Abaddon Byrd - Blog Posts

Hai!! Hope everything is alright ^^

So I was thinking about their designs again and (if I recall correctly) you mentioned awhile ago you wanted to change some things with their refs, so I’m curious what you would add or change to their designs?

ahh, i forgot to follow up on that!

mostly i was just unhappy with killer's outfit(s), horror's general shapes (looked a little too fanon for me), and the specifics of abaddon's palette. those are all things i corrected on their 3D models xD

there's still a lot to do — i need to figure out how to animate/switch between textures to finish killer (mostly for his tears and makeup), and i obviously haven't rigged everyone yet (nor do i know how to get their faces set up in a more natural "default" expression; i know there's a way to set up a library of faces, but idk how yet xD), but as for the color schemes and details of the outfits i think i've fixed them!

i also still need to do all the props... i did abaddon's phone and polearm just as a test, though, and i think they turned out cool:

might still need to adjust some things; i think the polearm needs to realistically be a bit longer, and i'd also like abaddon's soul to actually be able to show "levels" of fullness as they absorb mana. i think i know how i could approach that, but i'd like to know more about textures first so i don't do things some unnecessarily hard way xDD

killer also has more outfits cuz he's a lil fashionista:

rn i'm not sure about the "earrings", but once i can figure out the textures and finish up the details with his face, i think it'll tie together nicely!

idk; like i said, there's still a lot to do, but it's been nice to work on something that isn't work related. it's cool seeing them slowly come together uwu

i accidently deleted my long ask... [dead.]

i'll try again. short version: does cross deal with gender-related dysphoria? considering he grew up being forced into a certain role, which is atypical for monsters, and the fact that it was once mentioned (as an offhand comment meant as an example) in a post about monster gender expression that cross may have to lean harder into masculine representation if he wants to be gendered correctly at first sight... well, i imagine it means a lot to him to have something that was denied to him for so long, and i figure those two are correlated.

i also get the feeling he's an overall rigid guy, reflected in the way his ocd manifests, so i imagine that might very well be part a of it, as well. does he not allow himself certain things out of fear he'll be misgendered? is he overall comfortable with himself? does he ever feel like he has to overcompensate?

i tip my hat. have a nice day!

short answer: YES, jesus christ, cross has a LOT of dysphoria xD

(unrelated but i am SO flattered that you remembered that detail!)

you're right on the money though, yeah. one of cross' biggest obsessions is his self-image, and a lot of that stems from dysphoria because his dad (the source of most of this) was very much the "woman belong in the kitchen supporting real men (me)" type. the funny thing is that cross' overcompensation might not always register to us because it's all based on his understandings of human culture, which in turn comes from his father's understandings of it — it's very much a game of chinese telephone, where things have been translated nearly into meaninglessness based only on second-hand observation. that is to say: most humans would only see a monster mimicking "human culture" with info clearly from movies and books, and since monsters are naturally extremely social, that isn't really seen as weird.

the most immediate (and comical) example that comes to mind: when it comes to alcohol, cross will ONLY drink beer.

does he LIKE beer? no; he thinks it tastes like rotten bread. he only drinks it because humans (specifically the kind of english-speaking cultures his father took inspiration from) say it's masculine, and he doesn't want cute guys and gals at the bar to see him drinking some fruity cocktail and come talking to him like he's a woman. he also doesn't tell anyone he bakes, to such an extent that it takes multiple years of knowing him (or a really, really bad sleep schedule) to finally catch him doing it. he used to wear a headscarf as a kid (because his dad insisted and he was too young to realize why), and he actually DID like how that looked on him, but the second he realized it made people see him Wrong he burned it and never touched another one.

(the second, admittedly sadder example: cross is bisexual, but he never dates anyone, and only ever flirts with women. he's heard and seen that humans see gay men as lesser feminine, and he's not secure enough in his own self image to risk it. god FUCKING forbid anyone finds out he wants to bottom; he would literally rather die.)

this is actually one of the many reasons that tension develops between him and abaddon; abaddon threatens everything he knows in (many) more ways than one, but the fact that they're an extremely secure trans guy on top of that is just spit on his fucking ice cream.