Cheat Code

u r doing ur absolute best i am so proud of you

nothing is awkward or cheesy if you dont give a fuck. im on this earth to have a good time not to be seen as cool

currently waiting for one of you hoes to shoot you’re friendship shot

my plan is to jog in a zip code where the average house is $1 million dollars. i jog everyday. i run into the trophy wives jogging club. we jog past each other so often, they’re forced to interact with me. we’re friends now. i’m invited places. i meet other millionaires, men who love me. i marry the richest, using an alias. throughout the first year of marriage, i’m moving assets and cash to an off shore bank account. i fake my own death on our anniversary. he’s heartbroken.

i started jogging in a new million dollar neighborhood. i’ve just made friends with the local jogging crew headed by ashtonlynn and brotyna “chichi” who has a single millionaire brother,

donald trump’s instagram comments section is full of teenagers bullying him and I’m in tears

it's so stupid, adhd is a dozen vaguely related neuroses in a trench coat, including such popular hits as

Can't Fucking Sleep Disorder

Can't Fucking Wake Up Disorder

What Is A Focus

Oops I Did It* Again (*Spent Thirteen Hours On Youtube And Forgot To Eat Or Drink)

The World Is Too Noise Today

All My Friends Hate Me (I Deduced This From A Three Word Text)

I Forgot About [thing] Literally As Soon As I Turned Around

...and they decided to call it Trouble Sitting Still Disorder?????

some of you have to learn what a real apology is

Care to debate abortion?

Nah