Abusive Relationship - Blog Posts

I cry for the butcher

Gold silver and copper

cake my tongue

No harm can ever come from

my mother's praying hands

My filthy mouth -

I harmed myself

Orange wedge lip

Clenched ivory threat

Pulled the trigger with my tongue

Blood orange

Her saintly hands

I’m sorry - a million times over

I say to her

And when i finally cry

It is not for the lamb.

Um so...

I tried avoiding conflict with my mom... but that turned into avoiding my mom...

On tuesday after a very intense phone call with her and an equally intense therapy session, I decided to go no contact.

I then hung out with friends, got embarrassingly drunk, woke up with a hangover that was less debilitating than I had hoped and blocked her on all my socials.

I didn't think ti was going to hurt *me* this much. I should be happy. But I feel guilty. I feel like I gave up too soon, like if I had hung on a little longer, then everything would have been ok.

But I know that's not true. I know that she uses the fact that I still have hope to rope me back in every time. And every time I fall for it.

I know I don't miss her. I know I miss the "in between" times. I miss the way she would behave when she was making up for having hurt me; when she was trying to "earn" the forgiveness I gave her for free. I miss how she would make me feel so safe and so loved, like I was the only one with who she could really be herself, like there was no one in the world who saw me like she did.

I know that all those wo derfull feelings come at the cost of hollowing out everything that makes me "me" to make room for what she wants me to be.

I know all that.

And It still feels like I fucked up. Like I should apologize and beg for her forgiveness and pray to a god I no longer believe in that she will welcome me back into a "home" that has only ever felt as calm and as safe as the eye of a hurricane.

Wdym people can trust their parents?? Like, are there people who have actually been able to express themselves to their parents without having their feelings invalidated or used to stay in the abusive relationship?

It's a bigger lie than Boss could even make fr fr

Something I think about sometimes is that my mental health got better after leaving my ex which looking back on that relationship it was far from being a healthy relationship, they ended up cheating on me, spreading rumors about me at school behind my back and would always try and start fights with me all the time and forced themselves on me, my mental health was at rock bottom and was on the verge of ending it when I was with them but when I left I was a lot happier and I was doing things I actually liked even when my ex was harassing me for being happy, I felt free after leaving them and I need to give myself credit for leaving them

Abuse has a goal behind it, and a lot of the time, it's about changing the victims behavior. If someone screams at you for not doing X activity, eventually you learn to do X activity. If someone hits you when you defy them, eventually you learn not to defy them. If someone abuses you frequently enough, and you begin to break down to their will... It is possible to reach a point where it may seem like you're not being abused anymore.

They don't yell anymore because you stay quiet and do what you're told. They don't threaten you anymore because you don't voice even the slightest disagreement or need. What used to be screaming fighting arguments have become lectures at your expense. They may even praise you for doing what they want you to. And all those mundane moments - breakfast, the rare kind act - stand out more. Your perception of the relationship skews even more. It's all normal now.

And it's still abuse. It's just reached its end goal - wearing you down so badly that they don't need to overtly abuse you anymore to get what they want. All they need to do is make a joke, or complain to guilt you, or tell you want to do/not to do, etc. etc. The fact that's all it takes now doesn't make what's happening to you less severe - if anything, it means you're in much, much more danger than you could realize.

It's abuse. It's horrific. It's just not obvious anymore... and that's terrifying. You deserve so, so much better. You deserve to truly be safe - not to have your wellbeing held behind fearful compliance. That's not safety. That's not love. That's abuse. It being psychological doesn't make it less dangerous.

🤔☝🏼Good To Know☝🏼🤔

I try really hard to post uplifting things because I get real sick and tired of all the refuse in the world sometimes and I don’t want to ever add to it.

But sometimes life gets too real, and people I care about get hurt. That’s very hard for me because nothing frustrates me more than feelings of helplessness and an inability to aide. Which is why I firmly believe that good information leads to good inspiration and prevention is the best intervention. With these feelings in mind, I’d like to share some stuff that I thought was useful from my women’s self defense class at university. Hopefully it can help somebody. Please stay safe y’all 🫡🙏🏼🍀🫂

Oh my god, my sister made this animated video. It is really good! I must warn you, it is about an abusive relationship and is a little bit dark. However, it is beautifully made and I highly recommend you watch it.

hello!! if it's okay, can you sfw headcanons with thrax x a reader who's been in an abusive relationship in the past (the reader having a kind personality yet refusing to show weakness and has a little bit of anger issues)? if not i completely understand and tysm!

Thrax With A Reader That’s Been A Past Abusive Relationship

Summary: Thrax with an s/o that’s been in a abusive relationship in the past

Characters: Thrax

Warnings: Cussing, Abuse Mentioned

Genre: Angst, Romance, Fluff, SFW

Reader: Fem! White Blood Cell! Reader

REQUEST ARE OPEN!

☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎

When he first met you he found it funny that you tried being tuff and all

He’d make comments about it, “so what’s you with you thinking your all that hm, doll?”, “look just leave me alone and shut up okay..”

He noticed that you also didn’t like being touched, whenever someone would lay a single hand on you you’d shrug them off

He asked you about this, and you kinda just broke down, you stayed quiet as tears flowed down your pretty flushed face, streaming down your cheeks and lips

Although he’d known you for such little time he still cared, and wanted to know why you broke down

He was surprised when you fell into his chest and just cried into him, he didn’t mind tho, the sweet smell of you lingering just above his nose, your sweet face and red and wet with tears, the sniffling noses you made

And at the time he had a little thing for you

So when you explained all about why you had tried to put on a tuff and closed-off facade, he felt bad for all the comments he made

So he kept you close, making sure nobody would touch you except for him in the time he had you in his warm arms

After calming down 30 minutes later, you thanked him for him listening to you and comforting you

After that situation he cared a lot about you, when you met a guy, he was always around to make sure no guy put his hands on you, especially if they were unwanted from you

After a little, he just confessed causally

He was happy about the fact that you liked him too, and a week after it the both of you started dating

While dating him, he was really sweet

Wasn’t cocky with you as much as he was before the relationship

It took a hot minute for you to be comfortable with his touches

Whenever you two were out together, he would have his arm wrapped strongly around your shoulder, always having you be his side so he knew you were safe

If he needed to go out he’d take you with him, but if you didn’t want to go out that day he’d say inside with you and do what he needed to do another day

Kisses with him have deep meanings, soft kisses from him are sweet, gentle, soft, and full of love and protection, while harsh kisses were full of passion and a need for him to keep you connected to him

Whether you two were in the bedroom, it was never hard and painful intercourse

It was always soft and gentle, he wanted you to feel safe, you on top of him, his hands connected to your hips gentle pushing you on him as you continued to ride him with help

It was always passionate with the both of you, your relationship filled with love and protection

☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎

Notes: Hi, I’m sorry this took so long to get out but I’ve been really busy with life, work, and college. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did with making it, have a great morning/afternoon/night!