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Reflection - Blog Posts
Magus Musings - Reflection
“Wicked white, Angan, not again! I told ye’ already, we don’ ‘ave no berry fruits ye be after!”
Angan tilted head to the side, staring at the hume merchant in confusion. “But I haven’t asked for any berries, Varden. I was just coming for the daily supplies like always, for the Spagyrics. What is this about berries now?” The young drahn woman shook her head, her mop of unkempt black hair falling over her shoulder. This was the third time today on her daily rounds through the Musica Universalis that someone had been exasperated with her for some reason or another.
The hume pointed a fat finger at her. “An’ another thing, how the bleedin’ ‘ells ‘re ye changin’ yer hair so damned fast like? It ain’t natural it ain’t! Ye look a sight better now than ye’ did just a bell ago, tha’s fer sure. Bleedin’ bright pink as a pixie, as if we didn’ ‘ave enough bright colors ta stare at in the sky! But the answer’s still ‘no,’ so don’ think of addin’ – “
“Berries to the order, no, I got that. Pink hair? Me? Have you been drinking again, Varden? It’s only the eighth bell in the morn!” She took the sack of vials with an annoyed “thank you” and turned to walk away, shaking her head.
All morning, her usual rounds had led to one odd encounter after another. Pink hair. Barely dressed. Smelling of seaweed and “wet” – whatever that smelled like – and always, it seemed, just a bell or two ahead of her.
It was difficult in a town like the Crystarium to be mistaken for someone else. Sure, the occasional dwarf was hard to tell apart, and the zun all looked alike anyway, but there were so few people left in the world to begin with…well…it was difficult to find someone that would look or sound so similar to you that people you’d known for years could mistake you.
“What bloody sinner is going around acting like me,” Angan wondered aloud, making her way to the next stall. She paused, thinking her route again. The imposter was further ahead of her by at least a bell; what if she cut her off at her final stop? Angan hurried out of the markets to the aetheryte, then down the steps to the Horotorium. It was usually her last stop, so she could go to the library for a new book, and then take the aetheryte back to the Exedra. She hurried down the stairs, her powerful tail swinging behind her.
In the Horotorium, no one seemed to notice anything amiss with her presence, other than noting how oddly *early* she was. “And you’re sure, there hasn’t been another drahn that looks like me down here” she asked the botanists.
“No one except you, Angan. Is something the matter?”
She shook her head, scratching behind her horn a moment in thought. “Thanks anyway,” she replied, turning away. She approached the Cabinet of Curiosity, deciding she could at least get her new book while she was down here, and then return to her daily errands.
The doors of the great library swung open in front of her, and she looked up in time to see –
She blinked.
She saw herself blink back at her. At least, it could have been her, if she had decided to put a flower in her hair and color it bright pink. Or if she had decided to dress as if she were cavorting on a stage in Eulmore.
Angan raised a finger, pointing at the other woman. “You!” She took a threatening step towards…well, herself. “I have been looking all over for -!”
The other woman went wide-eyed, then made a dash for the nearby aetheryte. Her hand reached out and she was gone in a flash, just as Angan managed to hustle to close the gap with her. She cried out in frustration; the woman could be anywhere in the Crystarium now, or even leaving.
But there had been no mistaking that face…those horns…the tail even. Her eyes had been ringed yellow, like Angan’s…the patterns of scales covering her. The woman could have been her twin, had Angan not known better.
“Who the hells do you think you are,” she said to no one in particular. “How did you…wicked white…”
At that moment, Angan thought it may be wise to finish her errands in the markets – the sooner she finished, the sooner she could enjoy a much-needed drink.
Reflection and Shadow of The Green in A Puddle
Water Surface
After The Rain
OPEN YOUR EYES!
Germany 2016
Magic reflection
It looks like a dream, or is it?
©-shelovesskiez
Love will keep us together
© Shelovesskiez
Only you know who you are so,lose yourself to find yourself again
© - Shelovesskiez
It's always the little things that matter.
© - Shelovesskiez
Happy 2020 :)
My resolution: to get this account more active next year! In all seriousness, 2019 was a complete upheaval of everything I knew and wanted, full of salutations and goodbyes in equal measure. It brought me new friends and experiences but also new anxieties. I’m still working on feeling comfortable in this world and I have a long way to go but I’ve come so far. I am proud of myself - and I wish it didn’t sound so arrogant to be able to say so. So what if my A levels weren’t quite what I was gunning for? So what if the university I am attending isn’t the one that filled my childhood dreams? So what if the course I am pursuing isn’t the one I maybe should have chosen based on my personal talents? I’m happy and learning so much every day. I can’t wait for 2020 and I hope it brings you all good things as my super supportive followers.
What a beautiful misty morning was in Sigulda! The best time to see truly amazing colours with no one else around you! 🌅 . . . . . #sigulda #latvia #latvija #sunrisephotography #sunriseoftheday #sunrise_sunsets_aroundworld #sunrise🌅 #morningmotivation #morningsun #misty #moodygrams #riverside #riverwalk #nature_perfection #naturepic #natureshots #naturegram #landscapelovers #landscapephotography #landscape_photography #landscapes #reflections #reflection #dreamy #foggy #goodmorning #earthpix #earthoutdoors #earthgallery #awesomeearth (at Sigulda, Latvjia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CA2zIpzBxX8/?igshid=180racpom5yhn
Getting Back on Track
The past few weeks have been kind of difficult. I ended up getting off track with my fitness goals. Surprisingly, though, I have been able to stay on track with my eating. I’m not calorie restricting or anything (honestly, I stopped actively counting my calories a long time ago). I have just been making sure I focus on eating actual food and incorporating, at least, some servings of fruit and/or vegetables throughout each week. I also focus on how I feel after eating certain foods. If there is something specific I want or am craving, I just eat it. No big deal. Having a cookie (or 2) at lunch is not going to, suddenly, reverse everything I have done prior to this month. I think the fact that I pack my lunch almost everyday for work has also been helping me.
Anyway, I really want to get back on track with the fitness component. I’ve stopped caring so much about weightloss. I just want to be strong (and to be able to do a pull up without any assistance lol). I also miss the gym in general. I actually got to the point where the gym was becoming a source of stress relief for me. With how life has been (e.g., personal stuff, the overall, disappointing state of the world, etc.) I think we all could benefit from finding those things that help us make it through each day.
I’m going to try to go to the gym tomorrow after work. It might be difficult to get back into my previous routine, but I’m ready.
27 September 2021
Hey ya’ll.
It’s been a while (over a month to be exact). Sorry for the really inconsistent posting. Everytime I feel like I finally have it together again, something else happens or gets in the way. That’s life, I guess...
Anyway...I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting this past week. This post is going to be another one of me ranting/rambling, so feel free to scroll on (or read on).
I really want to get back into my fitness routine again. I’ve been feeling so sluggish, lately. I know that’s partly because I have not done a lot of physical activity since the last time I posted. The most I move around is when I’m on campus for class, which still counts for something, given how awful I have been feeling, but still...I know can do better. Though, I also know it’s important to not put so much pressure on yourself, but sometimes that’s easier said than done.
I’m just really tired of always feeling this way...always feeling like I’m not good enough and that all my problems would be solved if I finally just lost the stupid weight already...but I have to remind myself that, even when I was thinner, life was not necessarily made any easier. My self-worth should not be so closely tied to my clothing size...
Last week, I made the decision to start focusing on myself. I deleted some contacts (and blocked some others). I decorated my room, which I’ve been wanting to do for the past year now. I caught up on my school work. I hung out with one of my best friends (we got Thai food and talked for hours).
I even made a whole “glow up” plan for myself. However, when I say glow up, I don’t mean just my appearance.
I want to glow up as a person in general. I want to be content with myself and be content with being alone. I want to connect more with myself more. I want to take myself on dates. I want to be more consistent with my spirituality. I want to meditate more and pray more. I want to start and end every day with reciting affirmations. I want to start writing in my journal again. I want to stop comparing myself to other people. I want to learn how to love myself. I want to validate myself without needing other people to do so for me. I want to do things I’ve always been afraid of doing because of posssible judgement (e.g. pierce my nose, get a tattoo (or several), change my hair, etc). I want to feel good about myself. I want to stop feeling like there is something wrong with me everytime a guy I fall for treats me horribly, leads me on, leaves me for someone else, or, simply, changes their mind about me. I want to stop always feeling like everything is my fault and that I don’t deserve to be happy. I want to do all of these things and more.
I’m going to do all of these things and more.
I have, honestly, lost myself. I can’t really pinpoint the exact moment this started, but, over the past few years, I have really lost myself...
Here’s to finding her again.
3 day back country trip through Canyonlands National Park
don't you see?? how broken and young we are?? I used to think that it was just me but no...we are all broken in different ways and that's so sad bc we think that we can't be fixed and that's not true, we can but we can't believe it and that's all bc we don't know or at least we don't remember what happiness is. all that we feel is pain, fuck...just think about it.
if we are all damn damaged by our damn own fucking minds at this age, what we can wait?
"Y es una injusticia, que el simple hecho de ser diferentes sea lo más normal del mundo."
me 31122017
