myfckingworldisdead

Latest Posts by myfckingworldisdead

SICKO MODE 👹

[id: a light blue userbox with a pastel blue border, and pastel blue text that reads “this user has really bad social anxiety and is trying their best” on the left is an image of a blue heart. /end id]    

For everyone with social anxiety, this is a reminder that you don't have to be perfect in your interactions with others; you just have to be kind and that's literally it. That's all that's necessary of you. You don't need to say the perfect thing or anticipate what they would want you to say or even exude confidence if you can't.

Social anxiety tells us that we have to be perfect in in our social interactions, but no one is. Social anxiety sets us up for a level of expectation in our social interactions that we have no choice but to fail at, and then fall into a cycle of self-hate for failing and striving even harder for perfection.

every single time i manage to convince myself that my mom is not toxic and let my guard down a little bit she does what she does best and starts verbally abusing me and says that i am so rude and thats why she does it. but maybe she should realize that i am rude to her because i will never forgive her for verbally abusing me for 15 years

me: my life is at an all time low but at least it can’t get any worse i guess

some cruel higher entity who hates me on a personal level and is going to teach me how much worse it can get really soon:

Freshly depressed individuals: don’t joke about suicide. It isn’t funny.

Rotting depressed individuals: waddup, my name is kyle, and i wanna fucking die. My life tips include stepping out into heavy traffic, throwing yourself off every available cliff, and putting yourself into an existential crisis regularly.

“My plan was always to kill myself before I turned 18.. now I am 22 and just existing, without a plan for the future.”

— I wish I had the courage to kill myself

Life has given me countless examples to show it’s never going to be okay. That I don’t deserve to be okay. Forget better, or good. And I think I deserve to opt out of such a life

there’s a comfort in knowing one day i will be dead

Things no one tells you about when you’ve been mentally ill for years and it won’t get better

— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )

— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient

— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.

— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.

— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.

— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way

— you’re tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you aren’t capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. You’re nothing but a shell. A body.

“My 20s have been the loneliest era in my life. I am surrounded by people but not connecting with anyone. Everyone is living their own lives while I am still waiting for mine to start. I feel lost between what I should be feeling and how I actually feel.”

—

my braincells awaiting their daily dosage of medication

i was just a vessel to my parents to fill up with their anger, guilt, trauma. i was just a vessel for every person i ever met, to dump their lies, mistakes, needs in it. nobody ever bothered to check, nobody waited. i was never a person to anyone

ᥫ᭡☁ — matching gojo ♡ geto ☆ ★ . . 🗯¥ . . ★!?

“As a child, I had trouble forming friendships, and turned instead to fantasy. I could imagine myself into the books I read and, by embellishing the characters, supply myself with precisely the sorts of friends that I’d always longed for. If you have engaged in this kind of fantasizing, you know that the thrill of creativity eventually collapses into a feeling of emptiness. This is the moment when loneliness hits. You’ve prepared yourself an elaborate psychological meal, and you realize, belatedly, that it can never sate your real hunger.”

— Agnes Callard, from “The Problem with Marital Loneliness,” The New Yorker (25 September 2021)

I’m jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don’t have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don’t struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don’t struggle to hold friendships and relationships… they don’t feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can hold jobs and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all. 

Being alone is cool until you lost all your friends, family, people you care, people who told you to they will always be your side and will never leave you.

-cress

"You're so quiet"

Yeah it's called years of being ignored, spoken over and laughed at so much that I eventually gave up and then developed social anxiety disorder. Thanks for bringing it up.

Social anxiety is ruining my life. I can't have friends, even online ones because i'm such a fucking loser who can't even have a casual conversation with a human being.

My youth has been wasted. I feel like my life was robbed.

I wish I had someone to blame, I wish I could blame my bullies who made it worse, but the truth is I've always had social anxiety and it's all my stupid brain's fault.

me: *goes to my nearest hospital* hello i would like to be put into a medically induced coma 

we rise & we fall & we break.

I love the details in Bungo Stray Dogs because so much effort goes into including bits and pieces from the real authors works and lives. A lot of it is part of the story and art from the manga, but the anime staff add their own touch as well. My favorite nod to the authors the anime includes is the use of the authors’ texts in the special effects and promotional videos.

The first time I watched the Dead Apple PV I of course noticed the character’s name, voice actors name, and the big “No Longer Human” off to the side. But pausing the video and looking closely at the text in the background there are some very famous lines from “No Longer Human”.

女のひとは、死にました。そうして、自分だけ助かりました。 “She died. I was saved.”

いまは自分には、幸福も不幸もありません。 ただ、一さいは過ぎて行きます。 Now I have neither happiness nor unhappiness.  Everything passes. 

自分には、女の千万言の身の上噺よりも、その一言の呟つぶやきのほうに、共感をそそられるに違いないと期待していても、この世の中の女から、ついにいちども自分は、その言葉を聞いた事がないのを、奇怪とも不思議とも感じております。 I am sure that this one phrase whispered to me would arouse my sympathy more than the longest, most painstaking account of a woman’s life. It amazes and astonishes me that I have never once heard a woman make this simple statement.

その夜、自分たちは、鎌倉の海に飛び込みました。 We threw ourselves into the sea at Kamakura that night.

「そりゃ実に、心配なものです。私も、いったんあなたの世話を引受けた以上、あなたにも、生半可なまはんかな気持でいてもらいたくないのです。立派に更生の道をたどる、という覚悟のほどを見せてもらいたいのです。たとえば、あなたの将来の方針、それに就いてあなたのほうから私に、まじめに相談を持ちかけて来たなら、私もその相談には応ずるつもりでいます。それは、どうせこんな、貧乏なヒラメの援助なのですから、以前のようなぜいたくを望んだら、あてがはずれます。しかし、あなたの気持がしっかりしていて、将来の方針をはっきり打ち樹たて、そうして私に相談をしてくれたら、私は、たといわずかずつでも、あなたの更生のために、お手伝いしようとさえ思っているんです。わかりますか？　私の気持が。いったい、あなたは、これから、どうするつもりでいるのです」 “I’m really worried about you. I’m responsible for you now, and I don’t like you to have such half hearted feelings. I wish you would show me that you’re resolved to make a real effort to turn over a new leaf. If, for example, you were to come to me to discuss seriously your plans for the future, I would certainly do what I could. But of course you can’t expect to lead your former life of luxury on the help that poor old Flatfish can give—don’t give yourself any illusions on that score. No—but if you are resolute in your determination to begin again afresh, and you make definite plans for building your future, I think I might actually be willing to help you to rehabilitate yourself if you came to me for help, though Heaven knows I haven’t much to spare. Do you understand my feelings? What are your plans?”

The rest is too small for me to make out (and they’re all out of order, sorry). But still, the amazing amount of detail that is put into the effects in the anime that they take directly from the author’s stories is amazing! It is one of the many reasons Bungou Stray Dogs is my favorite anime!

we need to legalize murder right now

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

“Why do you keep coming back here?”

Why didn’t you care?