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Biphobia - Blog Posts
Also, a friendly annual reminder that Avatar Korra and Asami Sato are bisexuals. Neither of them are lesbians, they did not feel “compulsory heterosexuality” when they were attracted to Mako, and no matter what you say or headcanon they are bisexual women. End of story. Thank you.
“People are called the d-slur because they reject men! That’s why bi women can’t use it! Lesbian-only word!”
Nice separatist rhetoric, but that’s not how any of this works.
First, while there are lesbians who are called the d-slur after they say they’re not into men, nobody is going to ask a woman whether or not she likes men, or “make sure” she doesn’t, before they hurl that slur at her.
Not only is it impossible to know who someone isn’t attracted to unless they tell you, but bigots most often do not give a damn. Gay/bi people experience homophobia and fight for rights on the basis of our attraction to the same gender. No gay man is fighting for the right to not marry women. The idea a lack of attraction is all that homophobes attack people for also implies that they’d be similarly mad at aroace women, which is false.
(Here’s a post on the whole “lack of attraction” concept, pointing out historical conceptions of women’s [proposed lack of] sexuality.)
Second, there are bi women who only date women and straight women who don’t date anyone—lesbians aren’t the only ones who “reject” men or are punished for not being “available” to them. Insisting that other women are inherently “catering” or even “available” to them just because of their attraction to them is straight-up misogynistic.
Third, it takes about two seconds to learn about the etymology and see that it was originally about women being masculine (which most people associate with same-gender attraction, which bisexual women experience; this connection may also explain the common stereotypes of lesbians being hairy or ugly). At first, it virtually only applied to butches. The solitary d-slur as a pejorative arguably came from the term “bull-[d slur],” which was used to describe masculine women or those who “engaged in lesbian activities” (“lesbian” used to be a synonym for “tribade,” something one did rather than who one was.) A lot of homophobic violence comes from perceived gender-nonconformity.
Fourth, lesbians and bi women have shared community spaces and terminology including butch/femme and the word “lesbian,” for decades. forever. “Bisexual” wasn’t a (recorded) reclaimed identity term until about the 50s (possibly 40s), and in the 60s, some bisexuals chose to “call [themselves] homosexual, not bisexual” because they saw the “bisexual” label as a cop-out, and they’ll “be gay until everyone has forgotten that [same-sex attraction] is an issue.” Score one for internalized biphobia!
Until the 70/80s or so—when political lesbianism came about and gained popularity, especially among modern-definition lesbians—the word “lesbian” typically (though not exclusively) referred to all woman-loving women (but sometimes, only butches were considered “true” lesbians). The political usage of “lesbian” increased as the gay movement grew in response to its misogyny and power imbalance. We find one clear example of it including bi women from a 1973 issue of the lesbian newspaper, Lavender Woman:
To me, a lesbian is a woman-oriented woman; bisexuals can be lesbians. A lesbian does not have to be exclusively woman oriented, she does not have to prove herself in bed, she does not have to hate men, she does not have to be sexually active at all times, she does not have to be a radical feminist. She does not have to like bars, like gay culture, or like being gay. When lesbians degrade other lesbians for not going to bars, not coming out, being bisexual or not sexually active, and so on, we oppress each other.
Up until even the 90s (and allegedly early 2000s), “lesbian” was sometimes defined as “any woman who has at some time in her life loved another woman.” The woman who said this was Joan Nestle, out lesbian and founder of the Lesbian Herstory Archives. The term “leather[d-slur]” was (as far as I can tell) coined in the 1996 book The Second Coming: A Leather[d-slur] Reader, co-authored by Robin Sweeney, a butch-identified bisexual woman. A 1996 study, “Ambiguous Identity in an Unambiguous Sex/Gender Structure: The Case of Bisexual Women,” states:
Many women in this study define a [d-slur] as ‘anyone who is not heterosexual,’ and lesbian-aligned bisexual women often use the term to describe themselves. This move allows bisexual women to participate in lesbian contexts without either the onus of deception, since ‘[d-slur]s’ includes bisexuals, or the burden of the bisexual stigma.
There weren’t many organized and independent bi communities until the 80s/90s, which was also when the lesbian community, for the most part, significantly split off from bisexual women (though separatism had been proposed and practiced before then). During this political shift, lesbians deemed bisexual women the “only true heterosexuals” and “parasites attaching themselves to the Lesbian community” even though, for decades, the lesbian community was their community.
Even without this history, many bi women will talk about how they’ve been called the d-slur by strangers, family, friends, and partners in regards to their bisexuality, and people still go “well, sorry, but you’re attracted to men so you can’t say our word,” as if bi women’s attraction to men negates the homophobia they face, as if they can’t be gender-nonconforming in the same way butch lesbians are.
Even by saying that “bi women are only called d-slurs because people assume they’re lesbians,” one acknowledges that bi women can have so much in common with lesbians that they get “mistaken” for each other and attacked for the same reasons: their love for women, and sometimes the gender-nonconformity that comes with that. Speaking of the second thing, do you think homophobic strangers would call a femme lesbian a d-slur more than they would a GNC/butch bi woman?
When bi women argue that they should be able to reclaim the d-slur, it’s not due to them being itching for shiny new ways to be edgy or even wanting to say it—it’s simply because this word targets them for the same reason it targets lesbians. It has always been their word.
Inb4: “Well, cishet guys are called the f-slur sometimes, can they suddenly reclaim it now?” This poor excuse for a counterargument only has a chance of working if you think bi women oppress lesbians. News flash: They don’t. Please cease your obsession with comparing bi people to straight people.
biphobic wlw who insist bi women cant use butch or femme, while giving the reason that bi women dress or present themselves to get the attention of men as their justification, are repeating biphobic stereotypes - bi women are all hyper feminine, are less committed to women, etc - that have a very ironic history considering current discourse, its very strange.
like, in the 90s and further back, it was assumed that femmes were bisexual and butches were lesbians (keep in mind, i am using modern terms here, ‘bisexual’ was not in common use as a sexual identity in the 50s as bisexuality was deemed an impossibility by the medical establishment at the time. bisexuals were seen as switching between the straight world and the gay world). nowadays, thanks to some biphobes who cant read their own history, a lot of ppl think bi women arent allowed to id as femme or butch at all. but, although the word ‘bisexual’ has been erased, bi women’s participation in butch femme bar culture is obvious in the similarities between femme stereoypes and bi women’s stereotypes.
femmes were seen as ‘less committed to the life’, they were distrusted bc they could pass as heterosexual, femmes were assumed to take the passive role, they often struggled to be considered ‘true’ lesbians, and were thought to not truly be interested in other women. bi women on the other hand, will inevitably end up with men, they have straight passing priviledge, are stereotyped as submissive, have their attraction to women dismissed as a phase, and are just straight girls who hook up with other women to get the attention of men.
spot the difference lol. the reason both sets of stereotypes are so similar is bc femmes (while not always bisexual just like butches arent always lesbians), were assumed to be bisexual to the point where a great number of negative attitudes towards femmes at the time are probably due to biphobia, and modern attitudes towards femmes still reflect this history even if bi women themselves are currently being pushed out of iding as butch or femme. considering this, its ironic to see these same biphobic attitudes being repeated as the apparent reason why bi women cant use the terms at all now.
it makes me wonder how much of the misguided effort to push bi women out of these identities was done to have femme become a legitimate lesbian identity with the same complexities as butch. if femme lacks complexity its due to biphobic stereotypes associated with the identity. therefore the solution becomes to state; “bi women are gender conforming and therefore cant be butch or femme, because obviously they cant understand the complexities of either identity and any bi woman who ids as femme must mistakenly view butches as men lite with no real understanding of how femme is a subversion of femininity that deliberately rejects men.” the same biphobic sentiments that discredited femmes before are now used to bolster the identity for some by saying there is a wrong way and right way to be femme (and butch by proximity), then, pushing the ones doing femme wrong out of the community.
but if thats the solution it doesnt solve the underlying problems of biphobia (and misogyny lets be honest here), which has a negative effect on all wlw not just bi women. not to mention basing an identity on a rejection of men alone isnt a stable identity itself bc it means you always have to outwardly perform that action of rejecting men over loving women to be seen as correct in that identity, all wlw will be under scrutiny for their identities until the actual problem of biphobia gets solved.
also here are my sources: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
what always made the most sense to me aside from this is reclaiming the 2 in bi not as actual genders, but as hetero & homo attraction.
i love how no one on this site knows anything about lgbt history. fucking obviously "bi" literally means "two," but that label was put upon us by cishets who only recognize gender as two sexes with the purpose of pathologising us. we reclaimed it and redefined it to suit the ACTUAL meaning of our sexuality, which, as according to the bisexual manifesto (1990), which was literally even titled Anything That Moves, bisexuality has always been an attraction to all genders. every single one. not any 2, not 2 or more. all genders.
All these "just say you're bi lol i promise it is okay to be bi" posts are always written in bad faith. They act like bi people who id as something else do this out of malice rather than struggling with their identity in the society that hates bisexuals. These people dont care about bi people feeling comfortable with their bisexuality, they just want us to "stay in our lane". Not to mention these posts always make internalized biphobia something that is our own fault.
you're absolutely right, and i was only trying to be reasonable because i'm afraid of confrontation. i actually already had that blog blocked from my main so i have no doubt OP was a biphobe who portrays our every interaction with lesbianism as forced and malicious anyway. the tags were about mspec lesbians, which i don't talk about here, but nobody ever assumes innocent until proven guilty with bisexuals, and anyone who identified that way must be doing it to encourage corrective rape and conversion therapy rather than because they struggle with an internal identity or even just genuinely believe it's right for themselves, whether true or not.
this is very true 100% and i wish more people would openly say they're bisexual instead of something else, but we need to examine the actual underlying reasons that this overwhelming denial exists instead of just demonizing these bi ppl for pretending otherwise.
straights, lesbians, gays, and pans all hate bis more than each other and it couldn't be more blatantly obvious. regardless of which gender(s) we date, we are morally bad and inherently red flags who don't experience pain but only inflict it. we're too straight for gays and too gay for straights. it's not really a wonder when you think about it why many bi sapphics would hope blending in with lesbians is a good idea (those with internalized homophobia and/or religious guilt who don't really interact with the queer community much may be more likely to do the same with straights). i'm not saying they're right to do so, just as a lesbian with comphet would be wrong to both bisexuals and themself to try believing they're bi instead, but it is a common logical thought process to assume the grass is greener on the other side. it's not exclusive to... any given concept, really, let alone queer struggles.
some of you lot will say ANYTHING to avoid admitting that youre just bisexual fr huh
bisexual sapphics are allowed to be assigned lesbianism, but never may they have autonomy to label themselves.
The thing is, radfems (and other biphobic lesbians) DON'T have a problem with bisexual women using "lesbian terms". Not really.
They see a woman talking about her attraction to women, and call her a lesbian with no further thought. They see a masc woman, and they call her a butch, or the d-slur (affectionately). They see a pair of women in a relationship, they call them a "lesbian couple". They see no issue with these things. If you have a problem with it, maybe you should figure out why you have such a big problem with the word "lesbian"!
It's good, when it's used for bisexual erasure. Thus, the only conclusion we can draw is that their real problem lies in bisexual women having the autonomy to call themselves these terms.
People who get really bothered by the fact that bisexual women like men are so funny to me . “Bisexual women be like I am into a man 😂” yes that is something that often happens when a person is bisexual
wow everyone, the sunset was really ugly today, this planet we live on has such an unnecessary view 😒:
all biphobes ever do is lie, and this is perfect proof lmao
Bi women can’t talk about being in relationships with men because that’s seen as forcing heterosexuality upon gay and lesbian people. Bi women who previously identified as something other than bi can’t talk about the process of realizing they were bi because that’s seen as forcing heterosexuality upon lesbians. Bi women can only talk about being in relationships with women if they add 15 caveats about how they hate other bi women now and have discarded their bisexuality. Bi women in relationships with bi men or with lesbians have to swear up and down that they aren’t fetishizing their partners.
Bi women can’t talk about being happy (either single or in a relationship) because then people will take that as us having no problems in the world. Bi people can’t talk about mundane issues such as media representation or language about bisexuals because that’s too trivial. Bi women can’t talk about their sex lives or wanting to be polyamorous because that’s seen as too dirty and too gross and too predatory. Bi women can’t produce or consume “sappy wuhluhwuh content” because that’s seen as defanging and disrespecting lesbian identity and yet they can’t talk about bisexual social alienation/trauma/invisibility/loneliness because “invisibility is a privilege” and because “those things are just stolen terms from gay and lesbian people”.
Bi women can’t talk about being unicorn hunted on dating apps because apparently they don’t face that issue and instead perpetuate it and force lesbians to have threesomes with their male partners (apparently). Bi women can’t talk about intracommunity biphobia without being told that we aren’t radical for dating men and that LGBT spaces are safe gay spaces that we’d be invading.
Bi women can’t call themselves gay even when they’re in gay relationships. Bi women can’t call themselves tops or bottoms even when they’re having regular gay sex. Bi women can’t call themselves queer because that’s a slur but oh wait, it’s okay when other people weaponize that word against us. Bi women can’t call themselves masc or femme because they’d be stealing those terms from lesbians but oh wait they can’t call themselves tomcats, does, or stags because those terms are cringeworthy imitations of butch/femme. Bi women can’t talk about gender expression without being told they’re appropriating “real” gay culture. Bi women can’t talk about femininity without being told they perform it for men and bi women can’t talk about masculinity without being told that being bi makes it impossible for them to be masculine.
Bi women can’t talk about how unique relationships between bi women and bi men or bi women and bi women or bi men and bi men are. Bi women can’t call their relationships “bisexual” relationships because that’s somehow “anti-materialism”. Bi women can’t talk about loving their male partners because that’s anti-feminist but they can’t talk about hating men as a class or their trauma with respect to men without being told that it means they must actually be “lesbians suffering from comphet”.
Bi women can’t talk about solidarity with LGBT people without being seen as selfish, nor can they talk about just bi women without being seen as selfish.
Bi women can’t talk about the material, systemic, and sexual violence we face because apparently it isn’t real, no matter how much empirically validated proof we offer, and if we do talk about it, we’re stealing lesbian specific experiences or erasing lesbian specific experiences or trying to claim gay and lesbian specific experiences.
Bi women can’t talk about our place in overall LGBT history (because we were apparently invented in 1998) and we can’t talk about bisexual history (because that’s *spins wheel* taking the focus off the REAL radicals in the community).
Bi women have to be politically perfect all the time and have to allow people to scrutinize their personal lives and interpersonal relationships and sexual histories/traumas but it’s okay for people to not be in solidarity with us or to even offer us an ounce of empathy (and if we ask for it we’re whiny, selfish, and crying about non-issues). Bi women have to hate themselves and each other and hold each other responsible for all the world’s problems 24/7 but can never hold people responsible for biphobia.
Bi women can’t even talk about any of these things on their own blogs, in their own spaces, on their own time, with other bi women, because that’s just too much.
There really is no winning.
Image description: A Twitter thread from @BlizzardAvis that reads,
[Tweet 1] "If your criticism of bi women is 'well sometimes they bring their homophobe boyfriends to gay bars' oh boy do I have news for you about *your* transphobic and racist same sex partner in gay bars."
[Tweet 2] "You don't care about the safety of queer people in gay bars, you are just bimisogynistic."
[Tweet 3] You know what! Let's add to this. Why is your first instinct to blame the bi woman, who is very obviously in an abusive relationship and suffers from his homophobia more than any of you combined? Why aren't you offering her help? An escape? Resources to help her leave her abuser?"
/end ID
I am tired of the “either lesbian or pan” notion about Yang. Like when some ppl stop being monosexist and realize that Yang being sapphic doesn’t immediately mean she’s lesbian, she could be bi, they go “oh, she’s pan then!!1!” Like this crowd finally saw the mutlisexual Yang hype and yet! still deny the idea of Bisexual Yang
