How Much Filth Is Too Much Filth For A 10k Word Chapter? Asking For A Friend 👀

sorry for romanticising the mundane. i have little else

Gentle Hands in a Time of Discomfort

Papa Emeritus I x Reader Word Count: 2,249

Summary: Confronted by a lingering backache, you turn to Primo, discovering unexpected comfort in the simplicity of opening up.

(Or: Primo gives you a back massage.)

Tags: chronic pain, gender-neutral reader, comfort, fluff, briefest nsfw mention, primo gives you a massage, really self-indulgent A/N: I was sad and experiencing a flare-up from chronic back pain, which resulted in this. Enjoy. 🥺

AO3 Link

The sharp pain radiating from your lower back (or maybe your hip; you couldn't quite place it) made each step toward Papa Emeritus I's quarters as painful as the last.

You had been assigned to the library a few days prior, and while kneeling to return a book to a lower shelf, you felt, and heard, a sudden pop as you rose to your feet.

It hadn't hurt too badly at first, just a nagging discomfort as you continued to hobble around and carry out the remainder of your tasks. You made sure to avoid any and all shelves that were below waist height, getting one of the younger, more limber Siblings to do it for you. But by the time you returned to the confines of your room, you could barely stand.

Holding onto the edge of your desk for support, you fished through the drawer for the last of your painkillers and quickly downed them dry. It wasn't something you would typically do, but you didn't wish to retrieve your water bottle from the other side of the room. 

Sucking in a deep breath through gritted teeth, you limped over to your bed.

You knew that the most sensible course of action would have been to consult with the abbey's physician. However, your irrational thoughts had you convinced that the problem would magically resolve itself by morning.

It hadn't, of course. Which is why, after explaining to Sister Imperator (or rather, explaining to her personal ghoul, who would then relay the message to her), the reason for needing the day off, you now found yourself standing at the door of Papa Emeritus the First.

Who better to confide in about aches and pains than an elder with the wisdom to understand your discomfort and empathise with your experiences?

As your knuckles rapped against the old oak door, the sound echoing in the stillness of the night, you could feel the anticipation building. In all your time at the ministry, you'd, unfortunately, never actually spent any one-on-one time with him.

But based on your distant observations—whether it was watching him interact with the other siblings, attending one of his masses, or even as he tended to his plants in the abbey’s garden—you found him to be a gentle soul, despite his somewhat eerie demeanour, especially when he was dressed in his robes and papal face paint. 

It was why you decided to approach him rather than one of his other brothers.

After a short period of quiet, you began to consider the possibility that he had already retired for the night, a reasonable expectation given his age. However, as you started to withdraw, you heard what appeared to be the shuffling of slippers, followed by the gradual creaking of the door as it opened.

Emerging from the obscurity behind it, the face of the eldest Emeritus came into view, with the dimly lit hallway casting shadows that accentuated his weathered features. Though subtle, you noticed remnants of smudged black paint in the creases of his mouth and nose, suggesting he must have conducted mass earlier in the day. You couldn't help but feel a sense of disappointment for having missed it.

"Sibling," he greeted you with a warm smile that forced the corners of his eyes to wrinkle. You found it incredibly endearing. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

You opened your mouth to reply, to explain your situation, when another twinge of pain in your back stifled your words. Instinctively, your hand reached around and rested on the source of discomfort. The tablets you’d taken earlier must have been starting to wear off. “Sorry, I—”

Worry etched across Papa's face as he swiftly moved to accompany you by your side, snaking an arm around you so you wouldn’t have to bear too much weight on the side that ached. Before you could protest, he was already carefully guiding you through the door and into his quarters.

"It seems that I have already unravelled the mystery of your presence here," he quipped as you both approached a set of welcoming armchairs draped in red velvet by an impressive fireplace. The warmth radiating from it touched your face even before you sat down.

As you sank into the plush chair to your left, you breathed a sigh of relief. The pain seemed to ease somewhat—perhaps comforted by the enveloping atmosphere of the room, or maybe by the company within it. The eldest Emeritus, having released his hold on you, offered a brief, comforting rub to your shoulder before taking the seat adjacent to you. A quiet groan escaped from him on the descent, which only reaffirmed that you had come to the right person.

"Now," he began, hands casually smoothing out the wrinkles in his robe, "is this a new development, or something that has been bothering you for some time, hm?"

You explained your situation, confessing that you’ve had the occasional ache in the past, but nothing so severe that it hadn't resolved itself after a solid night’s sleep. However, this? This felt different. The fear that it might be permanent was the real reason you hadn’t sought out help yet. You didn’t want them to confirm your worry—that you would have to endure it for the rest of your life.

“I only wish I could take the burden of this pain from you, amoruccio.”

“Papa—”

“Primo, please,” he corrected you, his voice filled with a gentle insistence, “and believe me, I understand what you are going through. It has been quite some time since I experienced a life untouched by pain. However, there are ways to manage it; you do not need to suffer.”

There was a brief pause during which his gaze met yours before he continued. “But firstly, you must promise me you will speak with our physician—tomorrow, preferably.”

You gave a reluctant nod.

“Use your words. Promise me.”

How could you refuse those kind, mis-matched eyes? “Okay, yes, I promise.”

Satisfied with your response, Primo gave a content hum. 

A comfortable silence filled the space between the pair of you. You opted to shut your eyes and immerse yourself in the comforting sounds of the wood crackling in the fireplace.

You weren't completely sure how much time had passed, as you had become so engrossed that you failed to notice Primo getting up from his chair to fetch something from the kitchen. It was only when he gently nudged your arm that you snapped out of your trance.

As you looked upward, you observed him extending a glass of water and some tablets to you. You graciously accepted and promptly downed them. While you drank, Primo couldn't help but watch as droplets of water traced a path down your chin. Despite the impulse to wipe them away with his thumb, he exercised self-control.

“These are likely stronger than whatever you have. You will want to sleep shortly after taking them, which is why I offer you my bed tonight.”

“Papa—,” you quickly corrected yourself, “Primo, I couldn’t.”

“I would be deeply insulted if you refused,” his tone was playful, but you got a sense that there was truth to his words.

With a defeated sigh, the painkillers appeared to act swiftly, just as Primo had cautioned. They left you feeling too tired to muster any resistance—not that you had the inclination to in the first place. Setting the glass you had still been holding down onto the side table, you steadied yourself by gripping the arms of the chair to stand up once more.

However, Primo wouldn’t have that. He signalled for you to let go and, instead, interlaced his fingers with yours. Simultaneously, his other hand rested on the middle of your back, aiding you in rising to your feet. You were relieved to find that the pain had mostly subsided for now.

“Come,” he led you past the kitchen and towards what you assumed was his bedroom door. As you enter, your eyes are immediately drawn to the oversized bed in the centre of the room. The frame is solid and impressive, but it's not too over-the-top; it has a laid-back elegance and just the right touch of sophistication.

You couldn’t resist gliding your hand over the burgundy silk sheets as you sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Is it to your liking?” Primo asked, reaching down to retrieve something from the drawer of the bedside table closest to you. He slipped it into the pocket of his robe before you got a chance to see what it was.

“This is probably the fanciest bed I’ve ever sat on if I’m being honest,” you remarked candidly.

“Is that so?” Primo chuckled with genuine warmth, returning to your side and maintaining his stance. “You should see Terzo’s then,” he suggested offhandedly. However, in that brief moment, a shadow of regret crossed his face, as if the realisation of the impact of his words had just dawned on him. "On second thought, maybe it is best if you do not."

“Nevertheless," he carried on before you could inquire about his previous remark, "before we retire for the night, there is one last thing I would like to do for you.”

“You’ve already done more than enough,” you protested, genuinely touched by his thoughtful gestures throughout the evening. In a surprising display of boldness and wanting to outwardly express your appreciation, you reached out and held his hand with both of yours, gently rubbing your thumbs across his skin.

In response, Primo rested his other hand on top of yours. “Allow your Papa to massage your troubles away, mio dolce.”

Admittedly, the idea of indulging in a massage from the most senior Emeritus was undeniably an enticing one. While the gesture itself was not inherently sexual, it carried an intimacy that evoked a delightful flutter in the pit of your stomach and a subtle flush across your cheeks.

Yes. You would allow yourself this.

"Lie down for me then,” he instructed once you agreed, “on your stomach."

You complied, settling comfortably onto the cool sheets with your arms crossed in front of you, chin resting on top. Primo circled around to the opposite side of the bed, shuffled across, and repositioned himself beside you.

As you turned your head to face him, your lips curved into a smile. "If I may...?" he asked, his question lingering in the air as his hands hovered just above the small of your back, right at the hem of your top. In response, you not only raised it but also chose to remove it altogether—a gesture that not only made things more convenient for him but also reflected the profound sense of security you felt with Primo, a space free from any concerns of judgement.

He reached into the pocket of his robe once again to retrieve what he had placed there earlier—a small glass jar. You couldn't make out the label, if it even had one, but you assumed it was an ointment meant to soothe aches. At least, that's what you hoped for.

Primo deftly unscrewed the lid and scooped out a small heap of its contents. With a gentle touch, he began at your shoulders, his fingers moving in slow, circular motions. To your delight, each stroke was accompanied by a soothing warmth provided by the ointment. As the stress of the day melted away, you couldn't help but relax even further into the soft embrace of the bed.

He continued down your spine, focusing on a notably sensitive area in your lower back, the origin of your unease. To your horror, an involuntary moan left your lips upon contact, causing Primo to tense momentarily. Unaware to you, his body nearly gave away his reaction; beneath his robes, his cock stirred at the pleasing sound he’d unintentionally drawn from you.

"Careful,” Primo chuckled softly, “I may not possess the youth I once did, but I am still a man."

You buried your face in your arms, a mix of embarrassment and the realisation that your entire face was turning red. "’I’m so sorry," you mumbled with a muffled voice.

He waved off your apology. "Such reactions are completely natural. I consider it a compliment, my dear."

After a few minutes, the tension on your end had eased as he finished the massage, completing the final circles into your back. "There," he declared. Leaning in, he softly kissed the top of your head. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better," you sighed.

Primo gave a satisfied hum and briefly stepped away from your presence to cleanse his hands of the lingering ointment. Granted, it had proven advantageous for him and the ageing joints in his fingers too. The two of you were swiftly reunited, and he passed you an additional pillow.

“Lie on your side and put a pillow between your knees; you will find that your pain will not be nearly as intense come morning.”

“Thank you, Primo.”

"Now, let us get some rest."

Repositioning for added comfort following Primo's suggestion to place a pillow between your legs, he dimmed the nearby lamp, creating a gentle and welcoming glow.

The conversation gradually faded, replaced by the rhythmic sounds of deep, steady breaths as sleep began to claim you both. The room became a haven of tranquillity, a sanctuary where the weight of the world lifted, if only for a little while.

You never wanted to leave.

A Nap With Secondo

~ A special edition of Naps With Copia ~

For @sodoswitchimage who needed a nap with Bone Daddy 💙

Secondo x gn!reader

The naps are all stand alone stories so you do not have to read one before the other! This series came from my post about wanting to nap with Copia all around the abbey. The stories will all have gender neutral readers and soft naps.

Warnings: reader has anxiety, Secondo being kind and soft, sfw, 1100 words (thank you to @gothdaddyissues for the dividers!)

“I’m going to kill your brother.”

Secondo seemed unmoved, partially because he had heard this threat from you before.  When you stomped over to the couch in his office and sprawled across it with a groan he finally looked up from his work.

“Which one?”

You narrowed your eyes up at the ceiling, pondering his question for a moment before settling on your answer, “Terzo.”

He hummed thoughtfully and you heard the sound of paper being shuffled around before he finally spoke up, “Any particular reason or are you just feeling violent today?”

“You act like I come and do this all the time.”  You turned your head to look at him, frowning when you were met with a raised eyebrow.  “What?”

“I believe it was Sunday you sent me a very thoroughly researched email about, and I quote,”  Secondo put his reading glasses on while he picked up and squinted at something on his phone.  “Ah, here it is.  How you were going to “raze Primo’s gardens to the ground and salt the earth to make sure nothing would ever grow again’.”

“I’m sorry, did you have to sit through an hour-long presentation on why he needed a new greenhouse?”

“Who do you think he practiced it on?”  He took his glasses off, tossing them onto his desk and then steepling his fingers together while he regarded you with amusement.  “And then there’s Copia.”

You resisted the urge to cuss his youngest brother out.  Again.  

“Copia is lucky he’s still here and not being roasted over a fire in the pit somewhere.”

“What was that argument over again?  The touring budget?”

“It wasn’t an argument.”  You jumped up from the couch and flounced over to Secondo’s desk, only stopping when you were at his side frowning down at him.  “I just told him that if he showed up in yet another sparkly jacket I would shove those jackets so far up his a–ahh!”

Secondo was too quick for you, his arms slipping around your waist before you could move away.  With a quick tug you had fallen into his lap and no amount of wriggling was working to set you free.

“Quit that I have work to do.”

“You can’t just yank me into your lap and expect me to quiet down.”

“I’m aware, amore.  I just like having you close.”  He brought a hand up to your chin, the leather smooth and warm on your skin as he tilted your head so your eyes met.  “Even when you’re threatening to kill my family.”

“I haven't even told you what Terzo did.”

“Something bad enough to deserve whatever punishment you plan on dealing out, I’m sure.”  He leaned in and gave you a gentle kiss before letting go of your chin.  There was a smile threatening to break out on his face but you could tell he was fighting it.  “Would you like help?”

“I think it’s best if you don’t get involved.”  His chest shook behind your back with laughter and you sighed, settling back against him.  “Thank you for putting up with me.”

“There’s nothing to ‘put up’ with, amore.  I’m here for you just like you are there for me, sì?”

You nodded, the sudden lump in your throat making it hard to speak.  Secondo wrapped his arms a little tighter around you and you closed your eyes while you took deep breaths.  He was quiet as you worked on settling yourself.  Trying to calm your anxiety and frustrations from the last few days.  You felt so lucky to have him there, to have someone that understood what to do when you were feeling out of control and on edge.

You felt so lucky to have his love.

As your body relaxed Secondo started humming, nothing you recognized at first.  The warmth of his body and the security of his arms was enough to nearly lull you to sleep.  If it hadn't been for him starting to softly sing the chorus of ‘Jigolo Har Megiddo’ you would have fallen asleep right then.  You let out a little growl, wriggling in his lap again until you were free and on your feet once more.  It was impossible to keep a straight face at the sight of his grin so you spun and made your way towards the bedroom.

“Off to commit murder?”

“I’m going to sleep on it first, if that’s alright.  Maybe after a nap I’ll feel less murderous.”

You heard his chair move behind you and the steady sound of his steps coming your way.  He reached the bedroom door first, opening it for you and placing a hand on your lower back to usher you inside.

“Perhaps a nap would be a good idea for us both, eh?”  

He worked on his suit jacket and tie while you took off what you needed to in order to get comfortable.  His shoes quickly joined yours on the floor and soon you both were pressed up against each other on the bed.  You rested your face where his neck met his shoulder and took a deep breath of his cologne, the familiar scent grounding you even further.

“Have I ever told you how good you smell?”

“Only once or twice.”  

When you pulled away to look at him you could just see the pink tinge under the paint on his cheeks.  You smiled as you leaned close to kiss each one, following with a kiss to the tip of his nose and then one on his lips.  The paint was slightly bitter on your tongue, something you had grown used to but it still had you making a face.

“We’re going to be covered in your paint when we wake up.”

“I’ve been covered in worse.”  You had to hide your face against his neck again, your body shaking with laughter.  His breath was warm against your ear when he continued, “So have you.”

“Are we going to nap or do you want to keep talking about substances?”

Secondo smiled against your ear before placing a light kiss there followed by a few across your cheek until he was smiling down at your face.  You resisted the urge to say thank you again, mostly because you knew he would say there was no need for it just like he always did.  Instead you leaned up to give him a kiss on his lips before dropping back down onto the bed and settling against the pillow.

“Let your mind rest, amore.  I’ll be here to help you with whatever battle you need to fight when you wake up.”

You didn’t answer, you couldn’t answer.  Your throat was so tight with emotion, with the love you had for this man.  All you could do was get as close to him as possible, your arm tight around his waist and his own arms keeping you near.  He was humming again and that was enough to lull you to sleep feeling warm, safe and loved. 

Up next is a nap for an Anon 💙

~ Naps With Copia series masterpost ~

If you'd like to be added/removed from the tag list (or if I accidentally left your name off) of this fic or any of my others please leave a comment or send me a dm! Thank you 💙

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Wdym I'm 5,000 words into part 3 of Confessional and no one has bumped uglies yet?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN??!?!?!?!??!?!!!!!?!?!?!??!?!

𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒐 [𝑴𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑪𝒍𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒚 𝒑𝒕.2]

𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒐, 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒗𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒚𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒕 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕, 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒅𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒕𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒗𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒅𝒊𝒐. 𝑯𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒔𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒄𝒖𝒍𝒑𝒕𝒐𝒓, 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒚 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒏𝒖𝒅𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒔. 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒐 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒂𝒔𝒌 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝑺𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑺𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒐𝒅𝒆𝒍 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒊𝒎, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 𝒐𝒓 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒄𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒆𝒙𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒚. 𝑯𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒄𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑴𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒅𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒆. 𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒂𝒔 𝒑ø𝒓𝒏́𝒂𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒉𝒊𝒄, 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒔 𝒑𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒂𝒅𝒐𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒚. 𝑰𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒍𝒚 𝒂 𝒈𝒊𝒇𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚.

[Prints] | [Commissions]

As a child, I was always searching for the meaning of it all, the big Why; and my father always said that there is no one big purpose but I had the most ripe orange today and kissed my cat goodnight, I think that's enough purpose for a day.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned

Fighting the urge to post every single new Vampire Secondo scene I'm writing as a preview so I don't already spoil the best bits 👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼

Pronouns and gendered words

Hello! Just a bit of a heads up for every writer out there:

If you're writing dialogue in a romance language (specially spanish or italian), be careful with the gendered words! I know there are barely those in English, but here's a few examples so you get what I mean:

•Friend≠amigo. Amigo -> boy friend Amiga -> girl friend. Friend is gender neutral, but there is no equivalent in Spanish.

•Pretty≈bonita. It can be, but bonita describes something considered femenine (a plant, a house, the living room, etc.). It can also mean bonito, which has more of a masculine meaning (the sea, the sky, the grass, etc.). Pretty is gn, but it isn't in Spanish.

•Mouse ≈ topo. Mouse can be topo in italian, but it can also be rat. Different genders, possible same word.

•Kid ≠ bambino. It's more like: little boy -> bambino Little girl -> bambina. Something similar happens in Spanish:

•Child≠niña/niño. Again, child is gender neutral, but there is no gender neutral equivalent in Spanish.

There is also, officially, no such thing as they in Spanish. The literal translation would be ellos, but it specifically addresses a group of people and cannot be taken otherwise. So, what to do? People who identify as non binary in Spanish usually use gendered words with an e. Bonite, niñe, hermose, etc. It depends on each individual, but that is the widely accepted way of addressing a person. They is often translated to elle (a new word, if you see it a certain way) in Spanish, but again, it depends on each person.

I decided to make this post because I've read a few fics (both reader inserts and other types) that have characters with neutral pronouns but end up being referred to in a gendered way when another character speaks to them in a different language. I know it isn't your intention, it’s difficult to figure out when it’s not your native language. Still, I hope this helps a little bit, we should all be careful and do an effort to respect people's pronouns in all languages!

Feel free to message me if you want/need help :)

This is the face I make when you like and reblog my fics

Eat me

And with this, we have three out of four works completed. Only Copia is missing, and then maybe a couple of extras, even if just rough drafts (nobody believes that, cough cough). In the time-lapse of this, you can see my inner struggle to want to insert myself, the nun had a face twice, and I really had to contemplate leaving her without one. I think at the end of the series, I'll explain the purpose of the miniseries for those who are interested, but for now, I'll just say that the reason is that I want to kiss old men on the lips.

And now, it's late, and I should sleep, but I'm thinking of a collection of short fanfiction stories between the Popes and the Sisters. Or between the Popes and the readers. The voices in my head are very loud tonight, I have to go to bed.

If you like it, let me know, if you leave shameless comments, I appreciate them, they're worth as much as a tip. If you also want to kiss old men on the lips, let's start a club.