I Am Treating The Cannibalism Stage Play As, Like, An Official Fanfic, But It Gave Me Emotions About

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People who say Megumi’s backstory from JJK wasn’t sad at all just because he had Gojo genuinely scare me. ☠️ Like dawg he got abandoned by his dad and mom, then his sister went into a coma before he can fully appreciate her. But you’re telling me just because Gojo adopted him that makes his backstory NOT depressing at all???

Does ego bring out the best or the worst in someone? (Alternatively titled; 'Isagi Yoichi, and what it takes to be the best in the world')

difeisheng // Portrait of Fryderyk in Shifting Light - Richard Siken // Landscape With Several Small Fires - Richard Siken // Fury - Yevgeny Yevtushenko // Salvage - Hedgie Choi // BLUELOCK - Kaneshiro Muneyuki & Nomura Yuusuke

okay doc *lies down on the therapy couch* tell me about aspd Ivan

(you don’t have to obviously I’m just curious)(love you)

hello valued patient, i will very gladly tell you about aspd ivan. (love you too tysm for the question)

before i start this i just want to add a disclaimer that i do not have aspd. if anyone with aspd says i'm wrong on this definitely believe them before me, this is just a personal headcanon. (i have discussed this with a friend w aspd who agrees with me and im in a similar wheelhouse to aspd, so i have a good amount of knowledge due to that and a lot of research, which is where the headcanon stems from)

okay, so to fully speak about how and why i see ivan with aspd i'm going to also mention the other pd i headcanon ivan with because i want to fully express my perception of him. i personally interpret ivan as having an aspd/npd combination (aspd im more sure of). i see aspd as something ivan was born with a predisposition for (reduced gray matter in the brain, less MAO-A, etc) that got solidified in his very early childhood growing up in the slums and going through the whole 'hung off the top of a building and threatened with death if he didn't make the cut' thing. genetics and trauma, the usual causes. npd is something i imagine him developing later on in life ofc, slowly over time. his chosen survival method being creating a fake persona others admire and his nonexistent self worth & horrible self loathing lead to him developing it (kind of as a subconscious coping mechanism).

okay, with that out of the way, why do i think ivan has aspd?

well. there are a lot of reasons. for one, vivinos and qmeng themselves say that ivan doesn't experience emotions in the same way others do, that he has a 'twisted' personality, he manipulated others to 'play with their feelings', that there was 'something off' about him, etc. while the way these are worded are a little,, derogatory,, it's all very important to ivan's character.

ivan's emotions are muted and dulled compared to others', he literally physically cannot experience them in the same way neurotypicals (in terms of pds) can. from that and other examples in alnst (setting up the wagyein incident w mizi & till, his reaction to his win in r3, his lack of care when it comes to lying & manipulation, etc) it can be pretty safely assumed that ivan doesn't really experience empathy. that's why he learns from other's visible emotions and mirrors them, because he doesn't feel them and instead adopts other people's reactions so he can react/act accordingly/'normally' (specifying here that not having empathy does not mean someone cannot feel sympathy or care about anyone. empathy is being able to feel/pick up on someone else's emotions it does NOT mean someone is uncaring okay thanks moving on).

ivan's tendency to manipulate and lie isn't really explicitly shown much in alnst but the implications are there and very telling imo. before i get into this i want to also specify that 'manipulate' is not the big scary evil word most people think it is and literally everyone does it. to manipulate is to try to have control over a situation, to influence someone/something to get your ideal outcome/get your needs met. many people with cluster b pds learn to manipulate from a young age as a survival mechanism because it is the only way to get the things they need. in ivan's case, his entire fake persona for the aliens and his placations and straight up lying to his peers/teachers/fans etc about his feelings and personality is all manipulation to paint himself in a more favorable light so he has a higher chance of survival. i also wouldn't put it past him to casually manipulate other students at anakt when he was younger so he could learn/observe more things (which was shown with the wagyein incident but i imagine that wasn't the only occasion). i've talked about ivan using subterfuge and disguising his actual intentions behind his odd behaviors which, yk, is manipulation.

when it comes to violence, ivan really doesn't seem to be outwardly violent unless provoked, but when he is he's uncaring about the pain he's causing the other (till lmao) and more focused on what he gets out of the exchange (till's attention & expressions and, imo, a physical stress release). i wasn't sure i was going to bring it up bc i wasn't going to get into the whole pwaspd are violent thing (i dont think it's true for everyone. thoughts and urges are different than actions) but i wanted to talk about ivan's lack of awareness when it comes to it. he impulsively fights back, doesn't pull his punches, and revels in it.

there's also his apparent lack of remorse for his actions (stepping on the flower crown, fighting till, leading mizi and till into danger, all that) and impulsivity when he's not masking (though i consider ivan to be a more calculating individual, a lot of his interactions with till show him doing things impulsively). his difficulty in forming intimate emotional connections with others, his lack of self worth and general lack of care for his own wellbeing, his fatalistic world view.

all of these are symptoms of aspd. im not going to pull out the dsm-5 (ew) because i hate the way it words things (love stigma against mentally ill folks), but all of the things i talked about go along with aspd, which is why i personally think ivan has it. a genetic predisposition, a fuckton of trauma in early childhood (qmeng refers to his time in the slums as a 'dark past') and onward through anakt and beyond, and his lack of emotional understanding. all of it lends itself to aspd. i think this adds a whole new level of understanding to ivan and his reasons for things and just. why he is the way he is. and figuring this out for myself made me love ivan all the more. all of the alnst characters are just traumatized kids who never learned how to live and be human and ivan having an even different baseline than most others put him even more at a disadvantage.

i just want to, like. give this guy therapy or at least make sure he knows that it’s not his fault that his mind works the way it does and there’s nothing wrong with it. and with that, i shall end it here LMAO. tysm rock for the ask ik i asked if you were okay with an essay but this is longer than i anticipated skxjsn i hope you liked it!! and if anyone has any other questions about aspd or npd ivan lmk personality disorders are one of my special interests i love talking about this stuff ajxnsn

Obsessed with characters who portray themselves as worse than they are. Who are lying to everyone including themselves about it. People generally assume if someone's lying about themselves they're trying to look better but sometimes they're trying to look worse. They attribute agency to where they had none, add intend to accidents, try to convince everyone that this is something they did instead of something that happened to them.

TW: ABUSE, CHILD ABUSE

“He wants to air this dirty laundry to the world does he…? Dabi, you fiend…you’ve been waiting for this moment…when they couldn’t prevent mass destruction…and faith in heroes is wavering.” - chapter 292

I truly, wholeheartedly, believe that MHA as a story upholds the myth of the perfect victim. I do not want to discuss if Horikoshi did that on purpose, or subconsciously because of inner bias – I find no meaning in doing so. For me the execution of an idea, in the grand scheme of the narrative, holds more value than the intention of the author. I’ve also had my fair share of people infantilizing Asian authors in the anime community for their poor writing decisions for one lifetime. It’s patronizing to both the author and the people reading it. Whether or not Horikoshi intended for his themes of abuse to paint the picture they did does not matter, because that’s how it reads as.

MHA puts victims of abuse in narrow boxes and softly dictates what’s an acceptable reaction to said abuse. Victims are continuously walking a tightrope between being deserving of compassion and sympathy and being unredeemable monsters who are too far gone and are only good for martyrdom after being put down.  

Eri fits the clean cut depiction of abuse victims that media usually gears towards. She is untouched by the cruelty around her - she preserves her innocence and kindness. She isn't assertive, but rather meek and passive. She doesn't fight back with force. And when offered help, she is receptive to it. That is not to say that Eri's depiction doesn't have a place in fiction, or that her portrayal can't be representative of the experiences of some - as we all deal with trauma and the inhumanity people throw at us differently. We see the same thing in the portrayal of Fuyumi, who shares many of the qualities discussed above. The same thing applies to her - i personally love the idea of all the siblings having different reaction to their childhood trauma and abuse. It shows that victims are not some type of monolith.

But the narrative treats the "forgiving" or "receptive to help/support" victims of abuse with more grace and with much more kindness. if you are willing to forgive, or the very least be quietly tolerant, the story grants you a happy ending. Forgiveness isn't a bad thing, it is an individual choice - but an abuse victim shouldn't have to do it for them to have a happy ending.

In a vacuum Eri and Fuyumi's character arcs and depictions of abuse are good but it becomes a problem when that's the only experience and type of victim we ever hold in high value or recognize as valid and deserving of compassion. Which the story reinforces.

Touya and Tenko's backstories aren't pretty nor comfortable or easy to sit through. Their responses to abuse aren't either. Reactive abuse is very much real.

I'm not the original anon either, but do you have any skk fic recs of them getting together/admitting their feelings at 22 thats not an au?

I tried to remember which ones of my bookmarks had that kjshdaksjhd

it must be because i love you by communist_sasuke (T, 5k, skk through time as they "can't think around each other" based on quotes from Fifteen and SB)

Narrow Staircases by rutu14 (T, 31k, 16!Chuuya shows up because of an ability and 22 skk face feelings)

the same groove by halfbloom (T, 7.6k, Dazai knows he's in love with Chuuya from the start of the fic and Chuuya takes years to catch up)

The Gravity on Jupiter and Mars by Leonawriter (T, 1.9k, Chuuya is sick and as usual Dazai only shows softness to a Chuuya who's half-unconscious. Dazai sings Fly Me to the Moon.)

another round of lost and found by zenelly (T, 5.5k, injured Chuuya goes to an old safe house and finds a soon-to-be detective there)

Doll Parts by the_most_happy (M, 8.3k, Chuuya shows up injured at Dazai's dorm and they reluctantly work out some things)

BAD DECISIONS (series) by gluetrap (all E, 60k total, 22!skk doing the vulnerability and falling in love all out of order. also switch skk all the way down thank you)

and previously mentioned fics in another ask:

A Doll's House by Abyss_In_WonderLand_likes_sexy_cannibals (M, 45k, Dazai and Chuuya get stuck in an ability-space created to test partnerships and they must overcome all the challenges to get out)

picking a flower that blooms on the heart for you translated by burgundytshirt (M, 44k, Chuuya suddenly gets hanahaki and dies from it, only to wake up the previous morning in a time loop, and sets on to understand what is going on)

Maybe I want too much but like three and a half years after the reveal you think more people would write a canonly accurate Dabi, in which he's less wanting revenge over the abuse and more just upset and obsessed with being discarded. Like I've resigned myself to fanon Dabi being everywhere but sometimes I pause and just wish people could be okay with the idea Touya adored his father and his motivation is being thrown away by him, not that he was "pushed" to be better, because we know Endeavor did the exact opposite in canon.

I don't know, I just like that dynamic more. I like the Dabi who screams in jealousy that Shouto has amounted to nothing even with abuse and seems to even wish he could have been in Shouto's place despite knowing what his kid brother has been too. I like the rage at being replaced and cast aside, I like the entitlement that comes from being so close and so far to fulfilling his father's dream and the yearning to be looked at. And yeah, I also like the uncomfortable idea that for the first three or years of fatherhood Endeavor actually had a kid who loved him before he ruined it all.

It makes all the more ugly how it turned out, and far more human to realize how much Dabi craves his father's attention and when this is now such a core part of his character, why am I rarely able to see it in fic? Why are people so against portraying a Dabi who loved his father and wished exactly to be what he wanted at one time? I don't think this Endeavor apologia, wanting to see the canonly written dynamic between them? It just feels like we can't leave 2020 in characterization.

Kevin Day falls into Raven habits without even realizing it. Despite his best efforts to adjust to a normal life. He runs laps to keep himself awake because he's never quite adjusted to 24 hour days. He struggles to eat anything he perceives as unhealthy despite his dependence on alcohol. When he gets frustrated he plays with a brutality ingrained in him since he was old enough to hold a racquet. He refuses to go anywhere without Andrew, without a partner. Do you think when he wakes up in the middle of the night, to a dark room, he looks over at the other bed expecting Riko to be there? Do you think he traces the ghost of a 2 on his cheek, hidden beneath a chess piece tattoo, out of habit? Do you think despite being a fox he feels as though he'll always be one of them? That, despite it all, he'll always be a Raven?

That’s What Makes Us Heroes and Villains

All the way back in the aftermath of the Stain Arc, Dabi and Himiko were the first new recruits introduced for the League of Villains. The three of them together, Shigaraki, Dabi, and Himiko are a trio. Effectively the three main characters of the villain side of the story. They are all three of them, traumatized children who were thrown out by society, and are now fighting back against it. They’ve been pushed out further and further until all three of them came to the same conclusion: Heroes are in the way. 

Dabi: “There are no true Heroes.” 

Shigaraki: “You heroes hurt your own families just to help complete strangers.” 

Toga: “You heroes mess everything up.” 

All three of them are children screaming the same thing at the heroes, trying to get somebody to listen only to be ignored. Shigaraki, Dabi, Himiko were all driven to become villains because of hero society. They became villains because heroes existed in the first place. 

A meta on the villain trio under the cut. 

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