I Hate Myself - Blog Posts

It’s always me trying to get better for a few days before I fall back down and it slaps me in the face ten fold for the next three months.

Vent

I find it funny how throughout the 4 years of depression(idc if it's severe at this point), I have not killed myself yet. I've been called a devil, satan, greedy bastard, little shit, filly pig and more, was constantly being compared to my 12 year old cousin, been hit multiple times for forgetting to do my homework(they used a shoe or a thick wooden spoon), forgotten at some point and not once have I decided "Fuck this, bye world".

I literally got bitch slapped right in front of my classroom by my grandmother, some students were laughing at me and giving me nasty looks but I did decide to jump of the buildings?! If it wasn't for my friend, I would have been long gone.

I'm very much aware that someone is going through something worse that my situation but I just needed to write/type out my feelings

Screaming, crying, projectile vomiting, crying again

I grow ever tired as my body fills with dread

I have that sinking feeling that I'd be better off dead

I see the world crash around me, and hate that I complain

Because avoiding homework is pathetic and lame

I worry about everyone, but there's nothing I can do

So I let myself indulge in the thoughts that just aren't true

That I'm pathetic and useless, that there's no one I can trust

And to do anything less than everything is morally unjust

sighs,,, I hate being shipped as a joke. One of my classmates had to say "crush ka daw ni (insert name here that I fucking don't like in general)" to me.

Like bitch?? Geniunely get the fuck away from me.

THE SAME SHIT HAPPENED!! Just before my club, the boys in that classroom that our club was assigned in had to say "yo it's ur ex" FYM EX??? TF DO Y MEAN EX??? IVE NEVER INTERACTED W THEM BEFORE AND UR SAYING IT LIKE ITS A FUCKING JOKE???

and happened again just before club started

I was trying to call my clubmate after my club adviser wanted me to call them but then the boys from earlier had to say "AYIEEEEEE"

FUCK GRADE 8!!!!!!!!!

video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUIck86RwPE

Audio: https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxRlqK1I4_sHOybPEF3HjAEzBfQBVdnZfO

I felt pretty depressed the last few days so I drew this

I might've done too much 😭 Y'all please don't be too concerned about me-

How do you get your dad to forgive you when you did the worst thing possible?

dear whoever is using the ectoBiologist chumhandle on pesterchum right now..

im so sorry i really didnt mean to add you and block you right after and then apologize weakly and cease pestering you i panicked and i feel so bad