Cryptic-calling-card - Feast

Yo what the fuck

A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer.

He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine’s day cards, write inside them and stamp them with “Love” stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope. The bartender finally can’t contain his curiosity and approaches the man. “You must have 500 or more cards there,” the bartender says. “I’ve got to admit I’m curious what you’re doing.” “Oh, every year at Valentine’s Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed ‘Guess Who?’” the guy says. “But why?” the bartender asks. “I’m a divorce lawyer,” the guy replies.

:)

Could we crash tumblr if we all posted the word "crash" on the 1st of april 2022, 12:35 EST?

The difference between constructive criticism and criticism is nothing because I will cry at both

Frost walker just turns your boots into ice skates

Change my mind

from a comrade

The people who sheltered Jews in hidden rooms and attics and basements during the Holocaust were breaking the law. The people who smuggled 7,000 Jews out of Denmark were breaking the law. Schindler was breaking the law. The Underground Railroad broke the law. Harriet Tubman broke the law. MLK broke the law. Hell, the fucking Boston Tea Party broke the law.

If saving friends and family and innocent people is breaking the law, break the law. If standing up for truth and justice is breaking the law, break the law.

The law is unjust. The law is morally wrong. Break the fucking law.

I woke up at 2 am bc I wanted chocolate milk I didn’t know if we had chocolate sauce so I was going to just have milk. I didn’t know it was 2 am so when I see the time while trying to get the glass I’m like welp time is a construct and it’s not going to get in the way of my milk but my parents might so gotta be quiet so I’m timing this expedition with my dads snoring bc if my mom can sleep through that noise I’m fine but if dad wakes up I’m busted so every so often I have to listen for his snoring but anyways I’m getting the milk from the fridge and up in the back corner I see the glory that is chocolate sauce so I take it for my milk and as I’m making it the milk gets to the edge of the glass but doesn’t over flow so I stared at it for a good minute then drink a bit of it if anyone in my house saw that they would freak bc 2 am demon. So I put away the milk and go get a spoon bc mix and the drawer is opened up a bit good I got my spoon put in the chocolate after closing the drawer put the spoon in and immediately make noise so I have to put away my chocolate sauce and take the chocolate treat to my room and as I’m getting close my rabbit does a thing and scares me half to death but I make it to my room and now I’m sitting at my desk drinking chocolate milk while writing who knows what this is

Jeff...Jeff no

Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill?

Because they had to go home and change first.

*Sweats* well that’s one way to go around a divorce

A man runs into a bank, pulls out a gun and robs the teller. He then turns the gun on the on the first man standing in the tellers line and asks, “Did you see me rob this bank?”

The man stammered, “Yes.”

Bang!  The robber shoots him.

He then turns the gun on the married couple next in line, points the gun at the wife and demands, “Did you see me rob this bank?” The wife quickly responds, “No….but my husband did!”

Pineapple: sticky pineapple chicken & Hawaiian Pizza

name 2 foods with the same ingredients that otherwise bear no similarities whatsoever?

STOP!

that is all. continue scrolling.