Zoozve, My Beloved

They call me a no nonsense kinda gal 'cause I will not harbor japes, jests, chicanery, or even light malarkey in my presence. I do however dispense nonsense and have been known to partake in the occasional flim-flam (in the right company), so when people first meet me, my reputation of course preceding me, they find this title to be ill-fitting.

But being the no nonsense kinda gal I am, I don't put much stock in titles. I abhor titles. I have read naery a book for my inability to get past the first line on the cover. I have never, and will never, own property for fear of a title passing into my hands. I just don't take that kind of nonsense.

I got a bumper sticker for Christmas

i had to wait 20-30 minutes to use a public restroom today because someone was freestyle rapping in the only stall

Can someone bring me an excedrin?

Ow ow owie owie ow

I hope a webp image feels the equivalent of human pain when I convert it to a png image

I can understand how "modern person thrown into the past gets by pretending to be a healer/doctor" is as surprisingly common of a trope as it is. I mean I'm fluent enough at bullshitting to be pretty sure I could pull it off to impersonate a doctor in any time pre-1800s. If I have no idea what something is or how to treat it, I could just get the opinion of the other whatever-passes-as-medical-professionals around, but if their suggestions sound like bullshit I'm not doing it. And I'll beat the shit out of anyone suggesting bloodletting or mercury. With my healing stick. I've tied little bells on it, that jingle comically with every smack.

The awesome curative powers of my healing stick come from two separate sources: Placebo, and me using it to beat anyone trying to give my patients mercury.

Just saw an ad for fucking Kellog's cornflakes wherein a shirtless blindfolded man tied to a bed is like "Wait.. are you... eating??" and it pans across the bed to reveal that his partner is, indeed, too distracted to have sex with him bc she is chowing down on corn flakes. Now I've been caught up in wondering whether:

a) John Harvey Kellog would despise this ad; the mere proximity of bondage-play to his brand name and beloved anti-porn flakes is unforgivable

b) John Harvey Kellog would enjoy this ad, because it shows a young woman forsaking the temptations of the flesh in favour of eating a wholesome and nourishing bowl of cornflakes

There is, it's called P Town and it's full of beautiful faggots