; the cap is already hinged up, and you watch as his thumb scrapes the gear across the other, sending flames lighting on and off again, and he glances up at you, "wanna try one?"

you blink. it was all light teasing up to this point, but this actually makes you nervous, apprehensive even. it's dark outside, and it's only the two of you in this building; that fact makes you startlingly aware of every action, every rustle of his clothes, every clang of the machines around you.

"c'mon, babysitter," he chides, the teasing lilt at the edge of his voice sending shivers up your spine, "give it a spin."

"this counts as peer pressure, you know."

"i think we're a little bit more than just 'peers', but whatever makes you feel better."

you feel the heat on the back of your neck, tensing as you debate the action of smoking a highly addictive cancer stick that you've been warned your entire life not to touch. you know he won't actually care or berate you if you don't end up taking it, but you think that he might be just as addicting as the cigarette. he lights the end, and you can smell the burnt tobacco already—it smells rich and masculine, much like him.

"here, i'll go first so you don't have to." he helps himself, his lips wrapping around the paper. you don't think you've ever seen anything as attractive as the man in front of you inhaling, the muscle in his neck tensing for just a second before he exhales, blowing the smoke out of his lungs into the air that surrounds you.

well, shit.

your fingertips graze against his as he hands the cigarette over to you, your fingers tingling from his touch, your heart beating out of your chest as you bring it to your mouth. you inhale sharply, the nicotine making its way down your lungs before you end up coughing, a dry hack escaping your puffy lips as you cover your mouth. he has the decency to turn away while a hint of a smile plays on his lips, leaving you swallowing to gather the saliva down your esophagus; it helps, but your windpipe still feels bare and dirty, and you shake your head, laughing.

"get this thing out of my hands," you smile, embarrassed as you give the stupid thing back to him, "i dunno how you do it."

"it's probably better that you don't enjoy it," he affirms, before his eyes catch the edges of the top of the cigarette. there are wet streaks that line where your mouth was— they're wet, but not wet enough to be saliva, and he tilts his head, his tongue peeking out to his teeth, "you're not wearing gloss by any chance?"

"chapstick." you flush slightly, pressing your lips together, "strawberry-scented."

he hums, breathing out a puff of smoke playfully into your face—you wrinkle your nose, waving your hand to blow the smoke away but it stings your eyes anyways, and he laughs, taking another hit.

"wanna try something else?" his mouth says the words but he doesn't look at you, his eyes staring ahead to the moon that shines above you, the buildings whose lights slowly begin to flicker off as the day comes to an end.

"you don't think you've influenced me enough?"

"it's called shotgun smoking," his eyes flit towards yours, completely ignoring your question, "i breathe the smoke to you— just for fun of course."

"...of course." you echo his words blankly, your heart thundering in your chest as he shifts closer, his body domineering over yours. your hands grip the railing of the deck you stand on, watching as he maneuvers his hand right next to yours, turning his body so that he's right in front of you, you can't help but laugh, "isn't this just forced secondhand smoking?"

his lips quirk up into a smirk. "whatever helps you feel better."

with that, he lifts the cigarette, inhaling another puff of smoke. the butt of the cigarette faces you, and you think it might be the sun as it glows a fiery, angry orange, the bits of paper crisping up to black as they float down onto your clothes. he leans in closer, his lips only inches away from yours, and he softly exhales.

oh.

the scent of him is addicting, his arms trapping you against the edge as you breathe in the smoke, you don't cough this time, but you honestly think you might've disliked it if it weren't for him muddling all of your senses. the gray smoke overwhelms your nerves, it's dizzyingly bad how good it feels spasming in your chest, settling into your stomach. his hands lay flush against your own, heat emanating from every part of his body, and you're fleetingly aware of how close he is to you.

fuck it.

your hands grasp the collar of his shirt, and he lets out a muffled gasp of surprise as your lips connect with his. his lips are hot—it's actually warm— moving fluidly against yours. they're chapped, his bottom lip more than his top lip, but you don't really mind, not with the way his hand cups your neck and his head tilts to the side, his jaw flexing as he kisses you deeper.

his lips feel like liquid fire on yours, wreaking havoc where they spread, burning up your will to not consume him. you've always known he was a dangerous man, but this feels so much better than you could've imagined; he's greedy and needy as he kisses you, and you smile when his right hand drops the cigarette to reach for your waist instead, the burning smoke long forgotten when you're right there.

you separate your lips from his, a dazed grin on your face, as he moves his head with yours, breathing heavily under hushed tones. "wasn't that more enjoyable than a cigarette?" your thumb reaches up to his mouth, smearing the little bit of your chapstick to the rest of his lips. he can smell the sickeningly saccharine scent of strawberry invade his brain. it smells like you.

"can we do that again?" his voice is lower and huskier, staring unabashedly at your lips. they're so smooth compared to his, pillowy and soft, the taste of your chapstick lingers on his tongue—fuck, he can barely think straight.

you smile, crossing your arms. "no cigarettes for two weeks."

he doesn't need to be told twice. 

— aki hayakawa, shizuo heiwajima, geto suguru, keishin ukai, shikamaru nara, hirotaka nifuji, sniper mask, gray fullbuster, loid forger, simon 'ghost' riley, plus your other faves!

a/n: yeah i know half of these are ooc but i just wanted to include my fave smokers in one thing ugh i would destroy my lungs (among other things) for them

also genderbent shoko is definitely on this list

"aki has a very moanable name" is so right!!!!

now every time aki hears you call his name, flashbacks from the way you moaned his name comes back at him. "Hey Aki, look at this" "Aki, do you think-" "are you okay, Aki?" he's totally bricked up just hearing you say it. He has to physically grip the counter or look away to shake off the lewd things he's thinking of doing to you, the respectful man he is 🤤

HNNNNGNNBBBFBBB YOU'RE SO RIGHTTTT

I just can't help but feel like aki has a huge kink for you saying his name, if he's inside you and you suddenly start whining it over and over he'd have to stop for a second so he doesn't cum... if you coo it so sweetly in his ear he's prepared to do anything and everything you ask for, and if he has to, he'll lean in close to your ear and beg for you to say it for him...

of course, he doesn't think about the consequences until he hears you call for him and the sheer mention of your voice saying his name has him all flustered and hot and asking if he can excuse himself so he can go calm down.

rush job [18+]

chainsaw man | aki hayakawa x f!reader | 1.8k

warnings | explicit smut. quickie. no condom. 18+. minors dni. reader features | smaller than aki, hair at least shoulder length a/n | wrote this in one go, because aki is occupying every space of my mind right now. not sorry about it. more detailed tags on ao3. not beta read or edited sorry! hope you enjoy! read on ao3

With time ticking away, a strict countdown till Aki needs to head back, it doesn’t deter him from taking the time to tease you.

Keep reading

the end, the end, the end. / hayakawa aki x gn!reader, spoilers, angst, hurt no comfort, mild sexual content, minors dni. word count: 3.1k

Aki spent his entire trip to Hokkaido thinking about you. When his thoughts begin to wander like this, he isn't given much of a choice; you occupy every space in his mind. Each stream of consciousness always seems to lead right back where he left it — You. 

Hokkaido is cold, empty, and manages to suck the life out of everything it touches. The sky is a certain shade of melancholy blue and twilight. It's the kind of atmosphere that causes him to slip into his usual routine of drowning in old, tired memories and his own reflections. His heart and his brain don't spare him much pity these days. 

Frost creeps at the edges of the windows. A veil of snow falls incessantly and swirls with the wind, obscuring any semblance of a view, leaving him only able to see what lingers in the back of his mind: graves made of polished stone, loaded guns, failed attempts to quit smoking, forgetting how to say a prayer because it's been too long. Getting cold feet, and trying to live an honest life, even though you know it's far too late for that. 

The expedition to kill the Gun Devil is coming soon, creeping closer, and Aki's got one arm, half a heart, and way, way too many regrets. This is the moment he worked so hard to get to, this is the big crescendo his entire life has been building towards, and now look at what's become of him. All he can do is reach up, brush his fingers over the stub where his arm used to be and wonder how the hell things got this far, this bad. Did the world do this to him, or did he do this to himself? 

So weak, so soft-hearted — He can't fight like this. He'll end up making more contracts with devils just to stand a chance. Sacrificing more of himself, even though there isn't much left of him to give. 

He's not prepared; honestly, when was he ever prepared? From the moment he became a devil hunter, putting himself on this path, he always imagined he was settling for an unreachable goal. But now, he's come face to face with the end, with everything he thought he wanted and… God, he just can't do this. 

Life is so damn fragile. Aki has been walking this thin line between life and death, living on the borrowed time he takes for granted. With all of his shitty decisions and past mistakes, he should be lucky he got this far. But if he goes through with this, when he goes on this mission, he's really going to die, isn't he? 

There's a letter sitting on his coffee table back home. One he meant to send before he left, but never did. A letter he mulled over again and again and again, read hundreds of times, rewritten even more so. 

Handwritten in pen with shaky letters, sentences constantly interrupted by scribbles over mistakes. The paper is see-through where tears have fallen and bloomed out over the page, stained with the dark ashes flicked from one too many cigarettes. It's sealed with a stamp, tucked neatly into an envelope. Addressed to you. 

Hey.  I'm leaving. I won't be coming back. Don't try to look for me.  I'm sorry for everything. You don't have to forgive me.  Take care of yourself.  I love you. Goodbye. 

I love you. Those words are particularly messy. Nearly unreadable, but still tangibly there. Aki isn't sure if they simply aren't true or if he just wants them to not be true. 

Did Aki ever love you? No, he wrote those words out of mere obligation, that's all. Because I love you is what you say to someone when you're speaking to them for the last time, when you're never going to see them again, and you want to leave them with something good. 

Because I love you is what you tell someone after you've spent nights lip-locked, kissing each other 'til sunrise (No, he was drunk, you were drunk, it doesn't count). I love you is what you whisper to someone when you're about to drift off, holding them in your arms close to yourself, like they'll disappear once you let go (He was exhausted, he didn't mean to say it, the words just slipped out — It doesn't matter, you were asleep, anyway).

Aki felt his heart twist into unknown shapes when he wrote those words. Crushed, chewed up, spat out, his teeth stained red with blood. I love you consumes him from the inside out, all the way down to the core. The thought of it alone is enough to hurt, to make his chest ache. 

Aki didn't love you, but he could have. Aki didn't truly love you, because he has only one arm to hold you, half a heart to love you, and dwindling time to spend beside you. Aki didn't love you because he thought it'd be easier not to, but now he thinks he might have only made things harder. 

How do you stop loving someone when you never said you did? Everything was supposed to be fake, you were supposed to be momentary. Now, you're forever imprinted into his timeline. Your soul is felt in his veins, in his lungs as he breathes, deep in between the structure of his ribs. 

Aki finds himself wishing that one day, you'd wake up and realize you hate him. You'll despise his existence and look at him like you want to destroy him. It's alright, who can blame you? This is how things are supposed to be. Go on and say it. 

You'd do what he's been terrified to: you'd tell him to leave, beg him to go far away from here and forget about you. In the end, it will be what's best, so you never have to see him again. So you don't have to live with the weight that he's going to die and it won't be peaceful. Instead, it will be worthless, hollow. 

Maybe then, maybe if you hated him, all of this would be so much easier. If you stopped staring at him like he's irreplaceable, like he is everything to you. If you didn't cry on his shoulder and hold him tightly when he comes home from a mission half-dead. 

If you never lived and blossomed in what remains of him, flowers to fill his throat, soft petals in his dying heart — Perhaps then, he'd find it easier to run from you. 

How do you manage to swallow down the things you never said, when you know that if you do, they'll go unspoken forever? Those words — I love you — will die pitifully alongside you, buried beneath the soil with your body. It doesn't matter; he never had the right to say them in the first place. The memories of lingering touches and quiet moments will be the only traces. 

Aki could have loved you, and that's the problem. That's the worst part of it all. Aki could have loved you, and you could have been his, but he could have never been yours. 

Aki is a hopeless tragedy. He is crimson blood that never stops spilling, deep purple bruises that never fully heal. And he belongs to no-one but this horrible system, to hunting devils until his body is spent and they've taken every last thing from him. The one thing he refuses to let them have is you. 

He promised to himself this: to keep you as far away from devil hunting as possible, by any means necessary. Even if he has to lose you in the process. You can't experience the same horrors as him, you won't. At least then, if he loses you this way, he will have finally lost someone of his own accord. At least he finally has a choice. 

You can't save him. No-one can, not even himself. Not even whatever God he decides to send his prayers to, in hopes there's someone out there to take pity on him. It's far too late to try and pick up the pieces. Aki belongs to this life for as long as it'll allow, until it decides to swallow him whole. Until hell decides it's ready to take him. 

You can't keep him forever, but you can have him on fleeting nights, during brief moments of solace. He comes home from work exhausted and weary, but willing to give you what's left of him. You chain smoke cigarettes on the balcony together, late into the night. Standing shoulder to shoulder, although it never feels close enough. Aki smokes each one down to ash, the nicotine soothing the ache, finally shutting up his brain. 

When you met, you were just two people looking for a vice, trying to find something, someone who's anything like those cigarettes. You wanted someone who would make you forget about the emptiness, Aki wanted someone who would make him feel whole. 

He kisses your lips 'til he can't breathe, so that his tongue no longer aches with the weight of all those words left unsaid. He makes love to you until sunlight is creeping through the blinds, everything hazy, tender, impossibly close, so he can feel something besides nothing at all. 

He savors these moments, drowns in every press of your warm hands on his cold skin. Your fingertips trail down his back, along his spine. Between his shoulder blades, then over his chest, tracing every scar he's ever tried to hide, and his body shivers at the touch. His hands tremble when he holds you; they weren't made for this. His breath comes in ragged gasps. Aki shouldn't do this — His touch is utter decay, enough to stain you with his existence — and he knows it, but he can't stop. 

The addiction courses through his veins, settling in the cavity of his chest every time he looks at you. His head is fuzzy, with fluffy cotton clouding his thoughts. He feels it bleed over whenever he gazes down at you under him, skin soft like silk, limbs sprawled out like a fallen angel. A sin worth sacrificing everything for. 

It's selfish. It isn't like him to do this, to act in this way. How could this happen, what has he done? His story was never supposed to go like this. It's hopeless, and he has left you doomed to suffer. But even so, he adores you, as much as a man who's going to die in a few years, months, weeks, possibly can. 

Over and over again, he falls for you, stumbling into the same temptation. A moth drawn to a flame, and when he catches alight, it burns, but it's beautiful. As he turns to ash, with his last breath, he will whisper to the world, It was worth it. 

He can't help himself, because the way his name falls from your lips sounds more divine than the way anyone else has ever said it. Aki seems to have the most meaning when you're the one to utter the syllables. Hayakawa doesn't sound like just another horrible, heavy weight he has to bear when it's spoken from your mouth. His very existence is more precious to you than it is to the world. 

Aki didn't love you, and you weren't together, but you were something, weren't you? Your circumstance wasn't just a hookup or a mere distraction anymore. You meant something. You meant more to him than his own stupid life ever did. Something, whatever that might mean to this fucked up situation, but something. 

When he loops back to the beginning, Aki knows there's a thousand excuses as to why he never sent that damn letter. He was scared, he thought it sounded stupid, he couldn't figure out what he'd say when he handed it to you. And most of all, he wasn't ready to say goodbye. He'll be ready eventually, he told himself. There will come a day when he's strong enough to let you go. Turns out, Aki is a whole lot weaker than he thought he was. 

So he delayed it, delayed it, delayed it. Pushed it back further and further. Once again, selfish. Just one more night with you, then he'll send it. Give him one more day, one more rising sun. One more kiss, one more chance to hold you close. Then, then, he'll be ready. 

Every postponement is just another letter he has to crumple and re-write. Aki has to find a sense of closure somewhere. If he slips the letter in your mailbox, runs as far as his legs will take him, will he be able to stop himself from turning back? If he knocks on your door, places the tear-stained envelope in your open hands, and presses his lips to yours one last time, will he even be able to pull away? 

When he gets back from this trip, he'll see you again, and he knows it's going to hurt. In another universe, things didn't unfold like this. He was going to leave you, he was going to disappear. Now, it's nothing but knowledge he has to live with. You'll cup his face in your hands and wipe the tears from his eyelashes. You will never know. 

There's only a matter of time before Aki is called for his last mission. Then, he's going to be forced to say goodbye, and it doesn't matter if he's ready or not. He doesn't want to die. Of course he doesn't want to die, he's utterly terrified. What will it be like, what's going to happen to him? Will his life be snuffed out, like his cigarette pressed into the ashtray, or will it linger like a curse, his ghost to haunt you? 

Hopefully not. Aki always longed for a death that was quick and painless, one that he wouldn't know was coming. The kind of ending everyone longs for, he supposes. For a brief moment, he wonders: would a death beside you feel better, or worse? Wishful thinking. As if he'd ever have a choice in the matter. As if, in this pathetic life he's led, he'd ever be lucky enough to die that way. 

Aki can't choose how he departs. He'll never be able to, but whether or not he leaves you of his own choice, like he intended, is up to him. 

So, he'll write the letter. He's going to let himself have one more night with you, and then, that will be enough. You'll wake up to an empty bed, to him gone, and an envelope on your nightstand. He'll have his last chance to say everything he wants to say. 

I'm leaving on the expedition to defeat the Gun Devil. I am certain I won't be coming back. This is goodbye, for me and you.  I'm grateful I got to meet you. I don't deserve you, I don't think I ever deserved you. I wish there's some reality out there where I did.  Remember to throw out all of my belongings. Move away from this place, if you have to. The money from my will should be enough to live on. I want there to be nothing left to remind you of me.  Smoke one last cig, for my sake. Then quit. Wash the sheets until they no longer smell like me. Don't read the newspaper the morning after. I don't want you to see my name in the obituaries. Forget about me, in every way you can, in every sense of the word. For your own good.  I love you. I've always loved you.  Hey, I know it's going to hurt. I'm sorry. But take care of yourself, for me. Please.  In the life after this one, I'll come and find you, okay? 

Hokkaido is cold, so cold. Aki has come to deeply know the way the cold numbs everything, from the knuckles of your bony fingers down to the end of your toes. The way winter envelops you, the way it takes you. But it doesn't numb what you feel inside: the aching love-sickness, nor the burning home-sickness. His body is freezing, a chill twists up his spine, but his heart won't settle, his brain won't quit. 

Thankfully, he is nearly done here. He'll head home tomorrow morning. You'll be waiting for him at the station, when he gets off his train. You'll hug him, your hands grabbing fistfuls of his shirt, his arm around your back, and he'll wish you'd never let go. There's both pain and comfort to be found in that. 

Aki will forget about everything for a moment all too short. Then, he'll leave behind the letter. He'll fight the Gun Devil, he'll get blown to bits. And when his flesh and blood is smeared across the sand, he knows the last thing he'll be thinking about is if you're okay. 

Are you watching the news right now? I hope you aren't. Are you safe? Don't worry, by the time you return to the beach, the waves will have washed away the last of me. 

Aki can imagine, if you were watching, you'd end up running to him. Always running after him, while he's trying to run away from you. You'd hold his body, lace his weak fingers with your own. His grip is cold and loose. Through his eyes slowly growing dim, you'll see your own reflection, and even though it hurts, Aki will smile at you. Your arms are a bed of roses, perfect to die in. Blood welling at his tongue, he'll kiss you, for one last time. You'll taste it on his lips. 

He should get some sleep. Without you, it won't be a proper sense of rest. But his thoughts will stay silent, at least, for a little while. 

I will love you, even in ruin. You'll live, you'll heal, you'll do the things we always wanted to do but never could, and then, for once, I'll be happy.  The memories of me, the way my voice sounds, the way my touch feels — They'll all fade, slowly, eventually.  If I had more time, I would have spent it all beside you. Your hand in mine, until I'm nothing but bone. 

Aki shuts the curtains and crawls into his make-shift bed. The sheets feel chilly. Shadows dance on the wall, his eyes burn, his breath is sharp. Sleep comes in restless intervals, accompanied by scattered dreams. Some are more like nightmares, but some are dreams of something better, something warmer. A reverie made of dripping honey and soft snow, of a clear sky filled with stars and a heart cleansed from all its regrets. Dreams of where this loop always leads back to — Dreams of you.