Your personal Tumblr journey starts here
Why can't I just give up and stop visiting doctors and let myself rot until it's too late? I feel like I'm already starting to decompose, just leave me alone, so I can rot
Some people are just: "we're tolerant! we would never bully or laugh at anyone!"
And then they see a disabled person, and start to laugh at them, or say "you're just pretending!" shit
When people are saying that I'm sick, I don't really want to admit it. I don't feel like I'm suffering enough, like, c'mon... Isn't the word sick means just something more hard to bear? I'm literally doing nothing, but laying in bed and complaining about how hard my illness is, while I still can walk and do some things... Jeez, how tired I'm of these physical conditions...
Having a serious disease is just like:
"Oh, that's just an illness and I don't need to feel guilty because of it, because I can't control it"
And then:
"FUCK, HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF, I CAN'T DO BASIC THINGS, I'M ALWAYS ISOLATED, MY DISEASE JUST BECAME A MEME, WHY DO I HAVE IT??? JUST WHY?? IS THAT I DESERVE??? WHY I SHOULD I LOVE MYSELF WHILE EVERY FUCKING SECOND I'M WASTING AWAY??!"
People who have any physical issues, I've created a discord server for you all! Hope that you'll have fun!
https://discord.com/invite/MgU9nvnK
People with physical health issues, what do you think about making a group of us, to support each other? We could also make some representation to spread awareness about our illnesses! Just tell me where you'll be comfortable to chat! And also, there's no matter which diagnosis you have, because we'll represent every physical health issues!
why does nobody represent physical illnesses?? I mean... Most people don't know what cerebral paralysis, epilepsy, etc are, and in the end laughing at it, or saying stupid and disrespectful things about it. I think we should spread awareness about physical illnesses, because they're hard to deal with alone, and also could lead to a mental illness. Please, someone, spread awareness about physical health...
Unrelated to writing:
I relate to this so much. I know what most common injuries feel like. Often times, the pain the person is feeling is the same or less than my normal levels.
It’s hard to not seem like an asshole sometimes, because the same person who thinks I’m being mean will literally leave me behind or make my life harder and say it’s no big deal.
And of course none of this is helped by me being black fem presenting. It’s like some people still believe those old studies that we don’t feel as much pain as other people. The second I let my face show how I feel, or heaven forbid I don’t sound pleasant and polite, I have too much attitude or I’m too angry. I’ve literally had people think I was trying to fight them when I was just gritting my teeth through pain they probably couldn’t handle.
Thanks for letting a bitter black bitch rant.
people assume that being physically disabled makes you more empathetic to the pain of others, but that’s not always the case.
for me, it feels unfair when others are in pain and don’t feel the need to hide that fact, because i have internalized the idea that i’m not allowed to talk about my own. it annoys me that, while most are typically understanding if a non disabled person doesn’t operate at their full capacity due to sickness or injury, disabled people are expected to function normally as if that isn’t our every day. as much as i want to feel solidarity towards a suffering person, it feels impossible not to be envious when their illness or ailment is temporary, but i will never, ever get a break from mine.
for obvious reasons i would never say any of directly to someone, because my pain doesn’t make theirs any less valid or real. still, i can’t help but feel that my disability has made me bitter and unkind, because i can’t help but compare my own experiences with theirs.
this is the reality of disability- it does not create perfect people. many of us are broken and struggle to connect with others because of our conditions, and that does not mean we are evil people