Postdumpbackup - Unbetitelt

None of this would’ve been an issue if I just killed myself at 16

hexcore bless viktor's new spinal column

грязные мечты голодной бомжихи по имени джейс

drawing art for my own fic to motivate myself to write the bloody thing... college au.......

he has a 100% divorce rate btw

Does anyone else feel lonesome?

Not lonely. Not alone. Just... lonesome. Like you don't feel connected to anyone. Like you never feel that you will find anyone that understands you, that will see you truly, let alone someone who will even like you. You see friends everywhere, but you don't see yourself in their place, like that is not for you, like you're not made for that and that's not made for you. You see people having fun and laughing and dancing and getting drunk and falling in love and you just... don't feel that for yourself. Like you're not supposed to have that, like you can't because it's not for you and you're not for it.

Like you're supposed to be seeing all these beautiful things in the world but not experience them yourself. Like you want to experience so much, experience everything, but be overwhelmed by it so you don't do any of it.

Like you want to be everywhere and do everything, but you don't belong anywhere and can't do anything. Like you're not supposed to be here. Not in a self-deprecating way but in an incongruous way. You want to live you want to be alive, but you feel you're not supposed to be. Not here at least, not like this. Just a presence in the world, not an active member of it. Even your body doesn't feel like home, your face isn't a face you recognise, like you're not supposed to have either. Like you're just supposed to be.

Like you're supposed to observe, but not experience.

this blog is a museum of my heart

grief is so crazy like what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. does she know i loved her. i miss her so much. i catch myself doing things she used to do. i wish i could call her. i miss her so much. i do a crossword puzzle. i cry while washing the dishes. does she know i loved her? my heart feels like a hummingbird. i miss her so much. what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. what if i forget.

Do you think Jayce just constantly feels like this entire city is gaslighting him when they look at Viktor quietly working in the background and go "Oh I bet that studious young man helps keep you in line huh Mr. Talis? ;))"

And Jayce is nearly weeping because he can NOT make anyone believe him that Viktor is an agent of chaos. He wants to grab their shoulders and scream that the first day he met this man the guy saved his life, immediately sassed his notes afterwards, then went right to "too bad your equipment is confiscated we should do crimes about it."

Jayce tries to remind Viktor of basic lab safety protocols and Viktor calls him a pussy then builds a lazer arm.

someone get this poor man a chair for the love of god