Vox Machina - Blog Posts

Devil Baby of Mine - Critical Role Fanfiction

A/N: Hey guys! Here’s an extract from my new Critical Role fanfiction, the story of Grog finding a baby in the woods and deciding to kep him. If you enjoy, the link to the full story will be at the bottom of the post!

It wasn't unusual to find Grog wandering about the woods near Westruun. Whenever the need to smash some things arose – which, in his years of retirement, was just as strong as it had been in his prime – he would leave home in the morning and return before supper, just like Pike had instructed him. Sometimes, he would return with gifts, depending on what he had killed. Direwolf teeth, owlbear feathers, even a bulette shell, once. Everyone liked those gifts, especially Juniper. The gifts that Pike and Scanlan didn't like were the living ones, like that time he'd brought back a griffin egg and it had hatched in the living room. Pike had made him promise no more living gifts.

On that bright spring afternoon, Grog was making his way home after having climbed into the hills to fight a giant, just because he could. The sun was shining through the trees above him, casting small shapes of light on the ground. Grog's hammer rested over his shoulder, slick with the hill giant's blood. He was thinking about whether he should stop on his way home to find a gift for Juniper. He knew she would be sad if he didn't bring her something. Maybe he could stop on his way back to pick a few flowers. They would whither more quickly than wolf teeth, but he would be back to the forest in no time, so he could bring her more if Juni was sad that her flowers died.

Something shone in the distance, reflecting the mid-afternoon sunlight. It almost blinded Grog.

"Oh, shiny," he said as he quickly made his way toward the shiny.

Once he was close enough, he noticed that the shiny in question was a large safety pin, keeping a bundle of cloth tightly together. Grog carefully pulled the safety pin out to look at it. He thought Juni might like it, so he placed it in his bag. Then, light babbles echoed from between the folds of the cloth, and he looked down.

There was a baby in the cloth. A tiny thing, but bigger than Juni when she'd been a baby. The same size as the quarter elves when they were baby, or close to it. But it wasn't a quarter elf, even though its ears were pointed. Its skin was pink, but not a normal sort of pink. A bright, flowery sort of pink, which reminded Grog of the sky at dusk sometimes. Pink like some of Scanlan's clothes, or pink like a slice of bacon before its cooked. Two tiny horns protruded from its forehead. Its eyes were a solid shade of gold as if two coins had been placed in its sockets. It barely had any hair on its head.

Confused, Grog looked around, wondering who could have left their baby in the middle of the forest all on its own. All he saw was a dire wolf, attracted by the sounds the baby was making.

"Go," Grog ordered as he tried to shoo the animal away. "Don't make me punch you."

The wolf flinched at the sound of Grog's voice, and after a moment of hesitation, it ran away. Grog kneeled beside the baby and picked it up. Where he'd been able to hold baby Juniper in the palm of his hand, he had to tuck this baby in the crook of his elbow to be sure not to drop it. The child's golden eyes were staring at him with wonder. It extended a tiny pink hand to reach for his face, but its arm was too short to reach Grog's beard.

Grog decided he couldn't leave the baby there, to be eaten by wolves. He had to take him home and take care of him. From now on, this baby would be his. After all, almost everyone else in his family had kids now, so why not him too? Then, he remembered what had happened the last time he'd brought something living home. Pike had said no more living things. But if he didn't tell Pike, then there would be no problem. It seemed like the perfect idea. Don't tell Pike and Scanlan, and he wouldn't have to ask for their permission to keep the baby.

Satisfied with his plan, Grog carefully placed the bundle of cloth in his bag. Once he was sure his new child was comfortable, he continued on his way.

Full story: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25819042

i am becoming so attached to them

THE LEGEND OF VOX MACHINA 2x11 | “Belly of the Beast”

wonderful <3

I love a pathetic man hopelessly smitten with a woman who could kick his ass

But when I say this frame broke me…

What’s with the dagger to my heart, huh??? For what?? Emotional damage?? Fuck you, my mascara is running and it burns my eyes

Fitting in the rest of the romance/bromance of the M9 and NPCs just makes the whole situation better:

Nott canonically is in love with Caleb and everyone knows it and is kind of cool with it (Yeza, who drinks his respect women juice and knows what kind of woman his wife is, supports it and actually kind of gets it cause who knew self-destructing anxious wrecks hiding absolute chaotic dumbassery was his type??? Not him!). So sometimes Nott will just. kiss Caleb on the mouth in greeting and goodnight and all that happens is Caleb gets flustered and Jester demands one as well

“Nott we run a detective agency together everyone knows that fulfils the homoerotic quota for mouth kisses now lay one on me”

Fjord is good. He’s fine with no mouth kisses from Nott (but sometimes their bantering/arguing just gets.,,,,,,real intense,,,oh boy)

It also means Luke is brought up knowing who his biological parents are but since he is born from the trickster womb of Nott and grew up with the M9, as years go by he sometimes introduces other M9 members as his parents. Fellow friends and other parents are bewildered by the tirade of powerful and influential figures who all apparently sired this little halfing Luke please this giant goth woman with wings is not your mother,,,,,please,,,stop calling her Ma Yash

No one in the M9 really knows what weird connection Caduceus and Fjord have with the Wild Mother and each other, and Ducey doesn’t swing any way, but there is something very married in their morning meditation sessions, week-long “discover yourself” trips and the fact that Fjord may love Jester and Caleb but he is most vulnerable with the other cleric. They are often mistaken for husbands by any religious faction they encounter and honestly they keep getting free shit out of it so who cares???

While Jester may have the curse of accidentally seducing any WLW who comes her way (Yasha and Beau both have accepted themselves as the foundation of said curse and love it), Fjord is bisexual bait and has his own curse of seducing any Dom/Top within a mile radius, usually by getting his ass beat in the process. Avantika was not a fluke when Darrow and his duel Fight Pit/Spa date shows otherwise

Honestly though, it’s Caleb who happens to incidentally seduce the most people, and it is usually other wizard twinks with crippling issues with authority. Essek is always welcome in the tower and often in the bed as well if he’s up for it :))))

*Meanwhile, two thirds of the triad, Fjord and Caleb, grabbing onto Beau* sir, ma’am, people who know better, this is my emotional support lesbian

*Jester, grabbing the other arm* And this is my occasional bed partner and blue bestie

*grabs onto Yasha* and this is her wife and my other female friend who I occasionally kiss on the mouth

Jester’s mum is delighted by her daughter’s many and wonderful partners but her father is A Gentleman and has had Enough of his daughter crashing his places to throw impromptu “sleepovers” we cant keep replace the furniture Jessie we just cant

Honestly, people from outside the group has given up on figuring out what the fuck in happening in the M9 and chalk it up to the kind of shit that happens when you live co-dependently with people you saved the world with

(The fact that there’s been rumours of a similar group on a different continent just cements the fact. It’s been decades and some of them are important political figures,,,,,and one is apparently dead??? But sometimes he shows up on the wings of ravens or some shit and people have to accept him and his antlered wife and their purple bf starting some shit in public almost immediately,,,gross)

y’all are missing out on the funniest relationship dynamic of CR2

Forget about the tangled web of love that stretches between the M9 (barring Caduceus our aroace king of staying out of drama), I would love if the love triangle between Fjord, Jester and Caleb just somehow naturally fell into a little triad all on its own.

Like no dramatic love confessions, they do that shit constantly with each other in secret little ways, but just Jester coming home to her mother like

Jester: mama I want to introduce my partners to you

The Ruby: ah yes that handsome orc boy that you kept going on about, he was so–

The Ruby: wait, partners???

Jester: lmao yeah I have Fjord, who rejected an eldritch monster he was accidentally raising to get close with Mother Nature herself, but that hobo wizard who eventually cleaned himself up and became one of the most powerful casters around is also my bf.

The Ruby, the actual sex god on this plane of existence and all others: hell yeah my daughter deserves the best, get ‘em my baby girl.

The dynamics of it are so funny as well. Like, Caleb is a highly respected wizard now under the tutelage of several powerful figures, so any time he goes to some sort of elbow-rubbing-fancy-pancy wizard event he of course brings his beaus.

And people are like??? “Ah yes, members of the iconic and world-saving group you are part of Mr Widogast, they must be of such high pedigree.”

And then someone recognises Fjord as Captain Tusktooth who had some sort of fake accent going on for years at a time (and didn’t he sleep with that Captain lady who was horny for water or something??? And then get her killed by the pirate king? There was something about a forbidden eldritch god?) and is praying that Mr Widogast’s other partner is normal–

but the first thing that Jester tells anyone is: “have y’all heard about my mother, best lay in the land? I am the daughter of the greastest sexer around and my childhood imaginary friend is my personal god, anyway how are you?”

Even better, out of the three, the tiny blue tiefling is the only one who can pick up and hoist their partners around, making the comical sight of long-cat and long-suffering Caleb being slung bonelessly over one shoulder, while a blushing Fjord is held like a football under the other as Jester parades them down the street in her cute frilly dresses.

Fucking FjordxJesterxCaleb is where the good shit is at wake up sheeple

Keyleth :)

the only headcanon I have for vox machina is that chappell roan's entire discography exists in exandria, but it's all sung by scanlan, with such hit songs as 'femini-gnome-enon' and 'super graphic ultra modern gnome'

Another one of my Critical Role Emojis, this time featuring my favourite bard and emotional support Gnome, Scanlan Shorthalt

Tary laughing after booping every single one he sees

Some Doodles for relaxing