pear-1206

Latest Posts by pear-1206

Best birthday gift ever!!!!!

Happy birthday to my friend @pear-1206!!!

Title: “The Birthday Curveball”

It started with a DM.

A playful comment under one of Nico Hülkenberg’s photos:

“If you’re free on June 11, I’ll save you a slice of cake 😌🎂 #BirthdayWish”

He never replied. Of course not. He was a Formula 1 driver. She was just a fan.

But he saw it.

And something about it—her casual tone, the cute selfie on her profile, the fact that she was wearing one of his old caps backwards—stuck with him.

He screenshotted it and forgot about it… almost.

————————————-

June 11th arrived.

It was just supposed to be a quiet birthday. She’d taken the day off work, treated herself to a bakery coffee, and spent most of the afternoon binge-watching old race highlights in pajamas.

Her friends had tried to throw together a dinner, but plans fell apart last minute. One was sick, another stuck in traffic.

So she was alone. A little wistful, but trying not to care. She lit a single candle in her slice of store-bought cake.

“Happy birthday to me,” she whispered with a smile, blowing it out.

Just then, her phone buzzed.

Unknown Number:

“Check your door. x – N”

She blinked.

Her heart stopped.

No. It couldn’t be.

Still in pajamas, she padded barefoot to the front door, unsure whether to laugh or scream.

And when she opened it—

There he was.

Nico. Hülkenberg.

Standing on her doorstep in jeans and a soft black hoodie, holding a small white box and the most sheepish, adorable grin she had ever seen in her life.

“Happy Birthday,” he said. “I brought cake. And I had some free time.”

She was frozen.

“Um,” she said brilliantly. “Are you real?”

He laughed. “Pretty sure. I had to ask your friend for your address. She told me you loved tiramisu and that you weren’t doing anything big tonight.”

“She knew about this?”

“She helped. Promise it wasn’t too creepy. I figured you invited me first.” He raised his brows.

She gasped. “The Instagram comment! I was joking—”

“I wasn’t.” He stepped forward and lifted the box. “I mean it. If you’re still offering cake, I’m offering company.”

⸻

They sat on her little couch, knees nearly touching. She was still in her pajamas, cheeks hot, mind racing. He told her stories from the paddock, teased her gently when she showed him the poster on her wall, and they laughed like they’d known each other for years.

She forgot to be nervous. He forgot the world outside her cozy apartment.

And when the cake was finished, and he stood to leave, he looked at her like he was memorizing the moment.

“I think birthdays should always come with surprises,” he said softly. “And maybe… next time, you let me plan something even better?”

She nodded, speechless.

Nico smiled.

Then, on her doorway, under the soft golden light—he kissed her cheek.

“Happy Birthday,” he murmured again

Woke up at like 6:40 am (I sleep at 7:30 the night before because I'm so tired, woke up a few times that night until morning), go out for my license, encounters like 3 or 4 cops on the way there (luckily we didn't get pulled over), get back home, had a fight with the entire colony of ants in my bedroom (all is good now🥴), my gramps are being difficult (he's sick), my little brothers being difficult (he's also tired from school), had mental breakdown, cried in the bathroom cause I wanted to hit someone and just shout at someone but still survive the day cause my parents got me cake and food😁😁. On top of that, it's my 20th birthday (12th June). So happy birthday to myself!!! And yeah, summarize my whole birthday cause I wanted someone to know🥺🥺🫂

Ps: Happy birthday to everyone!!!! Whatever or whenever yours is, hope you have a good one and enjoy yourself!!!! ❤️❤️

POINTS BABY!!!! P5!!! WOHOOOO!!!!!

(seems a bit inappropriate now that Nico passed Lewis😬😬)

nico hulkenberg appreciation post reblog if you agree

Finally free from everything!!!! No exams, no college, no schoolwork, no responsibility, nothing. Just me and my (deserves) me time!!! Officially graduate today and so f--- happy😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️ I'm going to binging watches everything and simp on everyone out there, beware!!!!

Please tell her to include Jack Abbot!!!!! My man deserves more love especially from her🤭

She has such good taste it’s crazy

Finally Harry Kane won his first ever trophy!!!! 🥺🥺🥺 Thought the curse still on but not today it seems!!!!

Look how happy he is in the sec pic🥺🥺🥺😭😭

*see him anywhere*

Danny Ric: NIIICOOOOOOOO HUUUUUUUULKENBERG!!! 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

So I’ve written my first fanfic in the F1 realm if anyone is I treated in reading it. I’ve waited until I was fully done to publish it because that’s how I prefer to write. I pop in and out of sections, tweaking things until I get the story line the way I want. Maybe one day I will learn how to format stories here with a linked master list (someone show me please!) but until then.. here you go… I figured the world needed more Nico Hulk fanfics

*tears falls slowly* 💔😭

oh bobby, mr captain robert nash, mr dad to us all. thank you for all these years. thank you for showing strength, and heroism, and braveness. thank you for showing they also exist in vulnerability. thank you for raising them as a family. thank you for allowing yourself to love once again 🤍

thank you for fighting, and teaching how to fight. thank you for your kindness, and your candor, and maturity. thank you for loving them through and in-spite of it all.

thank you for loving athena, and her kids as your own. thank you for forgiving yourself. thank you for saving them all in so many ways. thank you for admitting your wrongs and seeing beyond them. thank you for staying a little while longer.

and most of all, thank you to Peter Krause, for giving this character life. there’s a part of me that hopes this was fake. I hope this posts looks ridiculous in a couple of weeks. if not, you have and will always have my heart. thank you for giving us bobby, he’ll be honored and remembered through centuries to come 🤍

it is a knife - jack abbot.

pairing: jack abbot x reader.

warnings: very lightly implied smut. a knife? lol

summary: a lull in your shift allows for some quiet time with Jack which is suddenly interrupted by the wielding of a knife.

word count: 700+

a/n: not edited or proofread at all!! I wrote this literally in an hour. ho-ho-holy shit it’s been a minute since I’ve posted on here but, I’m back? Sort of?

It was a quiet night in the ER— more so than normal. It almost made you miss the chaos. Almost. Because while the chaos guaranteed your shift went faster, sometimes not even that could compare to the moments hidden in the quiet. When on the rare occasion, during a lull in the night and there were only one or two people in the waiting room, every patient behind the doors sound asleep and all the staff caught up on their work, did it allow you a couple of minutes alone with your husband— the familiar feeling of his solid arms sliding around your waist from behind putting you further at ease.

“Hi,” Jack murmurs against your neck, pressing a kiss to the spot and resting his head on your shoulder.

“Hi,” you whisper back, giving his hand that rests on your middle a squeeze before going back to making your cup of tea.

“Tea?” you offer.

He shakes his head with a pleased sigh, “I’m quite happy with what I have right now.”

Your eyes widen, feeling just how happy he was as he pulled you closer to him— something hard pressing into your lower back.

“I can tell,” you breathe a laugh and turn around in his arms.

Draping your arms around his neck, you reach up to press a soft kiss against his lips, his arms tightening around you and holding you in place to pull you back in for another but you deny him to peer through the small window in the door to make sure no one was coming toward the tea room.

“All clear?” He muses, when your gaze returns to him.

You roll your eyes but, allow him to pull you into another kiss. Slow and tender, his mouth coaxes your own open to snake his tongue into yours. You moan at the feeling of his tongue sliding against yours, arms tightening around him as his hardness presses into your lower stomach—

“Fuck-” you whine, breaking the kiss.

Jack doesn’t let up though, continuing to press hot, wet kisses down your neck, his hands sliding down your body and finding perch on your ass to press you even closer to him—

“Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just that excited to see me?” you tease breathlessly but, your words seem to halt his ministrations.

“What?” you ask, head dipping to meet his gaze and concern lacing your voice at the odd look in his eyes. “Jack, what is it?”

“Uh— actually,” he removes one of his arms from around you to reach into his pocket.

“It uh— it is a knife,” he pull an all black switch blade out and shows it to you. “It’s that one I was telling you about a couple of weeks ago, remember? The one I said I ordered? It was just delivered yesterday. Here-”

You stare at your husband, absolutely bewildered and pressing a hand to your mouth while he shows it off to you, describing its different features and demonstrating them too—

“Oh my god,” you whisper from behind your fingers. The moment was completely shattered and god, if it was anyone else… but, it wasn’t anyone else. It was Jack. Your Jack and you couldn’t deny the way your heart swelled and filled with more love for him than you knew you were capable of as his eyes lit up every time he looked at you or showed you something new on the blade that he should’ve absolutely not been carrying around on him but was anyway. “Oh Jack, baby, you are so lucky I am so in love with you.”

“What? Why?” he questions, brows furrowing in complete oblivion but, you give him a moment to catch on.

“Oh-” he says, mouth forming an ‘o’ to match. “Oh- baby- I’m so sorry-”

“It’s okay,” you hum your amusement, folding the blade up and placing it in the breast pocket of his scrub top.

Leaning back against the counter, you watch as he closes his eyes and grimaces— the corner of your lips twitching as you suppress your smile. A small laugh escaping you a second later as he groans and falls forward into your arms, his head resting on your shoulder as you rub soothing circles into his back.

“If it’s of any consolation, I also was and most definitely still am excited to see you,” Jack mumbles into your neck, pressing his indeed hardened member into you.

You don’t suppress the laughter that bubbles out of you this time, arms wrapping around him as you pepper his reddened cheeks and neck with kisses.

Yeah, you lived for these quiet moments.

-

All fics are my own work - I have not posted my work anywhere else.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/places mentioned above.

Do not copy. Do not translate. Do not repost.

bookofbonbon 2025. All rights reserved.

Everyone, I have news. Please be aware that this is a FUCKING MASTERPIECE!!!!!!! Read and enjoy✌🏻✌🏻🤞🏻

Quiet

Widower!Jack Abbott x Widow Single Mom!Reader

19.9k || All my content is 18+ MDNI || CW: sick baby; sick mom; mentions of needles; inaccurate medical knowledge/descriptions/tests etc.; reference to past pregnancy; reference to past miscarriages but no graphic descriptions, just a mention they occurred (reader does not actively experience one in the fic); Jack was in the army; reader's husband was in the army and died while deployed; discussions of IVs and needle sticks; reader gets an IV and is not afraid of needles; mild description of IV insertion; shy reader; discussion of possible peanut allergy; mentions of covid, influenza a and b and RSV; mom guilt; discussions of loss of spouse; lots of grief and self hate for a bit; Jack is vaguely suicidal and ideating at the beginning; healing; reader and jack are human and not perfect and make mistakes; reader can't cook; baby is a boy but is not named; DOMESTIC JACK

Summary: Widower Jack and widowed single mom Reader meet in the Pitt when Reader's baby gets sick. What follows is healing, patience and becoming ready.

A.N.: Inspired by this ask. This was so inspiring and I went totally off the rails. There will for sure be a part two. I really wanted to do something with Jack being a widower but was unsure of how to. This ask came in and the idea came to me and I felt like it was a good way to work with that piece of him. The beginning is quite emotional, I'm not going to say angst, there's just a lot of emotions and sadness and grief as we define Jack and Reader's reality. I PROMISE that the end gets fluffy and happy and (I hope) funny! Part two will be more fluff with a dash of emotion sprinkled in as we watch their relationship develop and the two get their happily ever after together!

You make it to about ten before you decide to go in. It’s not a long drive and by 10:15 p.m. you’re parked and walking into the ED.

You bite your lip and bounce just a little to help keep him asleep in your arms while the woman behind the plexiglass processes your insurance and co-pay. She gives you a warm smile, says to take a seat and it’ll be just a few minutes and they’ll get you back. 

Thanking her you grab your cards and do as she says. You’re surprised by how quiet it is. There’s a few people in the waiting room but it seems more like they’re waiting on people as opposed to be seen. Small mercies, you suppose. You’ll take what you can get. 

You can only imagine what you must look like right now, how bad you must look. You wish your husband was here. Wish he had been here for it all. He’d reassure you. Tell you that you were doing the right thing by coming in. Better to be safe than sorry. You can hear him telling you it. 

A call of your last name dissolves his voice playing in the back of your head. You follow a nurse back and get settled in a room. All the basics are done, everything you expected. And like you expected the second you set your son down so that his vitals can be taken he starts to cry. It makes you want to cry. 

Bridget reassures you that it’s okay, is quick taking his vitals so you can get him back in your arms and calm him. You know you must look like a mess, hair messed up, eyes reflecting how exhausted you are and the lack of sleep, wrinkled clothes that have at least one stain somewhere, probably more. And you’re sure that your face reflects how you feel inside, how frazzled you are, how guilty, how scared, how upset, how sad, how out of control you feel. 

Bridget dims the lights for you and leaves you to hold your son against you in the hospital bed. “I’ll have a doctor in as soon as possible.”

“Thank you,” you murmur, “and I’m sorry for being kind of a mess. Well, not kind of at this point.” 

She just laughs. “I understand, but trust me, you’re doing just fine.”

You manage to give her a small smile back and nod. She walks out and then it’s just you and your son. Like it always is. Your husband isn’t here, he’s never going to be here. His absence is pronounced as you lay in a hospital bed in an emergency room with your sick nine-month old. You do your best to not think about it because if you do, you’ll lose it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He’s missing her tonight, more than usual. Maybe it’s not so much that he’s missing her more than usual but he’s more aware of how much he always misses her. It’s more acute. Like some flareup of a chronic illness. Thinking in medical terms helps.

He knows he shouldn’t do that, try to understand it like it’s some illness he can study and understand. It’s just grief. It’s just there more than others some days. Sometimes he can articulate why and others he can’t.

Tonight he can’t. 

He bends his thumb inward and puts it on his wedding band, thumbs at it so it rolls around his finger. Nervous habit. That’s what he calls it now. When she was alive it helped ground him, reminded him she was there and he’d be going home to her, could make it through whatever was in front of him. And then she died. So now he tells himself it’s a nervous habit because he doesn’t know what the fuck else to call it. 

To those who don’t know him he still looks like a husband subtly using his wedding band to ground himself or remind himself of his wife or because he’s thinking about her and so he’s subconsciously playing with his ring. 

If only. 

Jack inches a little further and looks down over the ledge of the roof. The ground looks so inviting from the roof sometimes. It would be so simple. He could be reunited with her, if such a thing was real. 

Sometimes though he wants to be selfish and not care how she’d feel about it because she, unlike him, isn’t around anymore to feel fucking anything. Sometimes his grief comes out in anger because she got it fucking easy, she didn’t have to lose him, she doesn’t have to be here, doing all this feeling while alone. He always hates himself after that even though his therapist says it’s normal. But he’s stuck here and has to do the feeling because when he tried to bury the feelings he nearly self-destructed. 

So Jack stands on the roof. Stands and feels. And Jack is tired. Tired of feeling. At least like this anyway. 

He knows she’d hate it, hate him walking off the ledge of the roof so he doesn’t. Not tonight. 

Instead he slips back under the guard rail and leans against it, lets his head fall back and the chill in the air bring him back down. 

It’s too quiet, he realizes. Maybe that’s why his awareness of how much he misses her is so high right now. He likes noise. Keeps his mind quiet. The Pitt is too quiet. Even the City as he stands on the roof. And so his mind is loud. 

It makes him uneasy. There’s always a reason for silence. For quiet. It always means something. Always brings something. Rarely, if ever, is it good.

Jack lets out a heavy sigh and then leaves the roof, heads back down to the Pitt hoping to find something to do. He’ll take anything at this point. “There you are,” Bridget greets him as he walks back in. “Sick nine-month old waiting for you,” she nods at your room, tells him your son’s name, a general overview. “Baby doesn’t seem too bad. Mom is stressed.” 

Jack nods, says a quick “thanks,” as starts walking towards your room. 

He looks in and sees you through the glass and stops. You are beautiful. Strikingly so. And Jack hasn’t even met you yet but feels like he’s known you forever, is drawn to you. It feels like he just understands you, or maybe more like he knows you’re going to understand him. It’s the strangest feeling. 

You start to glance up from looking at your son and Jack quickly resumes moving, knocking slightly on the door since you’ve already seen him and walking in, shutting the door behind him. “Hi, I’m Dr. Abbot,” he introduces himself. 

And god, now that he’s in your space, in here with your energy it’s even more intense. It’s like he’s supposed to know you, supposed to have met you. Like some kind of palpable fate in his brain. He briefly wonders if he’s hallucinating because this is not shit he really believes in, not normally. 

Quiet, Jack thinks. It always brings something. Or maybe someone. 

“I hear we’re not feeling well.” He looks down at your son who is asleep in your arms, head on your chest. “Mom, right?”

You nod, tell him your name. Nearly trip over it because this man is so handsome it is unfair. Then you feel bad the second you have that thought. But then you start to feel pulled to him. He’s just comforting and you struggle to understand how because you don’t know him. It feels like you do, but you don’t. You’re drawn to him. You feel like you actually need to know him. Like he and you are here for a reason. 

You immediately chastise yourself for having those thoughts. Your husband, you remind yourself, your husband. He’d have wanted you to move on, to grieve and then find someone. You don’t even have to assume that or just think it. You knew it. You knew it because of that fucking video he left you that you were never supposed to have to see. 

You bring yourself back into the present. 

“What’s been going on to bring you in?” Jack asks as he logs into the computer and pulls up your son’s chart. He glances over at you and catches a look in your eye. Jack thinks you feel it too. Whatever is between you and him, the connection. It feels like you know it’s there too. Maybe that’s wishful thinking.

You tell him what’s been going on, symptoms your son is showing. Jack alternates between typing on the computer and looking at you. “I, um, I called the nurse hotline, you know, on the back of the insurance card before I came in, I really didn’t want to waste your time, I know you guys are so busy. She said that it’s probably okay to wait to get in with the pediatrician, but that if I was concerned I could go to the emergency room and I really tried to wait, I did, but I just, I don’t know. I felt like he sounded more wheezy.” You shrug at him, eyes round and showing how distressed you are, a hint of glass at them that suggests you’re close to tears. “It’s RSV season, you know? I mean I know you know. And god, I don’t want to be like, doctor WebMD or whatever, I trust you and your expertise, it’s just why I came in, they tell you about it so much at all the appointments and I, I don’t want anything to happen to him. But if you think this is too much you can just say and-”

“It’s not too much,” Jack cuts you off, nodding gently. “I promise. Better to be safe than sorry especially if you feel like he’s been a little more wheezy.” You nod at Jack who keeps looking at you intently. It makes you clear your throat and look away. But when he doesn’t say anything after a second you look back up at him. “You did the right thing,” he tells you when he catches your eye contact again. “Can I?” He gestures to your son. 

“Oh! Yes, yes of course! Here, let me get out of bed and lay him down.” You give a breathy laugh that reveals how out of sorts you are. You’re clearly thrumming with nervous energy, frenetic and flustered.

“No, it’s okay. You can stay, I’ll take him and get him on the end of the bed if that’s okay?” He holds his hands out to take your son. 

“Of course, yeah, whatever is easiest for you and best for him!” You gently pull your son from you and he starts to wake and fuss. “I’m sorry, he hates not being held right now and he hates being held by anyone but me it seems like sometimes, so he might not…” you trail your sentence off when Jack takes your son and he settles against Jack as they walk to the end of the bed. “Settle.” You sit up and cross your legs to give Jack more room. “I guess he likes you,” you laugh softly. 

“Good taste in people already,” Jack quips absentmindedly as he lays your son down. You give a soft laugh and the corners of his lips pull up. You get his humor. He likes that. Not everyone does especially when he executes it so stoically sometimes. There really is a draw there. 

Your son starts to fuss again and Jack can see you stiffen a little and start to look like you’re about to apologize. “It’s alright, little guy, I’ll have you back to mom soon.” He keeps a hand gently on your son’s tiny stomach and chest while putting his stethoscope on with one hand and rubbing the chest piece on the side of his scrub top for a few seconds to warm it up before putting it to your son’s skin. “I know, I’m sorry,” he murmurs in between listens, gently pulling your son up into a sitting position to listen to the back of his chest. “I’m the worst, I know, you can tell me all about it, won’t be the first or the last.” 

You sit there watching the whole interaction stunned. You don’t know why, you just never expected to get a doctor who would be so good with your son, with you. There’s something about him. Something you could never hope to articulate. You’re just drawn to him, he feels like some sort of kindred spirit which you tell yourself is crazy because you’ve known the man all of four minutes. 

Jack takes his stethoscope out and finishes his exam. “You have his clothes?” He glances up at you as you ask. 

“Hm?” You lean in a little towards him. Before he can repeat himself the words process. “Oh, yes!” You grab them from beside you. You’d taken them off earlier with Bridget so she and eventually the doctor could examine your son. 

“Thanks.” Jack grabs them from you and gets your son dressed again. 

“No, thank you. You… You didn’t have to do that.” The smile you give him almost reads embarrassed. 

“Least I could do for upsetting him so much by laying him down.” Jack picks your son up and brings him the few steps back up to you as you stretch your legs out again. Your son has already started to settle in his arms again. 

“So,” Jack reaches over for the rolling stool in the room and uses the pressure of his fingertips to slide it over to him before sitting down on it and rolling up to be closer to the midpoint of the bed so you can talk. “You’re right, he’s a little wheezy. Nothing terrible, but it’s there. His fever is still pretty low grade and I saw he’s about due for some acetaminophen, so we can recheck after we give him some more in a bit. Is RSV a possibility? Yes. So is a common cold. So is influenza A or B, so is Covid.” Jack can see you getting more panicky. 

“I…” You shake your head and look at Jack. “This is my fault.” Jack furrows his eyebrows at you and cocks his head a little. “I, I’m a single mom. It’s just him and I and I have to send him to daycare so that I can work and I don’t have any family around to help and I can’t afford a nanny, daycare is expensive as it is and I don’t want to have to send him to day care, even though I know that’s a normal thing and lots of parents do it and are good parents, are great parents, it doesn’t define how good of a parent you are, but I just think in this case, it’s me. I let him get sick. I exposed him. And I never wanted that, I really didn’t I just don’t have other options and it’s so hard and I spent months researching and touring locations to try and find the best one I could afford, but at the end of the day it’s still a cesspool of germs and I don’t know. I know that it’s mom guilt and daycare guilt and I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do and you know, nothing can happen to him.” You hold your son a little closer to you. You know if something happened to him you’d be gone within minutes. “Nothing can happen to him,” you repeat, a murmur. 

There’s a small silence and then you look up. “Oh my god,” you look at Jack horrified. “I just dumped that all on you and said all of that out loud. You’re a doctor. A busy doctor in an emergency room, you so do not have time for this, and god, fuck, it’s not even your job to listen anyway. I am so, so sorry.” You fight back tears because you are not doing this, you are not losing it here in an emergency room with your son in your arms. Because if one tear falls all of them will. 

Jack can see how you’re trembling. He noticed you were a little when he came in the room, noticed how chapped your lips were. 

“Hey, it’s all good.” Jack’s voice is soft and he tries to catch your eye to reassure you more but doesn’t force you when you avoid it. “I have time, you picked a good night, okay? And I know that nothing I can say will help with the guilt and I know you know but this stuff happens. They get sick. You did what you’re supposed to do, brought him in, called the hotline, monitored him closely.” You close your eyes for a second and take in a few breaths. He can tell you need to move on and not dwell here or something will open up that you can’t close and there is nobody who understands that better than Jack. “I don’t think anything is going to happen to him. I’m going to give you some choices, okay?” 

You finally look back up at him and nod, give him an apologetic smile. “Thank you,” you whisper. 

Jack nods. “First option is we give him some acetaminophen here and keep you guys here for a couple hours to monitor him and see how he does. That’s the least intensive option. Second option is the most intensive option. We test for RSV, rhinovirus, influenza A and B, Covid. That would be a swab test, one for all. We draw some blood and run a few tests just to check on everything. And then we do a chest x-ray to see if anything’s going on. Third option is a middleground. We start with the swab test. If it comes back positive for one we discuss more options. If it comes back negative then maybe we decide to do bloodwork. Choice is yours. None of them are wrong.”

You swallow hard. Your mind races as you try to decide. What if you make the wrong choice and something happens? 

“What would you do if he was yours?” You ask Jack, voice so, so small, so scared. Jack barely knows you but his heart aches for you. It’s like he understands you somehow even though he’s not a parent, has no reason to feel such a pull or connection to you. 

“Uh, wow, I… I don’t know,” Jack stutters a little because the question throws him so much. 

“I’m sorry if that was inappropriate, you don’t have to answer. I thought maybe you and your wife had kids and maybe that’s inappropriate too, god.” You cringe at yourself. But yeah. You’d noticed the wedding ring when he took your son from you. 

“No, no, it’s not inappropriate and we… I,” Jack looks almost pained. It’s familiar, the expression he wears. You feel like you know it well even if you can’t place it in the moment. “No kids,” he finally settles on, “I don’t have any kids. And I can’t say I’ve thought about… this, what I would do before.” He brings a hand up to his head and runs it through his hair before crossing his arms over his chest for a second before moving them back down to rest on his legs. “It’s hard,” he shrugs, and gives you an apologetic look. “The doctor in me who knows all of the possibilities says option two. But the doctor in me also knows that’s probably a bit overkill and that realistically option one is fine, and that option three is the best, that middleground.” He looks away from you and down at your son, studies your little boy whose small hand clings to your shirt. “I can’t say I’ve ever really tried to access the… paternal side of me,” Jack clears his throat, “not in a long time anyway. But I think I’d have to go option two, even though it’s overkill and involves a needle stick. I’d want the reassurance and to see the numbers and images.” 

You nod. “Yeah,” you say quietly and look down at your son. “Yeah, I think that’s what I want to do. I just needed, I don’t know. Not permission but… something.” You look back up at Jack and your eyes glaze over a bit. Something he recognizes, something he’s been told happens to him when he talks about his wife. His head tilts slightly at the thought. “Input.” You finally whisper. “I needed input.” 

Jack watches your bottom lip tremble and you bite it to stop it from doing so. 

Because you don’t have input. Your input is in the ground. Six feet in the ground. You never really got to have any input. Not from the one person whose input mattered most. 

And you don’t miss how you feel this connection to Jack and now he’s your input. Guilt and sorrow and grief and some vague flicker of anticipation slam into you. Anticipation is a new feeling, you haven’t had it since you gave birth. Even the way you phrased the question. Not what would he do with his child or if it was his kid here what would he do. No, you’d asked what would he do if your son was his.

You have to stop thinking about it.

Jack leans back a little and runs his palms down his thighs. “Okay, then that’s what we’ll do. I’ll go ahead and put in the orders for the tests and acetaminophen. You can go to x-ray with him and wait behind the door, the rest we’ll do in here. I can swab,” he says with a small smile as he grabs one of the testing kits they have out of the cabinet in the room. He quickly types an order into the computer.“But I’m going to have one of our nurses come and grab some blood. I’d do it but nobody wants that. They’re the best sticks in the place, I promise.” He gives you a small but reassuring smile. 

You can’t remember the last time you genuinely felt reassured by anyone’s smile. That’s a lie. You can. It was the last time your husband ever smiled at you. The thought makes the smile you give him in return falter a bit. Jack wonders if he did something. Said the wrong thing. 

Your son fusses a bit for the swab, but you’re able to help hold him still so that Jack can get it done as quickly as possible. He settles back easy enough. Bridget walks in with some supplies while Jack continues typing. 

Jack was right, Bridget is a fantastic stick and the needle is so small your son makes just a little whimper before resting on you again. You feel bad when you have to wake him a bit to give him the tylenol. His small hands rub at his eyes and he tries to move his head away but you coax him to it so easily, so naturally, Jack thinks to himself. “Thanks Bridget,” he says quietly as she walks out. 

“Alright,” Jack says through an exhaled breath as he finishes on the computer. “I’m gonna be honest with you,” he starts as he grabs some hand sanitizer, “I’m more worried about you, mom, than I am about the baby.” He turns to look at you as he sits back down on the stool, tilts his head at you. 

You blink at him, like what he said is still processing. “Me?” Jack nods. “I’m fine, I feel fine. I’m just maybe a bit tired because, you know, sick kid but… I’m fine.” 

Jack pushes his bottom lip out a little and pulls down, nods just a little. He doesn’t believe you. You know he doesn’t. “When’s the last time you ate?” 

You look at him again for a moment and for a minute Jack thinks he’s gone too far, overstepped, has been imagining everything he’s felt since he saw you. “Um,” you finally say. He realizes you’ve been trying to think when it was, not that he upset you or anything. “I, I don’t know, probably I had something for lunch, I’m sure.” 

“You’re shaking.” Jack points out. You furrow your brows, unsure if he’s right and if he is how he could possibly know that. “Hold out a hand.” You do as he asks and sure enough, you can’t keep it still. “When’s the last time you drank some water?” He gives you a look as he says it and tilts his head at you. “Your lips are chapped. It’s been a bit, I’d guess. You’re dehydrated.”

You look away from him, can’t decide if you’re uncomfortable with his scrutiny or if you kind of like it. It feels wrong to like it. 

“Listen, I’m not trying to be a dick, okay?” He goes to continue speaking and stops, what he just said hitting him. “I probably shouldn’t have said dick in front of a patient, so I apologize for that,” you laugh at that and shake your head telling him not to. “I can’t imagine how hard it must be doing this by yourself. But you have to take care of yourself for him, and again, I know you know that,” he holds his hands up, “I just wanted to say because I’m sure it’s easy to lose sight of, especially when he’s sick.”

You nod and let yourself look back at him. “Yeah,” you nod. “It is.” 

“So, game plan for you is to get some food and water in your system. What do you like to eat?” 

“Oh, wow,” you laugh a little. “Dr. Abbot, that is-”

“Jack,” he interrupts you to tell you, “call me Jack.”

“Uh, okay. Well, Jack, that is very kind of you but I’ll be okay, and I can grab something once we get home. I will grab something.” You try to give him a reassuring smile. “Promise.” 

Jack shakes his head and clicks his tongue. “No, you’re going to be here too long for that to be a deal. Between the x-ray and blood test results and monitoring him. Food and water or I’m going to create a chart for you and give you an IV.” He shrugs like it’s the simplest thing in the world. Like it’s something he would do for any patient. 

You both know he wouldn’t. 

In part because having this much time is a rarity, beyond a rarity even. In part because any patient isn’t you.

You open your mouth to speak a couple of times and then close it again. “Okay,” you whisper. 

“Great,” Jack smiles at you. “What do you like to eat?”

You look at Jack and you look so overwhelmed he starts to feel bad. “Jack, I, honestly?” you laugh, “I have no fucking idea. Like none. I don’t remember, I don’t have the ability to even pick.” You’re still laughing because it’s so fucking ridiculous. A simple question. And yet you can’t answer it. 

There’s a sorrow to your laugh that resonates with Jack. It sounds familiar. Sounds like his laugh sometimes. 

“Alright, well,” Jack laughs a little with you, keeps it light, “I’d say I can work with that but I think it’s really more like I’m gonna have to work with that.” 

You shake your head and cringe at yourself. “You must think I’m a disaster. God, I’m sure I look like one.” 

Jack presses his lips together and squints a little, shakes his head. “I don’t think either, nor is either true.” 

Jack leans back and it stretches his shirt against his chest, pulls it tauter. The outline of two familiar pieces of metal and rubber silencers becomes visible, just for a second. You’d been feeling a little better. Now you’re about to be sick. About to lose it. 

Your smile falls, and Jack furrows his brows, goes to ask if you’re okay. 

“Do you have dog tags in your pocket?” You glance down at his chest pocket. 

“Uh, yeah, yeah I do.” If Jack had stopped right there you would have been fine. You would have been able to breathe through it, shut yourself down emotionally, and kept it all in. But he doesn’t. And you’re exhausted and your baby is sick and your husband is dead. 

Jack pulls them out of his pocket and flashes them at you. Quickly, but long enough.

Jack knows something is wrong based on the look on your face and the way you stare at his dog tags and then his chest pocket when they’re back away. You start shaking your head, squeeze your eyes closed. “Hey,” Jack starts softly. 

You shake your head faster, try to say something but all that comes out is a soundless sob as you devolve into tears. Quiet ones because your son is asleep in your arms but big wracking ones nonetheless.

It clicks into place. The draw to you. Feeling like he understood you and you him. Recognizing the way your eyes glazed over just slightly. The familiar sorrow to your laugh. 

You’re a widow too. 

And if Jack was a betting man he’d put a whole lot of money on your husband being deployed when you lost him. 

Jack’s up quickly, grabbing the box of tissues and setting them on the bed near you while reaching for your son wordlessly, only a nod and gentle motion of his hands to offer. You’re torn between whether having your son out of your arms will help or hurt, but you know it’s not fair to him and that eventually he’ll wake up because of your sobs, no matter how quiet you are. 

Jack takes him from you and sits back down in one of the chairs this time, pulling it over to be closer to the bed and kicking the stool out of the way. Your son stays asleep as Jack settles him on his chest. He feels a bit cooler too, Jack notes.

“I’m so, sorry,” you choke out quietly between sobs, “you can give him back and go, this is, this is not your problem to deal with.” Jack doesn’t reply, just nudges the tissues closer to you. 

And so you keep crying. And Jack keeps holding your son. 

Eventually you cry yourself out and are so numb you’re left with just shame and embarrassment for doing this here, in front of Jack and your son. 

As the sniffles stop, you try to look at Jack but are too embarrassed. “I’m so sorry,” you repeat. “I’ll take him back and you can go.”

Jack stands up and hands you your son back. A wave of relief and calm washes over you at having his familiar weight back in your arms and on your chest. But there’s a pang of sadness too, you really thought Jack might stay. You don’t know why you care.

But Jack surprises you, sits back down and pulls his phone out for a second, sends off a couple of messages. He turns his attention back to you. “I’m gonna stay for a bit. The uh,” he struggles to find a word that won’t jinx everything, “patient census,” he makes a face when he says it like he can’t believe he just said those words, “is low tonight. I have time.” He lets out a long breath through his nose. “And you have nothing to apologize for,” he shakes his head slowly as he speaks.

You give him a slight smile at patient census and the look he pulls, a little nod and he doesn’t push for more. He gives you time. 

But after a while he puts it out there so you know that you can. “You wanna talk about it?”

You look at him and see understanding, feel like you’re really being seen for the first time since your husband died and you don’t know why Jack is the one. 

“I don’t know,” you whisper. Shrug at him with a watery smile. “I don’t know how to.” 

Jack nods slowly. Pauses for a moment and takes in a big breath he lets out, a little shaky. A shaky you feel like you recognize. “My wife died five years ago, so when I say I know what you mean, I promise I really do.” 

You shut your eyes and grimace as it all falls into place. The connection you felt with him. The pull. Why he makes you feel seen. 

“God I am so sorry, when I asked earlier, about kids and if you and your wife had any, I just thought with the ring, god I of all people should know better than that.” You shake your head at yourself. 

“You had no way of knowing,” Jack shakes his head. He looks down at his ring. Then to your ring finger which is empty. That deep set confliction and need to explain starts to rise. “I still wear it because… I think… It’s-”

“Hey,” you say softly. “You don’t have to explain. Not to anyone, and certainly not to me.”

Jack nods. You sit in the quiet for a few minutes. 

“I would probably still have mine on, but,” you sigh, “I guess it requires more backstory.” You pause to collect yourself. “Long story short is he was in the army. Scheduled to be deployed. Really short one. He was done after it too. Would have been out.” You take in another shaky breath. “We’d been trying for a baby for a while. I kept miscarrying. Little under two weeks before he was leaving I found out I was five weeks pregnant. And this one felt different. I had morning sickness. There was so much cautious optimism and he hated that he had to leave but he was supposed to be back in time for birth as long as everything went as planned.” You shrug. “He died when I was ten weeks pregnant.” 

Jack closes his eyes at that. His heart aches for you in the way only someone whose heart has been through that same loss can. 

“Yeah, pretty fucking sick of the universe. The one time I keep the pregnancy I lose the husband.” You wipe at your eyes with the tissue in your hand. “Anyway, late pregnancy my hands swelled up. Rings didn’t fit. I had to take them off. And once I had him and knew they would fit again I couldn’t bring myself to slide them back on. He was supposed to be the one to do that, you know?” Jack nods. He gets it. “So I think that’s probably the only reason I’m not still wearing mine.” 

“It’s not been five years though,” Jack points out. 

“There’s no timeline on when to be ready and take them off. I’m the newbie to the widow game here, but even I know that.” You give him a lopsided smile and Jack lets out a little laugh. 

“No timeline to any of it.” Jack offers. You raise your brows and lower them, nod as to wordlessly say true. 

You’re interrupted by Bridget bringing in some water and food for you. It’s obvious something has happened between the two of you and that you’ve been crying. “There’s an incoming,” she says quietly to Jack. “ETA four. We need you.” He nods. 

Bridget steps out and Jack stands up, puts the chair back and looks back at you, rolls his eyes. “Patient census comment coming back to bite me in the ass. Shoulda known better.” 

You let out a small laugh. “I thought it was very Scottish Play of you.” Jack smiles at you. “I’m sorry it didn’t work.” He walks over to the door and puts his hand on the door handle, pauses, thinking.

Jack turns back to look at you. “What’s done cannot be undone,” he says with a little smirk. 

You laugh almost properly at that. It makes you feel, maybe not totally happy, but okay. It’s been a while since you’ve felt either. 

“Oh wow, okay, well go get ‘em Lady Macbeth.” Jack laughs softly, more of just a smile with some air breathed out of his nose as he shakes his head a little at you. 

He doesn’t say to eat and drink the water and that he’ll be back to check on you. He doesn’t need to. You know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few weeks pass. Your son recovers without incident. You can’t stop thinking about Jack. Jack can’t stop thinking about you. He has to talk himself out of looking up your info in your son’s chart and going to stop by and make sure your son recovered okay. 

You get sick. Really sick. You finally get your son down for a nap and stare at the piece of paper Jack had given you as you left. 

“Here,” Jack hands you a slip of paper with his name and number written on it. “If you ever need anything, call me, okay? If you need help fixing something at home or someone to watch the baby for an hour so you can grab a shower, or for however long it takes you to get your hair done, or whatever. Don’t hesitate to call.” Jack swallows. He doesn’t know how this part is going to go. “Or, you know… just call me.” 

You look up at him wide-eyed. “Oh, wow,” you laugh nervously, “wow Jack, I am so flattered, truly. But I just,” you look away from him, suddenly somehow even more shy, like the man hasn’t seen you sobbing and snotty and is still interested in you. “I’m not ready. I don’t know when-”

“That’s okay,” Jack nods, “I just wanted to put it out there. But still. I want you to call if you need something, okay? I respect your answer and so if you call I’m not going to expect anything or badger you about it or try and force it on you. I just want to help.” He looks to the side for a moment and then back at you. “One vet helping an active.” 

You feel so bad about it, are so conflicted. But you could really, really use some help. So you text him, tell him it’s you. 

You - Are you at work? 

J - No. 

J - Everything okay? 

You - Did you just get off work? 

J - No, string of off days. 

You chew your lip as you pull up his contact and stare at the number. You just tap randomly at your phone and let the universe decide. If it calls him then it calls him, if it doesn’t then it wasn’t meant to be. 

It calls him. 

“Hey,” he picks up on the first ring, sounds concerned, “you okay? Baby okay?”

You clear your throat and he can already hear it, is already standing up to throw on some real clothes and grab supplies. “Baby’s great.” He cringes at how bad you sound. If you feel as bad as you sound he’s genuinely astounded by how you’re taking care of a now ten-month old while being so sick. “Me, not so much. You said to call and I… I didn’t want to and I know this is so unfair, but I don’t have anyone else and I could just really really use an hour to get a shower and tidy a few things up.”

You need more than an hour to shower and tidy up, you need to sleep for as long as you can, Jack thinks to himself. “Text me your address.” 

There’s a beat of silence. “You sure?” You ask him, give him an out. 

“Positive. I’ll be there as soon as I can, okay? Within the hour.” 

“Okay.” It’s so quiet he almost misses it. “Thank you.” 

“Of course. Text me, okay?”

“Yeah.” You hang up and do so. 

Jack stops by the hospital before he comes over, grabs a couple bags of saline, a couple of banana bags, and a few IV kits, tosses them in his backpack. Tells a raised eyebrows and confused Robby to tell Gloria to bill him for it and he’ll bill the hospital for the use of his supplies and tech during Pitt Fest before walking out. 

Then he stops by a grocery store, picks up some food and over the counter meds and then he’s on his way to you. 

The knock on your door startles you even though you know it’s just Jack. You open it and his eyebrows raise as he takes you in. You look like death warmed up. Maybe not quite that bad but Jack’s judgment of that is skewed because it’s you and he doesn’t like seeing you sick he has decided. 

“Hi,” you whisper as he walks in. “He’s down in his room, if you wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on the monitor while I shower and then I’d really love to just tidy up a bit.” You move your hand to reference your living room and kitchen, both visible with the open floor plan. “It’s a mess. I’m sorry about that too, it’s normally not this bad.” 

Jack takes the space in. It’s not even that bad. It’s very sick single mom with a baby. Not dirty, just cluttered. He notes the sparse decoration, wonders if you moved after your husband died. “It’s really not that bad,” he tells you softly and takes the baby monitor from you. “Come here.” 

He steps towards you and you freeze, not sure of what to do. He just raises his hand and puts the back of it to your forehead. Jack flashes you a concerned look. “You’re burning up. Easily 102.”

You try to laugh it off but it just triggers a coughing fit. “I’m fine, it’s okay-”

“No,” Jack says firmly. “It’s really not.” He walks over to your couch and sets his bag down, slides the baby monitor into the pocket of his jeans. He pulls out a forehead thermometer and nods at the couch, asking you to sit down. 

You hesitate for a second, feel like this is too much and he’s doing too much and you should say he can leave, that he should go. But instead you go and sit on the couch. 

Jack scans your forehead and frowns when he looks at it. “102.8.” His eyes flick to yours and he can see you going to say something, and he knows it’ll be something like you’re fine or it’ll come down. “Look,” he turns the thermometer around so you can see the reading. “The light is red. There’s a frowning face. So please don’t say it’s okay and you’re okay.” His words are firm but compassionate and he isn’t condescending at all. 

“Well, once you leave if he’s still asleep, I’ll try to grab some rest.” You give him a weak smile. “Promise.” 

“Oh no,” Jack shakes his head. “No way. If I wasn’t a doctor and didn’t have supplies with me, you’d be going to the ED.” He starts looking through his bag. 

“Jack, this is really nice of you but unnecessary.” His eyes snap back to yours when he hears his name come off your tongue. He likes it. Too much. You said no, that you weren’t ready. But Jack can’t help how he feels, only on how he acts on those feelings. 

He ignores your protests. “Plan of care is to have you shower if you’d like. Cool, please. And then I’m going to give you some meds, get an IV in you and a banana bag going and you’re going to go sleep.”

“I, I really think just a shower and some tidying will help me feel much better.” Another half hearted protest. It feels good to have someone want to take care of you. To have a man want to take care of you. To have Jack want to take care of you. Those are all feelings you haven’t felt in a while, and they’re from Jack Abbot. And a piece of you hates yourself for that, especially when your eyes wander to the folded American flag displayed on a shelf. 

Jack tracks your eyes to it. “I’m not trying to overstep,” he starts to explain, “just, you’re a lot sicker than you think.”

“No, no, I know that, and you’re not, I’m just not used to it.” You try to find the word but it’s hard. “The attention, I guess. Or maybe the help. Pregnancy and labor and birth and coming home with a newborn while recovering were all alone, so it’s just… strange.” 

Jack shuts his eyes and lets out a breath. His heart hurts because he knows what that kind of alone feels like. He knows how hard it can be to survive and live with. And he’s never had to experience alone everything that you have. He hates that you were alone. He’s even more in awe of you, honestly, that you were able to. There’s a sense of pride too, one he knows he has no business having. 

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, I really don’t-”

“I know that, Jack, I promise and you’re not, I’m just.” You shake your head and look away for a second. “A mess,” you laugh softly, manage to not trigger a coughing fit. 

Jack shakes his head a little. “You’re sick.” 

You shrug, take in as deep a breath as you can. “Okay,” you nod. He knows you’re acquiescing in his treatment plan. 

“Good.” Jack pulls his stethoscope out of his bag. “You mind if I listen to your lungs before you shower? Just to have a before and try to get a read on what it might be.” 

You nod at him. Jack places his stethoscope on your chest, is careful to hold it so that his hand doesn’t come into contact with you because he knows he already expressed interest and that you’re not ready and the last thing he wants is for you to think he’s using this as some weird chance to touch you or make you uncomfortable. “Deep breath.” 

Jack walks you through all the deep breaths he needs, frowning to himself a bit and not pressuring you when the deep breaths trigger your cough and he has to wait a minute to continue. The first time it happens his other hand automatically raises to go and rub your back but he catches it in time.

You don’t acknowledge it, don’t want to draw attention to it and in part don’t know how to react to it but you appreciate it more than he’ll ever know. He’s a gentleman. It’s nice and you really try to let yourself have that and let it feel nice without berating yourself over it feeling nice. But something feeling nice is so foreign and somehow feels so wrong. Like nothing should ever feel nice again because your husband isn’t here. 

“Yeah, those are junky,” he mutters as he puts his stethoscope back in his bag. “Wish I had brought a breathing treatment for you.” He looks like he’s thinking about how he could get one here. He pulls his focus back. “Shower?” 

You nod, stand up and start walking towards your room. “Hey Jack?” Jack looks up at you with raised eyebrows, body tensing just slightly like he’s ready to run towards you. “Thank you. And um, make yourself at home and help yourself to anything. I don’t know how much there is, but what’s there is yours.” You give a little nod and turn and walk off before he can say anything. 

Once he hears the shower running Jack takes a better look at the place. He finds it strange how certain parts feel like you but the overall place doesn’t in a way. It feels like someone scared to settle in, scared to make this space their own. It feels like his first apartment after his wife died did for a long time. 

He starts to tidy up, it’s really nothing major. He puts toys in the little toy bin you have, places the baby books on the floor on the bottom storage space of the table. He picks up the baby blankets and onesies laying around that he’s guessing need washed, sets them in a pile on a counter. He does the same kind of stuff in the kitchen, just picks up, wipes down. Again, nothing is dirty. It’s lived in. It’s a sick single mom with a baby who sets down an empty water bottle or paper plate and forgets to throw it away. He loads the dishwasher with the bottles and few plates and utensils in the sink. He’s not sure if what’s in there is clean or dirty but it’s fine, if it’s clean it can just get washed again. He waits to start it though, makes a note to do so later once you’re out of the shower and the hot water has had time to build back up just in case your water heater isn’t great.  

You let yourself stand under the water for longer than you probably should. You try to keep it cool like Jack said, but at some point right before you get out you let it get really, hot, just need to feel it, feel a little sterilized almost. You think about how Jack is here and doing all of this for you and what would your husband think and does this make you a bad wife. You try to get yourself to believe that your husband would be happy you’re getting help, would be happy Jack is a veteran and that you’re not a bad wife because your husband told you he wanted you to move on and find someone and it’s not like it happened yesterday. It’s been over a year. 

Once you’re out you slip on some modest pajamas, deal with your hair and put some lotion on your face, brush your teeth. You feel a little better, only because you feel clean, but still. 

Jack gives you some time once he hears the shower turn off. After a bit he knocks on your door and clears his throat. “Hey, um, I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to start the IV out here in the living room or in your room.” 

Your chest clenches for a moment. You hadn’t even really thought about what it would mean for him to start it in here, just kind of assumed he’d come in and do it. But it means there would be another man in your bedroom. A man who is not your husband. 

He gives you a moment to decide because he knows the magnitude of the question he asked. 

You’re at war with yourself, but you know it’ll be better to have him do it here and have him figure out a way to get the bag to hang. “Um, you can do it in here, I guess. Unless you’d prefer to do it out there.” 

“Wherever is best for you.” There’s a pause as Jack waits for you to come over and open the door. You’re so zoned out sitting on the edge of your bed you don’t even realize. “Should I come in?” He finally asks gently. 

“Oh! Oh yes!” The way you breathe in at surprise and almost startle at having your zoned out thoughts interrupted makes you start coughing, so Jack slowly opens the door, trying to give you time to change your mind, walks in and over to you with his supplies just as slowly. 

He sets some stuff out next to you. “Shower help?” He cringes internally the moment he says it, hopes it doesn’t make it seem like he was thinking about you in the shower. 

“Yeah. Feeling clean has helped I think.” You watch as he gets everything ready. He has big hands, long and thick fingers that should make working with small pieces of medical equipment a bit difficult but they’re so dexterous and he has so much control over them that it’s not. Once you catch yourself daydreaming about his hands you look away, shame and guilt washing over you. 

“Take these, please,” Jack says softly, handing you a few pills and holding an open bottle of water. You nod and do as he asks. “Good gi-” He stops before he can finish, some pink flooding his cheeks. It’s adorable, you think. He’s adorable and he’s trying so hard to respect you and just be here as a friend helping you out. You also think about the reaction you know you’d have had if he finished the sentence. More shame and guilt. 

“How do you sleep?” Jack asks as he finishes setting the supplies for an IV up and kneels in front of you. You furrow your brows at him. “So I can put the IV in a good spot!” He rushes to explain. “Like if you sleep on your side I’ll put it on the top arm.” 

“Oh.” You think about it and tell him. 

“Hand please.” He points to the correct one and you offer him it. “Hands hurt more but it’ll be the best for sleeping. I’m sorry you’re stuck with me doing it.” He pulls a pair of gloves on. They fit nice and tight. Once he gets a tourniquet in a slip knot nice and tight around your arm he has you make a fist. 

You shake your head at him as you watch those long and dexterous fingers run over and feel the back of your hand a veins beneath your skin. Satisfied he found a good one he opens the alcohol swab and wipes the back of your hand, lets it dry for ten or so seconds while he grabs the needle introducer. He feels for the vein again and looks up at you. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” You nod at him. 

He’s quick with it. You like the expression of intense focus he gets as he does it. “Okay,” he draws the word out a little, slips off the tourniquet. “Needle is out,” he places a tegaderm dressing over it, “and we’re good.” He looks up at you. “You okay?”

“Barley felt it,” you murmur. 

Jack gives a little laugh. “It’s okay, you can be honest. My pride can take it.” You just give him a look. “I’m gonna flush it. Some burning and maybe a weird taste.” He doesn’t explain much, knows you almost certainly had one when you gave birth. 

He does and then stands up, looks around near the head of your bed. “I think I still have a really old coat rack in the spare room,” you volunteer, knowing he’s looking for a way to hang the bag. 

“That would be perfect,” he nods at you. 

“Second door on the left when you walk out.”

Jack steps out. He already knew that through process of elimination but he doesn’t tell you that. He went to the bathroom while you were in the shower, placing his ear by each door to figure out which room was the nursery. Left one room to be the spare room. 

He brings it in and gets it set up. You offer him a hanger to place the bag on and he smiles at you. You give him a little one back. 

Jack puts on a different pair of gloves and sanitizes everything before spiking the bag and priming the line. He hooks it up to your IV and sets the drip rate, keeps it fast enough to get what you need into you but slow enough so that you hopefully won’t have to wake up to go to the bathroom for a while because he knows you’ll likely fight going back to sleep. 

“You need something to help you sleep?” He asks, a touch of concern in his tone. 

“I think I’ll manage.” You give him another weak smile. 

“Figured,” he nods. He grabs everything off the bed making sure to keep track of where the used needle is and then walks to your door. “Rest well.” He nods at you again and then steps out, closes the door behind him quietly. 

You let yourself settle into bed, feel your heart slam against your chest with every beat as emotions whirl through you. Guilt, for having some kind of feelings towards Jack, for asking Jack to do this, for not being there with your son, shame, grief, embarrassment, anger at yourself for quite literally everything, and the faintest glimmers of hope, happiness, contentedness and a kind of longing which are all new and in turn fill you with fear. 

You’re right though, you do manage to fall asleep. And fast. There are a few times you think you hear your son crying but it stops quickly so you don’t fully wake up. Another few times where you swear you hear someone in the room with you and them whisper “it’s just me, go back to sleep,” when they notice you stirring. If they’re real you let yourself listen to them and drift back asleep. 

Jack is surprised at how long you sleep. He thought for sure with all the fluids he has been giving you that you’d wake up to go to the bathroom, but that must be how tired you are. He lets you sleep. You need it. And for whatever reason he really, really cares about you and doesn’t like seeing you sick. It worries him, if he’s honest with himself. Seeing you sick. He worries about you. 

When you do wake up it is because you have to pee. You turn the lamp on to get there and close your eyes and flinch away from it until they adjust more. It starts to come back. The IV. Jack. Jack watching your son. You grab the bag of saline and go to the bathroom before walking out of your room. You have to stop at the doorway because it’s so fucking bright, let your eyes adjust. 

It makes you realize how fucked up your sense of time is. You have no idea how long you were out and you hope you hadn’t been keeping Jack a prisoner in your place for too long. 

When you walk into the living room Jack is on the floor with your son, some soft blocks knocked over the floor, your son on his back and cooing up at Jack, giggling like babies do at Jack every time Jack leans down over him and tickles his belly with one of Jack’s large hands and makes a funny noise at him. There’s a dirty diaper on the floor next to Jack, empty bottle on the table. 

“You slept well, didn’t you little man?” Jack sits him up and keeps a hand on him, your son pretty good at sitting up by himself but still getting the full hang of it. Small hands reach out for Jack, trying to pull him close. “Oh yeah, and now you’ve had a bottle and have even more energy to burn, huh?” Your son giggles again as Jack takes him into his lap as he straightens his legs and rests your son’s feet on one of his thighs so that he can bounce as Jack supports him to keep him standing. 

It’s the cutest scene. It’s so adorable your heart aches. It’s all you ever wanted for your son. And that’s why your heart shatters at the same time. Because your son doesn’t have it. Not normally. Your son doesn’t have a father. You don’t have a husband, the person you should be doing this with. This scene is a total one-off, a byproduct of you being sick and needing help. You appreciate Jack and all he’s done and how he’s being with your son but that’s supposed to be your husband. 

That’s supposed to be your fucking husband on the floor with your son and it’s not. 

It’s Jack. 

It’s Jack and you don’t hate it. 

Quite the opposite. You like the sight. Would like to see it again. Would like to see Jack again. And that makes you feel a little sick and a lot guilty. But you don’t stop liking it or wanting to see it and Jack again. You tell yourself you don’t though, that you don’t want to see it again and don’t want to see Jack again. You lie to yourself. The turmoil threatens to tear you in two. 

You wipe a few tears away silently and then sniffle to announce your presence. You can get away with it because you’re sick. “Hey,” you say softly, make a face and try to clear your throat. “I’m sorry I feel like I probably slept longer than I meant to.” Clearing your throat didn’t help. You still sound awful, your voice totally going. 

Your son squeals when he sees you, arms reaching for you already. You smile down at him. “Hi baby,” you greet him in the best voice you can manage, grab him from Jack. “How’s my boy?” You tickle his tummy because you don’t want to kiss him and get him sick and it makes him squeal again and babble at you. 

Jack stands up and you notice there’s something off about the way he does, just slightly. You wonder if he suffered a back or hip injury while serving. He clamps the saline bag all the way and removes it from your IV so that you’re free. “What time is it? I hope I haven’t kept you here too long.” 

Jack looks at his watch. “9:17.”

You blink at him for a moment. The sun filtering in through the curtains assures you he means in the morning. You make a face like you’re trying to pour through past memories. “What time did I make you come over? It must have been so early, I, I didn’t even realize I’m so sorry.” 

Jack smiles as he steps around you and goes to set the bag on the counter, throw the diaper away and the bottle in the sink. He turns back around and leans against the counter, holds onto the edge of it with his hands. He already knows you’re going to freak out. 

“First, you didn’t make me come over yesterday. Pretty hard for anyone to make me do something anymore. Second, I got here sometime around 4.” Your confusion deepens. “P.m. Yesterday.” 

“Yesterday?” You look at him, stricken. “Oh my god, Jack, I am so so sorry! You should have woken me! I genuinely never meant to steal this much time from you and keep you hostage here, I am so sorry, I-”

“Hey, hey,” he steps closer to you but doesn’t touch you. “It’s okay. You have nothing to be apologizing for. I know I could have woken you and I never felt hostage here. I was okay with it.” He gives you a reassuring smile. 

You shake your head at him a little. “God, where did you even sleep? That awful couch? I know how bad it is, I’m so- I feel terrible.” 

“Don’t,” Jack laughs softly. “I promise you I have slept on much, much worse. How are you feeling?”

“I don’t…” You trail off because you haven’t really stopped to evaluate that. “Better I guess. Still sick but not as bad, at all.” 

“Good.” He takes another step closer and holds his hand up, gestures to your forehead. “Can I?”

You nod, still lost in thought and shocked about how you could have slept that long. “Good, fever’s still down. It broke during the night.” Your son reaches for Jack’s hand, one of his small hands wrapping around one of Jack’s large fingers. Jack lets him keep it and play with it, but steps back a little. “Shit, I promise I only went in there to change your bag and take your temperature with the thermometer.”

“No, no,” you shake your head. You hadn’t even thought to care about him coming into your room when you were asleep, hadn’t even realized that could be a line he might have crossed. “I just feel so bad.”   

“Please try not to.”

“I have to, you have to let me at least make you breakfast or something! You just watched my baby overnight for me.” You nod. “Yeah, let me make you breakfast, please.” 

“I’d like that,” Jack nods slowly, face pulling into a knowing look with a little smile because you’re adorable and going to be upset. “But I don’t think that’s going to work,” he shakes his head and then gently nods at the refrigerator. You know there must be nothing in it.

“Fuck,” you sigh. You turn your head and rest your cheek on the top of your son’s head as you try and think. He continues to coo and babble away, at Jack now, whose finger he still holds on tight to. Jack makes a little face of surprise and noise at him and your son laughs.

“Let me order something then, yeah?” You offer. You watch as Jack argues with himself in his head. Part of him wants to say no, he should get it for you, for no real reason other than he wants to take care of you, and part of him wants to say yes because he knows it’ll make you feel better. “Please.”

“Alright,” he finally nods.

“Okay, great!” You start looking around for your phone and find it plugged in and charging. It hits you then. How clean and tidy the place is. “Oh my god,” you mumble. 

“What?” The alarm in his voice is clear. 

“You cleaned.” You look around more. A laundry basket of folded onesies and blankets and other baby clothes on the loveseat. “You did laundry.” 

The realization sends you over some ledge you didn’t realize you were standing on. Your heart races. Your feelings are too conflicted. There’s too much turmoil. You know this is normal, have read about it, spoken to other widows who described what it was like to start dating again, start falling for someone. And you’re really starting to personally get it now. 

You don’t know what to do with it. And you know you’re not ready for it. But you can’t lie about it to yourself anymore and pretend that Jack doesn’t give you new feelings that you haven’t had in a long time and that you don’t want to let yourself feel them or at least try. Can’t lie to yourself that you don’t want to try and be ready for it. 

“I’m sorry if that was too much,” Jack says quietly, unsure of what exactly your reaction means. While he’s also a widow it’s a bit harder for him to put himself in your shoes. He didn’t have a baby to need help with while trying to grieve and find a new normal. 

“No, it’s not that.” Tears hit your eyes and you close them, hate that they’re happening. It’s the emotional overwhelm you tell yourself. The having someone do something nice for you. The having to accept help. The new feelings. So many new feelings from one man. 

But you know yourself well enough to know that it’s also the wanting, despite how much you try to bury it and lie to yourself. The wanting to let yourself give in to those new feelings. Wanting to let yourself enjoy the new feelings. Enjoy Jack. 

“Let me,” you hear Jack whisper, feel his hands get closer to you to grab your son who laughs in excitement at the prospect of being in Jack’s arms. 

You keep your eyes closed and then turn before you open them, walk over to get a tissue and dab at them. “It wasn’t too much.” You’re speaking to Jack but keep your back to him because you’re not sure how you’ll react if you turn around and look at him. “It’s just really hard. Everything is so fucking hard. Every second of every day is an emotion, every second requires feeling.” Jack understands that one too well. “And you get used to that. The emotions, the feelings become familiar. Because they’re constant. You know what they are, what to expect. You know the feelings. They hurt so, so bad, but eventually you realize that not having them would hurt more. Would be scarier. Because they’re your normal, they fill that void in your heart. What would you be without them almost controlling your life? And then one day a new emotion, a new feeling creeps in. And it’s paralyzing. You think it hurts worse in some way than not having the familiar feelings would, but you don’t know because you never get a second to not fucking feel. And it’s because it’s new and you don’t know what to do with this new feeling and it throws everything off and is another change and because it almost always feels so wrong, to let yourself feel something new, especially if it’s a good emotion. And I know you know this Jack, I know you know exactly how I feel, exactly what it’s like. I know you get me. I know you understand. And I like that. I think part of me needs that. To move on or whatever you want to call it.”

Jack’s heart rate ticks up. This is not at all where he thought this conversation was headed. 

You take in a deep breath and squeeze the tissue in your hand before turning to look at the unfairly attractive and smart and funny and caring and playful and stoic and dry humored and witty and kind doctor holding your son. 

“You make me feel so many new things Jack. So many things I never thought I’d feel again. So many things I swore to myself I would never feel again.” You swallow hard. “And I don’t know what to do with them. They paralyze me. Not for long because they send me straight back to guilt and shame and grief, right back to those familiar feelings. I don’t know how to have these new feelings you give me anymore. At some point I lost that. So I don’t know how to handle it. How to handle you.”

Jack’s numb. Frozen. He’s not sure what this means. He understands you because the first time he started dating and was attracted to someone he’d gone through the same thing. It was hard at first. To not feel guilty. To not revert back to the emotions you know well. He’s not sure what to say. He goes to say that he’s sorry and didn’t mean to cause you distress and will go but you start talking again. 

“But fuck Jack, I want to. I didn’t want to admit it to myself because it feels so wrong and because it’s scary and hard and makes me feel like a terrible wife sometimes. But I do. I want to know how to handle you and all the new feelings you give me, Jack.” His eyebrows raise slowly, his focus staying on you as your son starts to mouth on his finger getting saliva all over it, not phased in the slightest. “It’s just going to take time. I don’t know how much time. And I don’t think it’s fair of me to ask to wait for some unknown period of time.” 

“You’re not asking,” Jack says quickly before you can get out another sentence. “You’re not asking me to. I want to. But only if you want me to. You said that you weren’t ready, and I respect that. And you have to know that I didn’t come over here to help, or do laundry or tidy up because I was trying to pressure you or make you feel something or make you be ready or for anything other than just to help as a kind-of friend. You have to promise me that you know that.” 

“I do,” you tell him softly. “I promise.” You give a small laugh and little smile. “I think that’s actually the part that made me realize I couldn’t keep lying to myself that you didn’t give me new feelings and that I didn’t want to feel them. That I know you came here just because you wanted to help, help me, my son and my husband. And I know you did the laundry and tidied and stayed overnight to watch my baby so I could sleep just because you’re kind, and you saw it needed done so you did it, which is so army of you by the way, and not because you wanted it to mean something or make me feel bad for not being ready or pressure me or any other possible reason. You just… wanted to help.”

Jack smiles at that. Really, fully smiles and fuck if it isn’t one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen. You smile back at him. It’s clear that nothing more needs to be said. You both know that you’ll work on being ready and learn how to feel and how to handle it all and Jack will wait. 

“I never said I was army.” He smirks at you. 

“Didn’t have to.” You give him a small smile. Even after this you’re still so shy. 

You go and grab your phone. “What does that mean?” He asks, tracking you with his eyes. 

“What would you like to eat?” You ignore him. You know already that it’ll wind him up. 

“No, what does that mean? I have a tell?” You shrug at him. He narrows his eyes at you playfully.

“No,” you say as you hand him your phone so he can pick something and order and take your son from him. “It means you have a recognizable backpack.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time goes on. You get better. You and Jack grow closer. You keep going to therapy, keep working on processing and figuring out how to handle the new feelings, how to stop feeling so guilty. Jack waits. Patiently. Never an ounce of pressure on you. He’s always so respectful, goes to great lengths to be so, immediately apologizes if he oversteps. And he does a couple of times because he’s human and nobody is perfect. But it’s okay.  

Jack’s injury comes out over breakfast that morning when he apologizes for having his shoes on in the house. You hadn’t even really noticed, too sick for it to register. He doesn’t tell you much about it which you respect and he’s grateful when you don’t push for more. That’s something he guesses he’s not ready for with you. Isn’t sure why though. He brings it up with his therapist. 

Jack is over more and more often. At first it’s to check on you and make sure you’re getting better because your cough lingers. And then somewhere along the lines it just became a thing. Normal. Normal for you to see him more days than not during the week. Normal for him to put your son down for the night. Normal for him to sleep in the spare room. Normal for him to cook for you and help feed your son. Normal for him to keep spare bottles of toiletries in a bin under the guest bathroom sink. Normal for black scrubs that didn’t get god knows what on them to be washed with onesies and blankets. 

Normal for him to bring five epi pens, multiple vials of epi, syringes with needles, an infant intubation kit and a cric kit to your house when you decide to introduce peanuts to your son. 

That one had gotten him an attempted, and skillfully dodged, third degree interrogation from Dana and Robby. 

You don’t touch. Not at all, save when your fingers brush if you hand each other something or when you take your son from him or vice versa. You’ll sit on the couch and Jack on the loveseat. There’s no flirting. It’s not that the attraction and draw to each other has faded, because it hasn’t. Not at all. It’s that you both know you need time and you both respect that. Jack perhaps more so than yourself, because you get mad at yourself about it sometimes. 

You do talk. A lot. About anything and everything because talking to each other is easy. It’s not work. Neither of you have to think of things to talk about or try and come up with something to keep the conversation going. It just does. And when it dies down the lull is comfortable. Then someone thinks of something or sees something on TV and it’s back. 

Eventually Jack is able to tell you a bit more about his injury, how it happened. The aftermath. He’s able to take his prosthetic off in front of you and leave a pair of crutches at your place for when he doesn’t want to put it back on. 

You talk about your spouses. Your therapist suggested it, thought it may help, to acknowledge both of your spouses and know about them. You approach Jack about it and tell him you don’t want an answer right away, you want him to really think about it and if he’s ready for that and willing to do that, and that he doesn’t have to say yes and that if he says no nothing will change. Both of you are aware it’s in a sense one of the most intimate things you’ll ever do with each other. 

Jack says yes though. And means it. He’s okay with it, comfortable with it. So one night after you get your son down you take the baby monitor, a bottle of wine and sit out on your apartment balcony and talk about them. You tell each other about them, what they were like, things they liked and disliked, funny stories. Jack tells you how he proposed and you tell him how your husband proposed. You talk about your weddings. 

You share photos you have on your phone, of your spouses alone and of the two of you together. You tell Jack his wife was beautiful, seems like an amazing woman who kept him on his toes and mean it. Jack tells you that your husband was handsome and knew how lucky he was to have you, that it’s obvious by the way he looks at you in the photos. You smile wistfully and get misty eyed together. But it’s nice, getting to know the other’s spouse, more about your past lives. It tells you a lot about each other too, as much as it does about your spouses.

You talk about how you each learned your spouse had died. There’s proper tears during that part, from both of you. It’s one time you do touch, and it’s brief, and you’re the one to initiate it, tentatively taking Jack’s hand and giving it a little squeeze when he gets a bit choked up. He squeezes back to let you know he’s okay with it. When you get choked up talking about your husband he holds his hand out over the armrest of his chair, just a little, just enough for you to know it’s there. You move yours over and let him squeeze your hand. 

You talk about moving after your spouses died. Jack tells you he just couldn’t do it. He needed space that was his own, where he couldn’t picture her in it and so he couldn’t expect to walk around a corner and see her. You tell Jack that you had to keep the curtain of the living room window closed all the time because the last time you looked out the window you saw that car pull up and two uniformed officers step out of the car, and just knew. And it made the place so dark it was bad for you so you sold the house and found this place. You admit that you haven’t been able to bring yourself to really unpack completely or decorate but aren’t sure why. The nursery being the only exception. Jack tells you that it actually reminds him a lot of how his apartment he moved into right after his wife died looked for a long time because he was scared to settle in and make a space without her because that wasn’t supposed to happen, he wasn’t supposed to have to do that. 

As more weeks pass you start asking Jack to help you hang things. At first it sends you flying backwards in your healing because you just asked another man to help you decorate your apartment. Jack doesn’t say anything for the couple of days you’re off with him because he knows and he knows you’ll work through it. He gives you the space you need without you asking for it. You work through it with your therapist and apologize to Jack who tells you not to, that healing isn’t linear, trust him, he knows. 

Jack watches your son for you sometimes during a string of off days so that he can spend a bit less time at daycare, especially if another kid is sick. Your son loves Jack, is enamored with him. And Jack is just as enamored with him. Is so incredibly good with him. It’s a place where you struggle a lot and that you and you and your therapist discuss frequently, how to cope with seeing Jack in that kind of fatherly role and acknowledge all the feelings it stirs up for you. 

One Monday, a holiday that you were supposed to have off, something comes up and you need to go into the office, but daycare is closed. You hesitate calling Jack because you feel bad asking him to do this, especially knowing he’ll be getting off shift and you’re asking him to stay awake even longer. You don’t even know if he’ll be able to, he might not get off on time, or he might have plans. But you call him much quicker and more decisively than you did when you were sick. 

Jack’s talking to Robby when he feels his phone vibrate. He thinks it’s weird to be getting called at 6:45 a.m. so he pulls it out to check. His heart drops when he sees it’s you and he walks away from Robby mid sentence. 

“Hey,” he answers on the second ring, “what’s up? Everyone okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah we’re fine. It’s just, work needs me to come in, not for too long, just a couple of hours, but I can’t bring him and daycare is closed with the holiday and I know this is such a huge ask because you’re getting off shift and will be so tired and I don’t even know if you’re getting off on time-” 

“Woah, woah,” Jack stops you. “Take a breath.” He can hear you do as he says. “I can watch him, okay? I’ll make sure I get off on time. And I often stay late so being up a few hours after my shift before he goes down is not going to be anything new.” 

“Okay. Yeah, okay.” You let out a breath. “You still have to let me cook or something for you.” 

“You don’t have to repay me.” 

“No I know, but still.” 

“Can I be honest with you?” Jack asks. 

“Of course.” Your heart races because you have no idea what he’s about to say. 

“You can buy me takeout. But you can’t cook.” You can hear the smile in his voice. 

You make a noise of offence. “I can’t believe you just said that! I’m offended. Genuinely offended.” But Jack can hear the smile you’re trying to hide in your voice and it just makes him smile harder to himself. 

“That I said it or that it’s true?” He’s smirking now. 

You huff and then there’s a pause. “That it’s true,” you admit begrudgingly, making Jack laugh. 

Robby has blindly swatted at Dana’s arm to get her to pay attention so that he doesn’t have to stop watching and so now both of them are staring and watching Jack go from extreme concern to laughing and smiling. It’s almost disconcerting. 

“I’m going to have to drop him off at the hospital to make it on time. Is that okay?” You’ve gotten quiet again. 

“Yeah.” Jack sounds a little unsure but not because of you, because of the two he can feel staring at him. “I’ll need a key. And I’ll give it back, I promise.” 

“Oh! Yes. You will need that, okay I’ll have to find the spare. And yeah, that’s fine, whatever is fine, I know you’re not going to use it randomly.” You breathe a laugh. “You’ll be okay with holding him on the subway? I wasn’t going to lug around the stroller, if that’s okay.” 

“We will be more than okay,” Jack assures you. 

“Okay.” You let out another breath in that way you do when you’re stressed but coming down Jack has learned. “Thank you Jack.” 

“Not a problem, you know that.” 

“Yeah, but still.”

“Text me when you’re here and come wait by the doors, I’ll open them for you, okay?” You’re thankful he doesn’t dwell. 

“Okay. I’ll see you soon. Bye.”

“Bye.” Jack hangs up and puts his phone in his pocket then turns and walks back over to Robby and Dana. 

“Everything okay?” Dana asks. 

Jack looks between the both of them. “Yeah. I’m leaving on time though.” 

“Ohhh,” Robby laughs. “Are you now? You just decided?” 

“Yeah. Did you notice how it wasn’t a question Michael?” Jack deadpans. “Just a statement of fact. I know these are big distinctions for you to make before you’ve had enough coffee.” 

“Deflection,” Robby hums, leaning forward a bit and still smiling like he can’t believe any of this even when he doesn’t know what this really is. 

Jack rolls his eyes at him and walks to a different computer to finish charting. Dana and Robby share a look but don’t push him. For now. 

Jack’s phone vibrates fifteen minutes later. You, saying you’re here. He walks over to the doors and pushes the button to open them, walks in with you a few steps, your son already happily squealing and babbling at Jack, reaching for him. Jack makes a surprised happy face at your son like he’s shocked to see him and takes him from you. 

Back at the desk Robby slowly removes his glasses as he watches the scene unfold, Dana peering over the top of hers like she does, everyone else slowly freezing once they follow Dana and Robby’s eyes to you and Jack.

“God, thank you so much Jack, I’m so so sorry.” You look stressed, frenetic and full of nervous energy that makes you even more unsure of yourself, not unlike the last time he saw you in here. He finds it adorable, so endearing.

“It’s okay. Truly. You’re going to have to believe me one day.” Jack gives you a small but reassuring smile. 

“No I know,” you breathe out. “I just… This is your work, I know. And I know you’re going to get a million questions based on the entire desk of people staring at us.” You shake your head a little as you try to find words. “And I know it’s hard to explain.” 

“Good job I don’t feel the need to explain it to any of them, then.” 

You laugh a little at that. “Yeah. Um, here.” You slide the backpack baby bag you have off and help put it on one of Jack’s shoulders. “There’s a key in the front pocket. He went down late last night and then I had to get him up early to get him ready to come here. Seeing you is the first time he’s smiled all morning. So he should probably nap earlier for you if I’m not home before then, and probably be pretty chill until he does.” 

“He’s always chill,” Jack smirks at you. “You know that.” 

“Let me make myself feel better, please,” you huff at him, clearly still flooded with nervous energy. 

“Alright,” he nods for you to continue but doesn’t lose his smirk. 

“He’s had a bottle, but that’s it, so he might be hungry when you get home, if he’s a little fussy.” You reach out and run your fingers through his soft baby fine hair to push it out of his eyes. “God he needs a haircut doesn’t he?” 

“Probably,” Jack nods. “But I’m sure-”

“That the thought of my baby needing his first haircut makes me want to sob because he’s growing up way too fast?” 

“Something like that,” he nods. 

“Yeah.” You run your hands through it and sweep it out of his eyes one last time, trying to calm some of the nervous energy that’s making you feel like you’re shaking. “Alright, I should go.” 

You lean up and kiss Jack on the cheek. By the time your feet return to the floor you’ve realized what you just did. 

Jack freezes, stunned, but not upset, not by any means.

“Oh my god,” you gasp quietly, holding your hands up in front of you to the side. “I just did that. Right here.” You close your hands into fists decisively, incredulous at yourself. “Okay, well,” you titter, “I’ve gotta go now, so thank you again so much, and let me know you guys make it home okay, and I’ll let you know when I’m on my way back.” You nod at a still stunned Jack, who then finally starts to relax a bit and lets a smile start to pull up. “Great. Okay.” You lean in and kiss your son’s face. “Bye baby, be good for Jack okay?” You give your son another kiss and pull back, immediately back to your nervous and incredulous demeanor. You pat Jack on the side of the arm holding your son and then cringe at the action. “Right,” you let out a breathy nervous laugh. “Bye.” You spin and walk to the doors and hit the button to be let out.

“Bye,” Jack calls back, still sounding a bit dazed. He takes a second and then looks down at your son who’s looking around the busy room and then looks up at him and smiles, grabs at his face. Jack laughs. “Yeah, bud,” Jack sighs, leans down and kisses the top of his head quickly, doesn’t even really realize he’s doing it, “you’re about to be the talk of the Pitt. We both are. And your mom.” He takes a deep breath in and looks down at your son and makes eye contact. “God help us all.” 

Jack turns and starts walking to the breakroom. He’d go to the lockers but he already knows what’s about to happen. “Not a word,” he says to Dana and Robby as he walks by. 

“Oh be for fuckin’ real Jack,” Dana laughs under her breath, already starting to follow him. 

“No, he’s right Dana, not a word,” Robby says as he starts to follow, “so, so many words.” 

Bridget walks up to the desk and looks at everyone quizzically. 

“A woman just came and dropped off a baby to Jack,” Princess tells her. 

After the words process a large smirk grows on Bridget’s face. “Oh did she now?” 

Jack sighs to himself as Robby and Dana follow him into the breakroom. He doesn’t want to do this but it’s borderline inescapable now and he’d rather it be here than out by the lockers. He slides the baby bag onto a chair. 

“First,” Dana says as she walks in, “let me see him!” She walks over holding her arms out to take your son from Jack. He leans into Jack for a couple of seconds, unsure, but then lets Dana take him. “Hello cutie! What’s your name?” Robby walks over to her and says a soft hi, gives your son his finger to hold onto while Robby looks him over, smiling at him as your son babbles some.

Jack tells her his name. “God, Jack, he is gorgeous. Look at that hair and those eyes!” 

She turns back to the baby in her arms. “Yeah, you’re handsome and you know it, don’t you? I bet you use it to get out of trouble sometimes, huh?” She winks at him. It makes him smile and giggle a little, as he drops Robby’s finger and brings a hand up to chew on. “Gettin’ more teeth in, are we?” Dana smiles at Jack as she rocks your son a little. 

“Yeah, I think so, he’s been real chewy and drooly the last two days,” Jack nods. 

“He yours?” Robby asks.

Jack’s head snaps to him. “What the fuck man?”

“Oh come on Jack, a random woman just showed up, gave you a baby, kissed your cheek and left. It’s not a far stretch. Nor is it a bad thing.” Dana looks at your son. “No it isn’t at all,” she says in a bit of a baby voice.

“And you’ve been different the last couple of months. I think you’ve only been up on the roof twice and even then you didn’t look like you were seriously considering jumping.” Robby points out.

“Oh my god,” Jack mutters under his breath. “No, he’s not mine.”

They both accept that. But it doesn’t quell their curiosity in the slightest. There’s a longer pause though, your son really the only one making noise as all three adults watch him. 

“Who is she?” Robby finally asks, looking up at Jack.

“Does it matter?” Jack shoots back quickly.

“I mean…” Robby laughs a little incredulously, “yeah, a little.” 

“Why?”

“Oh come on, Jack,” Robby draws out as he takes your son from Dana. “You’re telling me if a woman showed up and handed me a baby and kissed my cheek before walking out you wouldn’t have questions and want to know who she is? Or feel like who she is doesn’t matter?”

“Of course I would want to know, but who she was wouldn’t matter and if you didn’t want to say anything yet to keep things private I would respect that.” Jack raises his eyebrows at Robby and gives him a pointed look. 

“Jack, it doesn’t matter who she is really, if she’s in your life we’d just like to know. We want to support you and see you happy. And you clearly know and spend time with the kid, enough for mom to feel comfortable leaving him with you and to know he’s been teething for the last couple of days. You spending time at her house?”

Jack doesn’t answer for a moment but then finally gives in. “Yeah.” Dana’s eyebrows raise in an invitation for more. “Yes, I spend time at her house. I help her out. I sleep in her guest room sometimes, watch him some days. So what?”

“So she matters,” Dana smirks at him a little. “She matters and she kissed your cheek so clearly there’s something.” Jack grows a little more serious and Dana and Robby both know she just hit some sort of nerve there. “Who is she? Please. Let us be happy for you.” 

Jack takes in a big breath and looks at them for a second before resting his hands on his hips, slightly cocking one and looking down at the ground like he’s about to admit something. “My therapist.” He says it deadly serious and just loudly enough for them to hear. 

He doesn’t need to look up to know the expressions they’re wearing, but he does anyway because Robby’s face of incredulity and concern is too funny to miss. “Really?” Dana asks. 

“No!” Jack emphasizes the word with his head and a little brow furrow as he moves from his position to pace a little. “Of fucking course not! But thank you for this little exposé into what you think of me.”

“Hey, that’s why I asked,” Dana puts her hands up in defense. “I couldn’t believe it.”

“Yeah, you couldn’t,” Jack looks over at Robby, “but he sure the fuck could. And he knows my therapist is a man, we go to the same god damn one!”

“Well I didn’t know if you found a new one!” Robby says in his own defense. Jack rolls his eyes. “Are you gonna tell us? Anything? Or are we really wasting our time here?”

Jack stops pacing and sighs, looks at the baby boy in Robby’s arms. “It’s complicated,” he offers. 

“We deal with a lotta complicated here.” Dana reminds him. 

“Yeah well you’re not going to believe the truth,” he mutters. 

“Try us.” Robby looks at Jack with a little knowing smile and tilts his head before looking back down at your son and making faces at him to keep him entertained. 

Jack shakes his head a little and looks away as he tries to think about how to explain without giving away too much because he doesn’t want to totally destroy your privacy. “She’s a friend. Seriously. Just a friend who I help out because she’s a single mom with nobody in the area and she needs help sometimes. Her…” Jack debates on whether this reveals too much but it would explain to them why he’s so reticent to talk about you. “Her husband died while deployed. So, we have the widower widow thing in common and there was a kind of connection there, and yeah maybe it leads to more one day and maybe it doesn’t.” He shrugs at them. That’s all he’s going to say. 

There’s another moment of silence as everybody takes in what Jack just said, himself included.

“So this is what the five epi pens and vials of epi and infant intubation and cric kit were about. He’s who they were about.” Robby looks down at your son. “Yes. They were about you, weren’t they?”

“Oh, peanuts,” Dana nods, looking from your son to Jack, “you introduced peanuts after you brought it all home.” 

Jack just looks at the two of them and shakes his head. Some part of him wants to laugh at the way they went from pushing for information, to getting a little bit, to leaving it and not pushing for more and instead bringing up the supplies he took and fucking peanuts. He’s grateful for it. 

“Yeah, we did.” Robby and Dana’s eyes flash up at him and they both have little smirks. It hits him. “She did. She did, she introduced peanuts. To her son.” 

“With you there.” Robby’s smirk grows a little bit. “Ready to intubate.” 

“I think it’s very sweet,” Dana says, smiling at him. 

“I think we need to get home before his mom calls in a panic. I said I’d leave on time and text her when we’re home, so.” He walks over to Robby and opens his arms, your son all but launching himself at Jack, making all three laugh. 

“He’s certainly a big fan,” Robby smirks. 

“Of course he is, he has excellent taste already. Though he liked you, so we might have to have a chat when we get home about why our standards are falling.” He says it in his typical deadpan demeanor. 

“I was being nice and then you ruined it.” Robby throws a hand up at him. 

Jack picks up the baby bag and slings it over his shoulder. “I didn’t ruin it, I spoke the truth.”

“You’re so mean to me.” Robby looks over at Dana as they all move towards the door. “He’s so mean to me.” 

“I am not mean to you.” Jack replies, stepping out of the door. 

“A little bit,” Dana agrees with Robby. 

“Thank you!”

“But he’s a little bit mean to you too, so it all evens out.” 

Robby scoffs. “I’m not mean to him!” 

“Just like I’m not mean to you.” Jack walks towards the lockers with your son. Robby and Dana stop at the desk, giving looks to everyone to tell them to go back to work. 

Jack swings by his locker and grabs his backpack. He pins it against the lockers with one hip so he can open it enough to shove the baby bag in it and zip it back up. “Alright bud, you ready?” He glances down to check on your son. Your son gives a little smile and then lets his head fall against the front of Jack’s shoulder, almost like he’s shy. Jack has to laugh a little as he walks back by the desk. 

“We’re out,” he announces to everyone, finding the way they all glance up and try not to look shocked or stare funny. “Say bye!” He says to your son, picks his little hand up and waves it. Your son smiles for a second before turning his head away, shying away from the attention. 

Jack looks at Robby and Dana. “Thank you.” He doesn’t have to elaborate. They know what he’s thanking them for. 

The two make it home easily and without incident. Jack texts you to let you know. 

J - Made it home and are having breakfast. 

He includes a picture of your son in his highchair eating some pancakes Jack made for him. When you get it the photo makes your heart squeeze, your boys. 

The world stops for a second and you get a little dizzy when you realize what you just thought. Your boys. 

Jack is not your boy. He’s not yours in any capacity. And that thought is one you know you would have had about your husband and son. That panic comes back, the intense shame and guilt. You try to think back on all you and your therapist have talked about, try to convince yourself that it’s okay. That it’s okay to have that thought. 

That it’s okay to like the thought and even to want the thought. 

You’re able to handle it much better than you were before and you know that means something. That you’re closer to being ready.

Once you’re not so lightheaded from all the emotions you reply. 

You - Thank you.

It’s odd, Jack thinks as he reads it. Almost clipped. Three dots appear. 

You - I’m sorry about this morning and the cheek thing. I know we haven’t discussed anything like that and I don’t really know what happened for me there in the moment, so I’m sorry. And I hope you can forgive me. 

He’s quick to respond. 

J - You have nothing to apologize for, so there’s nothing to forgive. I didn’t mind it at all 

He smiles to himself a little, especially once three dots appear. But then they go away only to reappear a couple of seconds later to disappear again. Shit, he thinks to himself, was that wrong? Did it cross a line? Fuck, was it suggestive? 

He tries to think of what he can say to apologize and let you know that he really didn’t mean for it to be suggestive or pressuring or weird. But then a message from you. 

You - Well good. I didn’t either

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple of nights later you sit on the couch next to Jack. It’s the first time you’ve sat next to each other like this. Jack was not the one to instigate it of course. 

You decided to watch a movie together. It’s not the first time you’ve done that. Not the first time you’ve made popcorn without asking if he wanted any. It’s the first time you don’t split it into two bowls, though. Instead you pour it all in one and come sit next to him on the couch. Not touching. But close enough to share the popcorn between you. 

He almost expects you to move once the bowl is empty and you set it on the table but you don’t. You just stay there, curled up in your blanket next to him as you watch, commenting to each other at times. He notices you comment less and less, are less responsive to his and are leaning closer and closer to him. 

He can see you falling asleep and when you blink back awake he points it out. “You wanna go to bed? We can finish later.” 

“No, no, I’m good.” You look at him and give him a smile so he knows you know how close you are to him. 

He nods and you keep watching. But twenty or so minutes later you slide a bit and your head rests against his tricep. 

Jack freezes. He doesn’t know what to do. Does he let you sleep? Does he wake you? Is it wrong if he doesn’t wake you? When he knows you might not be ready? But then the sleepiest, “s’okay,” comes from you like you knew what he was thinking. You’re out again so fast he wonders if he made it up. 

He knows you have trouble sleeping sometimes. Trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. So he’s hesitant to wake you from it when you’re getting it. You’d been so in and out of it with the movie he decides to just wait a bit, see if you wake up. 

But then Jack falls asleep on the couch with you resting on his arm. He wakes when he feels you stirring. “Shit,” you whisper, sit up and off him. “We fell asleep.” 

“Yeah,” he yawns. “I meant to wake you but must have fallen asleep before I could,” Jack says slowly as he wakes back up. “I wasn’t sure if you were okay with…”

“Oh.” You blink at him like the thought hadn’t occurred to you. “Yeah. No, yeah, it was okay, I’m okay. I, I hope you were. You definitely could have woken me if you weren’t!” 

Jack nods. “I know.”

You nod back, the magnitude of falling asleep on him hitting you even though you’re not sure it should really hold any particular magnitude. “Okay. Good.” You look around and check the monitor, chuckle a little and show it to Jack. He chuckles with you at the silly position your son is sleeping in. “Probably best to get to bed.” You give him a small smile. 

“Yeah, probably.” You stand up off the couch and toss the blanket onto it, grab the bowl and put it in the sink to deal with tomorrow. Jack stands too and stretches a little. “Are you going?” You ask, almost sound a little sad at the thought. You are a little sad at the thought. 

“I wasn’t going to,” he shakes his head. “I was just going to head to the spare, but I can if you’d prefer.”

“No! No.” You shake your head. “No, I was going to say it’s late and so you should stay and not try and get home at this hour. It’s not safe.” 

Jack gives you a little smirk and you have to look away. “After you,” Jack calls your attention back, sweeps his hand at the entry to the hallway leading to the rooms. “You want me to take him in the morning?” Jack asks as he follows you. You know he’s talking about the monitor. 

“Oh, no. You have to work tomorrow so you should sleep as much as you can.” You’ve learned his schedule. The reality of that hits you both at the same time. You clear your throat. “Good night, Jack.”

“Good night,” Jack replies, smiling to himself as he walks into your spare room. You know his schedule. Jack realizes he knows yours too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A week or so later you ask Jack if he has a certain day off, as if you don’t already know that he does. And he knows you know. 

“Yeah,” he answers, looking up from the floor where he’s playing with your son. 

You nod. “Well, so.” You try to start but stumble. You’re nervous. Flustered in that way you get. Like both times you were at the hospital. “That’s his birthday,” you look at your son with a smile, “and I was wondering if you’d um, if you’d like to, you know, spend the day with us?”

Jack doesn’t realize he’s doing it but he stares at you for a few seconds. You just asked him to spend the day with you and your son on your son’s first birthday. 

He nods. “Yeah.” He nods a little faster. “I would love that. If you’re sure. I know it’s a special day and-”

“No, I’m sure. And I know he’ll love it.” You look at your son fondly and then back at Jack. The fondness in your eyes doesn’t go away. “He loves you.” 

Jack flushes a little at that and it makes you get butterflies. Jack Abbot is blushing in front of you. Doesn’t matter why or what you said. He’s blushing and you’re swooning like you’re a teenager. And, you realize, you don’t hate yourself or feel guilty about it. You just feel it.

“Well,” Jack laughs a little, looks down at your son and brushes some hair out of his face. You still haven’t brought yourself to get it cut but you really are going to have to here soon. “I lo-” Jack stops himself. You can see him trying to think of what to say instead. 

“It’s okay,” you say quietly, understandingly. “You can say it, Jack.” 

Jack nods and swallows. “I love him too,” he says just as softly as he looks back down at your son. 

When Jack finally builds up the courage to look at you he’s greeted by your smile. The one that really meets your eyes and makes them sparkle a bit. The one that he’s seen more and more recently. The one that gives him butterflies. 

Jack Abbot blushes again. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The three of you spend all day together. Your son is one, so the day is more for you than anything. 

You decide on the zoo. Your son loves animals, it’s a weekday so it’s not super busy, the weather is perfect. And you can take it at your own pace. 

Lots of pictures get taken. Of your son. Of you and your son. Of your son and Jack. Of you, your son and Jack. That one threw him a little when you first brought it up and asked a stranger to take a photo of the three of you. 

Jack is patient and would never pressure you and very deliberately does not ask where you’re at in healing or if you’re feeling like you’re closer to ready or anything of the sort. He lets you lead, lets you set the tone and the pace. He knows if and when you’re ready you’ll communicate that. 

You and Jack sit in the aquarium when your son needs a nap and falls asleep in his stroller. You talk about your upcoming weeks and Jack tells you stories of patients he’s had recently that he hasn’t had the chance to tell you about. 

“Have you… had to explain anything about him and I? At work.” 

Jack’s eyebrows lift slightly and he shakes his head. “No. I’m sure they’re all dying to know but like I said, I don’t feel the need to explain anything to them.” He shrugs. “Well, actually,” he lets out a little breath. “The day you came in I told Robby and Dana. Not a lot. Just that you’re a friend I’m helping out because you’re a single mom and don’t have anyone here.” He bites his lip and looks at you. “I told them that you lost your husband while he was deployed, so we had the widower widow connection. I’m sorry if that was too much.” 

You laugh a little and shake your head. Jack has talked to you enough about Dana and Robby to know that Robby is his best friend and effective brother and Dana is his second best friend and like the Pitt mom. “It’s not.” 

“Dana said he’s gorgeous.” Jack doesn’t know why all of this didn’t come out once you got home that day but he was asleep when you did and then life was just busy and moved on. And now you’re talking about it. “He actually liked Robby, so he and I had a little conversation when we got home about bringing his standards back up.” 

That makes you laugh, properly. Jack thinks he could get lost in the sound forever. Spend the rest of his life chasing it. He tells himself to get a grip. You’re just friends. Nothing more. 

“Well,” you smile at him before looking away and shrugging. “Maybe one day I can meet them. Judge for myself.” 

Jack pauses for a second only because he wasn’t expecting it. “Uh, I mean yeah. Of course. Dana will lose it if she gets to see him again.”

“He is the cutest and best if I do say so myself.” You smile down at your sleeping one year old. “God, I can’t believe it’s been a year.” It’s been over a year and a half now since your husband. “He’s so big,” you whisper. “He was so tiny, fit on my chest so nicely. And I love watching him grow up and see him do new things and learn and thrive, but damn it’s hard.” 

Jack gives you a little hum of empathy, not entirely sure what to say. He notices how big your son has gotten and he’s only been in your lives for three months. 

“Will you come with us when I get his hair cut finally?” 

Jack looks over at you, a little confused. “Yeah, course.” He presses his lips together and shakes his head once. “Any particular reason why?” 

“To be my shoulder to cry on.” You say it so simply, like it means nothing when you both know it means something. You both know you’re inviting him to another thing your husband and your son’s dad would probably go to with you. 

And Jack gets stuck on it a little. To be my, you had said, you want him to be your something, even if it’s just a shoulder to cry on right now. “I suppose I can manage that.”

You share a little laugh about it. “Thanks, Jack,” you murmur. 

“Any time.” 

Once your son wakes back up you finish walking around the zoo. Jack buys him too many toys at the gift shop, all the stuffed animals he so much as glances at, much to his delight. You make your way back home together in Jack’s truck. Jack’s truck that now has a carseat in it. 

But you don’t go inside, instead you decide to leave the stroller and walk around the City. You find a place to eat and it’s weird to think about. To all the people walking by and seeing the three of you, you probably look like a family. And even though you feel some guilt, especially on your son’s birthday, you don’t completely hate yourself or let that guilt consume you. You like the idea. A lot. So you let yourself feel it.

After dinner at dusk you decide to take your son to the park for some swinging before heading back and getting him to bed. He loves to swing. You take photos of him and Jack and Jack takes them of the two of you. 

You’re so involved with your son and swinging and making him laugh that you don’t notice Jack slip away for just a second. Your son yawns. “Aw,” you give him a little sad laugh. “Tired baby? You’ve had a big day.” He reaches up for you and you pull him out of the swing, hug him close to you and kiss his head. 

When you turn around Jack is back and standing where you assumed he would be but he’s holding a single rose. You stay where you’re at, almost frozen but not in a tense way. And Jack is just as nervous that this is crossing a line when he doesn’t mean for it to be.  

“Day’s about you as much as it’s about him,” he calls to you. He starts walking towards you and you meet him halfway. “You did all the work a year ago today, mom.” He offers you the rose. “We should acknowledge that.” 

You look at the rose and then back up at him again, a bit stunned still. It’s so incredibly sweet and kind. It’s so incredibly Jack. And you know for sure then. 

You take the rose from him and give him a sappy smile. “Thank you, Jack. For everything. The rose and today and the last three months.”

“Don’t mention it.” He gives you a small smile. 

“Accept the thanks.” You give him a pointed one in return. 

“Alright, alright.” Your son has started to fall asleep in your arms. “Want me to take him?” 

You nod. “Sure, yeah. You only need one arm to carry him still. I need two now.”  You bring the rose up to your nose and smell it, smile to yourself about it. Let you and the butterflies in your stomach swoon. 

The three of you start walking home, your son fully out on Jack’s shoulder within a couple minutes. You walk back in silence. It’s a comfortable silence, a comfortable quiet. And while quiet hasn’t been as foreboding to Jack since he’s met you sometimes it still is. Like now. 

This quiet, while comfortable, is thick. There’s something about it that feels anticipatory. Last time the quiet felt like this, made him feel like this, this uneasy, it brought Jack you. 

Something about that makes him even more uneasy. Because Jack knows there’s always a reason for quiet. It always means something. Always brings something. Rarely, if ever, is it good. And he got good last time and Jack doesn’t trust the world or lightning to strike twice. 

He worries this time the quiet will bring something else. Something worse, like it always does. 

But before he can completely spiral and become even more hypervigilant than he always is, Jack feels your fingers brush against his for a second before they disappear and then come back, your fingers playing with his like it’s nothing, and then, in the quiet as you walk back to your place, you lace your fingers together and you’re holding hands and you give him a little squeeze that tells him you mean it. That you’re ready.   

Quiet. It always means something. Always brings something. 

This time it meant you were working up the courage. Is bringing the start of something more than just friends. 

Lightning strikes twice. 

Jack stops walking when you squeeze his hand and you stop with him, looking up concerned and a bit panicked, ready to draw your hand back. 

“You ready for this?” Jack asks, genuine concern in his voice as his eyes dart around your face, looking for the slightest sign of hesitation. But you can see it there too, the excitement, the happiness. The hope. “And by this I mean this,” he squeezes your hand. “Nothing more. Not until you’re ready for more. Not until you tell me you’re ready for more.”  

You bite your lip as he talks because he’s so cute when he’s concerned and he’s such a good man, wanting to make sure you’re ready and know he doesn’t expect more. And the smile that’s slowly pulling up on his face as you look at him and nod is so adorable you could scream. “Yeah. I’m ready for this.” You squeeze his hand back. “And maybe a little more.” You pull on his hand and start walking again, lean into him a little. “But only with you.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you made it this far thank you so much for reading and I hope it was okay and got fluffy and funny!!

You can find my Masterlist here for more Jack! Requests are open!

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I had the most amazing dream last night. It's about me and he getting together and just it's so cute🥺🥺🥺🥺 And that he is DR JACK FUCKING ABBOT!!!!!! Can you believe that???? Just binge watching the Pitt and already dream about him 🫠

Today, 18-19ish of April, where something has happened. Something that is sad, gut wrecthing. Where the 9-1-1 family had lost their captain. A father, a leader, the light at the end of the tunnel, the rainbow after the storm, the mind, the soul, the heart, the very reason of our existence.💔💔💔😭 9-1-1 saved me in time when no one did and taught me everything I needed to know. I know Bobby from season 1-3 (4-8 hasn't watched because at that time I was busy and the channel I'm watching cancel our subscriptions, so...)🥺. Bobby is 9-1-1. 9-1-1 is him. Without him, 9-1-1 can't function. I know it's the writer's decision to kill him off. But he didn't have too. Peter doesn't want to leave the show, fans need him as humans need air. 🥺 But I respect their decisions. I'm just hoping that maybe this is just a dream or anything else other than what I just saw during 8x15. Thank you everyone!!! Thank you Bobby!!! Thank you Peter!!! Salute🫡

HEAR HEAR!!!!

it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby is alive. it's a bit bobby-

THIS!!!!!!! ABC TAKE NOTES!!!!!

killing off characters in a show is usually okay and useful but there's a thing of who and how is the appropriate character and way of doing so may the rookie never be this dumb

Thank you!!!! All of you!!! You saved me for the last 8 years!!! Forever in our heart!! Always. ❤️❤️❤️❤️💔💔😭🥺

I will always be infinitely grateful for Bobby Nash's character as the openly loving, wise, patient, warm and affectionate father figure that my own dad has never been. I'm also grateful for Peter Krause who gave life to Bobby's character with his talent and dedication.

Thank you.

LONG LIVE THE TWISTED BROTHERS!!!!!!!!! HAIL!!!!!

I feel like Robby and Abbot are Meredith and Cristina in a different font.

The Twisted Brothers, if you will.

Urmmm... Wanted to say that I'm having a rather weird yet pleasant dream. I dream about a baby with someone, Hulk Hogan and..... Charles Leclerc 😳😳😳😳😳

Surgical Sparks

Request: Could you do fluff fic for Christopher Herrmann x wife fem!reader from Chicago Fire? She's a surgeon and they have a hostage situation and the station just delivered their patient before he heard what happened and he panic? Tag me later! Thanks!!

Pairings: Christopher Herrmann x Wife!Pregnant!Surgeon!Reader

Warnings: inaccurate firefighter talk, inaccurate medical talk, fluff, angst, guns, medical scissors used as a weapon, pregnancy, delivery of baby

Masterlist

A/N: Thank you @pear-1206 for requesting this! I kind of changed it up some. I hope that's ok.

Nobody knows what the day lies ahead of them. You don’t know if it is going to be a good or a bad day. Everyday you hoped it was a good day especially since you worked in Chicago Med, you are a surgeon, a damned good one at that, and you were married to a firefighter at 51, Christopher Herrmann, and you hoped he would be coming home to you everyday after shift. You two met when he brought a patient in after a huge pile up and it was all hands on board and when you two locked eyes it was love at first sight, a few days later he was coming into Med and asking for you and when he found you he asked you out and said yes. You both dated for about 6 years before he popped the question and you said yes almost immediately at your favorite spot on a little cliff overlooking the lake. You have been married for 4 years and have a baby on the way, 8 ½  months pregnant to be exact and a little baby boy. 

Currently you both were laying in bed sleeping enjoying the warmth of each other and just being in each other's arms. Christopher had just worked a 24 hour shift and was off for three days and this was his last day off and you had just worked a double, not meaning to but Med was overrun and they needed the help, two days ago. You had woken up a few minutes ago but didn’t have the heart to move away from your husband and he had the same thought. “You know we have to get up and get ready to go to work, right?” He asked and that had you opening your eyes and turning to him with the help of him. When you were looking at him he kissed your forehead.

“Do we have to?” You asked after he pulled away from the kiss.

“Yes, we do. Gotta make that money for this little man coming soon.” He said putting a hand on your stomach and you felt your baby kick him and smiled.

“He’s going to be such a daddy's boy.” You said and he rolled his eyes and smiled.

“Psh no he’s going to be a momma’s boy all the way.” He said and you smiled and kissed him  again. Just then the baby kicked you in the bladder and you gasped. “You ok?” Christopher asked worriedly and you smiled at him.

“Your son is making me have to pee.” You chuckled and he was up faster than you. He was coming around to your side and then helping you up.

“Then we gotta get you up and the bathroom then.” He said as you stood up and you did just that. When you were done you started getting ready for the day and going down to the kitchen where he was in the kitchen making you breakfast and a cup of decaf coffee, man you missed the caffeinated coffee. 

“When do you have to go?” You asked, sitting down as he put the plate in front of you.

“30 minutes after you.” He said and took a sip of coffee and you took a bite of food and moaned.

“You’re a great cook, you know that?” You asked and he chuckled.

“So are you.” He said leaning back against the counter the two of you fell into a comfortable conversation until you were done eating and it was time for you to leave. You made one more quick bathroom break and then you were kissing him and grabbing your coat, backpack, and keys. “I love you. Text me when you can.” He said you smiled as you opened the door.

“Love you too. You too.” You said and then were on your way to work. 10 minutes later and you were arriving at work at the same time as your best friend, Will Halstead. The both of you got out at the same time.

“Good morning, Dr. Momma Herrmann.” He said smirking, ever since you became pregnant that was the nickname you got around everywhere, you also tended to act the mother to everyone.

“Good morning, Will.” You said as the both of you rounded your cars. 

“How is little Baby Boy Herrmann?” He asked you and smiled, you hadn’t come up for a name just yet nothing struck you or Christopher.

“He’s doing good, decided to get me up by playing soccer with my bladder.” You said and earned a kick and you put your hand on your stomach, Will chuckled.

“Come on, don’t want the two of you standing out in the cold.” He said and threw an arm around your shoulders and the two of you walked into Med and heading to the locker rooms you greeted people along the way.

—

“Herrmann! About time you showed up!” Kelly Severide joked and Christopher rolled his eyes but smirked.

“Hey I’m right on time!” He said walking into the bay and up to Kelly.

“Just messing with you.” He said chuckling and he chuckled too. “How is Momma Herrmann doing?” Kelly asked as he walked into the firehouse with Christopher and to the locker room. 

“She’s doing good. Little man woke her up playing soccer with her bladder.” He said and Kelly chuckled. “Any names yet?” He asked and Christopher shook his head.

“Nothing yet. Nothing has struck us yet.” He said

“Well I think Kelly is a really good name.” Kelly said and Christopher laughed.

“I’ll bring it up to the misses.” He said and then they were heading to the briefing room after he was done changing and putting things away. Everyone was briefed and then the day started. 

30 minutes into the work day went by and they were currently chilling in the break room. “How much longer until Baby Boy Herrmann is here?” Gabriela Dawson asked him as she sat down next to him.

“4 more months and Y/N is ready to give him the eviction notice now.” He chuckled and everyone else did too. 

“How has she been?” Matt Casey asked.

“She’s drained but won’t admit it. Too stubborn for her own good.” He said 

“Sounds like someone else we know.” Joe Cruz said.

“Hey!” He said and everyone laughed again and so did he. Just then the bells were going off.

“Truck 81, Engine 51, Ambulance 61, Squad 3. House fire, multiple injuries, multi-car accident, persons in distress. 871 Willow Street.” 

Everyone was off and running to their respected vehicle. “I think this is the most we’ve seen in one call. I wonder what is going on.” Joe said. 

“I don’t know but hopefully it’s not as bad.” Matt said

—

You had just gotten out of surgery and back down to the ED when Maggie quickly shouted “We have incoming! Multi-car accident, several burn victims, and persons in distress!” She shouted and you were quick to grab more gloves and slip them on. As your colleagues were told where to go you spotted your husband and quickly ran over to him. 

“What do we have?” You asked as Maggie told you where to go. 

“One of the car crash victims. 36 year old man with several lacerations and possible broken bones. Looks to be stab wounds, looks to be gang related.” Gabby said

“Alright move on my count. 1.2.3.” You said and everyone moved him to the hospital bed. They left and you got to work. You looked up at your husband and gave him a smile and a nod and he did the same and then he was leaving. “Sir, can you hear me?” You asked him and rubbed his chest with your fist. You got nothing and so you started to call out labs that you needed to run “I want to get an IV of fluids going now.” You said and just as a nurse was about to stick him after getting a tourniquet on him he woke up with a start grabbing a pair of scissors on the table that would be used for cutting the clothing.

—

Truck 81 and Ambulance 61 one police car and Intelligence rushed past them and headed towards the hospital and that got Christopher worried. “What the hell is going on?” He asked.

“I don’t know I will find out.” Matt asked and he radioed into but Christopher was worried you were there and 8 ½  months pregnant and something big was going down at Med. “It looks like the victim that we just took in from the car accident was a person of interest with Intelligence.” Matt said and Christopher paled. He grabbed his phone and sent you messages and texts hoping you got called into surgery with another patient or somehow managed to get to the break room but yet he got nothing in reply. “Squad is still there. They arrived a few minutes after us.” Matt said and that made him feel a little bit better but not really. 

“She’s going to be ok. Kelly is there with her.” Peter Mills said, trying to comfort the older man. Kelly was very protective of you. I guess that would be because you are his older sister and he would do anything to protect you so having him there with you was the best case scenario. Truck 81 and Ambulance 61 rolled into the bays and Christopher was the first one out, stripping off his turnout coat and boots and putting on his other boots. He went inside and started the pacing back and forth. Everyone was worried for you, you became like a mom to them even though you were younger than some of the crew but older than some of the crew. Randall ‘Mouch’ McHolland stopped his best friend.

“She’s going to be alright.” He said 

“I just wish we stayed a little bit longer.” Christopher said 

“Me too.” Mouch said and patted him on the shoulder and brought him in for a hug “Me too.”

—

“Woah woah woah woah.” Ethan Choi said since he had been helping you. He had stepped in when everyone left. “Let’s think this through.” He said. The man grabbed you around the neck and started to back you up into the main flow of ED. This got everyone’s attention, one in particular your brother, Kelly. 

“Hey let my sister go!” He said coming up to you both.

“Not another move or I’ll end her.” The man said and that had him stopping you could feel the point of the scissors on your stomach and you tensed up. 

“Please don’t hurt my baby.” You pleaded but that just seemed to piss him off because he pressed the scissors harder into your stomach not yet penetrating and you inhaled sharply and he tightened his grip onto around your throat. Everything seemed to go into slow motion and even freeze. You started feeling the baby kick and then you started to feel cramping, then you realized those cramps were contractions and not a second later something wet was running down your leg, your water had just broken.

“Let her go and take me.” Connor Rhodes, your colleague, your best friend, and fellow classmate said having noticed your water breaking and so had everyone else.

“Sir, you need to let her go. Her water just broke and we need to get her to labor and delivery.” Sharon Goodwin said.

“Not a chance. I want out of here and no cops.” He said 

“I can’t let you do that. Cops were already on their way when you were brought in.” Will said, trying to get closer. The cramps were coming harder and so were the kicks.

“Stay back.” The man hissed, backing up further and dragging you with him. 

“Hey man, nobody has to get hurt. You can get out of this alive. You don’t want to harm or kill a pregnant woman.” Kelly said getting irritated and pissed off that you and his nephew were in harm's way. He then saw Jay Halstead, Hank Voight, Antonio Dawson, Adam Ruzek, Kevin Atwater, Alvin ‘Al’ Olinksky and Kim Burgess roll in along with Chicago PD officers.  

“Put the weapon down and let her go.” Hank said in his gruff voice.

“Not a chance. I’m not going back to prison.” He said 

“Just listen to them and everything will be fine. Look around you, you’re surrounded and have no chance of getting away. Drop the weapon and let me go and you won’t be killed.” You said trying to stay strong and that seemed to do it because he was letting you go and dropping the scissors. Jay came rushing over and roughly and quickly grabbed his arms and cuffed. Kelly coming over and grabbing you into the safety of your arms.

“You ok?” Jay asked you and you nodded.

“Yea, I think so.” You said as a cramp came through and he nodded and then he was taking the perp out with most of everyone filing out after him. Connor was coming over to you along with Natalie Manning. “I’m having cramps, really bad ones.” You said as one came over you and you inhaled sharply.

“Alright, I’m taking you to labor and delivery.” She said and you nodded and then you and Kelly were heading there. He quickly told the others to head back. You were quickly changed out of your scrubs, stopping several times due to contractions and then you were put into a bed. Connor checked where the scissors were held against you. 

“Nothing serious and barely broke skin.” He said and you were thankful for that. 

“Can you go and call Christopher?” You asked Connor and he smiled and nodded.

“Yea I will.” He said and left the room. You started to inhale deeply through your nose and exhaled through your mouth. The kicking was not stopping and neither was the cramping. “Kels?” You asked and he looked at you and held your hand.

“I want my husband.” You said 

“I know sis, he’s coming.” He said and not a few seconds later he was rolling into the room.

“I’m here.” He said, coming over to your side. 

“He’s going to be early.” You said scared and Natalie was right there reassuring you. 

“He’s developed enough. He’ll be ok.” She said as she started to help you into position. “I’m gonna need to push. You’re fully dilated.” She said and you nodded and started to push.

“You’re doing great, Baby. I got you.” Christopher said holding your leg and hand and Kelly was on the other side doing the same thing.

“You’re doing great, Sis. You’re doing great.” Kelly said 

“Push, Momma.” Natalie said and you did and then fell back onto the bed.

“I can’t. I can’t.” You said exhausted

“Yes you can. Come on, Baby. We’re here for you. Our son is almost here.” Christopher said

“I can see the head. One more big push.” Natalie said and you nodded and did so. You pushed with all your might and then a pressure was released and your son came out screaming to the world. 

“You did it, Sis. You did it.” Kelly said and kissed your head as your son was placed on your chest. 

“Dad, you wanna cut the cord?” Natalie asked and Christopher did so after being shown where to cut. “You have a name?” She asked eagerly.

“Rye Kelly Herrmann.” You said and Christopher smiled.

“You two already had a name didn’t you?” Kelly asked 

“Yes we did.” You said as the nurse took him and cleaned him up.

“You both are sneaky.” Natalie said, smirking. “Congratulations you two.” She said after she and the nurses finished up. Rye was given back to you. 

“Kelly, you want to hold your nephew?” Christopher asked and he nodded.

“Yea.” He said and you handed him over to him. You watched him with him and smiled as your husband sat with you on arms wrapped around your shoulders and kissed your head. Your colleagues came in and out checking on you and meeting the baby.

—

2 Months Later

Christopher went back to work 2 months after Rye was born since that is when his paternity leave was up. You had more time to stay home with the maternity leave and the days saved up for vacation. When he went back everyone was excited to see pictures and hear about Rye. Christopher was somehow energized and excited to be back to work and on calls. Truck and Ambulance were called out leaving Squad and Engine back at the station. When they got back nobody was out in the bays and this made everyone wonder why. So when they parked and changed out of their turnout gear everyone went inside to investigate. When they got into the break room everyone was crowded around someone. “Oh he’s so cute.” Connie said. Everyone else got closer and saw who they were talking about.

“Y/N/N, I didn’t know you were coming today.” Christopher said as he came closer and Rye got excited seeing him. He quickly took him into his arms. 

“I thought I would surprise you and thought it was about time for everyone to meet him in person and not through pictures.” You said and everyone chuckled. 

“I’m glad you did. I think everyone needed this.” Wallace Boden said.

“We certainly did.” Gabby said “May I?” She asked and you smiled and nodded and Christopher handed him to her.

“Of course.” The both of you said. He walked over to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulders and kissed your head. 

“I love you.” He said 

“I love you too.” You said as you watched your brother and extended family interact with your son. He was going to be so well protected and have so many aunts and uncles. 

Tag list:

@docockschest

@kmc1989

@els-marvelvsp

@atarmychick007

@nyx2021

@grandstrangerphantom

@angenu01-blog

@wintersoldierchronicles

Please Herrmann needs more love from us!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Love this!!! Thanks @callsign-dexter 😍😍

Surgical Sparks

Request: Could you do fluff fic for Christopher Herrmann x wife fem!reader from Chicago Fire? She's a surgeon and they have a hostage situation and the station just delivered their patient before he heard what happened and he panic? Tag me later! Thanks!!

Pairings: Christopher Herrmann x Wife!Pregnant!Surgeon!Reader

Warnings: inaccurate firefighter talk, inaccurate medical talk, fluff, angst, guns, medical scissors used as a weapon, pregnancy, delivery of baby

Masterlist

A/N: Thank you @pear-1206 for requesting this! I kind of changed it up some. I hope that's ok.

Nobody knows what the day lies ahead of them. You don’t know if it is going to be a good or a bad day. Everyday you hoped it was a good day especially since you worked in Chicago Med, you are a surgeon, a damned good one at that, and you were married to a firefighter at 51, Christopher Herrmann, and you hoped he would be coming home to you everyday after shift. You two met when he brought a patient in after a huge pile up and it was all hands on board and when you two locked eyes it was love at first sight, a few days later he was coming into Med and asking for you and when he found you he asked you out and said yes. You both dated for about 6 years before he popped the question and you said yes almost immediately at your favorite spot on a little cliff overlooking the lake. You have been married for 4 years and have a baby on the way, 8 ½  months pregnant to be exact and a little baby boy. 

Currently you both were laying in bed sleeping enjoying the warmth of each other and just being in each other's arms. Christopher had just worked a 24 hour shift and was off for three days and this was his last day off and you had just worked a double, not meaning to but Med was overrun and they needed the help, two days ago. You had woken up a few minutes ago but didn’t have the heart to move away from your husband and he had the same thought. “You know we have to get up and get ready to go to work, right?” He asked and that had you opening your eyes and turning to him with the help of him. When you were looking at him he kissed your forehead.

“Do we have to?” You asked after he pulled away from the kiss.

“Yes, we do. Gotta make that money for this little man coming soon.” He said putting a hand on your stomach and you felt your baby kick him and smiled.

“He’s going to be such a daddy's boy.” You said and he rolled his eyes and smiled.

“Psh no he’s going to be a momma’s boy all the way.” He said and you smiled and kissed him  again. Just then the baby kicked you in the bladder and you gasped. “You ok?” Christopher asked worriedly and you smiled at him.

“Your son is making me have to pee.” You chuckled and he was up faster than you. He was coming around to your side and then helping you up.

“Then we gotta get you up and the bathroom then.” He said as you stood up and you did just that. When you were done you started getting ready for the day and going down to the kitchen where he was in the kitchen making you breakfast and a cup of decaf coffee, man you missed the caffeinated coffee. 

“When do you have to go?” You asked, sitting down as he put the plate in front of you.

“30 minutes after you.” He said and took a sip of coffee and you took a bite of food and moaned.

“You’re a great cook, you know that?” You asked and he chuckled.

“So are you.” He said leaning back against the counter the two of you fell into a comfortable conversation until you were done eating and it was time for you to leave. You made one more quick bathroom break and then you were kissing him and grabbing your coat, backpack, and keys. “I love you. Text me when you can.” He said you smiled as you opened the door.

“Love you too. You too.” You said and then were on your way to work. 10 minutes later and you were arriving at work at the same time as your best friend, Will Halstead. The both of you got out at the same time.

“Good morning, Dr. Momma Herrmann.” He said smirking, ever since you became pregnant that was the nickname you got around everywhere, you also tended to act the mother to everyone.

“Good morning, Will.” You said as the both of you rounded your cars. 

“How is little Baby Boy Herrmann?” He asked you and smiled, you hadn’t come up for a name just yet nothing struck you or Christopher.

“He’s doing good, decided to get me up by playing soccer with my bladder.” You said and earned a kick and you put your hand on your stomach, Will chuckled.

“Come on, don’t want the two of you standing out in the cold.” He said and threw an arm around your shoulders and the two of you walked into Med and heading to the locker rooms you greeted people along the way.

—

“Herrmann! About time you showed up!” Kelly Severide joked and Christopher rolled his eyes but smirked.

“Hey I’m right on time!” He said walking into the bay and up to Kelly.

“Just messing with you.” He said chuckling and he chuckled too. “How is Momma Herrmann doing?” Kelly asked as he walked into the firehouse with Christopher and to the locker room. 

“She’s doing good. Little man woke her up playing soccer with her bladder.” He said and Kelly chuckled. “Any names yet?” He asked and Christopher shook his head.

“Nothing yet. Nothing has struck us yet.” He said

“Well I think Kelly is a really good name.” Kelly said and Christopher laughed.

“I’ll bring it up to the misses.” He said and then they were heading to the briefing room after he was done changing and putting things away. Everyone was briefed and then the day started. 

30 minutes into the work day went by and they were currently chilling in the break room. “How much longer until Baby Boy Herrmann is here?” Gabriela Dawson asked him as she sat down next to him.

“4 more months and Y/N is ready to give him the eviction notice now.” He chuckled and everyone else did too. 

“How has she been?” Matt Casey asked.

“She’s drained but won’t admit it. Too stubborn for her own good.” He said 

“Sounds like someone else we know.” Joe Cruz said.

“Hey!” He said and everyone laughed again and so did he. Just then the bells were going off.

“Truck 81, Engine 51, Ambulance 61, Squad 3. House fire, multiple injuries, multi-car accident, persons in distress. 871 Willow Street.” 

Everyone was off and running to their respected vehicle. “I think this is the most we’ve seen in one call. I wonder what is going on.” Joe said. 

“I don’t know but hopefully it’s not as bad.” Matt said

—

You had just gotten out of surgery and back down to the ED when Maggie quickly shouted “We have incoming! Multi-car accident, several burn victims, and persons in distress!” She shouted and you were quick to grab more gloves and slip them on. As your colleagues were told where to go you spotted your husband and quickly ran over to him. 

“What do we have?” You asked as Maggie told you where to go. 

“One of the car crash victims. 36 year old man with several lacerations and possible broken bones. Looks to be stab wounds, looks to be gang related.” Gabby said

“Alright move on my count. 1.2.3.” You said and everyone moved him to the hospital bed. They left and you got to work. You looked up at your husband and gave him a smile and a nod and he did the same and then he was leaving. “Sir, can you hear me?” You asked him and rubbed his chest with your fist. You got nothing and so you started to call out labs that you needed to run “I want to get an IV of fluids going now.” You said and just as a nurse was about to stick him after getting a tourniquet on him he woke up with a start grabbing a pair of scissors on the table that would be used for cutting the clothing.

—

Truck 81 and Ambulance 61 one police car and Intelligence rushed past them and headed towards the hospital and that got Christopher worried. “What the hell is going on?” He asked.

“I don’t know I will find out.” Matt asked and he radioed into but Christopher was worried you were there and 8 ½  months pregnant and something big was going down at Med. “It looks like the victim that we just took in from the car accident was a person of interest with Intelligence.” Matt said and Christopher paled. He grabbed his phone and sent you messages and texts hoping you got called into surgery with another patient or somehow managed to get to the break room but yet he got nothing in reply. “Squad is still there. They arrived a few minutes after us.” Matt said and that made him feel a little bit better but not really. 

“She’s going to be ok. Kelly is there with her.” Peter Mills said, trying to comfort the older man. Kelly was very protective of you. I guess that would be because you are his older sister and he would do anything to protect you so having him there with you was the best case scenario. Truck 81 and Ambulance 61 rolled into the bays and Christopher was the first one out, stripping off his turnout coat and boots and putting on his other boots. He went inside and started the pacing back and forth. Everyone was worried for you, you became like a mom to them even though you were younger than some of the crew but older than some of the crew. Randall ‘Mouch’ McHolland stopped his best friend.

“She’s going to be alright.” He said 

“I just wish we stayed a little bit longer.” Christopher said 

“Me too.” Mouch said and patted him on the shoulder and brought him in for a hug “Me too.”

—

“Woah woah woah woah.” Ethan Choi said since he had been helping you. He had stepped in when everyone left. “Let’s think this through.” He said. The man grabbed you around the neck and started to back you up into the main flow of ED. This got everyone’s attention, one in particular your brother, Kelly. 

“Hey let my sister go!” He said coming up to you both.

“Not another move or I’ll end her.” The man said and that had him stopping you could feel the point of the scissors on your stomach and you tensed up. 

“Please don’t hurt my baby.” You pleaded but that just seemed to piss him off because he pressed the scissors harder into your stomach not yet penetrating and you inhaled sharply and he tightened his grip onto around your throat. Everything seemed to go into slow motion and even freeze. You started feeling the baby kick and then you started to feel cramping, then you realized those cramps were contractions and not a second later something wet was running down your leg, your water had just broken.

“Let her go and take me.” Connor Rhodes, your colleague, your best friend, and fellow classmate said having noticed your water breaking and so had everyone else.

“Sir, you need to let her go. Her water just broke and we need to get her to labor and delivery.” Sharon Goodwin said.

“Not a chance. I want out of here and no cops.” He said 

“I can’t let you do that. Cops were already on their way when you were brought in.” Will said, trying to get closer. The cramps were coming harder and so were the kicks.

“Stay back.” The man hissed, backing up further and dragging you with him. 

“Hey man, nobody has to get hurt. You can get out of this alive. You don’t want to harm or kill a pregnant woman.” Kelly said getting irritated and pissed off that you and his nephew were in harm's way. He then saw Jay Halstead, Hank Voight, Antonio Dawson, Adam Ruzek, Kevin Atwater, Alvin ‘Al’ Olinksky and Kim Burgess roll in along with Chicago PD officers.  

“Put the weapon down and let her go.” Hank said in his gruff voice.

“Not a chance. I’m not going back to prison.” He said 

“Just listen to them and everything will be fine. Look around you, you’re surrounded and have no chance of getting away. Drop the weapon and let me go and you won’t be killed.” You said trying to stay strong and that seemed to do it because he was letting you go and dropping the scissors. Jay came rushing over and roughly and quickly grabbed his arms and cuffed. Kelly coming over and grabbing you into the safety of your arms.

“You ok?” Jay asked you and you nodded.

“Yea, I think so.” You said as a cramp came through and he nodded and then he was taking the perp out with most of everyone filing out after him. Connor was coming over to you along with Natalie Manning. “I’m having cramps, really bad ones.” You said as one came over you and you inhaled sharply.

“Alright, I’m taking you to labor and delivery.” She said and you nodded and then you and Kelly were heading there. He quickly told the others to head back. You were quickly changed out of your scrubs, stopping several times due to contractions and then you were put into a bed. Connor checked where the scissors were held against you. 

“Nothing serious and barely broke skin.” He said and you were thankful for that. 

“Can you go and call Christopher?” You asked Connor and he smiled and nodded.

“Yea I will.” He said and left the room. You started to inhale deeply through your nose and exhaled through your mouth. The kicking was not stopping and neither was the cramping. “Kels?” You asked and he looked at you and held your hand.

“I want my husband.” You said 

“I know sis, he’s coming.” He said and not a few seconds later he was rolling into the room.

“I’m here.” He said, coming over to your side. 

“He’s going to be early.” You said scared and Natalie was right there reassuring you. 

“He’s developed enough. He’ll be ok.” She said as she started to help you into position. “I’m gonna need to push. You’re fully dilated.” She said and you nodded and started to push.

“You’re doing great, Baby. I got you.” Christopher said holding your leg and hand and Kelly was on the other side doing the same thing.

“You’re doing great, Sis. You’re doing great.” Kelly said 

“Push, Momma.” Natalie said and you did and then fell back onto the bed.

“I can’t. I can’t.” You said exhausted

“Yes you can. Come on, Baby. We’re here for you. Our son is almost here.” Christopher said

“I can see the head. One more big push.” Natalie said and you nodded and did so. You pushed with all your might and then a pressure was released and your son came out screaming to the world. 

“You did it, Sis. You did it.” Kelly said and kissed your head as your son was placed on your chest. 

“Dad, you wanna cut the cord?” Natalie asked and Christopher did so after being shown where to cut. “You have a name?” She asked eagerly.

“Rye Kelly Herrmann.” You said and Christopher smiled.

“You two already had a name didn’t you?” Kelly asked 

“Yes we did.” You said as the nurse took him and cleaned him up.

“You both are sneaky.” Natalie said, smirking. “Congratulations you two.” She said after she and the nurses finished up. Rye was given back to you. 

“Kelly, you want to hold your nephew?” Christopher asked and he nodded.

“Yea.” He said and you handed him over to him. You watched him with him and smiled as your husband sat with you on arms wrapped around your shoulders and kissed your head. Your colleagues came in and out checking on you and meeting the baby.

—

2 Months Later

Christopher went back to work 2 months after Rye was born since that is when his paternity leave was up. You had more time to stay home with the maternity leave and the days saved up for vacation. When he went back everyone was excited to see pictures and hear about Rye. Christopher was somehow energized and excited to be back to work and on calls. Truck and Ambulance were called out leaving Squad and Engine back at the station. When they got back nobody was out in the bays and this made everyone wonder why. So when they parked and changed out of their turnout gear everyone went inside to investigate. When they got into the break room everyone was crowded around someone. “Oh he’s so cute.” Connie said. Everyone else got closer and saw who they were talking about.

“Y/N/N, I didn’t know you were coming today.” Christopher said as he came closer and Rye got excited seeing him. He quickly took him into his arms. 

“I thought I would surprise you and thought it was about time for everyone to meet him in person and not through pictures.” You said and everyone chuckled. 

“I’m glad you did. I think everyone needed this.” Wallace Boden said.

“We certainly did.” Gabby said “May I?” She asked and you smiled and nodded and Christopher handed him to her.

“Of course.” The both of you said. He walked over to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulders and kissed your head. 

“I love you.” He said 

“I love you too.” You said as you watched your brother and extended family interact with your son. He was going to be so well protected and have so many aunts and uncles. 

Tag list:

@docockschest

@kmc1989

@els-marvelvsp

@atarmychick007

@nyx2021

@grandstrangerphantom

@angenu01-blog

@wintersoldierchronicles

Is it a sign that I dreamed of Carlos last night? And he's wearing a McLaren jacket while sitting on a bench under the tree with sunlight hitting him?? He looks so good in Papaya color🥺🥺😍 (or is it weird?)

For your 400 celebration. Driver 36 and reader 12. Fem wife reader. Her getting everyone for a marketing video for Christmas and New year for the team which includes her husband. And surprise bonus, their children. You decide how it goes. Thanks!! :)))

my masterlist can be accessed here

Please keep requesting - y'all have awesome ideas we agree on a lot of stuff :) - my guidelines are here, and if you want some prompts, they are here.

also feel free to come in and start chatting to me in my asks, would love to get to know y'all better

and if you want to be added to my taglist lmk :)

36 - andrew shovlin x 12 - marketing!fem!reader

Reader pitches the idea for toto

They make the video for toto

Someone decides to make one for her too

They film shov, who cannot stop laughing

He brings the kids in

They watch the video

taglist: @leosxrealm, @tallrock35, @wolf-knights, @janeholt3, @camelliaflow3r, @pear-1206

Never prepare for this despite knowing😭😭😭🥺

Hey p here!!! 👋🏻 Just as we talk, I want a fic about Toto Wolff x wife reader who always healthy/happy go lucky person and suddenly she's ill. You can't decide what it is. Include there drivers/anyone in the sports reaction. Like they're trying to help her, watching out for her. She's their friend/mother figure, of course they're worried. But being her, she just deals with humour even though she's sick. And can you include Jack? That boy has my heart. Even though this must be heartbreaking for him at such a young age, I think it's time for some angst, gut wrenching story that traumatize us all😃 And lastly how everyone cope with it. Add anything you want to. Thanks!!! :))) Appreciate it❤️❤️

With prompts:

1) "After all this time?” “Yes. I still do"

2) "My sweet and brave little munchkin."

3) "Tick tock, the clock is ticking"

4) "I thought we had more time"

Slipping through my fingers

there are moments in life that define everything, moments that still your world to a complete standstill people often assume that these moments are of joy or happiness. unfortunately for toto his moments caught a rotten streak and his world was never going to be the same ever again.

the day toto met her was a day full of surprises for both of them.

y/n had just recently made the decision to switch up her major from nursing towards mass media and journalism. it was a switch that raised a lot of eyebrows and concern from her family yet they supported her nonetheless, everyone knew how talented she was and knew she’d get a job eventually. What they didn’t know was along with the job she’d catch the attention of a rather tall man.

toto was having a rather eventful day, both of his star drivers had crashed into each other on lap one giving his arch nemesis horner his day in the sun with his prodigy max verstappen winning the race only to rub salt in his raw open wounds. he should have signed him instead of nico toto thought as he stomped through the media pen only to be bombared with around a hundred reporters eagerly waiting to see if the team principal was going to have another one of his infamous anger blowouts. alas to them a young female reporters questions had caught the interest of Toto.

Her question was clear cut no glazing no unnecessary flattery to grab his attention, all she’d ask him was if he’s going to fire someone on the pit wall for the strategies today. it was a bold question not one that reportes like to use since it ends up in court cases but she really didn’t care. It was her first few races and she wanted to make a name for herself and boy did she.

Toto’s response was curt and dismissive but she didn’t budge one bit, she was persistent and that caught Toto’s attention.

ladies and gentlemen this was the first moment in Toto’s life that had stopped the world for him.

the moment he looked into her eyes he felt everything was irrelevant. He didn’t care that both silver arrows were a pile of silver dust all that was captivating to him was the brown tinge in her hazel eyes. toto wanted to stare into them forever, and perhaps god was smiling straight down on them and decided to seal both their fates together.

and so it started.

their infamous courtship.

Now for a team principal speaking to people was almost second nature but when it came to her toto was a blubbering mess always leaving the conversation wanting to speak more, it was rather funny towards the other team principals. he was acting like a teenager with his first crush.

things weren’t all that easy for her too, each interaction with toto outside of business had her craving him more and more, she chuckled at his faint attempts to woo her and get her lunches. she too had a crush on him and it was only getting stronger.

the turning point in their relationship was the after party at the Abu Dhabi Grabd Prix, the long season was finally over and the celebrations had started. Toto had eagerly invited her and was hoping praying dying to see her come, unfortunately he wasn’t the only one who was waiting to see her, amongst his infatuation toto was as blind to how interested zak brown had also become towards her. he wasn’t often caught staring at her in places no man’s eyes had entitlement to. things were starting to get creepy but none of our two lovebirds had figured that out.

the party was in full swing when she had decided to show up, wrapping up her tasks with sky sports made her rather late but the look in Toto’s eyes when he had saw her was everything she had hoped and wanted. The man looked starstruck it was insane how whipped he was for her and they weren’t even together.

a couple of drinks and close dances later when she had excused herself to go to the ladies room was when calamity hit.

zak had his dirty gazes set on her ever since she had shown up, he knew toto wasn’t on guard whenever she was there and knew it was his time to try and get handsy with her.

right after walking out of the ladies room she was dragged into a corner and that’s when she felt small fat and stubby fingers trying to touch her. it felt humiliating disgusting and frankly made her want to bleach her skin. right before zak could cover her mouth and start with his actual plan she screamed as hard as she could hoping to get anyone’s attention oh how she regretted not taking up Toto’s offer to walk her to the restroom.

toto had wondered where she had ended up disappearing, was he being too much did she need a break from him?? he was overthinking when he heard her cries for help and in a second all the alcohol in his system had vanished. He leaped towards her cries and the scene startled him to his core, in a second zak was off her and his disgusting touch was replaced with the warm calm caressing of toto a man she was familiar with someone she knew.

the entire night was ruined in a split second, it wasn’t until toto had zak in a head lock that she’d regained her senses, seeing him so worked up over protecting her name and honour made her do what she did next.

the second toto was close by she kissed him, full on kissed him. it wasn’t short or messy it was full of reassurance of promise and of new beginnings.

that’s how the two souls collided.

oh and zak was given not one but multiple fractures and a hefty legal case to fight, toto didn’t play when it came to the ones who he loved.

the new couple relationship caused frenzy all over the internet and the paddock, no one really expected them to be a couple it didn’t make sense, out of everyone why did toto choose a journalist? Didn’t he know if they break up his whole life would be plastered onto the news.

Headlines like these made both of them chuckle, neither of them seeming to care, they were just happy to be with each other against all odds.

throughout the course of their relationship there were times where y/n had become sick, it often worried toto seeing how easily the common cold for her could become much serious, she always brushed his concerns away. it wasn’t until much later into their relationship when toto started noticing more and more health concerns for his now fiancé.

the proposal had taken place in Iceland she’d always loved it there especially the black sand beach and how beautifully it contrasted against the bright white snow, often times she’d dreamed of going there and toto made it a reality for them. she later joked that the beach and the snow represented each of them perfectly, Toto being the dark black beach that only softens in appearance in front of the snow. he’d got down on one knee at that exact spot uttering words of love and honesty. they had their vows at the exact same place. some things don’t change.

it was now 3 years into their marriage, toto had settled down and wasn’t all angry and violent like he used to be (ask the poor abused headsets) he was much calmer and level headed, that’s what happens when you marry the love of your life. he knew not to piss his wife off or worry her after all she was carrying his baby.

the pregnancy test was taken after she had thrown up half her body weight, toto wasn’t around he infact was in austria for the Grand Prix, she had excused herself from it with dumb excuses, Toto ever the gentleman knew not to push it and let her have some space.

In a matter of seconds their world’s axis shifted.

the pregnancy test came as a positive surprise, neither of them had discussed having children but they weren’t against the idea, when toto came back to his wife pale and heaving beside the toilet he knew what was going on, he whisked her off her feet and kissed her so strongly that you might think the man was off to war.

her pregnancy came with a price thou, a huge price for her to pay. y/n was anaemic her body didn’t have enough red blood cells and that’s why she could faint at the drop of a hat.

the couple had been shopping during the off season for the arrival of their little baby, unfortunately fans and paparazzi got a hold of their location resulting in a rather ugly swarm of cameras and people. the noise alone alerted Toto that their quiet evening had come to an end, in a rush to protect his wife and unborn child Toto’s steps where hastened and elongated, unfortunately his wife simply couldn’t keep up and fell victim to one of her fainting spells the camera and the noises alongside the amount of people did nothing to help her and so she collapsed.

the faint thud would haunt Toto forever, his whole world crumbled when he heard it, instantly he rushed towards her only to find her knocked out cold, the rush to the hospital has been the longest wait of his life.

he swore then and there that he wouldn’t ever put her or their child in such a situation.

luckily both mother and baby were okay, when they got home later that night she had fallen asleep unknown to the storm that was brewing within her husband.

Toto wasn’t a very emotionally available man, he preferred to deal with his emotions privately or not at all if possible but ever since meeting her he’s been more open towards showing love and care but the one thing he won’t show is fear.

Torger Christian Wolff was afraid.

he’d been having these vivid dreams of his wife dying and leaving him and their six year old son alone forever, it’s been haunting him ever since her fall.

Happy Birthday Toto!

In my country it's already January 12, I'm early.

Author's Note: certain inaccuracy of information about the picture attached. I just decided to make it up. Inaccurate use of German words as well, used Google Translate. Anyway, enjoy.

You were sorting out loose pictures you have in a box as your enjoying the last bits of freedom before the season starts once again. It’s filled with a lot personal memories accumulated through the years and never got the chance to sort it because of your busy schedule. Some were pictures of the kids, holidays with the whole family and some are your sweet and goofy pictures of Toto. You kept a lot of them as he is such a beautiful subject to take a photo of, no matter how much he says he’s not.

As you were skimming through, you came across one that makes you smile so much. It was a photo of Toto smiling so big that his eyes were scrunched up so cutely. You’re so glad to have snapped that moment, it was from 2013 at Monza after being interviewed by Sky Sports. You just started your career as an F1 photographer then and you by chance saw him and called him to say hi and he gave that massive grin, that smile that made your heart beat so fast and lived in your mind rent free for months.

While you were looking at the photo, Toto came to the room and saw you, smiling, wondering what got you in that mood, then he saw the photo of him and remembered that moment as well. In his point of view, he has seen you around the paddock since you stepped foot during the start of the season. He was enchanted with your beauty and simplicity, the beautiful smile on your face and the way your eyes sparkle when you get to see something beautiful or interesting. He had been meaning to talk to you, but, he’s always busy with the sponsors, team members asking for his feedback and being swarmed by reporters. But there’s also hesitation on his part as he’s also shy, he still thinks he’s not that attractive to the ladies. Little did he know when you guys started chatting.

“You have a copy of that.” Toto came in and sat beside you on the sofa.

“Yeah, I really love it and decided to keep one for myself.” You replied.

“It’s the picture that started it all.” He reminisced.

“Who would’ve thought, that this would lead to where we are now, many years later.” Giggling back.

“I really wanted to talk to you but we’re so busy and I was shy.” Toto recalled.

“I didn’t really think you were shy, because, you’re so tall and have a strong aura around you. But as they say, there’s more than what you see on the outside.” You murmured.

“I thought you were going to reject me or something, but then I see in your eyes that maybe, there’s hope for me after all. What I wasn’t expecting is you falling hard and genuinely in love for me as a person and not for what I have.” He explained.

“You know that your wealth was just a bonus. What I love about you are genuine about yourself, unapologetic and honest, being a great father to the children and your kindness to people that mattered to you.” You enumerated.

“I love you as a person, the stability you give me and to our family even when you thought it’s not going well. That’s what I love about you.” You continued.

“And I thank you every day for reminding me Liebling. Thank you for being there for me, for accepting Benedict and Rosa as your own and for being a wonderful mother to our little ones. You gave me another chance to believe in love when I thought I’d never have it again.” Toto said and hugging you tightly.

You were hugging each other and the thought popped in your head, “And here I thought you’d never like me.” Laughing at the thought.

“Life is such a mystery sometimes; you just don’t know what will come and it you.” He mused.

“It sure does.” You replied.

You continued hugging for some more and then you looked at your watch and the time is twelve midnight, a smile creeped at your face. You pulled away, looking at him.

“It’s twelve midnight, Alles Gute zum Geburtstag Lieber. Ich liebe dich.” You greeted him with a smile on your face.

“Danke Liebling. You and our family will always be the best present I ever received in my life.” He kisses your lips tenderly.

As you pulled away, and continued to give each other pecks, you decided to continue to look at the photo and giggle. Finishing the tender moment, you asked for his help to sort more of the pictures to be put on the album that you have been itching to finish. A moment for you two to cherish before the chaos of life and new season begins.

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it!!! Have a good day to all❤️

Me: when I saw that Red Bull fired Checo today😭😭😭💔

Fan: No Cadillac?

Daniel: Nah, I'm done.

Me:

Good luck Checo!!! Gonna miss you so much❤️🥺

I won't deny I'm crying a litle bit after seeing Checo's video on Instagram... he's so resilient, after everything they pulled... hate RBR with all my soul. And I'm sad because he didn't deserve this, he deserved a last race, a last goodbye to the fans who have been with him in this journey. And of course, we are continuining this path with him, but the fact they knew he was out and didn't let him just get some closure...

It's for the best Checo, if we don't see you in 2025 on the grid, we are waiting for 2026, and we'll keep our love for you always.

Never Give Up

#RespectCheco

#WeAreCheco

And at least now I can block RBR from my social media.

They plan this. I know it and I called it. Gonna miss him🥺

december 18, 2020. december 18, 2024.

best day of his career. worst day of his career.

I completely missed this as I have some issues with the Internet. And what a surprise it was!!! 😙👏🏻

Best news I’ve seen all morning

Gonna miss them so much!!! 🥺🥺🥺

The horsemen of being screwed over by this sport this year...