Suffering - Blog Posts

So, about the new Chara/Asriel lore...

kind of yelled about this on my twitter already but-

WHAT IF Chara was keeping track in their mind cuz they know they'll only live to 100 or even just- maybe they started counting after accidentally poisoning Asgore and they felt bad so they spent a few days with Asriel "collecting" happy memories until Chara got to like- 99 or something or 999 and THEN decided to off themselves and come up with the plan to eat the buttercups and have their SOULs fuse to free everyone cuz they already had it in their mind after the incident that they're going to die, but wanted to give Asriel some happy memories before telling their plan for it-

and cuz chara's fave number is 9 and its the "highest number" thats why they kept count so it was kinda like, for them too- to die happy and with their BFF

because

and thats why Chara wnted to gather as many happy memories as possible to share with asriel before telling him the news about their plan to off themselves

so it wouldn't hurt him (or atl thats what Chara convinced themselves of)

and it wouldn't hurt Chara either cuz they are now holding "99 good memories" so they can't hold anymore cuz 9 is the highest number QWQ

I don't know- just some thoughts I wanted to share about this, and maybe spark up some conversations about this?

Also kind of off topic but now I can't stop thinking about just- Asriel maybe writing that for Chara to cheer them up cuz they were so sad

(maybe even post- the whole accidental poisoning the pie meant for Asgore??? since i headcanon that was the turning point for chara and why they considered offing themselves cuz of their guilt mixed with the self-hate and stuff)

But then Chara never saw the letter Asriel made for Chara telling them he still loved Chara and didn't blame them at all for what happened. And it was just an accident (since Chara obviously dies anyways)

I also can;t stop thinking of the implications that Asriel really did just innocently think because of DETERMINATION that Chara would be able to live for 999 years along with him (cuz Boss Monster)

Not realizing even IF Chara hadn't offed themselves early, that humans can only live up to 100 years or whatever-

suffering exists in our resistance to change. our attachment to impermanence. our desire to hold onto what has already been let go of.

Last night was one of the worst. I just couldn’t stop crying cuz somebody close to me almost died. Thankfully everything turned out fine in the end but it really took a toll on me. I couldn’t sleep so I tried reading a book but that just made me cry more. Life is hard innit </3

I just wanted to watch gravity falls

DISNEY+ WHY DO YOU WANT MY GENDER

YOU CANT HAVE IT

Mental pain brings knowledge, understanding, energy and uplift.

Sometimes I meditate well, and sometimes I don't. In general, I have had more impressive experiences meditating when I'm in pain, suffering, or fear than when I'm just peaceful and comfortable.

In my experience, meditation makes mental suffering such as trauma worse. It is a pain that feels like picking and tearing a wound. No matter how much I wanted to run away, I couldn't. There were also cases where pain, fear, anxiety, etc. suddenly occurred like a seizure during daily life. I tried a lot to escape from them, but eventually I realized it was no use and gave up. I turn to myself when pain arises. And every time that happens, these pains get stronger and bigger and continue like an endless abyss, but at some point they disappear.

I suddenly gain some knowledge, some understanding from these sufferings. And when I apply this knowledge to myself and reinterpret situations and reality, that is, when I change my perspective, it evokes in me a feeling of comfort and a sense of a constant flowing current. I am buzzing and vibrating.

It certainly doesn't feel very good, but something definitely feels better.

I would like to encourage you to apply these when you encounter the inevitable problems in life. There is no point in doing something. You just have to endure it. Change happens when you stop resisting and just let the pain be and focus on who you are.

And if you want to experience some progress in your meditation, I encourage you to look for your mental pain, fears and anxieties. When you face them, they come to mind. However, when you ignore them and focus on your being, they break down into energy and integrate into you. It's physical vitality and feeling and feeling better. It gives you strength and energy, like putting together a piece of dictation.

Remus Lupin

Unlike Hagrid, Lupin, had a very hard time getting over eveything that happened to him, which is part of why I’m always very sad when I think of him. Similar to Harry and Hagrid, Lupin’s life started out with difficulty and made him more of an outcast than either, getting bitten by a werewolf. 

Going to Hogwarts, he made good, true friends, but had to keep this secret from them; when he tells them, they accept him but then he deals with the guilt of betraying Albus and allowing his friends to break every benefit and precaution that allowed him to come to Hogwarts, along with the reputation and status of the school if anyone else found out. Then the First Wizarding War came but during that time his friends got married and had a child and the war only ended with the murder of his friends, the orphanage of their son, and the betrayal of another. 

The majority of Lupin’s life was between the two Wizarding Wars, when he was all alone. For over 10 years Lupin believed that one of his best friends, had betrayed not only his friends, but for power and out of hate, while he was left all alone. While the truth was similar, considering the bond Sirius and James had, and the possibility that they knew Peter wasn’t always at their level, there was a small reprieve when Lupin learned the truth. But again, the return of his friend lasts only two years before he is murdered and in that time the Second Wizarding War had begun. Again overcome with loss, loneliness and guilt, he holds himself back from love and happiness until he accepts, continues to feel guilt and shame when his child is born and soon after he and his wife are murdered.

There are many things that were so great about Lupin, he was honest, a good man, a good father, great friend and teacher. He was strong, brave, compassionate; he is a man who deserved and should have had it all but whose life was plagued, and spirit his overshadowed by ridiculous judgement and personal grief. Today is Trans Day of Visibility, a day dedicated to celebration of one’s true self and highlighting the cruelty and misguided hated those who are Trans receive. When I speak of Hagrid, I speak of how he was able to overcome his misfortunes, but Lupin was not; this, is not on Lupin. He should have had it all, he deserved to have an amazing life but was never given the opportunity to truly shine or love himself. It was not planned that I’d write about Lupin on Trans Day of Visibility, but the message I would say about both are linked.

Do Good, Be Good. While we can learn so much from Lupin, what the world needs to understand is how much they miss out on by judgement, prejudice, hate and fear. Bullying and discrimination do not bring peace, safety or justice, but they do put people at pause, holding back so much from the world and stealing from us all true love, prosperity and happiness. 

Suffering, no matter how prolonged, how acute, or how intense, is not a permanent state. All suffering—the anguish and the pain—will eventually give way to joy and hope. Even the darkest night will eventually yield to the dawn.

“Fuck it, we slay” (heavy eye bags, dehydrated, on the verge of insanity)

been thinking about that comic u drew a few days again where the narrator and stanley escape, but end up in different places. it is tearing me to shreds I need to see Stanley's point of view on the situation I beg of u

Searched all day and night, but to no avail

these words are my burden

my suffering

my tears

these words are my heartbreak

and the pain of all my years

these poems are my hardships

my brokeness

my pain

these poems are what I write

to make it go away

Re-listening to the entirety of TMA right now and I refuse to listen to any new TMAGP episodes until I’m done and it’s starting to kill me. What do you mean Melanie and Georgie are back in the same episode?? What do you mean they mention Jon?? Are they back in the original TMA world? Is Melanie in TMAGPs world? Currently on episode 147 and I’m binge-listening my best to try to finish before they release this weeks episode cause I don’t know if I can keep this up 😭