nobody ever talks about how selfless it is to choose, over and over again, to not commit suicide. nobody ever acknowledges the tremendous sacrifice suicidal people make every time we choose not to kill ourselves. when a person who is suffering so horribly that death seems like their best option decides not to take their one way out, and to instead remain in hell, day after day, year after year, because they don’t want to hurt the people they love, they are doing something extraordinary. not killing yourself when it’s all you want to do is the purest act of love i can imagine. dying for someone is easy – you don’t have to deal with any of the consequences, you have your moment of nobility and then it’s all over. but living for someone, when the simple fact of consciousness is literal torture for you? every single suicidal person who ever made a choice to not kill themselves in a moment of misery is a goddamn hero in my eyes. wanting to die and still surviving is an act of titanic courage and self-sacrifice. we deserve more credit for it.
I didn’t plan for a future. I didn’t expect to live
how many nights am i gonna sit here thinking about killing myself until i actually do it
“every time i give a piece of me i feel exposed like i’m being judged what i do and say is wrong it’s easier to hide away save the pieces of me never letting people know who i am”
— t.m.
-do drugs
-have mental issues
-drink a lot
-think about suicide
-self harm
-cry yourself to sleep
“Im not saying this is a suicide attempt but if I dont wake up tomorrow I want you to know I am sorry I didnt write individual letters. It would of taken too long and i would of started to sob and it would of ruined it all That Im sorry I ever had to hurt any of you. That the monsters in my head finally strangled what was left of the voice in me. Know Im at peace now because now they cant hurt me anymore and i cant miss her anymore I cant be in pain like this the kind not even oxy could try and fix I have been in agony longer then I can remember and maybe I just need some god damn fucking peace and maybe the only way I see it is through a coffin I wish I saw it any other way Im sorry Im so fucking sorry”
— Im sorry if I die tonight
“Just a cut Just a scratch “What’s that mark?” “It was just the cat” Just an excuse Just another lie “What’s with all the bracelets?” “Just fashion, Why?” Just a tear Just a scream “Why were you crying?” “Just a bad dream.” But it’s not just a cut Or a tear, or a lie It’s always ‘just one more’ Until you die…”
—
I put on my sunglasses, to hide my swollen eyes, over my tears. I cried all my makeup off. Went inside to have a milkshake. I don’t know why. I wanted something to drink as I figured out what I would do. I got a soda and a milkshake. Medium. The cashier looked at me and with a line around the corner of the counter he rushed away from the counter “Hold on “ he yelled to a coworker.
I filled my soda and went back and saw him looking all over. I go up and he gets close and says “I made it a large”.
That was seriously enough for me not to do it. His kindness. Someone went out of their way and as I went back in my car to cry I realized I could muster through a few other days. A few more weeks. Then I came down from that panicky high of anxiety, depression, and pain. I finished my shake. And it was enough time to let me feel better. I… I’m alive. I’ll make it through.
Try and be nice today. Tomorrow. Something as much as a smile. It helped so much.
Thank you man at McDonalds.
The milkshake saved my life
if you have ever suffered from…
• depression
• anxiety
• eating disorder
• self-harm
• ocd
• bipolar
• feelings of guilt and hopelessness
• suicidal thoughts
can you please reblog to show support for people who also suffer.
you are not alone.
Roses are dead
Violets are dying
Outside I’m smiling
Inside I’m crying
Do you know why your parents freak out when you tell other people the truth about how they treat you? Because they know the way they treat you is wrong.
Parents should not be reading your journals
Parents should not be searching through your trash
Parents should not be snooping on your private social media messages
Parents should not be taking your bedroom door off
Parents should not be invading your privacy
From The Dining Table by Harry Styles // dark version
like/reblog if using/saved 💕
Please tell me very clearly how you feel about me because I’m never quite sure. Except I feel like you hate me, then I’m very sure.
may 19, 2017 // #e3e3dc